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Are you married to a chronically ill spouse? Or perhaps you have a chronic illness and your spouse is your caregiver. Either way, you likely feel exhausted, disheartened, and maybe close to despair. You are not alone. Brent and Monica Keilen went through chronic illness in their marriage and came out on the other side with a deeper love and trust for both each other and for God.
This can be your story too.
God is working all things for the good of those called according to His purpose and that includes chronic illness. So whether you are married to a chronically ill spouse, or you yourself are ill, don’t give up hope. God will use your situation for good.
This article at a glance:
“How much longer will this keep going? Why is this happening to us?”
These questions remained unanswered for Brent and Monica for a long time. Appointments with a variety of doctors, an array of medical suggestions, and the constant pursuit of that next thing that might finally work characterized the early years of their marriage. Would Monica ever be truly well? Would chronic illness always overshadow our relationship?
Have you experienced similar challenges?
Sadly, this is not an uncommon story. According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), “six out of ten adults in the United States have a chronic disease, and four out of ten adults have two or more.” Those living with chronic illness are “leading drivers of the nation’s $4.1 trillion in annual health care costs.”
The CDC broadly defines chronic illness as a condition that lasts one year or more. Requiring ongoing medical attention, the condition often limits activities of daily living. And sometimes, people don’t even know what the condition even is for years.
Monica had endured 11 years of pain, treatments, triumphs, setbacks, and diagnosis after diagnosis by the time Brent proposed.
As her childhood friend, Brent had watched Monica battle chronic illness for years, and was amazed at her continued sweet spirit and positive attitude. Yet Monica wondered if Brent would still love her if she couldn’t be everything she had always dreamed of being as a wife.
What impact would being bedridden for weeks or sometimes months have on our brand-new marriage? Monica shared her fears with Brent about him being married to a chronically ill spouse and having to be a caregiver for his wife.
But Brent assured his bride-to-be, “Monica, that’s not your burden to carry. That’s God’s burden to carry and His responsibility to give me whatever I need. I just want to love you well.”
After they married, Monica’s unpredictable condition worsened. There were plenty of tough times during their first five years — Monica had seasons of extreme weariness and acute pain. And life looked bleak when Monica’s condition continued to decline to the point where she had to use a wheelchair for mobility.
But God reached through and brought healing.
Looking back, they can truly say God was faithful every step of the way. He taught them so many things about Him that helped get them through.
Today, Monica glows when customers at work ask how she is feeling. She is able to share that not long ago she was unable to walk, but God healed her! She is so grateful to be able to be on her feet all day helping customers find faith-building resources at the Focus on the Family affiliated Family Central bookstore in Michigan.
For those like Brent and Monica whose love and marriage is impacted with chronic illness, here are some practices that proved helpful for them:
In the Psalms, David is honest with God about what he’s going through. They found freedom in lament, that prayer in pain that turns to trust. Psalm 62:8 says, “Pour out your heart before Him.” They learned, like David, to prayerfully be raw and honest with God.
Reading the book Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop helped them understand the Biblical concept of lament which gave them a language for this deep pain. They didn’t have to be fake with God to be a good Christian. He knows our pain.
A relevant quote that really touched Monica came from L.B. Cowman’s Streams in the Desert,
Take me to Part One
Throughout Brent and Monica’s journey, God has been faithful to encourage them through verses from His Word. He gave them promises from Scripture to spur them on exactly when they needed hope. Sometimes they held onto the verses for a day, other times they hung on much longer.
Nehemiah 8:10 is a promise that says the joy of the Lord is your strength. And Psalm 107:20 also encouraged them with the reminder, “He sent out His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction.” God’s Word brought deliverance, healing, and love to the Israelites in the Old Testament and to us today in marriages riddled with chronic illness.
Though they continued to seek God for healing, Monica experienced a frightening medical episode that triggered the most difficult health season they had faced. Despite all their efforts and prayers, nothing seemed to help.
One afternoon Brent brought Monica to a park. As they enjoyed the sunshine and meditated on Scripture, Monica spoke to God about her fears and burdens. Then, Monica glanced up and saw a beautiful eagle fly over, bringing to mind God’s promise in Isaiah 40:31, “they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles…” Monica had that verse embroidered on a backpack.
So they learned to get alone and listen to God. Finding specific promises and verses to pray over, study, meditate on, and lean into proved life-changing and life-sustaining. Now, they often ask Him to speak to them individually and as a couple.
Over and over again, Monica related to the woman with the flow of blood in Luke 8:43-48. Had that woman so long ago experienced her darkest day just before she received healing? Her story encouraged expectancy of what our miracle-working God could and would do. On her hardest days, Monica wondered, could this be my day before? Could this be what she felt like the day before her body was made well and whole?
During one particularly discouraging season, Brent took several days to seek the Lord. God answered Brent’s need to hear from Him by impressing on his heart the words, “Help is on the way.”
Isaiah 53:4-5 reassures, “Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was pierced for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His wounds we are healed.”
The Lord sat with them in their pain, heartache, and disappointment. He loved them through their cries of pain from this chronic illness. He invited them to pour out their hearts to Him — their tears, grief, and questions. In those vulnerable moments, He gave them a deeper trust.
At the beginning of 2020, Brent and Monica read in Malachi 4:2, “the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings.” But then they spent time in the Emergency Room. Monica needed a wheelchair to get most places. Brent felt overwhelmed with his responsibilities tied to being married to a chronically ill spouse. They were in the pits of exhaustion and despair.
However, God hadn’t forgotten them. His love was still present in their struggles with chronic illness. He sent them encouragement through an online interview.
“Remember, God is for us,” the speaker said.
Even when things seem the most difficult, God is still our loving father, working on behalf of His kids. Romans 8:31 says, “If God is for us, who can be against us?”
The story of Paul and Silas imprisoned in Acts 16 challenged Brent and Monica to praise God in order to ease their overwhelming weariness and discouragement. Monica felt imprisoned by her wheelchair. But on the days they listened to worship music and praised God, even when they didn’t feel like it, the darkness that shadowed their souls lifted and joy came.
Monica compiled a selection of praise songs into her own victory playlist. She played it over and over, allowing it to soak into her soul. Monica also wrote inspiring quotes into her journal out of hope and worship. One of these quotes featured Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth’s observation, “It continues to ring deep and true in my heart: He is so very faithful, friends. Trust Him. He will never ever fail you.”
Late that same year, God healed Monica.
Brent and Monica then understood why God had given them Malachi 4:2. When God gives a verse or promise, they learned to keep faith in God and his Word regardless of circumstances. Even when promises don’t make sense right away, we can keep believing.
For Monica’s healing, the glory belongs to God. Brent and Monica are deeply grateful for the tremendous doctors and therapists who have helped her on this journey, and for God’s miraculous touch of healing.
More than half the population is familiar with the challenges of chronic illness or being married to a chronically ill spouse. Many are hoping and praying for healing. There were years when Brent and Monica’s miracle was simply that God was their strength in and through rugged days, months, and years.
Despite and during chronic illness in marriage, as Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth said, “we can cling to Him in faith and watch as our lives get swept up in His goodness and His greatness and His grand redemption story of which we are a little part.”
The post Love and Trust through Chronic Illness in Marriage appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
Are you married to a chronically ill spouse? Or perhaps you have a chronic illness and your spouse is your caregiver. Either way, you likely feel exhausted, disheartened, and maybe close to despair. You are not alone. Brent and Monica Keilen went through chronic illness in their marriage and came out on the other side with a deeper love and trust for both each other and for God.
This can be your story too.
God is working all things for the good of those called according to His purpose and that includes chronic illness. So whether you are married to a chronically ill spouse, or you yourself are ill, don’t give up hope. God will use your situation for good.
This article at a glance:
- The reality of chronic illness in marriage
The majority of people in the U.S. deal with at least one chronic illness in their lives. But even though this is so common, chronic illness can leave individuals feeling as if they’ve lost themselves or they’re no longer worth the love and commitment of marriage.
- Be honest with God about chronic illness
Jesus walked this earth as the Man of Sorrows, and He is very acquainted with your suffering. So don’t put up your “good Christian” face for God. You don’t have to have it all together with Him.
- God’s promises are a firm foundation
Do you want to hear directly from God? There’s no better place to turn than the Bible, the only book that displays His actual words to us. Dig deep into Scripture and take refuge in His promises. They will prove to be your anchor during these hard times.
- Prayer and praise through it all
You may feel helpless, imprisoned, and even abandoned by God as you trudge through the seemingly endless pain of chronic illness. But God has not forgotten you. Reach out to Him with praise and prayer — He will be there. He is for you.
- Healing from chronic illness
You may be unable to see the evidence of this truth in your difficult circumstances, but God is the the author of redemption. He loves redeeming people and situations. So trust Him — no matter what happens, He’s working it out for good.
The Wide Reach of Chronic Illness
“How much longer will this keep going? Why is this happening to us?”
These questions remained unanswered for Brent and Monica for a long time. Appointments with a variety of doctors, an array of medical suggestions, and the constant pursuit of that next thing that might finally work characterized the early years of their marriage. Would Monica ever be truly well? Would chronic illness always overshadow our relationship?
Have you experienced similar challenges?
Sadly, this is not an uncommon story. According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), “six out of ten adults in the United States have a chronic disease, and four out of ten adults have two or more.” Those living with chronic illness are “leading drivers of the nation’s $4.1 trillion in annual health care costs.”
The CDC broadly defines chronic illness as a condition that lasts one year or more. Requiring ongoing medical attention, the condition often limits activities of daily living. And sometimes, people don’t even know what the condition even is for years.
Chronic Illness in Our Marriage
Monica had endured 11 years of pain, treatments, triumphs, setbacks, and diagnosis after diagnosis by the time Brent proposed.
As her childhood friend, Brent had watched Monica battle chronic illness for years, and was amazed at her continued sweet spirit and positive attitude. Yet Monica wondered if Brent would still love her if she couldn’t be everything she had always dreamed of being as a wife.
What impact would being bedridden for weeks or sometimes months have on our brand-new marriage? Monica shared her fears with Brent about him being married to a chronically ill spouse and having to be a caregiver for his wife.
But Brent assured his bride-to-be, “Monica, that’s not your burden to carry. That’s God’s burden to carry and His responsibility to give me whatever I need. I just want to love you well.”
After they married, Monica’s unpredictable condition worsened. There were plenty of tough times during their first five years — Monica had seasons of extreme weariness and acute pain. And life looked bleak when Monica’s condition continued to decline to the point where she had to use a wheelchair for mobility.
But God reached through and brought healing.
Looking back, they can truly say God was faithful every step of the way. He taught them so many things about Him that helped get them through.
Today, Monica glows when customers at work ask how she is feeling. She is able to share that not long ago she was unable to walk, but God healed her! She is so grateful to be able to be on her feet all day helping customers find faith-building resources at the Focus on the Family affiliated Family Central bookstore in Michigan.
For those like Brent and Monica whose love and marriage is impacted with chronic illness, here are some practices that proved helpful for them:
Be Honest with God About Chronic Illness
In the Psalms, David is honest with God about what he’s going through. They found freedom in lament, that prayer in pain that turns to trust. Psalm 62:8 says, “Pour out your heart before Him.” They learned, like David, to prayerfully be raw and honest with God.
Reading the book Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop helped them understand the Biblical concept of lament which gave them a language for this deep pain. They didn’t have to be fake with God to be a good Christian. He knows our pain.
A relevant quote that really touched Monica came from L.B. Cowman’s Streams in the Desert,
Growing Your Marriage in Times of Stress
In this two-part broadcast, listen as counselors Milan and Kay Yerkovich discuss common responses to stress and how they can lead to unhealthy attachment styles. Learn powerul insight for cultivating healthy ways of dealing with stress as a means of strengthening your marriage.Take me to Part One
Listen for the Voice of God
Throughout Brent and Monica’s journey, God has been faithful to encourage them through verses from His Word. He gave them promises from Scripture to spur them on exactly when they needed hope. Sometimes they held onto the verses for a day, other times they hung on much longer.
Nehemiah 8:10 is a promise that says the joy of the Lord is your strength. And Psalm 107:20 also encouraged them with the reminder, “He sent out His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction.” God’s Word brought deliverance, healing, and love to the Israelites in the Old Testament and to us today in marriages riddled with chronic illness.
Though they continued to seek God for healing, Monica experienced a frightening medical episode that triggered the most difficult health season they had faced. Despite all their efforts and prayers, nothing seemed to help.
One afternoon Brent brought Monica to a park. As they enjoyed the sunshine and meditated on Scripture, Monica spoke to God about her fears and burdens. Then, Monica glanced up and saw a beautiful eagle fly over, bringing to mind God’s promise in Isaiah 40:31, “they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles…” Monica had that verse embroidered on a backpack.
So they learned to get alone and listen to God. Finding specific promises and verses to pray over, study, meditate on, and lean into proved life-changing and life-sustaining. Now, they often ask Him to speak to them individually and as a couple.
Prayer through Chronic Illness Leads to Trust
Over and over again, Monica related to the woman with the flow of blood in Luke 8:43-48. Had that woman so long ago experienced her darkest day just before she received healing? Her story encouraged expectancy of what our miracle-working God could and would do. On her hardest days, Monica wondered, could this be my day before? Could this be what she felt like the day before her body was made well and whole?
During one particularly discouraging season, Brent took several days to seek the Lord. God answered Brent’s need to hear from Him by impressing on his heart the words, “Help is on the way.”
Isaiah 53:4-5 reassures, “Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was pierced for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His wounds we are healed.”
The Lord sat with them in their pain, heartache, and disappointment. He loved them through their cries of pain from this chronic illness. He invited them to pour out their hearts to Him — their tears, grief, and questions. In those vulnerable moments, He gave them a deeper trust.
Praise God Even Now
At the beginning of 2020, Brent and Monica read in Malachi 4:2, “the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings.” But then they spent time in the Emergency Room. Monica needed a wheelchair to get most places. Brent felt overwhelmed with his responsibilities tied to being married to a chronically ill spouse. They were in the pits of exhaustion and despair.
However, God hadn’t forgotten them. His love was still present in their struggles with chronic illness. He sent them encouragement through an online interview.
“Remember, God is for us,” the speaker said.
Even when things seem the most difficult, God is still our loving father, working on behalf of His kids. Romans 8:31 says, “If God is for us, who can be against us?”
The story of Paul and Silas imprisoned in Acts 16 challenged Brent and Monica to praise God in order to ease their overwhelming weariness and discouragement. Monica felt imprisoned by her wheelchair. But on the days they listened to worship music and praised God, even when they didn’t feel like it, the darkness that shadowed their souls lifted and joy came.
Monica compiled a selection of praise songs into her own victory playlist. She played it over and over, allowing it to soak into her soul. Monica also wrote inspiring quotes into her journal out of hope and worship. One of these quotes featured Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth’s observation, “It continues to ring deep and true in my heart: He is so very faithful, friends. Trust Him. He will never ever fail you.”
Healing From Chronic Illness
Late that same year, God healed Monica.
Brent and Monica then understood why God had given them Malachi 4:2. When God gives a verse or promise, they learned to keep faith in God and his Word regardless of circumstances. Even when promises don’t make sense right away, we can keep believing.
For Monica’s healing, the glory belongs to God. Brent and Monica are deeply grateful for the tremendous doctors and therapists who have helped her on this journey, and for God’s miraculous touch of healing.
More than half the population is familiar with the challenges of chronic illness or being married to a chronically ill spouse. Many are hoping and praying for healing. There were years when Brent and Monica’s miracle was simply that God was their strength in and through rugged days, months, and years.
Despite and during chronic illness in marriage, as Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth said, “we can cling to Him in faith and watch as our lives get swept up in His goodness and His greatness and His grand redemption story of which we are a little part.”
The post Love and Trust through Chronic Illness in Marriage appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...