Love and Respect, Biblical concepts

[stovebolts]

This is fantastic! I recomend for everyone!


http://www.loveandrespect.com/

Excited and burdened about male and female communication, Emerson launched the Love and Respect Conferences in August 1999 to serve husbands and wives.
Sarah and Emerson are convinced that a truth hidden in plain sight for 2000 years can make a difference in every marriage. This truth is found in Ephesians 5:33. Husbands must love their wives and wives must respect their husbands.

Emerson writes, "You may remember how the Beatles sang, 'All you need is love.' I absolutely disagree with that conclusion. Five out of ten marriages today are ending in divorce because love alone is not enough. Yes, love is vital, especially for the wife, but what we have missed is the husband's need for respect. This Love and Respect message is about how the wife can fulfill her need to be loved by giving her husband what he needs -- respect. And the husband can fulfill his need to be respected by giving his wife what she needs -- love. Does this always work? No. But if one is married to a person of good will, I would bet the farm that it would work!"


Emerson received his B.A. in Biblical Studies and an M.A. in Communications from Wheaton College and Graduate school. He was later awarded his Masters in Divinity from Dubuque Seminary. Later, he earned his Ph.D. from Michigan State University in Child and Family Ecology. Emerson was the senior pastor of East Lansing Trinity church from 1980 to 1999. He loved the pastorate in this college town with nearly 45,000 students. When he came, the church had 450 in attendance, and when he left over 2000 attended. He oversaw a paid staff of 40. He also initiated a building program, relocating Trinity Church on 70 beautiful acres in the Lansing area. That was completed in the year 2000.
Focus on the Family is sponsoring many of the Love and Respect Conferences across the nation.

The book Love and Respect (The Love She Most Desires / The Respect He Desperately Needs) won two awards in 2005: the Gold Medallion and Retailers Choice.

 

[CatholicXian]

That looks really interesting StoveBolts. Have you attended any of the conferences?

Just a quick browse over the site reminds me of "Love and Responsibility" and "Theology of the Body" (both done by John Paul II, but I think they are good reads for all Christians seeking holy marriages/relationships). Christopher West does several seminars, etc. on explaining "Theology of the Body". Very similar concepts to the "Love and Respect" site you posted.

 

[stovebolts]

Morning CatholicXian, remind me, is your name Mariam?

Actually, my wife and I attended a video seminar a few months back with a few couples from our church. We were so excited that we purchased the DVD's and plan on offering it to our congregation.

I liked the format. Dr. Emerson spoke to the guys and his wife spoke to the gals. Speaking for myself, I'm a thinker... I love to think. Dr. Emerson got the cog wheels turning in a way that was both simple and effective, but most importantly, biblical.

From my own testimony, I would say that I have a pretty good marriage and God has blessed our family. Yes, we've had our issues, but we've over come them and our marriage keeps getting better and better. One thing though that seems to be a bigger issue with the gals than it does the guys (from an outside perspective) is getting that original 'spark' back into a marriage. Where did it go? Well, Dr. Emerson tells us where it went, and how to get it back. And it works!

It's funny, as you may know, I've got a 68 Camaro (my Stovebolt) that I've been working on for the past few years. I've almost been resentful of my wife because she won't share in it's labor with me. I don't think it's wanting the assistance as much as I want to share in fellowship of a common interest with the person that I love the most. Well, last tuesday nite, my wife actually came into the garage and offered to help work on it! This friday nite we have a date in the garage too. I know that sounds real exciting to some of the gals out there. Let me explain.

You see, before we were married, she wanted to do everything with me and I wanted to do everything with her. So where did it go? How come she shared her excitment with me when I was excited but now it's become a burdon? And her needs, why wasn't I as passionate with her as I used to be when we first met?

The formula is easy. She gives respect and as a response, she receives love. I give love and I receive respect. If we look at these to items, love is given naturally by a woman and respect is given naturally by a man. In a nutshell, that is why men are commanded to love their wives and wives are commanded to respect their husbands... because it requires effort on both parts.

Anway, thanks for the links. I'll check them out. Nice to see you around.

Jeff

 

[CatholicXian]

Good afternoon, Jeff. Sorry it's taken me a bit to reply. My name is actually Jillian, but I usually sign things "J" because it what most of my friends call me since I won't let anyone shorten my name to "jill". Anyway, Miriam is a cool name, so I'm not offended by the mix up! It's a name I'm considering for any girl children I may have.

It sounds pretty interesting, and I'm glad you and your wife have had a positive experience that has been beneficial to your marriage. I will have to look into Dr. Emerson's work a bit more, it seems like it may compliment Theology of the Body pretty well--in a certain sense. Theology of the Body is geared more towards the physical relationship between husband and wife and what it means to a "person". At times, TOTB (shorthand for Theology of the Body, that I'll probably use from now on..) can be more than a little surprising, so if you do start looking into it and come across something that sounds shocking-- keep reading, because it has important context that explains what precisely is meant.

TOTB has a been a great resource in helping me to better understand the pro-life cause, and also given me a better perspective on marriage (though I am not yet wed). I think the guy I'm dating would say the same thing. This article by Christopher West is a good introduction to the idea.

Have a great day!

 

[stovebolts]

Hi Jillian

That's a pretty interesting article. I havn't had time to really delve into it, but if things slow up a bit I'll dig in a little deeper. Thank you for sharing. BTW, I can't stream media from here so I'm assuming that the media files are pieces of his DVD. I sure wish you could see them, as I believe every Christian could get something out of them.

Anyway,
Take care and have a blessed day.

Jeff

 

[ArtGuy]

The article seems to imply that the husband and wife should not provide each other with love and respect equally. Does the husband not deserve as much love as the wife? Does the wife not deserve as much respect as the husband?

 

[stovebolts]

Hello Artguy

I'm not expert here so forgive me if I've got it wrong. It appears to me after going through the seminar that Dr. Emmerson makes a clear biblical case that men are men and women are women. That being the case, we were created differently.

He further goes to show that men need different things than women using biblical examples. He gives some primary examples such as men commanded to love their wives, yet wives are not commanded to love their husbands. For the women, he commands them to respect their husbands, yet they are not commanded to love their husbands. Why is this?

Simple, women were created to love their husbands. It comes natural to them. Likewise, men were created to respect their wives as it also comes natural to them. What Dr. Emmerson points out is that we (men) have been pounded to love our wives love our wives, love our wives... yet nothig has been said to women to respect their husbands.

Whoah I hear some saying he's a pig... No, he's not a pig. What he simply states is that if a woman wants love, then she needs to show repect for their husband and the husband will naturally respond in love his wife.

I can't really summerize 4 hours of seminar very well... but that's it in a nutshell.

 

[ArtGuy]

Okay, I can sort of get behind that.

 

[stovebolts]

cool,
did you create an account? There are some good articles. Read Ping and Blue sunglasses

here's another article that you don't have to sign up for to read. It's neat when you hear him saying this instead of reading it.

Stepping On Air Hoses

Ephesians 5:33 commands a husband to love his wife. Why? She needs love like she needs air to breathe. Ephesians 5:33 commands a wife to respect her husband. Why? He needs respect like he needs air to breathe. What happens when each steps on the others air hose?

A wife fixes her husband's favorite meal but he comes home 40 minutes late. The food is cold.

Hurt, she makes a remark, as he walks through the door, "You are always late and never call me. You are so uncaring! If you loved me, you'd call!"

That comment sets him off. With a look of disgust, he exits the kitchen. Putting on his running gear, he leaves the house for an hour run.

Obvious to every woman watching this, he misses her heart.

Obvious to every man watching this, her disrespectful verbiage blinds him to her inner sadness and pain.

Why does this kind of thing happen?

Figuratively speaking, did you know a wife has an air hose connected to a "Love Tank?"

From her husband, she needs love like she needs air to breathe.

When she feels unloved, right or wrong, she reacts. She feels as though she is emotionally suffocating. She will not declare, "Oh, ok, I guess I must suffocate and die."

When her husband steps on her air hose, she does not flat line it on the emotional heart monitor. She reacts.

In fact, she will push him off her air hose. "Get off my air hose! Quit being so unloving!"

Things can get out of control at this moment. Feeling unloved, she shows contempt.

Feeling disrespected, he shows no love.

Let's consider another story. A husband works hard at his place of employment. He brings home a healthy pay check. To him, this is honorable. He even hands over his pay check, trusting his wife's money management.

But once every couple of months, she becomes exasperated with the “bills†and money pressures. She expresses her anxieties over his lack of income. "You need to be doing more!"

Hurt, he makes a cutting remark. "I am nothing more than a meal ticket to you. The kids mean everything to you. I mean nothing. You are an ungrateful witch."

His unloving comment wounds her and blinds her to his inner feeling of being disrespected. If she in turn says something disrespectful, this is a double whammy. The Crazy Cycle is spinning. She is ventilating her frustration, needing reassurance. Yet, he hears, "I don't respect you.â€Â

Did you know a husband has an air hose hooked up to a "Respect Tank?"

From his wife, he needs respect like he needs air to breathe. This is an unconditional respect for who he is, apart from his performance.

When he feels disrespected, right or wrong, he reacts. He feels choked emotionally. He will not passively announce, "Oh, ok, I count for nothing; it is time to die."

Instead, he reacts. He pushes her off his air hose. "Get off my line, I can't breathe. Quit being so disrespectful. Everybody respects me but you. I don't deserve this disrespect!"

Both are defensive becoming offensive.

In feeling unloved, she's disrespectful. At that moment she does not see his need for respect nor her disrespect - or doesn't want to. If she does see this, frankly, she may not care. She sees her need for love and his need to be more loving. Period. Nothing else really matters.

In feeling disrespected, he's unloving. At that instance, he does not see her need for love nor his unloving reaction - or doesn't want to. If he does see this, honestly, he may not care at this heated second. He sees his need for respect and her need to be more respectful. Until she changes, he's stonewalling.

(Look again at "Understanding the Crazy Cycle" on the front of the web site.)

Reflection/Discussion:

1. Can you relate to the air hose analogy?

2. Do you step on each other's air hose? How do you react?

3. When you defensively react, is this offensive?

4. As a wife, do you agree that when you feel unloved, you can react in disrespectful ways? Can you see why your husband might miss your need to feel loved?

5. As a husband, do you agree that when you feel disrespected, you can react in unloving ways? Can you see why your wife might miss your need to feel respected?

6. Does the Bible teach love and respect? "Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33).

7. Who needs to feel loved and who needs to feel respected?

8. Is God inviting you to come across more lovingly/respectfully when your air hose is being stepped on? Though this isn't fair to you, does this bring God pleasure? Further, does God's truth work in powerful ways?

9. Meditate on this Scripture: "when you received from us the word of God's message, you accepted it not as the word of men, but for what it really is, the word of God, which also performs its work in you who believe" (1 Thessalonians 2:13).

Copyright 2003 Love and Respect Ministries Inc Rev. Emerson E. Eggerichs Ph.D.



Testimony:

"I never looked at it in this way. When I'm not feeling his love, which I tell him, I react in my flesh. 'Okay you won't get yours.' I usually will say this verbally and later non-verbally. But, this lasts only for a little while. I am constantly trying to feel his love for me."