Hi my name is James I was born autistic it went unnoticed until I was 36. I had a happy childhood, I knew I was different but I didn’t know where this would lead to in my life. I always loved God; the older I became the more this love would grow. My love of God is so great I would attempt to go through what his Son went through for us for him. I know this is impossible for any but the Son of God but it did not stop me believing I was the second coming due to an episode of phychosis. I know thinking you are Jesus is blasphemy but when I’ve always strived to be good and do good and be like Jesus my whole life this is what lead to my psychosis when I was 24. I am repenting for my sins...i am truly very sorry.
I’m struggling with modern society, I know the sin which is so prevalent in todays world is everywhere. It chokes me to see it, I hate sin I wish the devil never existed. But it does and a lot of people commit such acts and are not ashamed as they should be. Jesus forgives all sins if you are repentant. Sin is the reason we suffer, it misleads, it deceives, it upsets, it bully’s, it distracts; it is the reason for all the problems in our lives. I tried my best throughout my life not to sin, for any but Jesus, it is impossible, but it didn’t stop me trying. I care about people, I don’t hate anyone even the ones who have mistreated me over the course of my life. I turn the other cheek and feel sorry for them.
It started when my best friend in high school committed suicide during a summer holiday break. I never heard from him over the holiday, he never texted me to say hi which I though was strange at the time. After the summer holiday was over I was a little worried but was eager to see him at school. When I got into class there was no sign of him everyone was looking at me strangely. It was one of the most sad days in my life. The teacher explained that he had died over the holiday and that they brought in the school councillor to ask if there was anyone who knew him. Not wanting to face my grief I didn’t put my hand up. This is one of the biggest mistakes of my life and is what lead to my religious psychosis in my twenties.
After I finished School I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, I was a lost and disillusioned individual I wanted to help people on a large scale but this is impossible for many but a few top people. I did a few courses but didn’t really reach any sort of purpose in my life.
Then I managed to get a job in a pharmaceutical company that bred animals for animal testing as a technician this was to change the course of my life in a big way and a way I did not expect. I hate money and wealth it is the source of all evil but in the world you need money to survive so I put up with this job for about a year, in which time I felt awful for the animals that suffered and died. But I knew it was a for the better of people because without these places people who depend on medication that these animals help develop would suffer more, that’s how I justified myself to do it. As I got towards the end of my time there I didn’t make myself very popular to the other staff they knew I was religious and poked fun of me for it. One day I was particularly stressed and I was leaning into one of the animal isolators, my cross which I wore around my neck broke off. In my mind this was significant and had meaning as it seemed very strange to me, this planted the idea in my head that was to come. A few days later I was having a particularly bad day, I was bullied a lot and the clock seemed to drag on for ours at work.
When I left work to come home I got in my car and started driving home; I went past a church; the cross on the wall seemed to glimmer and I had a feeling again like I did when the cross pendant had fallen from around my neck. I got home to my parents house the dog greeted me and I looked onto the mantelpiece in the dining room and saw a pamphlet from the church me and my family used to attend. All of a sudden I read Jesus on the front I closed my eyes all of a sudden it was like a realisation that I was Jesus I absolutely believed 100% I was Jesus I saw a cross of light in font of me (this as I would lately discover is called phychosis; a delusion brought about from all the stress I was under) I was happy I felt great I started making plans for what I would do. A couple of hours later my delusional mind had created what I thought was a miracle I thought I managed to make a plant pot disappear and reappear into another room, of course I was just out of my mind and I had mistaken one room for another because I was unwell but at the time I believed this is what happened. Anyway the feeling soon died down and I felt normal again (but still believing myself to be Jesus). A month past at work, I kept it a secret for much of the month but co-workers noticed a drop in my quality of work. I got to the stage where they were bullying me over it and I got up went to see the supervisor and said I had to leave because I wasn’t feeling very well.
This lead me to be hospitalized for my condition as I was hallucinating and hearing what I thought was God but was actually my own thoughts. One of the doctors saw me, i looked at him, his face turned into the devils face. I was terrified but I sat there and kept my faith in God strong and I didn’t react. During my time in hospital I was very calm I kept my faith in God strong and knew I was being tested to see if I could control myself. Which I did because all the doctors were stumped as I was in psychosis, sure I was doing strange things, but I seemed calm. After my admission I went in and out of hospital treating all my different symptoms I had depression, anxiety, ptsd from the psychosis. I put the being Jesus thoughts at the back of my mind and continued my life off where it stopped this was a very difficult time in my recovery and a lot of effort and strength to get myself better. I met my wife 5 years later we have a lovely daughter. The whole time secretly thinking I was the Son of God.
When i tried to have a relationship with the Jesus it was as if it was very difficult because i thought i was him.
Fast forward to a few days ago my experience continued. My faith in God and my confidence and mental strength made me decide to share a few of my thoughts on Facebook as a I wrote them I could feel the presence of the holy spirit enter me, the more I wrote, it was as if God was guiding me and showing me what I should write to show you. Around 40 people witnessed what I wrote. I don’t know how anyone reacted to them I can only assume but by everyone’s behaviour afterwards they were listening. All this time the weight I was feeling on my shoulders the worry the mental strain was immense I cant keep this up I thought to myself. I felt that it was almost as if God was saying to me "want to know what its like to be my Son? i'll give you a glimpse”. Afterwards God then showed me through scripture that I had committed sins in the past, I knew at that point I was not Jesus I stopped writing my last post on Facebook. I now know I am not the Saviour but a man that loves Jesus so much I was willing to put myself in his shoes because my mind which was broken was telling me I am him.
No man is capable of this, only God, God is great, hallelujah. To me this is what it meant…to show me however much I love God I cant step into his Sons shoes only the real Jesus the Son of God can do these miracles and convince people he is who he says he is.
I feel this is the purpose of my life to share this story with as many people as I can God has given me a gift to remind people what’s important in life, not money power, greed or any other selfish desire but to serve God as servants; even Jesus was a servant of God. God’s power is immense he is perfect and loves us so much. His love is so great I cannot describe what it feels life to have the holy spirit enter you. Sending my love to you. I have finally dispelled the delusion I am Jesus i can now finally have a relationship with him and I must now repent for my sins. If anyone is interested i will show you what I said during my experience on Facebook, here are a few...
I want to change people's mind on God because I care more for others than I do myself I don't mind that they may not like or agree with me because it doesn't fit into the life that sin dictates they want, but I know God exists. A lot of people are blinded by the world, they can't see what is beyond it because they don't want to, but it still doesn't change the fact that no one lives forever here on Earth...you only live forever through God. Sorry for being so depressing but that's the truth...
Assume and see the best in others, not the worst
You are not your thoughts, you are higher than your thoughts, you can choose to accept or reject them...
Spread the word of God, if we can change at least one person's mind in the world about God, then that is more help than any other deed we can do
I never fitted in, I feel that introducing people to God is my true calling in life in these troubling times. I dont think i'm better than anyone else, I'm just trying to share what God has shown me in my life...to help those in need!
I feel the world overcomplicates things, focus on what is good and true with peace and love at its centre!
Times have changed in the world...technology, money, sex and greed are a lot of people's God nowadays. Why do people have to push the boundaries in all these things...because they can?...but should they...no. Why can't we all just be happy and satisfied with what we have instead of wanting more...Yes its good to improve some things like healthcare, but do we really need new things or more money when we have enough?
I quoted a few Bible verses too..
Isaiah 65:1
Mark 5:38
Jeremiah 24:6
Luke 8:17
Isaiah 14:27
Joel 2:25
And the last was
Psalms 60:3
I’m struggling with modern society, I know the sin which is so prevalent in todays world is everywhere. It chokes me to see it, I hate sin I wish the devil never existed. But it does and a lot of people commit such acts and are not ashamed as they should be. Jesus forgives all sins if you are repentant. Sin is the reason we suffer, it misleads, it deceives, it upsets, it bully’s, it distracts; it is the reason for all the problems in our lives. I tried my best throughout my life not to sin, for any but Jesus, it is impossible, but it didn’t stop me trying. I care about people, I don’t hate anyone even the ones who have mistreated me over the course of my life. I turn the other cheek and feel sorry for them.
It started when my best friend in high school committed suicide during a summer holiday break. I never heard from him over the holiday, he never texted me to say hi which I though was strange at the time. After the summer holiday was over I was a little worried but was eager to see him at school. When I got into class there was no sign of him everyone was looking at me strangely. It was one of the most sad days in my life. The teacher explained that he had died over the holiday and that they brought in the school councillor to ask if there was anyone who knew him. Not wanting to face my grief I didn’t put my hand up. This is one of the biggest mistakes of my life and is what lead to my religious psychosis in my twenties.
After I finished School I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, I was a lost and disillusioned individual I wanted to help people on a large scale but this is impossible for many but a few top people. I did a few courses but didn’t really reach any sort of purpose in my life.
Then I managed to get a job in a pharmaceutical company that bred animals for animal testing as a technician this was to change the course of my life in a big way and a way I did not expect. I hate money and wealth it is the source of all evil but in the world you need money to survive so I put up with this job for about a year, in which time I felt awful for the animals that suffered and died. But I knew it was a for the better of people because without these places people who depend on medication that these animals help develop would suffer more, that’s how I justified myself to do it. As I got towards the end of my time there I didn’t make myself very popular to the other staff they knew I was religious and poked fun of me for it. One day I was particularly stressed and I was leaning into one of the animal isolators, my cross which I wore around my neck broke off. In my mind this was significant and had meaning as it seemed very strange to me, this planted the idea in my head that was to come. A few days later I was having a particularly bad day, I was bullied a lot and the clock seemed to drag on for ours at work.
When I left work to come home I got in my car and started driving home; I went past a church; the cross on the wall seemed to glimmer and I had a feeling again like I did when the cross pendant had fallen from around my neck. I got home to my parents house the dog greeted me and I looked onto the mantelpiece in the dining room and saw a pamphlet from the church me and my family used to attend. All of a sudden I read Jesus on the front I closed my eyes all of a sudden it was like a realisation that I was Jesus I absolutely believed 100% I was Jesus I saw a cross of light in font of me (this as I would lately discover is called phychosis; a delusion brought about from all the stress I was under) I was happy I felt great I started making plans for what I would do. A couple of hours later my delusional mind had created what I thought was a miracle I thought I managed to make a plant pot disappear and reappear into another room, of course I was just out of my mind and I had mistaken one room for another because I was unwell but at the time I believed this is what happened. Anyway the feeling soon died down and I felt normal again (but still believing myself to be Jesus). A month past at work, I kept it a secret for much of the month but co-workers noticed a drop in my quality of work. I got to the stage where they were bullying me over it and I got up went to see the supervisor and said I had to leave because I wasn’t feeling very well.
This lead me to be hospitalized for my condition as I was hallucinating and hearing what I thought was God but was actually my own thoughts. One of the doctors saw me, i looked at him, his face turned into the devils face. I was terrified but I sat there and kept my faith in God strong and I didn’t react. During my time in hospital I was very calm I kept my faith in God strong and knew I was being tested to see if I could control myself. Which I did because all the doctors were stumped as I was in psychosis, sure I was doing strange things, but I seemed calm. After my admission I went in and out of hospital treating all my different symptoms I had depression, anxiety, ptsd from the psychosis. I put the being Jesus thoughts at the back of my mind and continued my life off where it stopped this was a very difficult time in my recovery and a lot of effort and strength to get myself better. I met my wife 5 years later we have a lovely daughter. The whole time secretly thinking I was the Son of God.
When i tried to have a relationship with the Jesus it was as if it was very difficult because i thought i was him.
Fast forward to a few days ago my experience continued. My faith in God and my confidence and mental strength made me decide to share a few of my thoughts on Facebook as a I wrote them I could feel the presence of the holy spirit enter me, the more I wrote, it was as if God was guiding me and showing me what I should write to show you. Around 40 people witnessed what I wrote. I don’t know how anyone reacted to them I can only assume but by everyone’s behaviour afterwards they were listening. All this time the weight I was feeling on my shoulders the worry the mental strain was immense I cant keep this up I thought to myself. I felt that it was almost as if God was saying to me "want to know what its like to be my Son? i'll give you a glimpse”. Afterwards God then showed me through scripture that I had committed sins in the past, I knew at that point I was not Jesus I stopped writing my last post on Facebook. I now know I am not the Saviour but a man that loves Jesus so much I was willing to put myself in his shoes because my mind which was broken was telling me I am him.
No man is capable of this, only God, God is great, hallelujah. To me this is what it meant…to show me however much I love God I cant step into his Sons shoes only the real Jesus the Son of God can do these miracles and convince people he is who he says he is.
I feel this is the purpose of my life to share this story with as many people as I can God has given me a gift to remind people what’s important in life, not money power, greed or any other selfish desire but to serve God as servants; even Jesus was a servant of God. God’s power is immense he is perfect and loves us so much. His love is so great I cannot describe what it feels life to have the holy spirit enter you. Sending my love to you. I have finally dispelled the delusion I am Jesus i can now finally have a relationship with him and I must now repent for my sins. If anyone is interested i will show you what I said during my experience on Facebook, here are a few...
I want to change people's mind on God because I care more for others than I do myself I don't mind that they may not like or agree with me because it doesn't fit into the life that sin dictates they want, but I know God exists. A lot of people are blinded by the world, they can't see what is beyond it because they don't want to, but it still doesn't change the fact that no one lives forever here on Earth...you only live forever through God. Sorry for being so depressing but that's the truth...
Assume and see the best in others, not the worst
You are not your thoughts, you are higher than your thoughts, you can choose to accept or reject them...
Spread the word of God, if we can change at least one person's mind in the world about God, then that is more help than any other deed we can do
I never fitted in, I feel that introducing people to God is my true calling in life in these troubling times. I dont think i'm better than anyone else, I'm just trying to share what God has shown me in my life...to help those in need!
I feel the world overcomplicates things, focus on what is good and true with peace and love at its centre!
Times have changed in the world...technology, money, sex and greed are a lot of people's God nowadays. Why do people have to push the boundaries in all these things...because they can?...but should they...no. Why can't we all just be happy and satisfied with what we have instead of wanting more...Yes its good to improve some things like healthcare, but do we really need new things or more money when we have enough?
I quoted a few Bible verses too..
Isaiah 65:1
Mark 5:38
Jeremiah 24:6
Luke 8:17
Isaiah 14:27
Joel 2:25
And the last was
Psalms 60:3