- Dec 20, 2019
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Money is one of the major causes of friction in a marriage, and it’s no wonder. Living in a world in which we are constantly worried about taking care of ourselves, it’s easy to forget that marriage is a commitment to forge a new life with another person. The lack of trust emerging from society has created prenuptial agreements and separate bank accounts. These undermine the commitment to a shared life with a spouse and are contrary to biblical teachings.
Whenever financial issues begin to get out of hand in a marriage, the first thing to do is to pray about them. There is no substitute for God’s answer. Second, you might try using a marriage counselor who is trained to help couples resolve issues diplomatically.
Ours, Not Mine
A husband’s and wife’s incomes in marriage should be merged and shared. Someone should be in charge of keeping a budget for the household, and whatever funds there are should be held mutually. This will require a lot of faith in the Lord, as well as in your spouse.
God had a true union in mind when He created marriage. Jesus said so himself in Mark 10:6-9: “But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Financial Unity
Unity isn’t just a romantic notion. It’s an important reality that impacts every area of life, including finances. Money can’t be his or her money. It has to be our money—and all things are shared, including debt.
Prospering as a team begins with combining all skills, assets, and liabilities to make a plan for two people to become more together than they were as individuals. Therefore, it’s important to get on the same financial page as your spouse.
I recommend that couples avoid having separate financial anything, including checking accounts, because when they develop a his-money-versus-her-money philosophy, it usually leads to fights and division. It’s dangerous to a relationship when couples are not working together in choosing how to spend or invest assets.
Do You Trust Your Spouse?
If you don’t trust your spouse with money, do you really trust him or her at all? Unwillingness to join all assets and bank accounts after marriage is perhaps a warning sign that unresolved trust issues could still be lingering—or developing—in the relationship. Consider these guidelines to help you and your spouse merge your financial lives:
Two Working as One
At Crown Financial Ministries, we say that marriage is like the partnership of the left and right hands of the same person—they are perfectly matched but totally opposite. One hand working alone will not accomplish half as much as two. Many tasks are impossible without two hands working together. So, before you begin making financial decisions, it’s best to understand how your “other hand” works. Take the time to learn how your spouse sees money, risk, and long-term planning. Once understood, differences are often seen as complementary strengths.
Budgeting
Without a plan, great things are rarely accomplished. Equipped with insight into how your spouse thinks and feels about money, make a budget that suits your mutual goals. Many wonderful and free tools can help you get started. But remember this simple rule: Always spend less than you make!
Bookkeeping
Practically speaking, only one person should maintain the books. Keep in mind that even though either the husband or the wife primarily handles balancing the checkbook, both should be fully trained and able to do so.
Money and Marriage: Making Financial Decisions Together
In talking with families around the world—and in my own home—I’ve learned that the best way to reach a peaceful agreement when discussing money is to decide ahead of time how decisions will be made before things get heated.
My wife, Ann, and I make a point of hearing each other out without making rude comments or interrupting. When it comes time to make a decision, we’ve agreed that without unity, we won’t move forward. We call it “red light, yellow light, green light” decision-making. It’s a great tool for any crossroad discussion.
If both of us give a project the green light, it is full speed ahead. If it’s a yellow light for either of us, we need to talk and pray further. But if one of us puts up a red light, we stop, take a step back, and work toward unity. And we both agree that there is going to be only one set of values used in making our choices — God’s values, found in the Bible.
Peace in our home and peace with God are worth more to us than getting our way on a decision. We’ve learned to appreciate the truth of Psalm 133:1, knowing how good and pleasant things are when God’s people live together in unity.
Remember to ask God what He wants you to do with your money within your marriage. He made you stewards over your finances for a purpose, so you should always remember to ask what His plans are. Appropriate money management in marriage can bring many blessings.
The post Money and Marriage: Is It His, Hers, or Ours? appeared first on Focus on the Family.
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