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Married or not?

Dromedar007

Dromedar007

Member
I have a question - maybe someone can help me / us. So, I was always working abroad - the last 30 years and mostly in countries you will find in no tourist offer (as well 6 years in Afghanistan). So, I met my future wife in Chad. And yes, before I found my way back to Jesus and God, we committed the "sin". She followed me in all countries afterwards and we got engaged in 2015 in Bangui, Central African Republic, where I was working for 27 months. Then we married - finally. But we married in Sudan - and the paper is worth shit and nothing can be repaired as Sudan is at war now. Not recognized by my country of course. She is a very good, exemplary Christian (widow with two children, I take care off). For the moment we are separated due to schooling issues, but we meet again in August, when she comes here. We will then repeat our marriage here - in Europe. So - can we have sex or not? I mean the marriage made in Sudan was honest, its on paper and we had a real big party (even with alcohol, although forbidden - but Muslims like it too much...) and somehow I have the feeling that god is ok with that. You understand the situation - you have not seen each other for a long time (now 10 months) and then you come together again... Any idea - or am I too strict? Or will I be condemned for sinning?
 
There is a bit to unpack here, but for starters, it could be argued that in God's eyes, you have been married this whole time, regardless of any sort of document you may or may not have that was drawn up by men. It will not hurt anything to redo your vows, it just shows your continuing commitment to your wife, and your desire to keep things above board as it were. Secondly, there is only one unpardonable sin, which does not appear you have committed here. Thirdly, back to my first point, since it is most likely that God already considers you married you will not be sinning against Him. Even if you had, as a Christian you should understand that God is always ready to forgive those who are repentant and seek forgiveness.
 
Dromedar007 said:
I have a question - maybe someone can help me / us. So, I was always working abroad - the last 30 years and mostly in countries you will find in no tourist offer (as well 6 years in Afghanistan). So, I met my future wife in Chad. And yes, before I found my way back to Jesus and God, we committed the "sin". She followed me in all countries afterwards and we got engaged in 2015 in Bangui, Central African Republic, where I was working for 27 months. Then we married - finally. But we married in Sudan - and the paper is worth shit and nothing can be repaired as Sudan is at war now. Not recognized by my country of course. She is a very good, exemplary Christian (widow with two children, I take care off). For the moment we are separated due to schooling issues, but we meet again in August, when she comes here. We will then repeat our marriage here - in Europe. So - can we have sex or not? I mean the marriage made in Sudan was honest, its on paper and we had a real big party (even with alcohol, although forbidden - but Muslims like it too much...) and somehow I have the feeling that god is ok with that. You understand the situation - you have not seen each other for a long time (now 10 months) and then you come together again... Any idea - or am I too strict? Or will I be condemned for sinning?
Click to expand...
You are married.
The lack of paper saying so, means nothing.
 
Dromedar007 said:
I have a question - maybe someone can help me / us. So, I was always working abroad - the last 30 years and mostly in countries you will find in no tourist offer (as well 6 years in Afghanistan). So, I met my future wife in Chad. And yes, before I found my way back to Jesus and God, we committed the "sin". She followed me in all countries afterwards and we got engaged in 2015 in Bangui, Central African Republic, where I was working for 27 months. Then we married - finally. But we married in Sudan - and the paper is worth shit and nothing can be repaired as Sudan is at war now. Not recognized by my country of course. She is a very good, exemplary Christian (widow with two children, I take care off). For the moment we are separated due to schooling issues, but we meet again in August, when she comes here. We will then repeat our marriage here - in Europe. So - can we have sex or not? I mean the marriage made in Sudan was honest, its on paper and we had a real big party (even with alcohol, although forbidden - but Muslims like it too much...) and somehow I have the feeling that god is ok with that. You understand the situation - you have not seen each other for a long time (now 10 months) and then you come together again... Any idea - or am I too strict? Or will I be condemned for sinning?
Click to expand...
Definitely married. Adam and Eve never had a fancy bit of paper, nor Abram and Sarai, Moses and Zipporah nor countless others. Moses in particular had at least one long period away from his wife after the circumcision argument.

Marriage is defined in Genesis and repeated by Jesus- a man leaving the parental home to be united with a woman, becoming one flesh- for life. We dress it up with various ceremonies and celebrations depending on our culture but basically it's about a commitment to the other which is consummated. Biblically if you've slept with someone you've become 'one flesh' with them, hence why this is such a big deal.

I hope the above reassures you. Reaffirming vows, as above, is no bad idea but do it as a sign of commitment not because you think it magically means your marriage is valid- it's not some spell. Also remember Paul's comment that if you're not sure if something is sinful then don't do it.
 
Thank you - I think I got the point. And thinking of the US - I even have a good idea now. You can marry ONLINE in Las Vegas (instead of going through all the hassle here) and then simply register it in Madrid. This is easy and cheap. I will investigate. Time is of the asset. And thanks all for the encouraging words. To be honest - can't wait to see her again (seeing...?). Let you know, when official, legal marriage is done, registered and she has the right to stay here. Bless you all.
 
Get married as legally as is possible. People.e have posted no sense about a piece of paper being nothing.
It is everything if you want your family to go to America, if you want them to inherit without a will, it makes claiming Aid easier, give rights to your wife etc etc.
 
There are two sides to it: The one with god - ok, this is solved.

And then the "official" because we life in a world of papers, permissions, visa etc. Of course we need to marry again and I need the paper. No question. We will do this once she arrives - we have three months. I have no intention of going to the US - I was never there and will never go there. (I saw what happened in Afghanistan....). But in life all must be in order. Paperwork must be done - I hired a lawyer many months ago - and he will organize after the marriage the legal issues, foremost the right for my wife to stay here legally.

Clearly - two sides.
 
Who Me said:
Get married as legally as is possible. People.e have posted no sense about a piece of paper being nothing.
It is everything if you want your family to go to America, if you want them to inherit without a will, it makes claiming Aid easier, give rights to your wife etc etc.
Click to expand...
The initial question was whether he is married or not in God's eyes and about sin. This is what I and others answered- and did so Biblically. That is categorically not nonsense.
 
Epistemophile said:
The initial question was whether he is married or not in God's eyes and about sin. This is what I and others answered- and did so Biblically. That is categorically not nonsense.
Click to expand...

If one wants the benefits, such as they are of being married and wants to be different from an unknown caring society then one conforms to a legal requirement that was once based on biblical principals.
 
In Christian teaching, marriage is considered a sacred bond, and if you have both committed to each other in a genuine and faithful manner, that commitment is recognized by God. Since you are planning to reaffirm your vows in a legally recognized ceremony, it's important to focus on honoring God in your actions and intentions, seeking His guidance through prayer and counsel from a trusted spiritual advisor.
 
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