- Dec 20, 2019
- 3,884
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Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
As our world continues to stray from God’s design for sexuality, it’s appropriate to wonder how we’ll convey that good design to our families. Parents often think about having ‘the talk’ with older kids who might be dating or going through puberty. However, as noted previously it is extremely advantageous to talk to kids starting in their youngest years. While this might intimidate you initially, let me encourage that small kids are often an easier audience for discussion.
Younger children don’t carry the shame and embarrassment which older kids have often become accustomed to. This provides ample opportunities for parents to talk with their kids as they grow and engage with their innocent ‘why’ questions sensibly.
In addition, conversations with youth about sex can be driven by the Gospel itself. It is always another chance to tell children that while we are sinners in need of grace, Jesus provides a way to God’s miraculous forgiveness through His sacrifice on the cross. This truth is a beautiful reality for our young people to grow in understanding, not just generally, but as it relates to sex, sexuality, dating, and gender specifically.
As a sex educator as well as a mom, I began these sensitive conversations with my daughter when she was just 2 years old. As some of you hide your surprise, please recall that the ‘sex talk’ is no longer just one talk or even about the actual act of sex.
In fact, the ‘talk’ is a misnomer if you want to have success in this arena. It is actually a conversation in fellowship over the course of their lifetimes. You, as the parent, begin this conversation. You also get to continue it. So, start young. Here are five tips for talking to kids who are 3 to 6 years old about this sensitive but beautiful topic.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalm 139:4). Many of us grow up thinking there is something inherently wrong with our bodies. We are passively taught this by lack of conversation, covering up our bodies, and seeing it as only an object of lust, while not outwardly celebrating God’s good creation.
To counteract that shame, remind your kids regularly that their body is made well and of great value. In fact, God made us to be both body and soul. The body is important and caring for our own body (as well as others) is good because God’s creation is good.
While there are plenty of wonderfully written books to help parents overcome their own shame in regards to using words like penis and vagina, the best way to get started is just to introduce correct words at a young age. Words like weenie, booty, and other slang terms lessen the greatness of all the parts we have.
It makes a mockery of the body when we can’t use proper terms to connect to it. Plus, appropriate language is shown to curb sexual abuse because kids are able to use correct language to report it or even stop it. On that note, let’s head to tip number three.
Whether it’s grandparents or a babysitter, help young kids to understand that their privacy is important (though sometimes they may need some help). This is why we wear swimsuits on the beach and respect another child’s boundary when they don’t want a hug, for example.
Again, the body is important (building on tip 1). We keep our clothes on around others. If we need to change or we’re playing dress up, we go to the bathroom alone to do so. No one should see them naked or ask to see them naked. If a child or adult does this, they need to immediately tell you.
Recently, when a little boy from church exposed himself to my daughter on a playdate, she came home and told us. We chose to cease playdates. I recommend you do the same with any kids your child is uncomfortable with or reports similar issues about.
Even in doctors’ offices, acknowledge with your little one that you will always be present with them. If a medical provider needs to look at their bodies you can also ask if it’s medially necessary, especially as kids age and become more aware of their needed privacy. Many parents feel more comfortable with the same sex pediatrician as their child. Pediatricians should never insist on a child being naked or examining them unless something is wrong.
In my curriculum for 3 to 6 year olds, I use the acronym STOP to help kids understand that if they ever see such an image or video they need to ‘shut their eyes,’ then ‘tell an adult, ‘open your mouth to share what you saw,’ and finally ‘play something else.’
Basically, encourage kids to do something that is fun, healthy, and good for them after this uncomfortable situation. Many children are exposed to explicit material at young ages, yet no parent ever expects their child to see porn. Sadly, this exposure can affect them for years if not discussed in a healthy manner. We must assure even young children that we are a safe space. We won’t yell at them or their friends, but we are simply concerned with their wellbeing. Seeing or taking pictures of naked people is never respectful or kind. If an older child has shown your child explicit content, make sure to talk to the parent. This is especially likely when kids have personal and private access to devices.
One of my biggest professional pet peeves is that families are sometimes known to skirt around a young child’s question, simply because the parent feels the child is not ready for the answer.
For example, if a child asks about Virgin Mary and wants to know what the word virgin means, an inappropriate answer is to say ‘someone who isn’t married’. This is simply not true in our imperfect world. A virgin is someone who has never done a special action to make a baby. A man and woman are needed to make a baby, but in Mary’s case, God allowed her to be pregnant from the miracle of the Holy Spirit. He brought about her pregnancy without a man. It’s ok to say this. Don’t answer kid’s questions with lies.
These 5 practical tips set up organic habits of talking to your kids about their bodies, safety in relationships, seeing the evil in explicit material and honoring the Lord in all of it. We don’t need to live in fear of these talks, as Satan would like us to. We have great power and discernment with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. He will help us even as culture tries to step in and disciple our kids with lies from a young age. Each believer has been made alive and no longer walks with the prince of the power of the air (Ephesians 2: 1-3). I pray that as we disciple our children in the truth, they will walk in the power of the Lord.
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The post How to Talk to 3 to 6 Year Olds About Their Bodies appeared first on Focus on the Family.
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Table of contents
- 1. Affirm their bodies are good.
- 2. Use anatomically correct names for their body parts.
- 3. Tell your child who is allowed to help them in the bathroom or help them change, and who is not.
- 4. Videos and images of someone naked are bad pictures.
- 5. When children ask questions, answer honestly.
As our world continues to stray from God’s design for sexuality, it’s appropriate to wonder how we’ll convey that good design to our families. Parents often think about having ‘the talk’ with older kids who might be dating or going through puberty. However, as noted previously it is extremely advantageous to talk to kids starting in their youngest years. While this might intimidate you initially, let me encourage that small kids are often an easier audience for discussion.
Younger children don’t carry the shame and embarrassment which older kids have often become accustomed to. This provides ample opportunities for parents to talk with their kids as they grow and engage with their innocent ‘why’ questions sensibly.
In addition, conversations with youth about sex can be driven by the Gospel itself. It is always another chance to tell children that while we are sinners in need of grace, Jesus provides a way to God’s miraculous forgiveness through His sacrifice on the cross. This truth is a beautiful reality for our young people to grow in understanding, not just generally, but as it relates to sex, sexuality, dating, and gender specifically.
As a sex educator as well as a mom, I began these sensitive conversations with my daughter when she was just 2 years old. As some of you hide your surprise, please recall that the ‘sex talk’ is no longer just one talk or even about the actual act of sex.
In fact, the ‘talk’ is a misnomer if you want to have success in this arena. It is actually a conversation in fellowship over the course of their lifetimes. You, as the parent, begin this conversation. You also get to continue it. So, start young. Here are five tips for talking to kids who are 3 to 6 years old about this sensitive but beautiful topic.
1. Affirm their bodies are good.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalm 139:4). Many of us grow up thinking there is something inherently wrong with our bodies. We are passively taught this by lack of conversation, covering up our bodies, and seeing it as only an object of lust, while not outwardly celebrating God’s good creation.
To counteract that shame, remind your kids regularly that their body is made well and of great value. In fact, God made us to be both body and soul. The body is important and caring for our own body (as well as others) is good because God’s creation is good.
2. Use anatomically correct names for their body parts.
While there are plenty of wonderfully written books to help parents overcome their own shame in regards to using words like penis and vagina, the best way to get started is just to introduce correct words at a young age. Words like weenie, booty, and other slang terms lessen the greatness of all the parts we have.
It makes a mockery of the body when we can’t use proper terms to connect to it. Plus, appropriate language is shown to curb sexual abuse because kids are able to use correct language to report it or even stop it. On that note, let’s head to tip number three.
3. Tell your child who is allowed to help them in the bathroom or help them change, and who is not.
Whether it’s grandparents or a babysitter, help young kids to understand that their privacy is important (though sometimes they may need some help). This is why we wear swimsuits on the beach and respect another child’s boundary when they don’t want a hug, for example.
Again, the body is important (building on tip 1). We keep our clothes on around others. If we need to change or we’re playing dress up, we go to the bathroom alone to do so. No one should see them naked or ask to see them naked. If a child or adult does this, they need to immediately tell you.
Recently, when a little boy from church exposed himself to my daughter on a playdate, she came home and told us. We chose to cease playdates. I recommend you do the same with any kids your child is uncomfortable with or reports similar issues about.
Even in doctors’ offices, acknowledge with your little one that you will always be present with them. If a medical provider needs to look at their bodies you can also ask if it’s medially necessary, especially as kids age and become more aware of their needed privacy. Many parents feel more comfortable with the same sex pediatrician as their child. Pediatricians should never insist on a child being naked or examining them unless something is wrong.
4. Videos and images of someone naked are bad pictures.
In my curriculum for 3 to 6 year olds, I use the acronym STOP to help kids understand that if they ever see such an image or video they need to ‘shut their eyes,’ then ‘tell an adult, ‘open your mouth to share what you saw,’ and finally ‘play something else.’
Basically, encourage kids to do something that is fun, healthy, and good for them after this uncomfortable situation. Many children are exposed to explicit material at young ages, yet no parent ever expects their child to see porn. Sadly, this exposure can affect them for years if not discussed in a healthy manner. We must assure even young children that we are a safe space. We won’t yell at them or their friends, but we are simply concerned with their wellbeing. Seeing or taking pictures of naked people is never respectful or kind. If an older child has shown your child explicit content, make sure to talk to the parent. This is especially likely when kids have personal and private access to devices.
5. When children ask questions, answer honestly.
One of my biggest professional pet peeves is that families are sometimes known to skirt around a young child’s question, simply because the parent feels the child is not ready for the answer.
For example, if a child asks about Virgin Mary and wants to know what the word virgin means, an inappropriate answer is to say ‘someone who isn’t married’. This is simply not true in our imperfect world. A virgin is someone who has never done a special action to make a baby. A man and woman are needed to make a baby, but in Mary’s case, God allowed her to be pregnant from the miracle of the Holy Spirit. He brought about her pregnancy without a man. It’s ok to say this. Don’t answer kid’s questions with lies.
These 5 practical tips set up organic habits of talking to your kids about their bodies, safety in relationships, seeing the evil in explicit material and honoring the Lord in all of it. We don’t need to live in fear of these talks, as Satan would like us to. We have great power and discernment with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. He will help us even as culture tries to step in and disciple our kids with lies from a young age. Each believer has been made alive and no longer walks with the prince of the power of the air (Ephesians 2: 1-3). I pray that as we disciple our children in the truth, they will walk in the power of the Lord.
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The post How to Talk to 3 to 6 Year Olds About Their Bodies appeared first on Focus on the Family.
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