My Husband and Christianity

[SarahFuchs]

Hi. I'm new. I'm Sarah and I'm 18 years old. I'm just in the middle of a situation that I'd like to share...

My husband and I were high school sweethearts. We started dating at 15 (me) and 17 (him.) It's been three years and we've been married for a month now. We were both virgins up until then and my faith in God has always been strong. We went to premarital counseling with my pastor in the months prior to the wedding and my husband has gone to church with me.

Since we are young and we both lived with our parents until our wedding date, his mom still got involved with our lives...more involved than we would have liked it. Thankfully, that's stopped since we married. She's very pushy and when she found out he was going to church (months before the wedding), she got mad and told him he wasn't going to convert (She's Jewish but they are non practicing and my husband has no knowledge of Judaism and no real connection with it.). His mother even said his grandmother would roll in her grave if he became Christian.

Since I could tell he was feeling pressure from his mom and going "behind her back" to church, I told him not to worry about "pleasing me" (I didn't want him to feel I'd be mad at him if he didn't go to church with me, although, deep down, I was disappointed. He's a people pleaser.) and told him I'd like it if we continued with the counseling. He agreed with the premarital counseling but stopped going to church for his mother's sake.

I figured God would show him one day and he'd eventually see how great and peaceful it is to have a relationship with Christ.

I never liked being unevenly yoked with my husband. I feel like I'm sinning. But I keep telling myself there's a reason for this and I have to influence him and teach him about Jesus.

He's now agreed that he'd go to church with me every other Sunday (That's when he's work schedule allows) and we could read the Bible together again. I'm worried but I know I should trust in God. It's just hard.

Any thoughts on this? Am I being pushy? Am I doing the right thing?

 

[handy]

Hi Sarah, welcome to the forum!

My husband wasn't at the same place spiritually with me when we married either. A difference was that he was from a Lutheran background and wasn't at all opposed to going to church with me, or raising our kids as Christians. But, he was very ignorant about Christianity and really didn't show a real interest in furthering his relationship with Christ. So, I can sort of relate to what you're going through.

There are several things that you need to keep in mind here.

First, now that you've married him, you need to realize that he might never desire to become a Christian. And, as long as he desires to remain married to you, his failing to convert does not consititue a reason to leave, later on down the line. I say that not because I think your marriage is doomed, it's just that a lot of time women think that guys will change, and that's not necessarily the case.

Secondly, you need to have a solid discussion with him about how kids are going to be raised. It happens all the time that people who really didn't care about their religion they had growing up, suddenly want to reconnect with it when kids come along. Especially since his mother seems to be strong-minded and he seems to want to placate her, is he going to want to raise the kids as Jews? That's really important to work out before babies start showing up.

Thirdly, speaking of mother, you're very wise not to try to make him "choose" between you and her. Don't nag, criticize or do anything else to pressure him to make a choice between pleasing her or pleasing you. Just keep in prayer for the both of them, smile and support your husband in his choices, even if you don't agree with them. As long as they aren't evil choices, support him. Tell him you trust him and his decisions. And, keep praying. If he decides to quit with the counseling, tell him OK. This doesn't mean that you can't explain why you think counseling is helpful for the two of you or that you earnestly desire to go to church with him, but let him know that you respect his desires and decisions. This is what is known as "submission". Submission isn't always easy, but I have first hand knowledge in the fact that submitting to one's husband and supporting him, even if one disagrees with him, goes a long, long way towards helping a husband come around.

And no, you're not sinning. You're gaining first hand knowledge as to why it's recommended not to become unequally yoked, but it sounds as if your handling things pretty well. Just give it time. I've been married now for 11 years and I've been constantly amazed at how much my husband has grown spiritually in those years.

 

[GodspromisesRyes]

Hi there, i agree with the above post very goooood advice.

If I could just add a couple things here. Firstly have you repented for marrying him in the first place?This is important because we are not suppose to marry unbelievers, but you already have so it is important to repent from having already done it because then you can leave off any feeling that you are still sinning, then you can move past that to faith about the situation. It is helpful to not nag, or force. We have to remember that salvation is NOT about going to church. People go to church their whole lives and never get saved sometimes. Salvation is by FAITH and it is a work of GOD in a persons life. The new covenant was about GOD putting in us a new spirit- removing our heart of stone and giving us one of flesh- washing us clean with water- giving us HIS Spirit- and causing us to walk in his ways. Because it is a work of God, and it is by FAITH AND faith is a GIFT OF GOD, it is GOD who gives us a measure of faith, the best thing to do is to pray to GOD, and BELIEVE that you RECIEVE what you pray for. Then do not walk by sight.

It does not matter if your husband does not " want" to be christian or whatever, no bodies sinful flesh wants to die and believe in Jesus for salvation. I also had to stand in faith for my husband, the Lord taught me many things about that and He showed me that it was very important to not ever walk by sight. No matter what I saw from him I had to believe that God had answered my prayer!

 

[seekandlisten]

There are some good points put forth here. The only thing I am hesitant about in the advice given is repenting for marrying your husband, I believe everything happens for a reason, good or bad so unless he has caused you to sin I don't understand this. Anyways, just my opinion. My wife and I have been together 6 years now and we still have our difference of opinions on religion. What matters is the foundation of your beliefs. If there is anything I've found in the benefits of opposing beliefs is what I can learn about myself through others eyes. I think the point in marriage of becoming 'one' is more than just a vow, it's striving to become one in spirit. All beliefs don't have to line up but there does have to be common ground. Submission and love go a long way and a 'seed' planted in God's name will only grow. Hope this helps some.