- Dec 20, 2019
- 3,600
- 108
Estimated reading time: 10 minutes
To arrange time with dad, it’s easy to enter the world of a young child. As a dad, all you have to say is, “Hey there, kiddo. What’s up?”
Better yet, you can offer to do something together – read a story or show how to use a few tools in the garage. Promise your kid a dash of your attention, and he’ll pretty much drop everything to spend time with you.
But that all starts to change sometime in middle school. Sure, kids still want to be with Dad, but they’re also building protective walls and figuring out how to make their own decisions. That’s all a part of growing up, but it can make entering your child’s world a little trickier, requiring some cunning and resourcefulness.
Because borders are being drawn around certain areas of your child’s life – the classroom, the practice field, the youth group or just that off-limits zone your child sets up wearing headphones – you may need a creative reason to interrupt your child’s self-absorbed world. Here are a few possible strategies for interrupting your son’s or daughter’s privacy – without seeming like an interruption:
Asking a young person’s opinion can be both surprising and empowering. Together with your child, brainstorm gift ideas for Mom or plans for Grandpa’s big birthday celebration. Take your child along when you shop for new patio chairs, discussing features, styles, and prices together. Let her help design a flyer for the neighborhood block party. If you’re raising high-tech whiz kids, respect their growing knowledge during time with dad by seeking input on iPhone apps or asking them to help with family computing tasks.
Initially, your child may not be thrilled that you signed up for a chaperone assignment, church event or fundraiser for his sports team. But if you keep to the task at hand (and try not to embarrass him), your child will be glad to see you involved in his life. One tip: Give your kid some time to process your participation at the big Christmas party or weekend retreat, letting him know ahead of time about your plans and the extent of your involvement.
Most of the time, being frugal is the best choice for a dad. Kids need to see a model of good stewardship, and they need to understand that, despite what other families do, they don’t always need the newest and the shiniest. But once in a while, you need to get your kids’ attention by splurging.
Imagine yourself saying the following: “Banana splits for everyone!” “Hey, when that movie based on your favorite book comes out, let’s take your friends to see the midnight showing.” “Sunday afternoon, we’re all going on a hot-air-balloon ride!” “Don’t know what got into me, but I just bought a discount pass for horseback riding!”
I’m betting you already do bedtime and mealtime prayers with your kids, trying to model a reliance on God’s will and plan for your life. But I urge you to try something a bit less repetitive, and a bit more inspired: some unannounced prayer with your child. Knock on her door, and ask if you can come in and pray. And then pray big. Pray together for your family, your wife, stresses you might have, a neighbor or your community. During this deep time with dad finish with a prayer for your child, who is sitting there with you.
As time passes, a dad’s relationships with children often will come full circle. Your child will eventually be at a place where he can openly ask for your wisdom and advice regarding the weighty and trivial issues facing young adults.
But in the meantime, you have some years ahead of you in which you’ll need to step up and initiate those relationship-building opportunities – even if it means interrupting your child’s world.
—Jay Payleitner
Spending one-on-one time with each of my three kids is one of the best things I’ve done as a parent. I’ve been doing this for a few years now, and my kids look forward to our time together with an excitement rivaled only by Christmas morning. Over the years, I’ve found a few ways to make this work for my family.
I give my children different options, having them pick from activities that fit our time, schedule, and finances. When money is tight, they can choose from no-cost and low-cost things like visiting parks, hikes, or going for ice cream. When we can afford it, we might use our time with dad to go to an event that fits my children’s interests. Recently I took my daughter to one of Chick-fil-A’s daddy/daughter date nights. It was a themed event, and we rode in a limousine together.
I try to spend this individual time with my children once a month. It’s not enough to just do these activities, though. After my children have made their choice, I let them know it’s their turn about a week before the event. Part of the fun of a special activity is the anticipation.
On our date, I try to keep the conversation focused on topics that relate to the individual child. This dedicated conversation time gives me a deeper connection with each child.
On the days following our activity, I mention what we did a few times. Bringing up things that we talked about, looking at the photos that we took and asking questions such as “What was your favorite part?” helps us savor the memory.
—Tim Parsons
I have five tax deductions, all boys. They are currently ages 9, 12, 13, 16 and 19. I still can’t believe I have a 19-year-old. If any of you need the right answer to a question, just ask him. He knows everything!
I once called my mom and shared with her how my son not only thinks he’s right all the time, but also tells me how I’m wrong all the time.
She replied, “You were exactly the same way at that age.”
I said, “What? Wrong again!”
Anyway, I have an amazing wife. Marrying Sarah was the best decision she’s ever made for me. Last week, she left for a three-day missions trip. I forget the name of the destination, but it had the word “spa” in it, so I’m not really certain what Sarah is working on. In the meantime, I’m at home with our five noisemakers.
How’s it going? Well, I’ll just say that the first night saw me taking the living room curtains out to the trash, and things haven’t improved much since. By the way, don’t ever let your 16-year-old spin around the room on one of those toy hoverboards while holding a bowl of Beef-A-Roni. You may lose a nice curtain, and perhaps a couch cushion if its already been flipped over from the last time you were in charge.
Anyway, as I got to the trash can, I met a neighbor who’d just become a dad. He was walking around the neighborhood aimlessly. We’re good friends so I said hello to him.
He said, “Hey Jim.”
“It’s Bob,” I replied.
Okay, so we’re not great friends.
This new dad asked me how I handle five kids. He was shocked by all the crying, eating, pooping and spitting up. I asked if the baby did any of that stuff, too. He just glared.
“The smell, Bob!” he cried. “How do you get that smell out of the house?”
With five boys, I’ve had some experience getting smells out of the house. And that night out by my trash can got me thinking. Over the two decades of my parenting experience, I’ve been piling up plenty of wisdom and survival tactics. It’s time I pass on some tips for you new dads out there.
When babies first arrive, they are not pink and cuddly looking. They are goopy! Be prepared. My first son looked like a Veggie Tale character dipped in motor oil. Whatever you do, do not yell “It’s a . . . its a grub worm!” This is especially true if you’re recording the birth. The line will come back to haunt you at parties.
Babies bring with them smells, messes and noise. Be prepared for it all. Get plenty of sleep before the big day and invest in a sturdy trash can. You’ll be using it a lot.
Every parent seems to want to get their baby to be mobile as quick as possible — and then regrets it right away. Be patient. Don’t teach your little ones to crawl or walk too early.
It really is a blessing to set a kid down for a moment and know he’ll stay put. The second he starts crawling, the real parenting begins. So don’t rush to the next stage. Enjoy each stage of parenting, because they all have their own greatness.
There will soon come a time when your baby cries at 2:38 a.m. We had the rule that the first parent awake has to go check to make sure things are OK. Start snoring now, or learn to fake it, so when that magic call of the night comes, you’ll be convincing enough to persuade your better half to get out of bed.
No, not really. It’s better to talk with your wife and assign certain jobs — and nights for those jobs — to make those challenging parenting moments easier. Come up with a game plan based on your strengths and weaknesses. And be ready to improvise when the plans go awry. They will go awry.
Babies, toddlers and young boys have the capacity to mess up every blanket, diaper, church outfit and delicate household item within a 30 foot radius. You will constantly be washing something. I was once holding my son Zander with one arm while putting clean clothes into a drawer with the other. He turned and puked into the drawer. In bowling terms, he got a turkey.
Babies and toddlers have about as much control of their bodies as I do with an Xbox controller. Stock up on patience, love and laundry detergent, knowing that messes will happen but are easily cleaned up.
As your kids grow, nutrition is very important. When Mom is away on her missions trip and I’m in charge, it only takes three dinners of hot dogs before my boys start to complain. Have a plan in place when it’s time to switch it up. “Thursday Corn Dog Nights” have become a favorite in the Smiley household. And of course there’s the great blessing known as the Domino’s Pizza app. Don’t neglect the gifts God has given you.
I’ve discovered that having a week of meals planned out ahead of time removes a lot of the dinnertime stress. Create a little meal calendar, remembering the basics of healthy choices, and then write up a list and go shopping. It’s good to have a few backup meals in mind, too.
Good parenting means gradually preparing kids for the day they leave home for good. I’ve taught all my boys how to wash clothes and clean the dishes. And they can do it all at once since we have a large swimming pool.
I got this tip from my parents, who understood their job was to work themselves out of a job. When I got to college, I knew how to take care of myself. I knew what to eat, how to do laundry, change the oil in my car and many other basic life skills. What a blessing that was. After two months at college, I recognized that my parents had raised me right, and I would’ve thanked them if they would’ve told me where they moved after I left.
Give your children age-appropriate chores as they grow. Your goal is to make them independent, not dependent on you.
Spend time with your kids. That’s what they really want. Play with them and make memories. We play kickball or baseball in our yard after school with neighborhood kids. Sadly, I’m the only adult out there. I watch other dads get home from their real jobs. They wave but never come over to play. So when I’m fetching our baseball, I’ll crawl through the window and over the broken glass, find the ball and then invite that dad to join us. (I won’t repeat their responses here.)
Spend time with your kids. Enjoy journeying through life with them, and you’ll pick up everything else along the way.
Now if you will excuse me, the hot dogs are ready.
Bob Smiley is a comedian, author and speaker.
The post Make the Most of Time With Dad appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
To arrange time with dad, it’s easy to enter the world of a young child. As a dad, all you have to say is, “Hey there, kiddo. What’s up?”
Better yet, you can offer to do something together – read a story or show how to use a few tools in the garage. Promise your kid a dash of your attention, and he’ll pretty much drop everything to spend time with you.
But that all starts to change sometime in middle school. Sure, kids still want to be with Dad, but they’re also building protective walls and figuring out how to make their own decisions. That’s all a part of growing up, but it can make entering your child’s world a little trickier, requiring some cunning and resourcefulness.
Because borders are being drawn around certain areas of your child’s life – the classroom, the practice field, the youth group or just that off-limits zone your child sets up wearing headphones – you may need a creative reason to interrupt your child’s self-absorbed world. Here are a few possible strategies for interrupting your son’s or daughter’s privacy – without seeming like an interruption:
Give yourself a mutual mission
Asking a young person’s opinion can be both surprising and empowering. Together with your child, brainstorm gift ideas for Mom or plans for Grandpa’s big birthday celebration. Take your child along when you shop for new patio chairs, discussing features, styles, and prices together. Let her help design a flyer for the neighborhood block party. If you’re raising high-tech whiz kids, respect their growing knowledge during time with dad by seeking input on iPhone apps or asking them to help with family computing tasks.
Volunteer at an event
Initially, your child may not be thrilled that you signed up for a chaperone assignment, church event or fundraiser for his sports team. But if you keep to the task at hand (and try not to embarrass him), your child will be glad to see you involved in his life. One tip: Give your kid some time to process your participation at the big Christmas party or weekend retreat, letting him know ahead of time about your plans and the extent of your involvement.
Get their attention
Most of the time, being frugal is the best choice for a dad. Kids need to see a model of good stewardship, and they need to understand that, despite what other families do, they don’t always need the newest and the shiniest. But once in a while, you need to get your kids’ attention by splurging.
Imagine yourself saying the following: “Banana splits for everyone!” “Hey, when that movie based on your favorite book comes out, let’s take your friends to see the midnight showing.” “Sunday afternoon, we’re all going on a hot-air-balloon ride!” “Don’t know what got into me, but I just bought a discount pass for horseback riding!”
Knock and pray
I’m betting you already do bedtime and mealtime prayers with your kids, trying to model a reliance on God’s will and plan for your life. But I urge you to try something a bit less repetitive, and a bit more inspired: some unannounced prayer with your child. Knock on her door, and ask if you can come in and pray. And then pray big. Pray together for your family, your wife, stresses you might have, a neighbor or your community. During this deep time with dad finish with a prayer for your child, who is sitting there with you.
As time passes, a dad’s relationships with children often will come full circle. Your child will eventually be at a place where he can openly ask for your wisdom and advice regarding the weighty and trivial issues facing young adults.
But in the meantime, you have some years ahead of you in which you’ll need to step up and initiate those relationship-building opportunities – even if it means interrupting your child’s world.
—Jay Payleitner
One-on-one time
Spending one-on-one time with each of my three kids is one of the best things I’ve done as a parent. I’ve been doing this for a few years now, and my kids look forward to our time together with an excitement rivaled only by Christmas morning. Over the years, I’ve found a few ways to make this work for my family.
Before time with dad
I give my children different options, having them pick from activities that fit our time, schedule, and finances. When money is tight, they can choose from no-cost and low-cost things like visiting parks, hikes, or going for ice cream. When we can afford it, we might use our time with dad to go to an event that fits my children’s interests. Recently I took my daughter to one of Chick-fil-A’s daddy/daughter date nights. It was a themed event, and we rode in a limousine together.
I try to spend this individual time with my children once a month. It’s not enough to just do these activities, though. After my children have made their choice, I let them know it’s their turn about a week before the event. Part of the fun of a special activity is the anticipation.
During an activity
On our date, I try to keep the conversation focused on topics that relate to the individual child. This dedicated conversation time gives me a deeper connection with each child.
After our time with dad
On the days following our activity, I mention what we did a few times. Bringing up things that we talked about, looking at the photos that we took and asking questions such as “What was your favorite part?” helps us savor the memory.
—Tim Parsons
Ways you can become a better dad
I have five tax deductions, all boys. They are currently ages 9, 12, 13, 16 and 19. I still can’t believe I have a 19-year-old. If any of you need the right answer to a question, just ask him. He knows everything!
I once called my mom and shared with her how my son not only thinks he’s right all the time, but also tells me how I’m wrong all the time.
She replied, “You were exactly the same way at that age.”
I said, “What? Wrong again!”
Anyway, I have an amazing wife. Marrying Sarah was the best decision she’s ever made for me. Last week, she left for a three-day missions trip. I forget the name of the destination, but it had the word “spa” in it, so I’m not really certain what Sarah is working on. In the meantime, I’m at home with our five noisemakers.
How’s it going? Well, I’ll just say that the first night saw me taking the living room curtains out to the trash, and things haven’t improved much since. By the way, don’t ever let your 16-year-old spin around the room on one of those toy hoverboards while holding a bowl of Beef-A-Roni. You may lose a nice curtain, and perhaps a couch cushion if its already been flipped over from the last time you were in charge.
Anyway, as I got to the trash can, I met a neighbor who’d just become a dad. He was walking around the neighborhood aimlessly. We’re good friends so I said hello to him.
He said, “Hey Jim.”
“It’s Bob,” I replied.
Okay, so we’re not great friends.
This new dad asked me how I handle five kids. He was shocked by all the crying, eating, pooping and spitting up. I asked if the baby did any of that stuff, too. He just glared.
“The smell, Bob!” he cried. “How do you get that smell out of the house?”
With five boys, I’ve had some experience getting smells out of the house. And that night out by my trash can got me thinking. Over the two decades of my parenting experience, I’ve been piling up plenty of wisdom and survival tactics. It’s time I pass on some tips for you new dads out there.
Keep expectations realistic
When babies first arrive, they are not pink and cuddly looking. They are goopy! Be prepared. My first son looked like a Veggie Tale character dipped in motor oil. Whatever you do, do not yell “It’s a . . . its a grub worm!” This is especially true if you’re recording the birth. The line will come back to haunt you at parties.
Babies bring with them smells, messes and noise. Be prepared for it all. Get plenty of sleep before the big day and invest in a sturdy trash can. You’ll be using it a lot.
Don’t rush mobility
Every parent seems to want to get their baby to be mobile as quick as possible — and then regrets it right away. Be patient. Don’t teach your little ones to crawl or walk too early.
It really is a blessing to set a kid down for a moment and know he’ll stay put. The second he starts crawling, the real parenting begins. So don’t rush to the next stage. Enjoy each stage of parenting, because they all have their own greatness.
Start snoring
There will soon come a time when your baby cries at 2:38 a.m. We had the rule that the first parent awake has to go check to make sure things are OK. Start snoring now, or learn to fake it, so when that magic call of the night comes, you’ll be convincing enough to persuade your better half to get out of bed.
No, not really. It’s better to talk with your wife and assign certain jobs — and nights for those jobs — to make those challenging parenting moments easier. Come up with a game plan based on your strengths and weaknesses. And be ready to improvise when the plans go awry. They will go awry.
Buy an extra washing machine
Babies, toddlers and young boys have the capacity to mess up every blanket, diaper, church outfit and delicate household item within a 30 foot radius. You will constantly be washing something. I was once holding my son Zander with one arm while putting clean clothes into a drawer with the other. He turned and puked into the drawer. In bowling terms, he got a turkey.
Babies and toddlers have about as much control of their bodies as I do with an Xbox controller. Stock up on patience, love and laundry detergent, knowing that messes will happen but are easily cleaned up.
Make Dad dinners great again
As your kids grow, nutrition is very important. When Mom is away on her missions trip and I’m in charge, it only takes three dinners of hot dogs before my boys start to complain. Have a plan in place when it’s time to switch it up. “Thursday Corn Dog Nights” have become a favorite in the Smiley household. And of course there’s the great blessing known as the Domino’s Pizza app. Don’t neglect the gifts God has given you.
I’ve discovered that having a week of meals planned out ahead of time removes a lot of the dinnertime stress. Create a little meal calendar, remembering the basics of healthy choices, and then write up a list and go shopping. It’s good to have a few backup meals in mind, too.
Remember your exit strategy
Good parenting means gradually preparing kids for the day they leave home for good. I’ve taught all my boys how to wash clothes and clean the dishes. And they can do it all at once since we have a large swimming pool.
I got this tip from my parents, who understood their job was to work themselves out of a job. When I got to college, I knew how to take care of myself. I knew what to eat, how to do laundry, change the oil in my car and many other basic life skills. What a blessing that was. After two months at college, I recognized that my parents had raised me right, and I would’ve thanked them if they would’ve told me where they moved after I left.
Give your children age-appropriate chores as they grow. Your goal is to make them independent, not dependent on you.
Enjoy the journey
Spend time with your kids. That’s what they really want. Play with them and make memories. We play kickball or baseball in our yard after school with neighborhood kids. Sadly, I’m the only adult out there. I watch other dads get home from their real jobs. They wave but never come over to play. So when I’m fetching our baseball, I’ll crawl through the window and over the broken glass, find the ball and then invite that dad to join us. (I won’t repeat their responses here.)
Spend time with your kids. Enjoy journeying through life with them, and you’ll pick up everything else along the way.
Now if you will excuse me, the hot dogs are ready.
Bob Smiley is a comedian, author and speaker.
The post Make the Most of Time With Dad appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...