[__ Prayer __] My Fiancé is Struggling with God

[SeaofGlass221]

I have been in a relationship now for 6 years, we are engaged. When we first started dating, he said he was a believer and even involved with a church / lead music.

Last year, he opened up and said he believed he had never had a conversion experience - he was just raised to believe and has prayed for years for God to reveal Himself…but He still has not. This was not easy for him, it was and still is very painful. The main thing that made him realize this was my own conversion / testimony, because I had a genuine experience and was changed that very day, and I was not raised to believe anything and actually had an extreme aversion to any religion.

While I am thankful he is now being truthful with where he is spiritually, I am also deeply saddened because now God and the Bible are topics that upset him. He is still willing to discuss it, to an extent, but he has been hurt by churches and their misguided ideologies, and also doesn’t understand why God would ignore him since he has literally begged God to show him the truth of His existence nearly his whole life. He is angry with God because of this and because of all the horrible things that happen on earth; he has a very hard time reconciling a loving God with the state of the world and the depravity of human history, and because no matter how much he asks, God has still not revealed Himself.

I suppose I am asking for prayer, and any advice on things I could say from time to time that might be helpful…because he does truly want to know God, but simply is being honest about not being born again…and it hurts me that something that brings me endless joy, brings him so much pain. I do love him and will not be leaving him. Morally he behaves better than most people who claim to be Christian, and we share common core values and interests, as in quite literally all of them except God currently..and he does not belittle me for my faith, rather he says he hopes God shows Himself to him like He did me. He is a rock in my life and my daughter’s life (I was in an abusive marriage before - and we had a child together.)

He’s a beautiful soul that is suffering…and I often feel powerless but I know this is between him and God…but it does hurt in more ways than one.

Thanks for reading.

 

[tim-from-pa]

I sense that based on what you say God is working with him and from his vantage point is trying to make it all seem real to him after following the crowd at church. If so, that's a good thing. I think too much traditionally has been based on experiences and emotional reactions and if he's like I am, maybe at first thinks he missed out on something.

Some of the questions he struggles with (existence of God and unanswered prayer) and the issue of evil in the world are the very things so-called atheists struggle with to justify their unbelief but oftentimes, they inwardly have this desire to believe and are disappointed. Perhaps it's also because God does not conform to their image of what God should be. But the Bible has all the answers but it takes study and more study. Then when one is done, study it some more - I always say one can't really blame the Lord if He already stated it.. All the stuff we see happening lately is intense spiritual warfare and Satan's desire to usurp man from the right to rule this world (the corruption started with Genesis 6). It will culminate with Jesus coming back and believers ruling and reigning with him, thus overthrowing the powers of darkness. The Lord Jesus promised resurrection and to make it all good again the way it was supposed to have been. But many Christians do not even know this and are left in the dark. Sometimes I believe the "unconverted" are actually in a better position with the Lord if they are seekers and they will have more motivation to uncover the purpose behind everything. His quandary may be the same as my late uncle who after hearing all kinds of preaching said "something's missing" (as he brought up profound points). They would probably point to his need to be born again, but he in fact was seeing the deficiencies in the explanation as to what everything is about. As Jesus would say, if one is blind, they would see. But some of those say "we see" and therefore the sin remains.

I'd stay with him, and he's going to get especially intense if he loves arcane subjects, maybe into any kind of science and math (like my buddy avatar up there) even if doing all that silently. But there's no better conversion experience to such a person than that spark of insight and they finally figured it out. I don't know if he's that way or not, but such people tend to take that path.

 

[Highway54]

I have been in a relationship now for 6 years, we are engaged. When we first started dating, he said he was a believer and even involved with a church / lead music.

Last year, he opened up and said he believed he had never had a conversion experience - he was just raised to believe and has prayed for years for God to reveal Himself…but He still has not. This was not easy for him, it was and still is very painful. The main thing that made him realize this was my own conversion / testimony, because I had a genuine experience and was changed that very day, and I was not raised to believe anything and actually had an extreme aversion to any religion.

While I am thankful he is now being truthful with where he is spiritually, I am also deeply saddened because now God and the Bible are topics that upset him. He is still willing to discuss it, to an extent, but he has been hurt by churches and their misguided ideologies, and also doesn’t understand why God would ignore him since he has literally begged God to show him the truth of His existence nearly his whole life. He is angry with God because of this and because of all the horrible things that happen on earth; he has a very hard time reconciling a loving God with the state of the world and the depravity of human history, and because no matter how much he asks, God has still not revealed Himself.

I suppose I am asking for prayer, and any advice on things I could say from time to time that might be helpful…because he does truly want to know God, but simply is being honest about not being born again…and it hurts me that something that brings me endless joy, brings him so much pain. I do love him and will not be leaving him. Morally he behaves better than most people who claim to be Christian, and we share common core values and interests, as in quite literally all of them except God currently..and he does not belittle me for my faith, rather he says he hopes God shows Himself to him like He did me. He is a rock in my life and my daughter’s life (I was in an abusive marriage before - and we had a child together.)

He’s a beautiful soul that is suffering…and I often feel powerless but I know this is between him and God…but it does hurt in more ways than one.

Thanks for reading.

I would bet he has been reached several times over his life by Christ's disciples maam. Mat 28:19,20; 24:14. Clearly by your statements he has rejected them.

 

[tim-from-pa]

I would bet he has been reached several times over his life by Christ's disciples maam. Mat 28:19,20; 24:14. Clearly by your statements he has rejected them.

I usually only answer the OP, but don't you think you are jumping to conclusions? You hardly know the man. What will happen between them I cannot tell, but between that man and God is on God's timing. From her descriptions, the man has some valid concerns especially the part where she mentioned misguided ideologies of the church. Yeah, I can relate to that.

 

[SeaofGlass221]

I would bet he has been reached several times over his life by Christ's disciples maam. Mat 28:19,20; 24:14. Clearly by your statements he has rejected them.

Yea this is not a valid representation of him at all. I have watched him struggle and even cry out to God, I have seen his valid questions pushed away by so-called Christians.

Like I said I would rather him be honest about where he is than continue to try believing based on his own faith, when it must be faith gifted from God. How else could he come to a place where he is truly ready to receive that gift? He couldn’t. His honesty took so much bravery especially because of his parents, and I’m proud of him, but I hate seeing him in pain.

I was asking for prayer and things anyone may think that could be helpful for him to hear over time - not assumptions about his life. That was unhelpful. Thanks.

 

[SeaofGlass221]

I usually only answer the OP, but don't you think you are jumping to conclusions? You hardly know the man. What will happen between them I cannot tell, but between that man and God is on God's timing. From her descriptions, the man has some valid concerns especially the part where she mentioned misguided ideologies of the church. Yeah, I can relate to that.

Thank you. I am disgusted by the American church and he does agree with me that the alleged believers today look nothing like Jesus / don’t align with His teachings. He is not ignorant. He likes what Jesus said and did. His struggle comes from - well - what I described in my original post. Which is a VALID struggle. And I’ve told him it’s okay to be angry with God and to never stop asking or seeking. Plenty of people were angry or cried out to God “WHY?!” in scripture. When God answers them is up to God. I am just witnessing that period of time BEFORE God answers and it hurts my heart. But I have to continue to believe He will reveal Himself one day and pray for this. I appreciate your response

 

[tim-from-pa]

Thank you. I am disgusted by the American church and he does agree with me that the alleged believers today look nothing like Jesus / don’t align with His teachings. He is not ignorant. He likes what Jesus said and did. His struggle comes from - well - what I described in my original post. Which is a VALID struggle. And I’ve told him it’s okay to be angry with God and to never stop asking or seeking. Plenty of people were angry or cried out to God “WHY?!” in scripture. When God answers them is up to God. I am just witnessing that period of time BEFORE God answers and it hurts my heart. But I have to continue to believe He will reveal Himself one day and pray for this. I appreciate your response

Yes, from your description, I don't have a bad feeling about this. In my teenage and early adult years I had similar issues. As long as he keeps seeking the Lord promises he shall find. That's a biblical promise. Yes, there's a lot of false teaching in the church. I don't disassociate with any brothers or sisters over this, but I guess it's like politics - there's a certain clique with clergy that keeps the churchiosity system going. Frankly, it's not God he's questioning IMO, it's all the other stuff that he knows he can't be part of but cannot be certain that God is disassociated from it all actually. That shows great insight IMO. I wish him the best.

 

[hawkman]

I have been in a relationship now for 6 years, we are engaged. When we first started dating, he said he was a believer and even involved with a church / lead music.

Last year, he opened up and said he believed he had never had a conversion experience - he was just raised to believe and has prayed for years for God to reveal Himself…but He still has not. This was not easy for him, it was and still is very painful. The main thing that made him realize this was my own conversion / testimony, because I had a genuine experience and was changed that very day, and I was not raised to believe anything and actually had an extreme aversion to any religion.

While I am thankful he is now being truthful with where he is spiritually, I am also deeply saddened because now God and the Bible are topics that upset him. He is still willing to discuss it, to an extent, but he has been hurt by churches and their misguided ideologies, and also doesn’t understand why God would ignore him since he has literally begged God to show him the truth of His existence nearly his whole life. He is angry with God because of this and because of all the horrible things that happen on earth; he has a very hard time reconciling a loving God with the state of the world and the depravity of human history, and because no matter how much he asks, God has still not revealed Himself.

I suppose I am asking for prayer, and any advice on things I could say from time to time that might be helpful…because he does truly want to know God, but simply is being honest about not being born again…and it hurts me that something that brings me endless joy, brings him so much pain. I do love him and will not be leaving him. Morally he behaves better than most people who claim to be Christian, and we share common core values and interests, as in quite literally all of them except God currently..and he does not belittle me for my faith, rather he says he hopes God shows Himself to him like He did me. He is a rock in my life and my daughter’s life (I was in an abusive marriage before - and we had a child together.)

He’s a beautiful soul that is suffering…and I often feel powerless but I know this is between him and God…but it does hurt in more ways than one.

Thanks for reading.

I will be praying for your man and that your light will shine brightly so he can see God in your life .

Two of the things I have done that reveals God to me the most is reading the Bible and praying .

 

[SeaofGlass221]

I will be praying for your man and that your light will shine brightly so he can see God in your life .

Thank you so much for the prayer!

 

[SeaofGlass221]

Yes, from your description, I don't have a bad feeling about this. In my teenage and early adult years I had similar issues. As long as he keeps seeking the Lord promises he shall find.

Thank you for sharing!! He does love me, and says still he wants God to do for him what He did for me. That is huge to me. So I let him voice ALL his issues to me, I’m a safe space. But I also never shy away from speaking truth to him even if it might be hard for him to hear.

 

[Lalas]

Praying for you and your fiance, SeaofGlass221. Asking Jesus to soften his heart and open his mind to receiving Christ into his life. The fact that your fiance wants the conversion experience-- for the Holy Spirit to change him-- means he is seeking God's presence. Perhaps the Lord has placed you into your fiance's life so that he too may benefit spiritually and be blessed by witnessing you commit your life to Jesus.

 

[SeaofGlass221]

Praying for you and your fiance, SeaofGlass221. Asking Jesus to soften his heart and open his mind to receiving Christ into his life. The fact that your fiance wants the conversion experience-- for the Holy Spirit to change him-- means he is seeking God's presence. Perhaps the Lord has placed you into your fiance's life so that he too may benefit spiritually and be blessed by witnessing you commit your life to Jesus.

Thank you Lalas! I have pointed this out to him for sure haha (that my placement in his life seems quite a bit more than coincidence!) he continues to say “I hope” God shows Himself. But I knew that having a few more praying would do nothing but help! Thank you SO MUCH - seriously

 

[journeymanisnothing]

I have been in a relationship now for 6 years, we are engaged. When we first started dating, he said he was a believer and even involved with a church / lead music.

Last year, he opened up and said he believed he had never had a conversion experience - he was just raised to believe and has prayed for years for God to reveal Himself…but He still has not. This was not easy for him, it was and still is very painful. The main thing that made him realize this was my own conversion / testimony, because I had a genuine experience and was changed that very day, and I was not raised to believe anything and actually had an extreme aversion to any religion.

While I am thankful he is now being truthful with where he is spiritually, I am also deeply saddened because now God and the Bible are topics that upset him. He is still willing to discuss it, to an extent, but he has been hurt by churches and their misguided ideologies, and also doesn’t understand why God would ignore him since he has literally begged God to show him the truth of His existence nearly his whole life. He is angry with God because of this and because of all the horrible things that happen on earth; he has a very hard time reconciling a loving God with the state of the world and the depravity of human history, and because no matter how much he asks, God has still not revealed Himself.

I suppose I am asking for prayer, and any advice on things I could say from time to time that might be helpful…because he does truly want to know God, but simply is being honest about not being born again…and it hurts me that something that brings me endless joy, brings him so much pain. I do love him and will not be leaving him. Morally he behaves better than most people who claim to be Christian, and we share common core values and interests, as in quite literally all of them except God currently..and he does not belittle me for my faith, rather he says he hopes God shows Himself to him like He did me. He is a rock in my life and my daughter’s life (I was in an abusive marriage before - and we had a child together.)

He’s a beautiful soul that is suffering…and I often feel powerless but I know this is between him and God…but it does hurt in more ways than one.

Thanks for reading.

Hello SeaofGlass221.
God has people in certain places all the time for different reasons, but those reasons are always for the benefit of all.
I'd be glad to talk to your friend. I'll guarantee you he's never heard the truth of the gospel.
Some people here think I'm crazy, but I'm not and you'll know that if you actually look at my posts.
Anyway, I hope he comes to know our Lord.

 

[Dorothy Mae]

I have been in a relationship now for 6 years, we are engaged. When we first started dating, he said he was a believer and even involved with a church / lead music.

Last year, he opened up and said he believed he had never had a conversion experience - he was just raised to believe and has prayed for years for God to reveal Himself…but He still has not. This was not easy for him, it was and still is very painful. The main thing that made him realize this was my own conversion / testimony, because I had a genuine experience and was changed that very day, and I was not raised to believe anything and actually had an extreme aversion to any religion.

While I am thankful he is now being truthful with where he is spiritually, I am also deeply saddened because now God and the Bible are topics that upset him. He is still willing to discuss it, to an extent, but he has been hurt by churches and their misguided ideologies, and also doesn’t understand why God would ignore him since he has literally begged God to show him the truth of His existence nearly his whole life. He is angry with God because of this and because of all the horrible things that happen on earth; he has a very hard time reconciling a loving God with the state of the world and the depravity of human history, and because no matter how much he asks, God has still not revealed Himself.

I suppose I am asking for prayer, and any advice on things I could say from time to time that might be helpful…because he does truly want to know God, but simply is being honest about not being born again…and it hurts me that something that brings me endless joy, brings him so much pain. I do love him and will not be leaving him. Morally he behaves better than most people who claim to be Christian, and we share common core values and interests, as in quite literally all of them except God currently..and he does not belittle me for my faith, rather he says he hopes God shows Himself to him like He did me. He is a rock in my life and my daughter’s life (I was in an abusive marriage before - and we had a child together.)

He’s a beautiful soul that is suffering…and I often feel powerless but I know this is between him and God…but it does hurt in more ways than one.

Thanks for reading.

Dear Sea,

He is not alone in his present state of mind. I have heard the testimony of "worship" leaders in churches, having been raised there stepping up at a young age to lead the music but later with some maturity admitted that they did not even believe there was a God, let alone be a follow of Jesus. What happened in church services just solidified their unbelief (they could bring about "the presence of the Lord" by playing the right music so that people all said it was God but he knew it was his playing.) The lack of discernment among church leaders and pastors was the catalyst to them admitting they were actually atheists.

Now there is a problem in that he is seeking an experience. I do not blame him because that is the flavor of the month more or less in churches now days. Experiencing the "presence of God" or experiencing something spiritual is the goal. I know God pretty well as compared to many and as long as your fiancé is seeking experience from God, he will get none. God does not want us to "experience Him" any more than we want people to come and experience us.

There is another hitch in God responding and that is there is a degree of pride in him in that he wants God (the servant) to justify to him (the master) on varying aspects like the state of evil in the world and so on. If one asks God to speak or appear with a heart that is more or less demanding this or else, there will come no answer at all. This is out of love as there can be no relationship with God if we put ourselves in the place of demanding or being in charge. But, this is often a smoke screen for the disappointment of God not answering his prayers. They are the wrong prayers.

I would suggest a different kind of prayer. Instead of him demanding God perform so he has an experience (crudely put, I know) that he ask God to show him his heart as He sees it. Assume God is there and ask Him, not to reveal himself to him, but ask God to reveal your fiancé to your fiancé. This is actually the salvation "experience" and it is actually not at all pleasant when one is in it. One weeps in deep sorrow for the evil heart one has and is finally seeing. So you and he should ask God to show him his sin. The Holy Spirit is there to convict us of sin. So ask him to do so. There isn't a single promise in the Bible that we can "experience the presence of God" somehow or that this is a goal.

God's goal is less spiritually exciting. That is, that we do justly to man, love mercy towards those who are doing so and walk humbly with God. No seek to be experiencing his presence which I think is the mother of delusion.

 

[Highway54]

I usually only answer the OP, but don't you think you are jumping to conclusions? You hardly know the man. What will happen between them I cannot tell, but between that man and God is on God's timing. From her descriptions, the man has some valid concerns especially the part where she mentioned misguided ideologies of the church. Yeah, I can relate to that.

It is possible, but we are so close to completing the assignment, and it is true I cannot prove that he has spoken to one of Christ's disciples or not, but it would be extremely unlikely. Mat 24:14. Even if he hasn't personally been reached by a disciple, parts of the Bible are available in over 1000 languages, in most all of the inhabited earth.

 

[Highway54]

Yea this is not a valid representation of him at all. I have watched him struggle and even cry out to God, I have seen his valid questions pushed away by so-called Christians.

Like I said I would rather him be honest about where he is than continue to try believing based on his own faith, when it must be faith gifted from God. How else could he come to a place where he is truly ready to receive that gift? He couldn’t. His honesty took so much bravery especially because of his parents, and I’m proud of him, but I hate seeing him in pain.

I was asking for prayer and things anyone may think that could be helpful for him to hear over time - not assumptions about his life. That was unhelpful. Thanks.

I am always most happy to speak with others about God maam. Have him speak to me here, or personal message me. I certainly am willing to help him learn more about God and His requirements, and show him how serving Him gives us peace and contentment with a real purpose and hope in this life.

 

[SeaofGlass221]

I am always most happy to speak with others about God maam. Have him speak to me here, or personal message me. I certainly am willing to help him learn more about God and His requirements, and show him how serving Him gives us peace and contentment with a real purpose and hope in this life.

That’s kind, but - he knows all about God, friend. More than most so-called believers. He just hasn’t met Him yet. I doubt this would be helpful in this specific situation - he’s “served” for many, many years because he loves people and wanted to believe…and thought that “deciding to follow” was what he had to rest on - but he was just able to be honest last year after realizing my conversion was genuine and he had not had that experience. Even though I wasn’t raised in a church, God has certainly taught me well and given me discernment. I believe prayer would most helpful.

He knows if he could believe, he would have those things. He, unlike many Americans, just came to a place of honesty about being born again. Like I said, I’m proud of him for opening up in this way - but decided to share my heart with other believers on here because 1. I’m human 2. I’m home most of the time as a caregiver to a family member, and was thinking I’d be able to have some interesting conversations here and learn something from time to time.

He doesn’t need a mentor - he just needs to have his “meet Jesus on the road to Damascus” moment.

Might be a bad allegory - he’s not murdering people like Paul was obviously Just someone who was raised well, taught well, but hasn’t been born again.

And this is something that hurts me - but also I must trust GOD’S timing. But we are told to pray for each other. So I thank everyone that is offering prayers.

 

[Dorothy Mae]

That’s kind, but - he knows all about God, friend. More than most so-called believers. He just hasn’t met Him yet. I doubt this would be helpful in this specific situation - he’s “served” for many, many years because he loves people and wanted to believe…and thought that “deciding to follow” was what he had to rest on - but he was just able to be honest last year after realizing my conversion was genuine and he had not had that experience. Even though I wasn’t raised in a church, God has certainly taught me well and given me discernment. I believe prayer would most helpful.

He knows if he could believe, he would have those things. He, unlike many Americans, just came to a place of honesty about being born again. Like I said, I’m proud of him for opening up in this way - but decided to share my heart with other believers on here because 1. I’m human 2. I’m home most of the time as a caregiver to a family member, and was thinking I’d be able to have some interesting conversations here and learn something from time to time.

He doesn’t need a mentor - he just needs to have his “meet Jesus on the road to Damascus” moment.

Might be a bad allegory - he’s not murdering people like Paul was obviously Just someone who was raised well, taught well, but hasn’t been born again.

And this is something that hurts me - but also I must trust GOD’S timing. But we are told to pray for each other. So I thank everyone that is offering prayers.

I agree with you regarding "talking to someone" because I too think he has heard it all from men and wants interaction with God. No man is going to be able to supply this.

I also agree that he is likely more honest than many in the church. The point that is likely untrue is him knowing all about God. If he thinks the evil in this world is a reason to question the character of God, He does not know about God. Does he confess his sin and ask God to forgive Him? Does your church not teach this? Very many don't beyond the generic prayer to forgive us our nameless sins if there are any. He needs to stop seeking an experience, conversion or otherwise, because I am pretty sure he will not get it. Those seeking spiritual experiences God does not answer. We are told to seek God, not experiences nor even the "presence" of God so we have a happy time. The real presence of God did not often bring happiness in any case. It brought weeping and conviction of sin, good but not happy.

We can pray and will do so but he will not get an experience if that is what he wants. God is not an amusement part ride. He needs to not blame God but repent and ask forgiveness as often as he is aware he has sinned. Those prayers God answers more readily.

 

[SeaofGlass221]

I agree with you regarding "talking to someone" because I too think he has heard it all from men and wants interaction with God. No man is going to be able to supply this.

I also agree that he is likely more honest than many in the church. The point that is likely untrue is him knowing all about God. If he thinks the evil in this world is a reason to question the character of God, He does not know about God. Does he confess his sin and ask God to forgive Him? Does your church not teach this? Very many don't beyond the generic prayer to forgive us our nameless sins if there are any. He needs to stop seeking an experience, conversion or otherwise, because I am pretty sure he will not get it. Those seeking spiritual experiences God does not answer. We are told to seek God, not experiences nor even the "presence" of God so we have a happy time. The real presence of God did not often bring happiness in any case. It brought weeping and conviction of sin, good but not happy.

We can pray and will do so but he will not get an experience if that is what he wants. God is not an amusement part ride. He needs to not blame God but repent and ask forgiveness as often as he is aware he has sinned. Those prayers God answers more readily.

I feel like you misinterpreted my use of language. He wants a relationship with God. Like you said in your post - he “has heard it all from men and wants interaction with God.” That was well put. He simply hasn’t had one yet (that he’s aware of - I told him once he does he will probably realize many ways God was working in his life..) and I think anyone that’s had a genuine experience should know how it felt before vs. how it felt after…before = dead

I was NOT actively seeking God when I was born again. But I DID respond/surrender to His presence in that moment. I talk about this in my new member post so I won’t dive into it here.

Obviously I didn’t mean he knows “all” about God. Just trying to communicate he is very educated about scripture - and history - and even still lets me share my excitement and joy regarding God and my relationship with Him EVEN though it makes him sad he has not been born again. He loves me and is happy I’m happy.

No one knows “all about” God - but I didn’t think my words would be taken that literally - but again it’s been years since I’ve participated in a forum like this so sorry for any misunderstanding.

Like I mentioned above - he genuinely wishes for a relationship with God. But refuses to be dishonest about having one anymore despite family and even his previous work with a church/churches. The only reason I said “experience” is because that’s literally what has to happen in a moment of time when you meet God and are changed, and being “born again” only happens one time. Hence, an experience.

And yes I have informed him if he’s seeking an experience or some feeling from God that’s not what we should seek, but Him. He knows. Trust me - I’ve told him all the things. But because I know from my own “moment” it is NOT something we can conjure up ourselves, but a gift of God, I continue to pray, speak Truth to him and seek to love him more visibly daily as God helps me through my own life and shows me how to better love him and others.

Thank you for your thoughtful response and your prayers.

 

[SeaofGlass221]

I suppose I should add - I said he was angry with God - but he also agrees with me that if God is God - then His timing is best - and he continues to hope for a relationship with Him. And he says things like “I hope you’re right, I really do.”

Again, I admire his honesty in the face of such a hard thing for him to come to terms with. I told him I believe it was an important step he needed to take in order to be ready to enter that relationship.

Hope that made sense. Xoxo