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Life is so Hard....

Luminous_Rose

Luminous_Rose

CF Ambassador
Things aren't going well....I feel like I'm living someone else's life...my head's not all right. I can't remember a lot of things...I'm just starting to remember what type of music I like and things of that sort...I feel like complete and utter trash because I went to go get our trash can from the curb today. I don't know why, but I thought it'd be a good idea to hold our new kitten while I did it (obviously not all here in my head)...the cat got scared of the sound and she ran away. She's so little; I'm so worried. My husband screamed at me, my kids hate me right now....they just keep telling me what my husband does, "She's goes to freeze/she's going to get eaten by an owl or coyote." I feel like trash....why did God let me live? I'm not all right in my head and I don't know when I will be...the one time I needed grace and forgiveness from my husband, I didn't get it.....the one time I needed a, "We'll get through this together, okay? It was an accident..." I don't even know why he let me go outside with the kitten. He told me not to take the cat outside because of the sound the trash can made, but I didn't connect the thoughts....now it's, "If she doesn't come back, it's all your fault." and I don't know what I'm going to do.....I don't know....I just don't know....
 
Luminous_Rose said:
Things aren't going well....I feel like I'm living someone else's life...my head's not all right. I can't remember a lot of things...I'm just starting to remember what type of music I like and things of that sort...I feel like complete and utter trash because I went to go get our trash can from the curb today. I don't know why, but I thought it'd be a good idea to hold our new kitten while I did it (obviously not all here in my head)...the cat got scared of the sound and she ran away. She's so little; I'm so worried. My husband screamed at me, my kids hate me right now....they just keep telling me what my husband does, "She's goes to freeze/she's going to get eaten by an owl or coyote." I feel like trash....why did God let me live? I'm not all right in my head and I don't know when I will be...the one time I needed grace and forgiveness from my husband, I didn't get it.....the one time I needed a, "We'll get through this together, okay? It was an accident..." I don't even know why he let me go outside with the kitten. He told me not to take the cat outside because of the sound the trash can made, but I didn't connect the thoughts....now it's, "If she doesn't come back, it's all your fault." and I don't know what I'm going to do.....I don't know....I just don't know....
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I might make a mistake like that. I thought kittens would come home eventually of their own accord but then I know nothing about cats.
 
I never had cats but i would think it would be close somewhere if it happened not long ago. Try calling it and also put out some food it likes, could ask neighbours if you get along with them to keep an eye out and/or put up a notice.
 
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My husband has looked around the neighborhood, my dad came and looked and told the neighbors about a missing kitten....we put her litter box out by the door and a squirrel live catch trap with a can of tuna inside. She still hasn't come back :sad

We have posted online and everything as well in hopes of someone finding our sweetie. I am assuming she is hiding in an abandoned trailer across the way. I just can't believe she hasn't come back yet - must be scared and trying to keep warm. I will attempt to contact the animal shelter tomorrow, but I honestly doubt they'd have her after only a day. Because we have COVID, we weren't able to go get her micro-chipped and everything. This is the worst ever...
 
Luminous_Rose said:
Things aren't going well....I feel like I'm living someone else's life...my head's not all right. I can't remember a lot of things...I'm just starting to remember what type of music I like and things of that sort...I feel like complete and utter trash because I went to go get our trash can from the curb today. I don't know why, but I thought it'd be a good idea to hold our new kitten while I did it (obviously not all here in my head)...the cat got scared of the sound and she ran away. She's so little; I'm so worried. My husband screamed at me, my kids hate me right now....they just keep telling me what my husband does, "She's goes to freeze/she's going to get eaten by an owl or coyote." I feel like trash....why did God let me live? I'm not all right in my head and I don't know when I will be...the one time I needed grace and forgiveness from my husband, I didn't get it.....the one time I needed a, "We'll get through this together, okay? It was an accident..." I don't even know why he let me go outside with the kitten. He told me not to take the cat outside because of the sound the trash can made, but I didn't connect the thoughts....now it's, "If she doesn't come back, it's all your fault." and I don't know what I'm going to do.....I don't know....I just don't know....
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praying for the kitten and you - God loves you - we care about you
 
We all make mistakes. Try not to get too depressed about it. Cats roam around and return home eventually, though I know nothing about kittens. I pray the kitten will return safe and sound. You may not get the comfort, love, and support you require from family right now, but I pray that the Spirit of God will comfort and encourage you in Jesus' Name.
 
Luminous_Rose said:
Things aren't going well....I feel like I'm living someone else's life...my head's not all right. I can't remember a lot of things...I'm just starting to remember what type of music I like and things of that sort...I feel like complete and utter trash because I went to go get our trash can from the curb today. I don't know why, but I thought it'd be a good idea to hold our new kitten while I did it (obviously not all here in my head)...the cat got scared of the sound and she ran away. She's so little; I'm so worried. My husband screamed at me, my kids hate me right now....they just keep telling me what my husband does, "She's goes to freeze/she's going to get eaten by an owl or coyote." I feel like trash....why did God let me live? I'm not all right in my head and I don't know when I will be...the one time I needed grace and forgiveness from my husband, I didn't get it.....the one time I needed a, "We'll get through this together, okay? It was an accident..." I don't even know why he let me go outside with the kitten. He told me not to take the cat outside because of the sound the trash can made, but I didn't connect the thoughts....now it's, "If she doesn't come back, it's all your fault." and I don't know what I'm going to do.....I don't know....I just don't know....
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Hey LR....
You've been through a lot.
Give yourself a chance. We don't get well overnight.
And when we feel needy, we tend to feel like persons
we love let us down. They're not used to seeing you
like you are right now.
Things will get better.
As to the kitten, yeah, ask them if they love the kitten more than
they love you. Put things in the proper perspective!

A mother is always a mother --- it's a problem for us women.
 
Not sure what you mean by her little box. If ske uses a litter tray leave it by the door outside. They know their own litter tray. If give her any dry food shake the box and call her name. She is probably frightened and hiding pretty nearby. They sometimes hide in bushes
I'm sure nobody hates you :hug
Sorry you are going through all this.
Will be praying
 
Last time i make a mistake and i was feeling down and depressed and i told my Dad because i was looking for support and wanted to speak to someone about it and the first thing he said to me was "what did you you do that for that was stupid" and just made me feel even more down.

When someone is feeling depressed or stressed the last thing they need is negative comments.

Its why people turn to God and pray, the person they can Trust who understands and forgives.
 
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Thank you everyone for your kind words.

Yes, I meant "litter" box, we sat it next to the door outside. Unfortunately being in a trailer park type situation, there are quite a few abandoned cats. It looks like another cat has been using her litterbox, which isn't helpful. :sad Although, we're going to leave it there just in case it does help. Might throw out an old shirt I've worn or something just to get a scent trail back.

She ran straight to one of the desert broom bushes out here, but I had to stop my 5 year old from chasing the cat across the street and lost track of the kitten in doing so. Since the 5 year old opened the gate and my 2 year old was following her, I couldn't chase the cat. I probably shouldn't have been chasing her anyway, I'm not all right there in the head, either. I should've told my husband earlier, but I was afraid he would be mad at me. He said he would've come and look had I told him right away, but my family figured I was having a seizure yesterday because I wasn't acting right at all...I hate this...

My family hasn't been blaming me as much today. We figure she's probably hiding in an abandoned trailer across the way so perhaps we'll go take another look. No one will say anything if we're just looking for a cat. We've put up lost posters, told neighbors, used a free lost pet service, posted all over local pages online, etc. - hoping that something comes up somewhere. Trying to do as much as we possibly can while it's still early in the game. I hope that someone found her and brought her in, but if she's hiding, who knows? I miss her a lot...she was so comforting to me during this time and now she's not here :sad
 
Luminous_Rose,

I have found the Psalms comforting when I am distressed, so I encourage you to look at them and find where the writer is crying out in a way that sounds similar to the way your heart is feeling. Parts of Psalms 55:1-23 (ESV) may "fit" you at this time.

Don't worry if the psalmist does not completely align with what you are experiencing; just look for snippets that seem to reflect how you feel. If you find something that resonates, then recognize the words you are reading are there by Gods design and that He knows - better than even you - what is going on in your heart. I find it comforting that the God of all creation sees and understands even when it seems no one else does.

Hope this helps.
 
You have been through so much and to now have this happening only adds to your stress. We all do stupid things at times that we don't think about first as I think I'm the Queen of that, LOL. It is hard and time will heal that which is slowly coming back to you. Don't let Satan still your joy and what was said to you was said in anger of the moment.

Praying for kitty to come home safe and sound. It's a good idea to leave a scent for her, but probably not the litter box as there will be multiple scents from other cats that might keep her away.
 
Mocha is home! ?

Last night my husband and I were sitting up late and he watched me as I walked across the street to the desert broom bush where we last saw her. I walked over there and said, "Mocha! Kitty kitty!" I heard these super strange kitty cries. She came crawling out of the yucca plant. She was super hungry, but she wasn't too awfully cold in there and coyotes, hawks, and owls couldn't get her there. I was so happy she came out to me!
 
Luminous_Rose said:
Mocha is home! ?

Last night my husband and I were sitting up late and he watched me as I walked across the street to the desert broom bush where we last saw her. I walked over there and said, "Mocha! Kitty kitty!" I heard these super strange kitty cries. She came crawling out of the yucca plant. She was super hungry, but she wasn't too awfully cold in there and coyotes, hawks, and owls couldn't get her there. I was so happy she came out to me!
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Great news.
 
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