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Married 15 years. Wife is a sahm. Need some advice.

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Yakapo77

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We have been married 15 years and she’s a stay at home mom.

Here’s my problem. She is being very irresponsible feeding the kids. We sometimes have dinner at midnight. One of the kids is on a gluten free diet and she will just wait until 4pm to tell me the gluten free child needs something to eat for lunch. Today I baked some bread. That’s what we ate for lunch. I doubt the gluten free child had anything for lunch. It’s after 8pm. Fortunately, I made her breakfast. If we are eating dinner by 10 pm, I’d be happy. The house is a wreck unless I clean it.

What do I do? Sometimes the 3 year old will just fall asleep before dinner.
 
I’ve started smoking two whole chickens once in a while. That way we have meat ready to go. I told my wife we can have cold chicken and salad every day. That way, we don’t have to eat so late. She said she doesn’t like the bones.

I asked her once if “she can be responsible“. She got really upset.
 
I don’t mind that the house is messy. I’ll assume responsibility for cleaning everything. I just wish we could have meals at normal times.

Here’s a few things she does well - she does the laundry and she changes the baby.

edit

its 8:45pm. She’s cooking dinner now. That’s pretty good for us.
 
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I don’t mind that the house is messy. I’ll assume responsibility for cleaning everything. I just wish we could have meals at normal times.

Here’s a few things she does well - she does the laundry and she changes the baby.

edit

its 8:45pm. She’s cooking dinner now. That’s pretty good for us.

Welcome to the community.

I would seek God for wisdom, but in those circumstances there is one thing I would do above all else, and that is make sure I kept the Lord Jesus Christ at the center of my life. You could become overburdened with responsibilities, and if you allow them to usurp the place of God in your life it will all eventually come apart. You need the Lord to sustain you. If you keep Him at the center and ask for His help, I believe He will give it to you.

Without spending some more serious time in prayer myself, that is all I could offer you at the present time.

In Christ Jesus,
Hidden In Him
 
She is being very irresponsible feeding the kids
The house is a wreck unless I clean it.

May I suggest that you take her to see a doctor, the behaviour you describe is not normal, it sounds .I've she is suffering from some form of mental illness.


Does she attend church, take the children to school, go to coffee mornings and toddler groups etc etc etc

Does she have female friends, if the answers are mainly No, get her to a doctor.
 
We have been married 15 years and she’s a stay at home mom.

Here’s my problem. She is being very irresponsible feeding the kids. We sometimes have dinner at midnight. One of the kids is on a gluten free diet and she will just wait until 4pm to tell me the gluten free child needs something to eat for lunch. Today I baked some bread. That’s what we ate for lunch. I doubt the gluten free child had anything for lunch. It’s after 8pm. Fortunately, I made her breakfast. If we are eating dinner by 10 pm, I’d be happy. The house is a wreck unless I clean it.

What do I do? Sometimes the 3 year old will just fall asleep before dinner.
I don't like giving advice and am rather surprised I'm even posting to you.
The thought did come to my mind to ask if she has always been like this or if this is something new.

If she's always been like this, you'll have to put up with it as she also probably puts up with some stuff.

If she just became like this, then I'd say she might be overwhelmed or depressed.
If she's depressed, she'll be overwhelmed even if SHE DOES NOTHING.

Please consider this so that the situation doesn't get worse.
It's not easy raising children and especially special needs children, which one is regarding his diet.
It might be causing a mental block.

Stay close to God because you'll only find strength in Him.
And take care of your wife (as she is also supposed to take care of you).
 
I don’t mind that the house is messy. I’ll assume responsibility for cleaning everything. I just wish we could have meals at normal times.

Here’s a few things she does well - she does the laundry and she changes the baby.

edit

its 8:45pm. She’s cooking dinner now. That’s pretty good for us.
After reading your first three posts, it sounds like, for now, your main concern is meals and/or meal times. Is there some reason you haven't assumed that responsibility at least on occasion? I've been married twice and there is one thing I can assure you. You cannot force another person to change their habits, ways, whatever. You can ask, you can even beg, but in the final analysis you cannot force them to change. If things aren't done the way you prefer, then you might be left with no other choice but to do it yourself.
 
I'm a sahm and have some of the same issues. My issues tend to run because I have depression, anxiety, and adhd. In women it tends to be harder to organize time, the house, sleeping and getting up, everything really. Seeing a doctor would be helpful. I was working with a therapist a few years ago when my mom passed and now I'm back at square one. I just started my meds back up, seeing a new therapist and working on my relationship with Jesus. My husband's been doing everything too so I'm sure your wife probably feels really bad, which might be making her feel worse. It snowballs really quickly.
 
She probably needs help, like a housekeeper to give her a hand. Love her, hug her, pray for her, kiss her, and let her know you are her partner. It should get better once the kids get a school schedule and she can catch up on duties during the day. I pray for her capacity to do it all and most of all love you as her husband. ENcourage her to spend time in a prayer closet to pray and talk to God
 
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