Mad at "HIM"

[ladyemily]

Okay, I obviously believe in GOd and Heaven and everything. But here is the problem that I have been feeling guilty about.....I used to pray EVERY night before I fell asleep. Last year my stepbrother got into a really bad accident. He was in the hostpital for 3 days. The doctors said he was fighting and it was a hard fight. I prayed SOOOOO hard and sooo much (like every 10 minutes) and when he died I just got so mad and angry and stopped praying beucase I was just so angry. : I know that this sounds like I am a terrible person, but I just need advise without getting "yelled" at. Thanks

 

[Scott]

I wrote a post along those lines to someone else recently.

....have you considered the fact that this all may be happening as a test to your faith? Have you put limits on how far you are willing to go should He ask? Have you given God an ultimatum, you'll believe only if He will do this or that for you? Are people and possessions of this world a higher priority to you than God?

These are tough questions and its hard to let go of things we should entrust in His care. Its even harder when those things we aren't willing to let go of are taken from us seemingly for no reason. These are the events in our lives that define us. Do we walk away from God in anger and let spite define our attitude towards Him? Or do we continue to submit to His will in the hardest times of our lives when it seems He is taking everything from us?

 

[Khristeeanos]

Look at what happened to Job in the Bible.

He had everything a man could want, riches, family, etc...

And it was all taken away from him. All of his children died and all of his riches was taken away and then he was cursed with painful sores all over his body.


Why did it happen?


Because he was spiritually proud. His initial response was "the LORD gives and the LORD takes away, blessed is the name of the LORD."

 

[stovebolts]

While I don't know you or the circumstances, I can say that I understand your frustration and anger as I too have experienced what you are describing.

It took me a few years to get over being angry with God and to stop blaming Him for the sins that I committed. Yes, although I didn't realize that I was sinning, I was still held accountable for my sins...Just like David when he prayed and fasted, yet God still took his son born of Bethsheba. (except David knew he sinned).

I'm not saying that you sinned in this matter, but it shows how the sin of others effects those around them.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Continue to trust, obey and hold true to your faith and God's commandments and may God lead you to resolution through His son Jesus Christ. Amen

 

[PDoug]

Okay, I obviously believe in GOd and Heaven and everything. But here is the problem that I have been feeling guilty about.....I used to pray EVERY night before I fell asleep. Last year my stepbrother got into a really bad accident. He was in the hostpital for 3 days. The doctors said he was fighting and it was a hard fight. I prayed SOOOOO hard and sooo much (like every 10 minutes) and when he died I just got so mad and angry and stopped praying beucase I was just so angry. : I know that this sounds like I am a terrible person, but I just need advise without getting "yelled" at. Thanks

Please read this message. Please read in particular the links at the bottom of the message - including this link. Every evil passion and thought, technically belongs to your sinful nature (Galatians 5:24), which compels you to sin (Romans 7:18-25). The only way you can overcome them is to have faith correctly. When you have faith correctly, the Holy Spirit takes control of your actions more and more, and ensures that you do not sin (Romans 8:9). Remember also, as long as you have faith correctly, you will be deemed by God as being sinless (Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 3:28, Romans 4:1-8, 1 John 3:9).

 

[Nocturnal_Principal_X]

I know that this sounds like I am a terrible person, but I just need advise without getting "yelled" at. Thanks

Being at angry and God does not make you a terrible person…it makes you human. Anger is not an evil or sinful thing in and of itself; however, when it is uncontrolled then it is sinful. In any event your reaction to your stepbrother’s death is quite normal. The important thing to do know is to try and talk to God again and to talk about with Him the anger you are feeling. Whatever you do don’t let it bottle up.

I am sorry for you lose and I will be pray for you and your family. To so extent I can relate to what you are going through because back in 2001 I lost my mother. If you feel the need to talk feel free to e-mail me at chris_booth7@hotmail.com.

 

[Solo]

Ladyemily,
Anger is part of the grief process that each of us go through during a time of loss. Each step of the grief process should be allowed to happen as straight forward as is possible. When the crying comes without warning cry, when the sorrow overwhelms you grief, when you go through life speak of the times with your stepbrother and keep his memory alive day by day. When you get angry, direct your anger in the proper way. The Bible says be ye angry and sin not. When you are angry and your anger is directed at God, explain to God the pain, the hurt, ask him why.

My oldest son was killed in an automobile accident on his way to work one afternoon from high school. He was going to senior prom the next weekend, and would graduate in a months time. I never saw him alive again. He was the most honorable son a father could have. I asked God, if the commandment that said to honor your father and mother and long would your days be in the land that God give you. I said to God that no one honored their father and mother any more than my Zachariah did, and yet he only lived 18 years on this earth. A couple of days later God led me to read in Revelation 21:

1 And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea. 2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. 4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. 5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. 6 And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely. 7 He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son. Revelation 21:1-7

God is in control and will not give us any more than we can bare. He has offered us his yoke as he pulls it, and we are to believe and trust his ways and understanding above our own, no matter how difficult that it can be. And when we fall down, he is there to pick us right back up.

5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

 

[Relic]

I too experienced the death of a loved one. In 1998 my fiance died of a brain aneurism. I grieved for two years. To this day I still have a variety of thoughts that creep in. But if it weren't for the Holy Scriptures, I would not have such recuperative strength. I find my strength in the Holy Word. Jesus even relied on the Written word when he was in the Garden of Gethsemane. Find scriptures that are relevant to what you are feeling. Topical studies are good for that. If it weren't for the refuge of Christ, I don't know how I would have gotten over that depression that followed. But with persistence, I overcame. Jesus teaches us how to resist those thoughts that come to rob us of being close to him, He teaches us how to overcome. Never give up, no matter how mad you get. There is a way to overcome that anger. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. You must believe. If you don't believe, you won't have any firm foundation from which to go forward. I saturated my mind with pertinent scripture. It made me stronger in resisting the negative thoughts that came to destroy my strength. Give it time.


We each process in different ways.

There is some good advice from everyone here.


Bless you, and all the best to you.

.

 

[SputnikBoy]

Nice post, Noctural. The same for the posts of Solo and Relic who I don't always see eye to eye with. Such tragedies, such strengths.

 

[lovely]

Dear ladyemily,

I am sorry for your loss. I will keep you, and your family in my prayers.

As far as the anger you are feeling, I know that God understands why you feel this way. December 14 was two years since my husband died. I felt so angry back then. I myself was suffering with a shattered heart, but I was angry on behalf of my children. They were so young (2, 4, 6), and they lost their daddy. A good dad, one who was leading them to Christ with his life...why? Why not take someone who abuses his children? Tears of anger stung my eyes on so many occasions.

I realized, as time went on, that my husband was no more deserving of his life than anyone else...he was so blessed to have the mercy of God is his life, and to have had such a blessed life, but it was all a gift of God's grace only. My children, along with myself, have had the comfort of the Lord in our lives, and the drawing nearer to Him that only He can do. What a blessing in our suffering, what joy. I asked Him to help me trust Him no matter what emotions I felt, and He was faithful to do that...He is faithful to do that. When I am withering in pain of heartbreak alone at night...God is there comforting me, growing me, loving me.

On a practical level, pray, even when you do not feel like it. Tell Him how you feel, He cares. honor your brother's death by writing down your memories of him. Writing down the gifts he gave to you in your relationship with him...laughter, encouragement, etc. Thanking God for the precious time you had with him. Write down how you are feeling as you go through your grief.

I had so many people tell me they wished they could take my pain away...it is a nice sentiment, but they could never do it. Now, I know that I would not even want them to. It was my love, my wonderful husband that died, and I know the depths of that blessed love is also the depths of my grief in his loss. It is mine to suffer, to go through, to be comforted in.

My grief has been waves that come and wash over...some big, some so big they engulf me for long periods, and others small and rapid. I cling to my Rock while those waves crash over me, and trust Him that He has said it is only for a season, and it will not drown me if I cling to Him through it. There are no words of comfort in your worst moments, emily. Actually, the things people say to comfort can even seem trite. God is not trite, though, and in those most painful moments He knows the depth of pain, and He desires to draw you nearer to Him.

The Lord bless you and comfort you.

 

[rover]

aww thats so sad

Yeah i understand how you feel, i would be a bit angry at Him as well if i was in your situation. But dont worry!! Just be glad that your brother is with Christ now, free from all pain and with a renewed body :D And im sure God wouldnt have taken him if it wasnt the right time...just trust that God knows what he is doing.

 

[going4god]

I wrote a post along those lines to someone else recently.

....have you considered the fact that this all may be happening as a test to your faith? Have you put limits on how far you are willing to go should He ask? Have you given God an ultimatum, you'll believe only if He will do this or that for you? Are people and possessions of this world a higher priority to you than God?

These are tough questions and its hard to let go of things we should entrust in His care. Its even harder when those things we aren't willing to let go of are taken from us seemingly for no reason. These are the events in our lives that define us. Do we walk away from God in anger and let spite define our attitude towards Him? Or do we continue to submit to His will in the hardest times of our lives when it seems He is taking everything from us?

I agree with this exactly! you need to trust God. I've had some VERY hard things happen to me in my past and alot of people have had to help me thorough it and thats why I'm here. to help you in any way i can. the main thing that kept me going is the people reminded me often (maybe even too much!!) that everything happens for a reason.....the Bible says so. like scott said, this could be to test your faith in Him.....only God knows. if you need any help with aqnything pm me and i will help in any way I can hope what i said helped

 

[D46]

ladyemily-There are many good testimonies here and although we don't always know God's motives for doing what He does at perhaps what we conceive to be inopertune times, still He is soverign and knows best for those that love him. Not to imply we will always accept or like in any way the ultimate decisions of God, still, we must trust in his decisions.

Case in point was the untimely death of my mother in November of 2002. There was no reason why she should have died when/how she did. Although no spring chicken and up in years, yet she was pretty healthy considering her years.

As I live 260 miles away from what little family I have left, I received a call that she was in the hospital and the doctor(s) weren't giving her any hope of recuperating from a series of strokes. When I arrived, she was in a comatose state and did not open her eyes from the time I got there until she passed away at 5:08 the next morning. Still, I believe she heard my voice and felt my presence from the teardrop I saw. She never spoke or acknowledged my presence but I know she knew I was there. My sister told me she had her over at her house that night before and that they were going shopping the next morning. My Mom couldn't get up from her bed and was talking slurred. My sister took her to the hospital immediately. On the way, she told me that my Mom told her, "I think I've messed up." She was on blood pressure medication and only took it when she felt like taking it. Being a retired nurse, she should have known better. At any rate, she slipped into a coma some hours later and never gained consciousness again.

During the night, I sat by her bed holding her hand and talking with her. At approximately 4:55am, she began to display that dreaded "death rattle" and I couldn't take it as it got louder. I went down the hallway and got a nurse to see if something couldn't be done and even though she obliged me by suctioning her lungs, she knew the time was short. I was asked if there were any other family memebers there to which I replied, yes. This nurse told me I'd best be finding them as the time was short. I tried to get my sister and two brother awake and then went back to her room. I sat there holding her hand and watched as life slowly ebbed away from her. Suddenly, she breathed one final breath in and then out...and that was it. She had slipped into eternity as I held her hand. This is hard to write even now.

Did I blame God for her untimely demise? Did I blame the neurosurgeon for his bad news and why he couldn't do something about her 105 degree temperature? No-rather as she watched the life enter me when I was born, so I watched the breath of life leave her that Thursday morning at 5:05am. I began to praise God right before those two nurses in her room and thank him verbally for taking her as gently as he had. It could have been much worse. My mom lived alone for nine years after my Dad passing away in a neighborhood that had gone downhill over the years. I use to fear for her safety, as she lived alone, and many times would cross the street to go see a neighbor, not knowing if she could move fast enough to escape the cars coming down the road. She could have been beaten to death by someone breaking in her house or murdered in some way that would have been hard for me to live with. Instead, God took her in a most calm and peaceful way and I thank him and praise Him for his love toward her in taking her to Glory in the manner he chose. While I wasn't ready for all that, still I love the Lord for his tender mercies in the life of my Mom.

So, although it seems difficult to praise God for the death of a loved one, we just don't know what may have awaited them down the road...next week or even the next day. I remain thankful although much of me left when she did. Praising the Lord in the good times is easy. I think we find out what we're made of in the bad times.