A quote that might be helpful.
C: No. God makes no promises to his unregenerate enemies.
I: You are a hard master.
C: I admit that these things are very stern, but I do remind you that a sinner is an enemy of God. He has declared war on God. You are such a sinner and you are at war with God.
I: Even though I am seeking God?
C: Yes, I cannot remind you too often that you are not truly seeking Him…. This is where Paul's use of that language in Romans 3 comes in. He says there that none seeks after God. What we means is that no one in his natural fallen state sincerely seeks after God. There are some in the fallen state who, shall I say, insincerely seek after God, as you are doing now….
I: What makes you say that the Bible says I do not mean what I say? Where does the Bible say that I do not want to come to Christ?
C: Christ says Himself, in John 3:19, "This is the condemnation, that light has come into the world and men love the darkness rather than the light." In other words, Christ says that unconverted persons do not come to Him who is the light of the world. They do not want to come to Him because they love the darkness and He is the light. According to your own confession, you are still an unconverted person. That means you are a lover of darkness, not of light. Consequently, you cannot sincerely want to come to Christ.
C: No. God makes no promises to his unregenerate enemies.
I: You are a hard master.
C: I admit that these things are very stern, but I do remind you that a sinner is an enemy of God. He has declared war on God. You are such a sinner and you are at war with God.
I: Even though I am seeking God?
C: Yes, I cannot remind you too often that you are not truly seeking Him…. This is where Paul's use of that language in Romans 3 comes in. He says there that none seeks after God. What we means is that no one in his natural fallen state sincerely seeks after God. There are some in the fallen state who, shall I say, insincerely seek after God, as you are doing now….
I: What makes you say that the Bible says I do not mean what I say? Where does the Bible say that I do not want to come to Christ?
C: Christ says Himself, in John 3:19, "This is the condemnation, that light has come into the world and men love the darkness rather than the light." In other words, Christ says that unconverted persons do not come to Him who is the light of the world. They do not want to come to Him because they love the darkness and He is the light. According to your own confession, you are still an unconverted person. That means you are a lover of darkness, not of light. Consequently, you cannot sincerely want to come to Christ.