Marrying fresh out of high school - please read

[WiLdAtHeArT]

That could have been handled better.

I agree that she wasn't really looking for advice - just someone to affirm what she was already going to do. Any opinion different from her own seemed to make her upset and testy.

Why not give her a word of warning and then advice in case she did go on with it? The funny thing is, I typed up two great responses to Wubby yesterday, but each time my computer kicked me offline right before i was finished. I guess God didn't want me to give her my advice!

Wubby, if you are still out there, I agree with everyone here that marriage at 18 is a bad idea most of the time. Lots of growing takes place between 18 and 23 and the qualities you are attracted to in your boyfirend now may fade away and be replaced by other qualities you might not enjoy.

Two things you must do if you go ahead and get married:
1. Surround yourself with godly marriages.
2. Read lots of marriage books. My recommendations are:
a. The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason
b. Before You Say 'I Do'
c. Divorce-proofing Your Marriage
(I forgot the author for last two books)

 

[witchy_womyn]

That could have been handled better.

You're right. I let my frustration get the better of me. I guess when I see young people who have the exact same attitude I had at sixteen it aggravates the tar out of me. I know that I had the same mentality, that I had to marry my high school sweetheart so that we would have some sort of "permission" to have sex. I didn't want to go to college. I didn't care that my husband dropped out of school. I didn't care that wise adults had advised us to wait.

I agree that she wasn't really looking for advice - just someone to affirm what she was already going to do. Any opinion different from her own seemed to make her upset and testy.

Exactly, which is why I stated she's not as mature as she feels she is. My point is simply this, when you're that age you always think you're mature for you age and then when you're my age and older you look back and chuckle almost from embarassment about your words, thoughts, and actions when you were in high school.

Why not give her a word of warning and then advice in case she did go on with it?

I have no real sage advice to give her if she does decide to go through with it. She's already stated she isn't interested in college so telling her to get married and then attend classes at a local community college part-time to better her chances of obtaining a good job would be futile. My best advice...

Don't live with either of your parents. If the two of you can't pull in enough income to rent a small house or apartment and pay the basic bills and buy groceries then don't get married. [/quote]

 

[Nikki]

Basically you want everyone to sit back and encourage you to ruin your life? That would be extremely irresponsible and incompassionate on all of our part. The Bible applies to the here and now so whether or not we're giving you advice that you think is Biblical or not is really inconsequential. This isn't the 1700's where you live on the farm with your family and you build your own house, grow your own food, and you have no bills. You don't want an education? Fine, but realize you will be stuck working at a grocery store or a fast food restaurant because in today's society, even receptionist positions typcially require at least a two-year business degree.

I don't feel like I "ruined my life"!

Marriage is HARD. No doubt about it. Heck, mine almost failed. We got along great, but for some reason when we got married things REALLY changed. I had always been pretty spoiled growing up. Never had to do laundry, cook, NOTHING. I was thrown into all that and had to grow up FAST. Then, living together is a whole nother ballgame. I can honestly say it was horrible at times. And it was mainly all my fault. I was so young. My hubby had already lived on his own, he had a good job, a big savings account, and then I came along....LOL! He had already grown up, but I hadn't. His main problem was his jealousy. I would talk to another man and he'd get mad....he wouldn't show it...instead, he'd ignore me.

I think the split up did us good, but I wish it didn't turn out that way.

Anyways, now that I've blabbed.....it all comes down to Marriage is hard work, but if you're both bound and determined and put your all into it, then it CAN work.

 

[Nikki]

You know, forget I even posted this. I'll let God deal with this. All I wanted is people who have been in the same situations. I don't need advice from a Wiccan or from a human standpoint. I feel that I am much more mature than other 16 year olds to be quite frank. It isn't about my parents, or what they did. This is what I genuinely want out of life. If you don't have the experience, please don't reply.

† Wubby

You'll always be faced with negative comments in life, so you shouldn't take them so personal. One thing to remember when asking for advice is that not everyone will give the same and not everyone will agree. So, try not to take everything so to heart. Every single one of us has probably had a different experience with marriage, so you're going to get a variety of answers. If my hubby had not had a job when we got married or if it had gotten abusive or something like that, I too would be saying "Don't marry".

Just a suggestion because I'm feeling hostility in a few of your posts where you don't agree with the others.

 

[Nikki]

I wish I had gone to college instead of getting married. But I didn't. People warned me against marrying so young, but nooooooo! I thought I was grown up enough to play house and I (like you) did not want to hear anyone's opinion unless it was completely in favor of my decision. I was stupid, I was childish, and in the end, I paid a dear price for my ignorance. Now I'm 23 years old and I have to work thirteen hour days at two thankless jobs because I don't have a college education. You're taking the easy way out and you will constantly struggle financially because of it.

But hey, what do I know? I'm just a Wiccan. :roll:

It's NEVER too late to go back to school! I thought the same thing as you, and then a few months ago, I broke down cryig to my hubby and told him I'd never be completly happy in life unless I went and followed my dreams. He told me to go. I was like "we can't afford it". But, I applied and it went from there. I've qualified for the Federal Pell Grant and I start school in August! I won't have to pay a penny for school! I'm so EXCITED! I'm majoring in Associate Degree Nursing. And I am 26. Every single one of my prerequisites I'm taking this first semester are offered online, so I can do it in the convenience of my home while my kids are in school.

If you want something bad enough, then GO FOR IT! You CAN. It may be hard, but if you work hard enough for it, then you can do it!

 

[Sheilagh]

Oh Bloody Heck, bugger off you old witch! I know what it is like to be married young, I was married 2 days after my 18th birthday thank you verry much. My parents disowned me bacause of it (how dare I think I could run my own life - oh well just saved them the trouble of doing so when I decided to major in history instead of law or got a C *gasp* in my college math class) Yeah it is really stinking hard to be married that age and trying to make ends meet - especialy when you are trying to both go to school and (oh happy accident ) a baby comes along. But that dosent mean it is impossible, or wrong to do so. And enough with the "young marriages are 80 billion times more likely to end in divorce yada yada yada..." stats are nothing but numbers - there are obviously couples who make it. I am sick and tired of naysayers who are determined that no mater what, any teenager - no mater how mature or serious - cannot be in a meaningful relationship. BLARG! Im to annoyed to think or write coherently. Ill be back later when Ive cooled down some. :smt093

 

[Nikki]

Oh Bloody Heck, bugger off you old witch! I know what it is like to be married young, I was married 2 days after my 18th birthday thank you verry much. My parents disowned me bacause of it (how dare I think I could run my own life - oh well just saved them the trouble of doing so when I decided to major in history instead of law or got a C *gasp* in my college math class) Yeah it is really stinking hard to be married that age and trying to make ends meet - especialy when you are trying to both go to school and (oh happy accident ) a baby comes along. But that dosent mean it is impossible, or wrong to do so. And enough with the "young marriages are 80 billion times more likely to end in divorce yada yada yada..." stats are nothing but numbers - there are obviously couples who make it. I am sick and tired of naysayers who are determined that no mater what, any teenager - no mater how mature or serious - cannot be in a meaningful relationship. BLARG! Im to annoyed to think or write coherently. Ill be back later when Ive cooled down some. :smt093

Girl, I just got a C on my first Psych test and I was practically jumping up and down in my seat... : Most get discouraged with a C. Not I! That's a lot better than I did in high school!

A couple needs to be mature to be in a marriage...no matter what age they are. The author of this topic doesn't seem to have the maturity level that she needs. But, that's just my opinion. She hasn't been back to respond, so it's obvious to me that she doesn't care about our advice.

And I was a young bride. Married at age 18....2 months after I graduated high school. We just celebrated our 9 year anniversary in August and I just started college. Things have gotten better for us as time has gone on. But, it was a VERY rough road in the beginning.