Is it better to be single forever?

[darktipper]

I have been cheated on in the past so now I tell people I am staying single forever and they think I am crazy. Is it wrong to disregard relationships? I don't feel like asking a woman out anymore and all of the complex relationship stuff anymore. I even had women want to go out with me in a way but they see that I rather keep them as a friend.......
I even prayed on this and said I think that I am done. Plus no one stays together anymore in today's world.

 

[tooblessed]

Some people find being single is better.

You don't seem happy so I assume it's not for you.

I'll pray for you too.

 

[Adstar]

I have been cheated on in the past so now I tell people I am staying single forever and they think I am crazy. Is it wrong to disregard relationships? I don't feel like asking a woman out anymore and all of the complex relationship stuff anymore. I even had women want to go out with me in a way but they see that I rather keep them as a friend.......
I even prayed on this and said I think that I am done. Plus no one stays together anymore in today's world.

It is good to be single forever. But only when God has given one the ability to be single forever.

Paul was single and ramained so but He said it was something that not everyone could do.

All Praise The Ancient Of Days

 

[JohnEboy1983]

You know, I have the same fears and worries about it all. I really want to spend my life with somebody and have a huge desire in my heart, but sometimes I wonder if it is really for me or if God really has it planned for my life. I have a job that would be hard to have a family. I am fearful of a spouse leaving me or getting easily bored with me. I was also once cheated on by a person I almost married. I also have a few women enter my life but they just dont meet my requirements or I dont meet theirs. I am just about burnt out on the complex relationship stuff you mentioned and just like you said... hardly anybody stays together anymore in todays world and divorce is just a common thing, like its no big deal. I think I heard somewhere the divorce rate is over 50%.... or really high, somewhere close to that. I almost view your post and your feeling on it all as a mirror image of myself and my thoughts on it all. From what I know regarding the bible though is it definitely is much better to remain single... if you can.. Keywords.. If you can. If I had no desire I can definitely see why Jesus and Paul said this, because it would be much easier to focus on other things. I think that if you pray for God to take away the desire if its not for you and the desire remains, than perhaps God does have it in mind for you, but just not yet. Sounds like you still have the desire though, but your in question and burning out in hope. I know I feel that way.

 

[Blazin Bones]

It will be hard to hear this coming from me, a guy who married at just 23, but prayer and patience is everything when it comes to dating, relationships and marraige.

Men and Women need to pray daily for God's will, especially when it comes to our relationship with our spouses even if they are not in our lives yet. We need to pray that our desires for a companion are met in God until He gives us a spouse to share our life with. This needs to be daily because it is a huge deal to be married for the rest of your life and it is just as huge to be single and alone.

After prayer we need to be patient and see where God works. I've seen this in my finances lately. I've know that I need more income to make ends meet and God is opening avenues that I could not have opened for myself. Marriage is the same. We cannot love a spouse right if we are not loving God right, and sometimes he will make us wait to wed until we can love him right, because he knows we'll fall away if he doesn't.

Prayer and Patience are two diciplines Christians typically lack. See if you can put them to work more in your life and see what happens.

 

[handy]

I have been cheated on in the past so now I tell people I am staying single forever and they think I am crazy. Is it wrong to disregard relationships? I don't feel like asking a woman out anymore and all of the complex relationship stuff anymore. I even had women want to go out with me in a way but they see that I rather keep them as a friend.......
I even prayed on this and said I think that I am done. Plus no one stays together anymore in today's world.

Is it better to be single forever, or to marry? I would say that it depends upon the reason why one wants to remain single. So often, God isn't as concerned with what we do (talking about non-sin actions here) as to why we do it.

If you want to remain single because you find that you can serve God better and have no desire for a wife, then go for it.

And, not because I'm doubting anyone's faith here, but because of the sinful and confusing age we live in, keep in mind that in God SINGLE MEANS CELIBATE!!!!! So, if you are not tempted sexually and do not desire a wife for physical intimacy, again go for it!

However, if you are desiring to remain single because you've been cheated on in the past and "most marriages end in divorce anyway"...then you are not remaining single for godly reasons. As a matter of fact, these reasons show more of a lack of faith that God is capable of bringing into your life a life's partner that won't cheat on you or leave you. And there is no reason to believe that...in spite of the negative press that marriage is getting lately.

Darktipper and Ninja, I would advise both of you to prayerfully consider if God is calling you to be single for His purposes. Is He giving you the strength to overcome sexual desire. Is He calling you to a ministry where supporting a wife and family is counter-productive? If so, then He very well might be calling you to remain single, and if so, will work the desire of your heart to His purposes.

However, if your desire is for a wife, then do not give up hope for one...and a devoted and faithful wife at that. Keep in mind that, while for Jesus and Paul, it was good to remain single...for most of us, God's general plan is that we marry and have kids.

Tim (BlazinBones) gave some good advice. I would add to it to not waste one's single years in helpless/hopeless desires, but to focus on what God would have one do. Perhaps, God will not bring a spouse into your life until later...trust that He has His reasons and His timing.

I say this as one who remained single for many years...I was 38 when I married. While those years were most certainly lonely, and I often wondered what the Lord was thinking, keeping me single for all that time, now, with 20/20 hindsight, I can see that those single years best equipped me for the kind of marriage I now have. I'm married to a wonderful, totally faithful guy and we have a solid, loving marriage. But, because of the economy and harsh financial times, he has had to work far from home and only be home on the weekends. During the week, I have to keep things going...and I draw upon my experiences as a long-term single daily. I share this testimony to show that God's timing is best, but not often understood until after the fact.

So, if your desire is truly to be single, there is total freedom in being so. But, if your desire is for a godly marriage, don't give up hope...trust that God will bring things about in His good timing and will fulfill His purposes for you.

 

[darktipper]

I don't feel like going out on dates anymore/impressing a woman and or showing ambitions in life to her and etc.... I know everyone has a preference in a person but finding the right person can be a lifetime. I might be that nice guy who finish last but oh well lol. I rather ask if Jehovah could make me rich instead of having a mate. A single rich guy who helps others. Dating is just not for me. I see it as a time and money waster for me (I never dated a giver maybe that is why.). Plus Paul and Jesus made a wise observation about marriages today. They will end up getting you in a struggle with the other person. I looked at Solomon had hundreds of wives and was not satisfied and his wives had him worship an idol god. David had many wives and cheated with one of his friend's wives. God had Hosea marry an adulteress woman. Jacob and Rachel had tons of run ins with each other over having a child. What if Adam told god thanks for Eve but I am cool to have her as a friend and not a wife, then what? Or is it because of sin that lies in men and women which cause marriages to fail. I have friends who were happy to be married then divorce happened due to either the man or woman cheating. With the failure rate at 50 percent to 60 percent makes me take a hard look and see that being alone may not be that bad even if it is against God's will for my life. I know family members may look at me like why is he not married yet or what is he doing?

 

[handy]

Darktipper,

I just read through your prayer request (and am praying for you!) and now have read this...

I think that you are in a depressed state at this point in time, and no wonder. Hey, in our walk there will be hills and valleys and you seem to be in a big valley now.

Since you are not working, it makes sense that you remain single for now anyway. Use this time wisely, focus on building your faith and hope in God, which seems to be ebbing at this point. Look for some positives in your life now, there are always positive things if we look for them, and praise and thank God for them.

And...seek truth, not excuses. What I mean by this is your repeated assertion that all marriages seem doomed to end in adultery...not true, not true at all. If now is not a good time to be married for you (and being still in your 20's there is no particular rush) then remain single. No harm in that.

Just keep in mind this truth as well...single means celibate!!! There is no getting around that.

I would like to encourage you to use your time that is not spent job hunting in some serious study of Scripture and prayer and building up your relationship with God. This can be a very fruitful time for you if you let it.

On a personal note, I was sooooo glad to leave my 20's behind! There is such a tremendous amount of pressure on one when one is in their 20's. Listen, compared to the 20's, the 30's are a breeze. I loved being in my 30's, I was old enough to have figured some things out, young enough to feel good and have fun. Hang in there, life does indeed get better!

 

[Pizzaguy]

However, if you are desiring to remain single because you've been cheated on in the past and "most marriages end in divorce anyway"...then you are not remaining single for godly reasons.

They sure sound like GOOD reasons to me.

 

[handy]

However, if you are desiring to remain single because you've been cheated on in the past and "most marriages end in divorce anyway"...then you are not remaining single for godly reasons.

They sure sound like GOOD reasons to me.

They might sound like good reasons, but I assure you that they are not.

First of all, most marriages don't end in divorce anyway...When one truly looks at marriage statistics, marriages that are well grounded in godly principles tend to last. What skews the divorce statistics is that it lumps people who remain married for life in with people who marry/divorce and marry/divorce over and over again...something that is not biblical. Also, it lumps in those who live together before marriage with the attitude of "we'll see if it works out" in with those who honor God in their marriages. There's a wealth of data out there, but many just hear pounded over and over again that "most marriages end in divorce" and believe it, with little understanding upon what they are believing.

However, the main reason why I stand by my statement is that the attitudes expressed show a lack of faith and trust in God. God is all about turning lives around. While in our own strength we might not see beyond our hurt or trust that a marriage can (and often does) last a lifetime, when we place our trust in God and live by His principles..."all these things are added" to us. Part of "all these things" is healing from past betrayals and a solid marriage.

Don't kid yourselves, guys...God is pro-marriage. He was the one who said it wasn't good for man to remain alone. He was the one who created marriage in the first place, blessed it and desires godly marriages for most of His children. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways (your plans about marriage included) acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."* That's a promise, that is. Hold onto it.

*Proverbs 3:5-6

I'm going to end this post with a point I've made several times before, and I'm repeating it, because it's important and no one seems to be acknowledging it...With God SINGLE MEANS CELIBATE...

In spite of what is common today, a Christian cannot eschew marriage, but remain sexually active. I'm reading posts by guys who seem to want to jettison the idea of marriage without truly dealing with the idea of lifelong celibacy. If you truly feel that you can be celibate for life...OK. Rare and kind of unusual, but OK. But, don't kid yourselves on this one either...God won't be mocked and you won't get by with calling yourself a Christian, turning your back on God's blessing of marriage, but being sexually active. Now, if you're not a Christian...well then, do as you please. But, if you are seeking God in your life, you must honor this.

 

[darktipper]

Darktipper,

I just read through your prayer request (and am praying for you!) and now have read this...

I think that you are in a depressed state at this point in time, and no wonder. Hey, in our walk there will be hills and valleys and you seem to be in a big valley now.

Since you are not working, it makes sense that you remain single for now anyway. Use this time wisely, focus on building your faith and hope in God, which seems to be ebbing at this point. Look for some positives in your life now, there are always positive things if we look for them, and praise and thank God for them.

And...seek truth, not excuses. What I mean by this is your repeated assertion that all marriages seem doomed to end in adultery...not true, not true at all. If now is not a good time to be married for you (and being still in your 20's there is no particular rush) then remain single. No harm in that.

Just keep in mind this truth as well...single means celibate!!! There is no getting around that.

I would like to encourage you to use your time that is not spent job hunting in some serious study of Scripture and prayer and building up your relationship with God. This can be a very fruitful time for you if you let it.

On a personal note, I was sooooo glad to leave my 20's behind! There is such a tremendous amount of pressure on one when one is in their 20's. Listen, compared to the 20's, the 30's are a breeze. I loved being in my 30's, I was old enough to have figured some things out, young enough to feel good and have fun. Hang in there, life does indeed get better!

I have to keep trying for jobs.... People value you off of it and if you don't have one then you get look down upon in life. Wives even leave husbands over this issue also (another reason why I think being single may be better. You don't have to worry about that.). People think that people who are unemployed are lazy and useless..... In my case I keep getting denied. I read scriptures about god providing and all of that but I shake my head because you read about people getting breakthroughs. I prayed to have a few things that were reasonable and nothing happens even if I apply myself. I don;t know about life getting better. I think I have not prayed in 2 weeks now. I lost track.

However, if you are desiring to remain single because you've been cheated on in the past and "most marriages end in divorce anyway"...then you are not remaining single for godly reasons.

I dunno but I examined times when I went out with women and it was so stressful. Had to pay for dates etc only to be left high and dry. It may not be a godly reason but it might be a wise one. I would hate to have a divorce but I can't see myself marrying a person in the future. I would be 30 plus and only caring about how am I going to make it in life....... I would feel too old to get married in my 30s

 

[handy]

I would feel too old to get married in my 30s

Believe me, you won't feel all that old when you're actually in your 30's. 30 isn't old. I was married when I was 38...for a woman practically ancient. I was even to old to have children by then. But, God is wonderful and not only do I have a great marriage, but am blessed with two great kids via adoption. Our family is very happy.

I understand your frustration and depression about not finding a job, more than you might think. My husband has worked just part-time for the better part of this year and at least he has a job...many don't even have that. You are right in that people value men for their job. God doesn't but people do. And, you are right in that a lack of a job contributes to divorce. Financial stress is hard to deal with during rough times, and the past 5 years have been very rough financially on us. But, our marriage is very strong and we are drawn closer together working through this.

Again, not all marriages end in divorce! I would say that most who marry will remain with their first spouse...it's just that there are so many who divorce/remarry/divorce and remarry.

Example: My hubby has two brothers who married and I have a brother and two sisters, all total 7 people. Out of these 7 people there are a total of 5 divorces. Wow, that's a high divorce rate right? What is that? 70% or so? (Math was never my strong subject.) However, the 5 divorces only came from 2 out of the 7 sibs and 4 of those divorces just from my hubby's one brother. 5 out of the 7 people are still happily married to the first person they married. See how divorce statistics work? Most of the marriages in our immediate family have lasted well into 30 years and going strong.

Darktipper, your frustration in finding a job is causing you to lose faith. I am wondering if you are wanting to remain a Christian? Are you still a believer...or did you think that it was only worth following God as long as you got blessings from Him? If you want to believe, but are having troubles now because of the very real frustration you are facing...then asking others to pray for you is important. We all go through dry valleys in faith and it is during these times when having other believers around to lift us up is important. God will see you through, if you don't reject Him.

May I ask if you are working at all, even if it's only a crappy part-time job at McD's? Or are you totally unemployed?

 

[darktipper]

Yes as totally unemployed. :yes Even City workers are getting laid off....
My life is at a stand still...

If you want to believe, but are having troubles now because of the very real frustration you are facing...then asking others to pray for you is important. We all go through dry valleys in faith and it is during these times when having other believers around to lift us up is important. God will see you through, if you don't reject Him.

Maybe I am being rejected? Others have prayed for me and I prayed also and try and still nothing. Some said I doubt God's power but I don't I just doubt that he has a plan for my life that is good for me....

I am wondering if you are wanting to remain a Christian? Are you still a believer...or did you think that it was only worth following God as long as you got blessings from Him?

When I see people who are not believers thrive and I pray and don't then maybe something is missing..... Maybe I should pray tonight

 

[TRUTH over TRADITION]

Handy gave some sound advice, ad as i chime in I'll piggyback on one of her points which was in essence to not focus so much on your relationship status with women as much as your relationship with God. First things first. Once we get that priority in its proper place, we can better deal with whatever life throws our way be it good or bad.
Now, in any future search for companionship, my advice to you would be to look for christian charactor in your prospective mate above all other aspects. With a woman who fears God, you will not have to be concerned with some of the things you mentioned like infidelity, disloyalty, etc.

 

[Pizzaguy]

They might sound like good reasons, but I assure you that they are not.

We have each stated our opinion - why do you find it nessesary to try to elevate your opinion above mine?

First of all, most marriages don't end in divorce anyway...When one truly looks at marriage statistics, marriages that are well grounded in godly principles tend to last.

They last at a rate higher than "secular" marriages - but still, most marriages end in divorce.

However, the main reason why I stand by my statement is that the attitudes expressed show a lack of faith and trust in God.

Such arrogance. I find your statements quite offensive.

I'm going to end this post with a point I've made several times before, and I'm repeating it, because it's important and no one seems to be acknowledging it...With God SINGLE MEANS CELIBATE...

Perhaps no one is responding because we agree with you? Perhaps sex is just not that important to us? Why are you so obsessed with sex - you admit you keep bringing it up and no one responds - obviously no one is arguing with you on that point. Including myself.

 

[Pizzaguy]

1) Handy gave some sound advice, ad as i chime in I'll piggyback on one of her points which was in essence to not focus so much on your relationship status with women as much as your relationship with God. First things first. Once we get that priority in its proper place, we can better deal with whatever life throws our way be it good or bad.

2) Now, in any future search for companionship, my advice to you would be to look for christian charactor in your prospective mate above all other aspects. With a woman who fears God, you will not have to be concerned with some of the things you mentioned like infidelity, disloyalty, etc.

1) This is SO true.
2) I would NEVER consider a non-Christian mate - and I won't consider a professing Christian who does not attend church - no matter what the explanation.

 

[handy]

Yes as totally unemployed. :yes Even City workers are getting laid off....
My life is at a stand still...

Maybe I am being rejected? Others have prayed for me and I prayed also and try and still nothing. Some said I doubt God's power but I don't I just doubt that he has a plan for my life that is good for me....

When I see people who are not believers thrive and I pray and don't then maybe something is missing..... Maybe I should pray tonight

I'm sorry that you feel that you are being rejected by God and can understand why you feel that way. This is going to sound so trite but it is also quite true...God does things in His timing, and it's often only after the fact that we see why He delayed in answering our prayers. This is why it is best to remain faithful and to keep your focus and trust in Him, especially when you see unbelievers thriving. He will meet your needs, in His way and in His timing. I can say this because not only does the Scriptures promise us that He will, but I've found this true in my own life time and time again. But, it's also important to remember that with Jesus, it is our eternal life that He is most concerned with. All these earthly things, as important as they are; jobs, wife, etc. still will all pass away. What remains is what is important. This is why Jesus exhorted us to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these other things will be added.

Rather than viewing your life as being at a standstill, I encourage you to look at this as a time to grow and stretch your faith. Often times, it's in the rough times that we grow stronger rather than in the times of blessings. God knows that you need a job...you can still pray for one, but He knows that you need one. But, in your prayers, if you're not already doing so, also seek after what else God desires for you now...outside of temporal things like jobs or relationships. Spend time in the Word as well as in prayer. Seek out Christian fellowship and, since you're not working now, perhaps you can spend time in Christian service helping out others as well.

I'll be honest with you, I get the impression that you are struggling with depression. I struggled with that as well when I was in my 20's and although there are good meds out there now, I found that just getting involved in ministering to others, educating myself in God's Word and growing in faith brought me out of it and I came out of it much stronger than I would have thought possible.

Meanwhile, I will be praying for you, for both a job and your walk in Christ, as I'm sure others will be as well.


Pizzaguy, I sent a PM your way.

 

[Pizzaguy]

Got it, and as I told you Handy - really thought you were addressing me.


But I STILL think there are a LOT of good reasons to stay single - been alone most of my life and I think some of us are called to it.

Maybe not me, but, then again maybe me -- I already have two girlfriends:

View attachment 1776


Pizzaguy
(still learning how the board works around here....)

 

[bugglebee]

For many people, single is better. However, if you think that getting rejected is God's way of telling you that you should stay single, you might want to pray on that some more. God's actions sometimes make zero sense to us at times, but later on in life you might realize why all those things happened to you. For example, let's say that you had stayed in the relationship where your girlfriend was cheating on you. She never broke up with you and you never broke up with her. And you got married. And you had kids. Well. That solves the whole "I never got dumped and I'm married thing", but it brings on so many other situations. You're married, but love is not there. You're being cheated on and you might never know what it's like to truly be in love. God might have been doing you a favor. So that if you find someone later on, you'll know it's right. God might have just saved you from never truly being loved. He might have a gift for you later, understand? If being single forever is right for you, then it will work out and you will be happy.

 

[darktipper]

For many people, single is better. However, if you think that getting rejected is God's way of telling you that you should stay single, you might want to pray on that some more. God's actions sometimes make zero sense to us at times, but later on in life you might realize why all those things happened to you. For example, let's say that you had stayed in the relationship where your girlfriend was cheating on you. She never broke up with you and you never broke up with her. And you got married. And you had kids. Well. That solves the whole "I never got dumped and I'm married thing", but it brings on so many other situations. You're married, but love is not there. You're being cheated on and you might never know what it's like to truly be in love. God might have been doing you a favor. So that if you find someone later on, you'll know it's right. God might have just saved you from never truly being loved. He might have a gift for you later, understand? If being single forever is right for you, then it will work out and you will be happy.

Funny thing is I thanked God that day......
But now I careless about a relationship. I don't have it in me to go through that all over again. The calling/paying for dates/cards/opening doors/spending time together/etc. It was too much stress......