[__ Prayer __] me and the voices

[Christ_empowered]

OK. My official diagnosis is "bipolar I" of some sort (i'm guessing "w/psychotic features") but...whatevs. I hear voices. Its kinda odd, I guess, because I'm not big on major delusions people associate with Schizophrenia, and when I hear voices, its clearly rooted in my own "stuff." Apparently, that qualifies me for "psychotic depression," which happens in some forms of Bipolar I. OK...

so, mama wanted me to walk the little girl dog...without my headphones. I had to tell her, you know...I wear the headphones because I hear neighbors taunting me. She said "they're not taunting you. They have other things to do," and I'm all "I'm not crazy self-absorbed; its what I hear, OK?" Anyway, my dad ended up walking the girl dog.

Please pray. I am not really sure why I hear voices about "warrants" and such, or...if I am just hearing voices, or if its a mix of past stuff with some remaining mental issues. I just don't know.

I'm back on the Abilify. Kinda sad about it, because I was hoping to go all drug free and see how that went, but...yeah. At least its a newer drug, and not high dose Haldol or something horrible like that.

OK. As always...thanks for the prayers, support, replies, etc.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

No problem. You're always in my prayers brother. God bless you.

 

[ezra]

OK. My official diagnosis is "bipolar I" of some sort (i'm guessing "w/psychotic features") but...whatevs. I hear voices. Its kinda odd, I guess, because I'm not big on major delusions people associate with Schizophrenia, and when I hear voices, its clearly rooted in my own "stuff." Apparently, that qualifies me for "psychotic depression," which happens in some forms of Bipolar I. OK...

so, mama wanted me to walk the little girl dog...without my headphones. I had to tell her, you know...I wear the headphones because I hear neighbors taunting me. She said "they're not taunting you. They have other things to do," and I'm all "I'm not crazy self-absorbed; its what I hear, OK?" Anyway, my dad ended up walking the girl dog.

Please pray. I am not really sure why I hear voices about "warrants" and such, or...if I am just hearing voices, or if its a mix of past stuff with some remaining mental issues. I just don't know.

I'm back on the Abilify. Kinda sad about it, because I was hoping to go all drug free and see how that went, but...yeah. At least its a newer drug, and not high dose Haldol or something horrible like that.

OK. As always...thanks for the prayers, support, replies, etc.

have you tried walking the dogs w/o headphones ? try listening to music not a big fan pf physc pills.. no doubt they have there place .but can cause other problems ahve you read up on it?

 

[Christ_empowered]

i'm getting there. its a moderate dose of Abilify. Abilify is a bit less toxic than many other antipsychotics, so...that's always a good thing. Still, I'm hoping to find a way to make a go of things w/o having to take a tranquilizer permanently. That's one reason I take so many supplements...the vitamins are supposed to help w/ psych problems, it just takes a lot longer than just popping a tranquilizer. We shall see...

Anyway, thanks for the thoughts+prayers.

 

[ezra]

i'm getting there. its a moderate dose of Abilify. Abilify is a bit less toxic than many other antipsychotics, so...that's always a good thing. Still, I'm hoping to find a way to make a go of things w/o having to take a tranquilizer permanently. That's one reason I take so many supplements...the vitamins are supposed to help w/ psych problems, it just takes a lot longer than just popping a tranquilizer. We shall see...

Anyway, thanks for the thoughts+prayers.

keep trying

 

[Christ_empowered]

I'm doing what I can. I'm not a big fan of psych drugs, not now...not after all my "treatment," not after (most importantly) God forgave me and brought me out of bondage. And yet...

"you do what you gotta do," right? Right. Long term, tranquilizers (or antidepressants, lithium, anything) aren't the answer, but I don't know what to do right now. Its crazy...if it wasn't for my parents (which is God's work in my life, obviously), my life as a so-called "mental patient" would be non-stop misery. Seriously. As is...

I don't know what to make of it all, I really don't. When I had physical health problems and everything--and I do mean everything--was wrong with me and went wrong in my life, the shrinks just laughed. Now, I've gotten saved, my parents and I have reconciled, I've been made healthy and surprisingly intelligent, and suddenly--"oh, yeah; he's got SCHIZOPHRENIA! haha!," etc. I guess that's just another example of "the way the world works," especially once the shrinks get invovled.

I -am- blessed beyond measure, of course. That's not the issue. I just get the sense that being stuck dealing with Mental Health, Inc. is -not- a good thing, but I get the "buffer" because of my parents (God has blessed me with them). They are always saying "oh, you have xyz, its a brain disease, etc.," and the thing is...I shouldn't even alive! I mean, I -should- be alive, in the sense that God has willed to spare, save, and now bless me, but...

the way things -usually- go, barring Divine Intervention, I shouldn't actually be alive. True story.

anyway, back to topic...tranquilizers...just...tranquilize. A lot of times, you'll -still- hear voices, but won't freak out as much because of them. They do come with a load of adverse effects, from day 1 continuing on. So...I do what I can. The vitamins are supposed to reduce toxicity and make it easier for me to transition off of the tranqs. I hope and pray that comes to pass, I really do.

 

[LovethroughDove]

Have you ever told them to stop in the name of Jesus? I don't have voices, but I've had some thoughts that were VERY negative and I've rebuked them in the name of the Lord.

 

[Christ_empowered]

i do rebuke satan and his minions when I pray. Verna taught me that, thank goodness. I don't even know if they're actually hallucinations. Its like...not to sound snotty, but my parents are one of the few more "well-to-do" families in a more working class, lower middle class neighborhood. I was called "trailer park f@#$#$," stuff like that...and now we've reconciled, and they take good care of me. So...God's work in my life is awesome for me, good for my parents, but its clearly rubbing people the wrong way. I was just outside, taking a bag of trash out to the big trash can, and I thought I heard some lady yelling stuff at me. I just don't know, honestly. I don't know. :-(

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

I've rebuked Satan so many times,.. and I just finished him off with my baptism. He might try to get to me again but it's apparent to me that he doesn't stand a chance of winning now when Jesus has already won.

 

[LovethroughDove]

i do rebuke satan and his minions when I pray. Verna taught me that, thank goodness. I don't even know if they're actually hallucinations. Its like...not to sound snotty, but my parents are one of the few more "well-to-do" families in a more working class, lower middle class neighborhood. I was called "trailer park f@#$#$," stuff like that...and now we've reconciled, and they take good care of me. So...God's work in my life is awesome for me, good for my parents, but its clearly rubbing people the wrong way. I was just outside, taking a bag of trash out to the big trash can, and I thought I heard some lady yelling stuff at me. I just don't know, honestly. I don't know. :-(

As part of our nature, people are jealous. They could be saying stuff? If they are, pray for them.

 

[Rageofangels777]

One the (many) bad things about modern life is we're all given labels. I know a ton of folk who are bipolar, aspergers, autistic, depressive, insular, and everything else in between. Labels, whilst sometimes helpful (it means you have a sort of an answer) can also pull you down.
Sometimes there are ways to help. I tend to love to write poems/books or listen to music. These help me take away the problems of life and focus on something else. Most of the stuff i do creatively is of a Christian content, so whilst doing these things it helps me to look to God, which helps my faith.

Here's part of a poem I wrote about someone who has a number of bad things going on and ended up in 'care', and God is talking to them through the pain...

I’ll visit you in rehab
In those black and anxious days,
When superficial pleasures,
Leave your mind in such a haze.

I’ll visit you in rehab
When the walls are caving in,
And the light is in the distance,
As neurosis starts to win.

I’ll visit you in rehab,
Though you think that I’m not there.
If you listen deep within your soul,
You’ll find that I do care.

I’ll visit you in rehab,
For you’ll never be alone,
And my light will never vanish,
For my word is set in stone.

The rehabilitation, it will stop at heaven’s call,
When the mighty voice of God does break the chain,
And the evil and the sinning to the darkness they will fall,
And rehab souls do rise and then will reign.

 

[GodsGrace]

OK. My official diagnosis is "bipolar I" of some sort (i'm guessing "w/psychotic features") but...whatevs. I hear voices. Its kinda odd, I guess, because I'm not big on major delusions people associate with Schizophrenia, and when I hear voices, its clearly rooted in my own "stuff." Apparently, that qualifies me for "psychotic depression," which happens in some forms of Bipolar I. OK...

so, mama wanted me to walk the little girl dog...without my headphones. I had to tell her, you know...I wear the headphones because I hear neighbors taunting me. She said "they're not taunting you. They have other things to do," and I'm all "I'm not crazy self-absorbed; its what I hear, OK?" Anyway, my dad ended up walking the girl dog.

Please pray. I am not really sure why I hear voices about "warrants" and such, or...if I am just hearing voices, or if its a mix of past stuff with some remaining mental issues. I just don't know.

I'm back on the Abilify. Kinda sad about it, because I was hoping to go all drug free and see how that went, but...yeah. At least its a newer drug, and not high dose Haldol or something horrible like that.

OK. As always...thanks for the prayers, support, replies, etc.

I'm happy you're back on the Abilify. It seems to clear the mind and seems to do a lot of good.

One day at a time CE. That's all we can do.
We're so lucky to know God.
I'll be praying for you, as always.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks. I just exchanged emails with a cousin...he was a big time corporate dude, raised mainline Protestant, got saved and went into full time ministry...and that lifted my spirits. he asked for an update, and then he told me that I have an amazing testimony, so....that's always helpful, to know that God has worked (I pray is working and will work...) mightily in my life. I'm blessed.

At this point, I'm thinking that maybe the "bipolar I" or...whatever...(do we really need to neatly classify something as subjective and personal as madness?) is just something I"ll need to deal with, possibly for as long as I'm kept here on Earth. I -wish- antipsychiatry had actual answers...they don't. Lots of hand wringing over the horrors of psychiatry, etc., no real solutions, no real hope. Ugh.

Abilify -is- safer and less toxic than most other tranquilizers. I mean, I wouldn't recommend -any- drug of this sort to someone who didn't have something bad going on, big time, but...if you need a tranquilizer, and I do, Abilify is one of the "cleaner" (to quote my shrink) options out there. Could be bad...this isn't bad, not even close to bad. Time to work on that "attitude of gratitude," etc.

OK. As always...I -really- do appreciate the prayers, replies, ongoing support, etc. The way things usually go, I should have been dead 10+/- years ago. I guess a bit of madness isn't all that terrible, all things considered.

 

[Marianne333]

Your story is inspiring and your attitude is great. Many people would just hide because they would be afraid of the stigma that follows mental illness, they would write themselves off and be ashamed and embarrassed to go places, talk to anyone, go to the doctor. etc. and would feel as if they were damaged goods. You on the other hand seem not to treat yourself as damaged goods, but have a very strong sense of who you are, which is admirable. I will pray for your recovery and truly hope that you feel better.

 

[Poor Old Spike]

..I hear voices..

So what? I'm not being flippant, but can't you just ignore them in the same way that we can ignore traffic noise?
What exactly are they saying to you anyway?
Meanwhile here's a verse for you-
"Resist the devil and he'll flee from you" (James 4:7)

 

[Poor Old Spike]

..I don't think the human body is meant to be tranquilized day in, day out, for years on end, but....a tranquilizer now and then, to keep an even keel...that seems reasonable, right?..

Yay, that's why God put medicines on earth for us..-
"Fruit trees of all kinds will grow on both banks of the river. Their leaves will not wither, nor will their fruit fail. Every month they will bear, because the water from the sanctuary flows to them. Their fruit will serve for food and their leaves for healing" (Ezekiel 47:12)

But the bottom line is this- if they make you feel better take them, but if they have no effect or make you feel worse, ditch them pronto!
I went to my doctor 20 years ago feeling a bit weak and run down.
"You're depressed" she said.
"No I'm not" I replied
"Yes you are" she answered, "I'm going to prescribe anti-depressants"
So I gave in and started taking them as an experiment and they made me feel terrible like I was on another planet, woozy and unable to think straight, so I flushed the rest down the toilet and it was about 10 days before they were out of my system and I got my brain back and returned to earth..

 

[evenifigoalone]

Nothing's wrong with wearing the headphones, that's a strange thing for people to be picky about, it's no different than the other devices people use to help them in some way.
I have a few fidget toys that I use when in public because I tear my nails up otherwise, my hands just need something to do

 

[Tessa]

You've come a long way CE and all credit to you. It's in your favour that you understand your illness so well. God is with you.
Love
Tessa

 

[Corn Pop]

Praying for you CE.

 

[Poor Old Spike]

.. God is good! society? not so much..

I rejected society years ago, I don't give a hoot what it thinks, I just go my own way and steer clear of them and their negative vibes-
"He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm" (Proverbs 13:20)
And I hang with tough strong people because I like their good vibes-
"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17)

PS- a kid I overheard my dad saying to my mam about me - "He's nutty! No don't laugh, I really do mean it, he wastes all his pocket money on silly plastic model aeroplane kits then hangs 'em on string from his bedroom ceiling in full view of the street, I dread to think what the neighbours are saying about him! When's he going to start saving his money instead?"
Ha ha perhaps he'd have preferred me to join the local street gang and run the streets getting in trouble with the police instead of sitting quietly up in my room every night building models!
He's been dead now for 35 years but I wonder what he'd say if he knew I still buy kits, I've currently got my eye on a 'Fort Apache' kit down the model shop..