Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
You may feel that with your home an empty nest, your whole life is now empty. Your empty-nest years are not intended to deprive you of fullness of life and marriage. Now is the time to invest in your marriage: you finally have the time! So don’t give up. Keep your marriage full during your empty-nest years, and you’ll see a bountiful return on the investment.
Highlights of this article:
Why do so many men and women who have weathered countless ups and downs over years of marriage suddenly give up?
That was the question I was asking myself after I heard another 50-something wife and mother of adult children casually discuss her lifeless marriage. She wasn’t concerned by the current state of her marital relationship. Instead, this smart, have-it-all-together woman was pretty much saying her marriage was no longer worth fighting for. Her apathy left me feeling saddened.
What used to be a rare occurrence has become a common response to typical marital difficulties. Men and women are casually announcing their plans to divorce after their children leave home.
Some couples state they have nothing in common anymore. Others say the only reason they stayed married for as long as they did was for the kids’ sake. Then there are those who admit they simply aren’t willing to make the effort it takes to create a full marriage that spans both time and seasons of change.
Marriage is hard work, and everyone who has been married knows it. But there’s a part of marriage that people don’t talk about. With every major life change, couples have to spend time and energy re-inventing their relationship. The empty-nest season can usher in emotionally charged situations and major lifestyle adjustments. To help you navigate these marital challenges, consider the following:
Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I love a quiet house. Still, after rearing four children, these walls can feel eerily still at times, which is why I advocate talking to one’s spouse. Regularly. Daily. Hourly, if possible.
I would never suggest that an empty-nest mom immediately unload her quota of unused words on her unsuspecting husband the minute he walks in the door after work. On the other hand, I’ve seen more damage done when couples decide it’s too much hassle to keep talking to each other.
Rather than sit silently at a cozy dinner table for two, why not plan a few pleasant topics of conversation for each evening?
Make the dinner hour a bright spot in your day. Sincerely inquire about each other’s time while you were apart. No single syllable replies allowed! Ask questions that require full-bodied responses. Then — just like playing tennis — volley that energetic verbiage back and forth until you score a relational win for the day.
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Some husbands and wives believe that after their children leave home they won’t be privy to their kids’ problems anymore. More often, parents find themselves on the receiving end of news more troubling than ever before during their empty-nest years.
Don’t be surprised if your adult son or daughter regularly dumps his or her angst at your doorstep. Even as you help your adult child process his or her concerns, keep asking yourself if you are putting your spouse’s needs above your child’s.
There will be times when you need to say no to your child out of respect for your spouse’s peace of mind, health or even the occasional personal preference. Keep the respect and deference level high toward each other. Take tender care of your primary relationship so you’ll both have what you need to responsibly care for your adult children when they need your help.
One of the best aspects of having been married to the same person for so long is that both of you understand the other’s likes and dislikes. Gone are the early days of guessing what your partner might enjoy. Now is the time to start dreaming as you put to paper some imaginative ideas for having fun together.
To start, make his and hers lists. Later, bring the two together and create a master list that blends the best from both. Don’t be afraid to try new adventures. The main point is to make plans that both of you can anticipate together.
Get that? Fun. Together. Repeat. Often.
Most married couples could admit to knowing there were times when they could have given up on each other. For my husband and me, it doesn’t take much for either of us to peer back into our past and dredge up heartaches or pains we caused each other.
In hopes of not letting past hurts and disappointments ruin our future hopes and dreams, we need to intentionally have a poor memory about what’s past and painful. At the same time we develop an eagle eye for recalling every wonderful thing our spouse has done for us. That’s how you create a full marriage.
The post Keeping a Full Marriage During Empty-Nest Years appeared first on Focus on the Family.
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You may feel that with your home an empty nest, your whole life is now empty. Your empty-nest years are not intended to deprive you of fullness of life and marriage. Now is the time to invest in your marriage: you finally have the time! So don’t give up. Keep your marriage full during your empty-nest years, and you’ll see a bountiful return on the investment.
Highlights of this article:
- Talk to each other
It’s not about filling the air with the sound of your voices because it’s so quiet now. Its about getting to intimately know the person your spouse has become after all these years.
- Prioritize each other
You may need to set up boundaries with your grown children if they come to you so often that you find yourself putting their needs above the needs of your spouse.
- Choose activities together
You can choose to resurrect your dreams or do ministry together, but the important thing is really that you’re bonding and having fun together.
- Stay in the present, not the past
Looking back on all the hard times and painful memories in your marriage is so easy. But don’t do it. It’s a trap.
Can You Keep Your Marriage Full When Your Nest Is Empty?
Why do so many men and women who have weathered countless ups and downs over years of marriage suddenly give up?
That was the question I was asking myself after I heard another 50-something wife and mother of adult children casually discuss her lifeless marriage. She wasn’t concerned by the current state of her marital relationship. Instead, this smart, have-it-all-together woman was pretty much saying her marriage was no longer worth fighting for. Her apathy left me feeling saddened.
What used to be a rare occurrence has become a common response to typical marital difficulties. Men and women are casually announcing their plans to divorce after their children leave home.
Some couples state they have nothing in common anymore. Others say the only reason they stayed married for as long as they did was for the kids’ sake. Then there are those who admit they simply aren’t willing to make the effort it takes to create a full marriage that spans both time and seasons of change.
Marriage is hard work, and everyone who has been married knows it. But there’s a part of marriage that people don’t talk about. With every major life change, couples have to spend time and energy re-inventing their relationship. The empty-nest season can usher in emotionally charged situations and major lifestyle adjustments. To help you navigate these marital challenges, consider the following:
Keep Talking to Each Other
Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I love a quiet house. Still, after rearing four children, these walls can feel eerily still at times, which is why I advocate talking to one’s spouse. Regularly. Daily. Hourly, if possible.
I would never suggest that an empty-nest mom immediately unload her quota of unused words on her unsuspecting husband the minute he walks in the door after work. On the other hand, I’ve seen more damage done when couples decide it’s too much hassle to keep talking to each other.
Rather than sit silently at a cozy dinner table for two, why not plan a few pleasant topics of conversation for each evening?
Make the dinner hour a bright spot in your day. Sincerely inquire about each other’s time while you were apart. No single syllable replies allowed! Ask questions that require full-bodied responses. Then — just like playing tennis — volley that energetic verbiage back and forth until you score a relational win for the day.
Learn How to Cherish your Spouse and Have a Deeper Connection
What does it mean to cherish your spouse? Couples who cherish each other understand that God created everyone different, and as a result, they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse. We want to help you do just that. Focus on the Family has created a free five-part video course called "Cherish Your Spouse" featuring best-selling author Gary Thomas. He'll offer you practical guidance for developing a deeper level of intimacy and connection with your spouse.Start Your Free Video Series
Keep Your Marriage Full by Putting Your Spouse First
Some husbands and wives believe that after their children leave home they won’t be privy to their kids’ problems anymore. More often, parents find themselves on the receiving end of news more troubling than ever before during their empty-nest years.
Don’t be surprised if your adult son or daughter regularly dumps his or her angst at your doorstep. Even as you help your adult child process his or her concerns, keep asking yourself if you are putting your spouse’s needs above your child’s.
There will be times when you need to say no to your child out of respect for your spouse’s peace of mind, health or even the occasional personal preference. Keep the respect and deference level high toward each other. Take tender care of your primary relationship so you’ll both have what you need to responsibly care for your adult children when they need your help.
Choose Activities Together to Curate a Full Marriage
One of the best aspects of having been married to the same person for so long is that both of you understand the other’s likes and dislikes. Gone are the early days of guessing what your partner might enjoy. Now is the time to start dreaming as you put to paper some imaginative ideas for having fun together.
To start, make his and hers lists. Later, bring the two together and create a master list that blends the best from both. Don’t be afraid to try new adventures. The main point is to make plans that both of you can anticipate together.
Get that? Fun. Together. Repeat. Often.
Don’t Allow the Past to Ruin the Future
Most married couples could admit to knowing there were times when they could have given up on each other. For my husband and me, it doesn’t take much for either of us to peer back into our past and dredge up heartaches or pains we caused each other.
In hopes of not letting past hurts and disappointments ruin our future hopes and dreams, we need to intentionally have a poor memory about what’s past and painful. At the same time we develop an eagle eye for recalling every wonderful thing our spouse has done for us. That’s how you create a full marriage.
The post Keeping a Full Marriage During Empty-Nest Years appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...