My Story
Back in my pre-professor days of pastoring I noticed a pattern in my routine. As the weekend approached, I would get more tense. On Sunday mornings my stomach would be tied up in a knot as I anticipated the worship service. I rarely ate breakfast. As time went on and this pattern continued, I began to explore why I felt this anxiety in my life.
In the Lord’s perfect timing, the root became evident when I started the doctoral program at Westminster Seminary and was assigned a self-counseling project. Through this process, the Lord graciously opened my eyes to understand how my heart responded to the pressures of life. He showed me that one of the themes of my inner person was people pleasing, or fear of man. This was confirmed when I realized one of the thoughts of my heart (Hebrews 4:12) was, “I wonder what they will think of my sermon,” followed by the worry and fear that made me physically ill.
I soon realized this same problem led to passivity as a leader. I was not as aggressive as I should have been to set the pace in the church because there were stronger leaders. Voicing my thoughts would have meant standing up to them and addressing issues in the congregation that made me uncomfortable. By default, my leadership style was laissez-faire. Because of this passive attitude, issues that I should have confronted were left to simmer.
Praise God for His work of sanctification because I have learned a great deal about leadership since those days. The Lord has done a major work in my life by teaching me to be more concerned about what He thinks rather than what others think. By the grace of God, I have learned much about the truth behind Proverbs 29:25, “The fear of man brings a snare, but he who trusts in the LORD will be exalted.”
Another Story
There are many church leaders who are opposite of me is disposition. They are aggressive and don’t seem to care what people think. Our culture would say they have an authoritarian or commanding leadership style. It saddens us when we hear about the relational carnage left in their wake. Maybe you have experienced this yourself.
This leader can intimidate people into silence, because sometimes unknowingly (and sometimes purposefully), they convey that it is not all right to disagree. They can be harsh, irritable, or impatient (the opposites of Eph. 4:1-3). The church does not properly address certain issues because the atmosphere this leadership style creates is not conducive to dialogue. The ministry “climate” is more about uniformity than unity through the diversity of the gifts of the body (Philippians 2:1-5; 1 Corinthians 12).
The Heart
Both passive and aggressive tendencies flow out of the value system of the heart. As the Lord said in Matthew 12:33-34, “…For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. The good man out of his good treasure brings forth what is good….” Do you see what Christ is comparing there? In 12:33, He says we speak out of our hearts, but in 12:34 He switches to a parallel word: treasure. According to the One who knows the depths of our value system, heart equals treasures.
As mentioned above, I realized that my heart desired the approval of others. To put it bluntly, I served and was overly concerned with the opinions of others. Unfortunately, this revealed my value system. I was treasuring, bowing down to, and worshipping the approval of people. This influenced the way I led.
But what could be going on in the heart of a more aggressive leader? What could this person be valuing or serving? Maybe his thoughts are something like, “No one is going to push me around.” Or, “I need others to respect me and do things my way.” Another option is, “I so desire success that I need to put pressure on others to achieve it.” I would submit for your consideration that those statements could reveal a heart of control, respect, or driving desires to be successful (even at the expense of others). This person may treasure, bow down to, and worship the need to be respected by others or be in control of the environment. This then influences the way they lead the church.
I think it is safe to say that we have not thought deeply enough about how the heart influences leadership and personality. We also have not considered the biblical corrective to change at the level of the heart rather than just accept that people can’t change their tendencies.
A Warning and Motivation
This raises questions. “Isn’t leadership style just part of my personality?” Of course it is, but it goes deeper. The secular world speaks of various leadership styles and personality types using terminology like “laissez-faire” and “Type A authoritarian,” but doesn’t consider biblical teaching on the heart.
Leaders might find themselves saying, “Well I’m just a Type A, and Type A’s are aggressive.” This thinking carries the underlying assumption that if you have this personality type, it’s just the way you are, and you can’t change. Your personality is fixed.
If this is true, you cannot believe in (or your thinking needs to be fine-tuned concerning) the doctrine of progressive sanctification, which tells us that we are growing toward Christlikeness. His leadership style is one of a shepherd (John 10:1-18; 1 Peter 2:25; 5:1-4), who knew when to be gentle and when to be aggressive.
This leads us to a chief motivation for being willing to change. We, too, are called to be loving shepherds. Learning to be a shepherd demands that, out of love for the flock, I put to death my natural heart propensities. As a shepherd I am called to lead, feed, protect, and care for the flock. All in gentleness. If a leader does not deal with his own heart tendencies (whether passive or aggressive, depending on what they value), the primary activities of a shepherd will be out of balance, and the church will be more vulnerable to conflict.
The biblical corrective is to try to look inward to your heart and outward to Christ. Understand how your inner person is influencing the way you interact with people and issues. Correct it biblically. Do this as you look to the Good Shepherd, who gives you a more complete model of leadership based on his personality, not yours. To explore this further, I would invite you to study a passage that has been tremendously helpful for me. In 1 Thessalonians 2:1-12 we see how Paul interacted with people, and we see the characteristics of a Christ-like leader.
Recommended Resources
Help! I’m in a Conflict, Ernie Baker (Shepherd Press)
Motives, Why Do I Do the Things I Do? Edward T. Welch (Resources for Changing Lives, P&R Publishing)
The Leadership Opportunity: Living Out the Gospel Where Conflict and Leadership Intersect, by Peacemaker Ministries.
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