Lying to yourself

[humble soul]

We are commanded not to tell lies. Usually we think that means not telling lies to others.
But how about to oneself? Sometimes we are not aware we are lying to ourselves. Then it is more self deception.
How have I lied to myself?
I think I lied to myself when a teacher to kids. I told myself that I had to toughen up and ignore that the problem was in me. I needed to admit that I wasn't coping. That anxiety was taking over like a cancer. That my phobias controlled me.
I was too young. I didn't have the self aware ness. When you are young, you tell yourself lies in order to appear normal or "cool" even. "Nothing wrong with me sir. I'm sane."
Well no I wasn't sane. I was abnormal and others could see it. I refused to see it.

 

[humble soul]

Smoking. There's another lie. I smoked for 20 years. " Nah. It won't hurt me. It's harmless. Lots of people smoke anyway. We all gonna die sooner or later. It keeps me thin too."

 

[humble soul]

In my decadent phase I was lying to myself, which is really like lying to God, except I kind of ignored him at the time. " Drink and be merry because tomorrow we may die!"
Or
" You are only young once. Make the most of it. Once you are old, you can be boring then"
Or
"The meaning of life is fun, fun, fun. Sensualists have the most fun and laugh the loudest!"