Hidden In Him
At a request, I am here to give my testimony of how our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ saved this wretched, sick, hopeless man and gave me a new heart.
My name is Kyle, and I was raised in the occult. It was not a sharp and hardened occultist childhood like SRA (satanic ritual abuse) but seemingly unimportant things like tarot, psychics, ghosts, psychics, and the new age. I was always told that we were Christians, but we did not go to church, there were no Bibles around the home, and we never discussed Jesus. We didn't even know the 10 commandments, let alone the saving grace of Jesus. I did however have my Grandma, who was a born again Christian, and she always prayed for my deliverance and tried to teach me when I'd visit.
(Prayer works, so if you have people you are worried about... Pray. )
Needless to say, in my materialistic worldview my Memaw was crazy and unintelligent. Or at least that is what my Mom always said. As a child, one tends to believe mommy-dearest.
My teenage years were fraught with depression, hopelessness, rebellion, and wrath. I was a 'goth', always ready to fight at the slightest provocation. I even played hockey BECAUSE I WANTED TO HURT PEOPLE. This wasn't a momentary thing, I was always angry and depressed. I was also dabbling in witchcraft and joined a group of witches (a coven).
Then, at 15, I had a breakthrough. I went with my grandma to her church and found myself at the altar. I broke, utterly despondent and was at rock bottom. I repented and felt the Holy Spirit come upon me, an electric feeling of love and lightness. Something I had craved and had no idea I desired it. BUT I had built my foundation on sand. I was this guy:
Matthew 13:20-21 (KJV)
20 But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it;
21 Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.
The summer ended, and I went back home. It wasn't very long before I turned my back on Jesus. I lost that precious gift and the shalom that comes with it.
Back in the city, I fell back into the same circles. I began to practice witchcraft in earnest, sincerely believing the lie that all roads can lead to God. During this time of seeking that which ought not be sought, I expanded my spiritual studies into the Quran, Bhagavad Ghita and the Vedas, the Tao Ti Ching, Shamanism, and the new age. I studied Egyptian, Greek, Roman, Sumerian, Native American and Eastern mythologies. I also studied science, which is what I continued into college. My wake up call that finally saw me abandon witchcraft was actually a satanist. We had become friends and I found myself amazed that my Wicca, which I thought was good, aligned perfectly with Lynn's Satanism. I was blown away, and it caused me to immediately rethink my spiritual alignment. After all, when you align with a satanist more than with a Christian are you really a force for good? Or are you deceived? I was deceived.
This is about the time that I abandoned spirituality completely. I also lived alone in an apartment, and was constantly attacked by something unseen. I can go into specifics later if there is interest. I continued my life, studying but not accepting every religion that I could. I had a God sized hole in my heart and was trying to fill that hole with the pursuits of the flesh. I lived a drug addled, debaucherous life. A lifeless existence where the only things I valued were those which could be held, bought, or taken. I was in bondage to sin again, and again hopeless and depressed.
And then, a miracle. My ex girlfriend called and told me that she was pregnant. I didn't want to have a child with her and tried to convince her to get an abortion. What a worthless man, so caught up in myself that I desired to kill my own child. How disgusting and wicked my heart was. I cannot even fathom who I was then, he is as alien to me as could be possible. But I digress...
When she refused my request, I gave in. I decided, then and there, that if I was to be a daddy, I would not abandon my child as happened to me. I told my ex to pack up and move in with me. When my daughter was born, she changed me. All of a sudden, someone outside of myself mattered. Someone needed me. I went through a messy breakup, though not by my choice. My daughter became a pawn, and was used to hurt me. But it was all my fault. No one to blame but myself. After the breakup a custody battle ensued, and I broke, yet again, at the lowest point in my life. I finally resolved to seek the truth, and started where I should have all those years ago. Genesis 1:1. A 2 year long battle with terrible accusations, enmity, and vengefulness took place. I decided to just trust Jesus.
Once it was all over, I was given physical custody of my baby girl. This woke me up. All those tearful prayerful nights I begged God to forgive me. I pleaded for salvation. I asked to be in my child's life. And He answered. He was always there, waiting for me to stop being so rebellious. Carrying me when I couldn't stand on my own, though I had no eyes to see Him. But I still struggled with the flesh. I hadn't truly stepped off of the throne of my life. That happened much later. Oh, and I got married to my lovely wife and soulmate!
Spring 2020. Strange disease, lockdowns, and the forceful closure of my business forced me to take stock of my life. I remembered something from Revelation that tickled my mind. I had raised my daughter, stepson, and youngest daughter in a home with prayer. A home with Bibles. A home with the 10 commandments. A home of love and unity, with me, the worst, wickedest, and most useless man in the world, as the spiritual leader. A home where God is talked about and loved. But something was missing.
During this time I began to read the Bible in earnest, no, I began to study the Word. I came across some of the most interesting information and sermons. All of these things led me to decide that, as for me and my house, we would serve the Lord. What truly changed my heart? Believe it or not, it was keeping the Sabbath day, the 4th commandment. Giving one day in 7 totally to God and rest. I had decided after much prayer that I had led such a life of disobedience, that I would just obey God. This is when I was given a new heart, a heart of flesh and a new spirit. I began to live in the Spirit, instead of in the flesh. Sanctification is a process, and I have stumbled. But I get back up and set my eyes on Jesus. I was led by the Spirit to obey His Word.
I can testify this, a home with God and His Law is a peaceful, loving, happy home. My wife is happy, my children are happy, though we are poor in finances, we are rich. Shalom in the home is such a wonderful thing, I cannot do it justice with words. Even more wonderful still is that I have a relationship with my Lord Jesus. The one who bought me with the shedding of His precious blood. The one who rose again and showed that He is Messiah, the beloved Son of God the Father. He filled that hole in my heart, and filled my home with laughter and love. He filled my soul with peace and a desire for righteousness. He gave me a life worth living, and saved this evil, twisted, wretched, hateful, foolish man. I will never turn away from my God again. I will die for Him, and die to self daily. My ego is dead, and what remains is greater than what once was. Things are moving fast, scripture is being fulfilled, but take heart my beloved brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus, He who is living within us is greater than he who is in the world. We run this race, but we do not run alone. Trust in Him, give Him all you are, and He will never leave you. Take it from someone who has looked everywhere for the truth, Jesus Christ is THE ONLY way to the Father. He is the Truth, the Way, and the Life. Jesus Christ, who came in the flesh, who died for me, died for you, and the whole world, defeated death and Hades, and rose again to sit by His Father's throne in Heaven. He died so that we can be forgiven our sins. I will never forget all He has done for me, and will not deny Him ever again. Take heart my brethren, the race is hardest when you can see the finish line. May God Almighty bless each and every one of you. I love you all so much, ye who are of the body of Christ. Thank you, Jesus Christ, for the forgiveness that I do not deserve. Thank you Father for the blessings that I didn't earn. Thank you Holy Spirit for the guidance and instruction you have given me. Grace be with you all my beloved family. Amen.
At a request, I am here to give my testimony of how our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ saved this wretched, sick, hopeless man and gave me a new heart.
My name is Kyle, and I was raised in the occult. It was not a sharp and hardened occultist childhood like SRA (satanic ritual abuse) but seemingly unimportant things like tarot, psychics, ghosts, psychics, and the new age. I was always told that we were Christians, but we did not go to church, there were no Bibles around the home, and we never discussed Jesus. We didn't even know the 10 commandments, let alone the saving grace of Jesus. I did however have my Grandma, who was a born again Christian, and she always prayed for my deliverance and tried to teach me when I'd visit.
(Prayer works, so if you have people you are worried about... Pray. )
Needless to say, in my materialistic worldview my Memaw was crazy and unintelligent. Or at least that is what my Mom always said. As a child, one tends to believe mommy-dearest.
My teenage years were fraught with depression, hopelessness, rebellion, and wrath. I was a 'goth', always ready to fight at the slightest provocation. I even played hockey BECAUSE I WANTED TO HURT PEOPLE. This wasn't a momentary thing, I was always angry and depressed. I was also dabbling in witchcraft and joined a group of witches (a coven).
Then, at 15, I had a breakthrough. I went with my grandma to her church and found myself at the altar. I broke, utterly despondent and was at rock bottom. I repented and felt the Holy Spirit come upon me, an electric feeling of love and lightness. Something I had craved and had no idea I desired it. BUT I had built my foundation on sand. I was this guy:
Matthew 13:20-21 (KJV)
20 But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it;
21 Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.
The summer ended, and I went back home. It wasn't very long before I turned my back on Jesus. I lost that precious gift and the shalom that comes with it.
Back in the city, I fell back into the same circles. I began to practice witchcraft in earnest, sincerely believing the lie that all roads can lead to God. During this time of seeking that which ought not be sought, I expanded my spiritual studies into the Quran, Bhagavad Ghita and the Vedas, the Tao Ti Ching, Shamanism, and the new age. I studied Egyptian, Greek, Roman, Sumerian, Native American and Eastern mythologies. I also studied science, which is what I continued into college. My wake up call that finally saw me abandon witchcraft was actually a satanist. We had become friends and I found myself amazed that my Wicca, which I thought was good, aligned perfectly with Lynn's Satanism. I was blown away, and it caused me to immediately rethink my spiritual alignment. After all, when you align with a satanist more than with a Christian are you really a force for good? Or are you deceived? I was deceived.
This is about the time that I abandoned spirituality completely. I also lived alone in an apartment, and was constantly attacked by something unseen. I can go into specifics later if there is interest. I continued my life, studying but not accepting every religion that I could. I had a God sized hole in my heart and was trying to fill that hole with the pursuits of the flesh. I lived a drug addled, debaucherous life. A lifeless existence where the only things I valued were those which could be held, bought, or taken. I was in bondage to sin again, and again hopeless and depressed.
And then, a miracle. My ex girlfriend called and told me that she was pregnant. I didn't want to have a child with her and tried to convince her to get an abortion. What a worthless man, so caught up in myself that I desired to kill my own child. How disgusting and wicked my heart was. I cannot even fathom who I was then, he is as alien to me as could be possible. But I digress...
When she refused my request, I gave in. I decided, then and there, that if I was to be a daddy, I would not abandon my child as happened to me. I told my ex to pack up and move in with me. When my daughter was born, she changed me. All of a sudden, someone outside of myself mattered. Someone needed me. I went through a messy breakup, though not by my choice. My daughter became a pawn, and was used to hurt me. But it was all my fault. No one to blame but myself. After the breakup a custody battle ensued, and I broke, yet again, at the lowest point in my life. I finally resolved to seek the truth, and started where I should have all those years ago. Genesis 1:1. A 2 year long battle with terrible accusations, enmity, and vengefulness took place. I decided to just trust Jesus.
Once it was all over, I was given physical custody of my baby girl. This woke me up. All those tearful prayerful nights I begged God to forgive me. I pleaded for salvation. I asked to be in my child's life. And He answered. He was always there, waiting for me to stop being so rebellious. Carrying me when I couldn't stand on my own, though I had no eyes to see Him. But I still struggled with the flesh. I hadn't truly stepped off of the throne of my life. That happened much later. Oh, and I got married to my lovely wife and soulmate!
Spring 2020. Strange disease, lockdowns, and the forceful closure of my business forced me to take stock of my life. I remembered something from Revelation that tickled my mind. I had raised my daughter, stepson, and youngest daughter in a home with prayer. A home with Bibles. A home with the 10 commandments. A home of love and unity, with me, the worst, wickedest, and most useless man in the world, as the spiritual leader. A home where God is talked about and loved. But something was missing.
During this time I began to read the Bible in earnest, no, I began to study the Word. I came across some of the most interesting information and sermons. All of these things led me to decide that, as for me and my house, we would serve the Lord. What truly changed my heart? Believe it or not, it was keeping the Sabbath day, the 4th commandment. Giving one day in 7 totally to God and rest. I had decided after much prayer that I had led such a life of disobedience, that I would just obey God. This is when I was given a new heart, a heart of flesh and a new spirit. I began to live in the Spirit, instead of in the flesh. Sanctification is a process, and I have stumbled. But I get back up and set my eyes on Jesus. I was led by the Spirit to obey His Word.
I can testify this, a home with God and His Law is a peaceful, loving, happy home. My wife is happy, my children are happy, though we are poor in finances, we are rich. Shalom in the home is such a wonderful thing, I cannot do it justice with words. Even more wonderful still is that I have a relationship with my Lord Jesus. The one who bought me with the shedding of His precious blood. The one who rose again and showed that He is Messiah, the beloved Son of God the Father. He filled that hole in my heart, and filled my home with laughter and love. He filled my soul with peace and a desire for righteousness. He gave me a life worth living, and saved this evil, twisted, wretched, hateful, foolish man. I will never turn away from my God again. I will die for Him, and die to self daily. My ego is dead, and what remains is greater than what once was. Things are moving fast, scripture is being fulfilled, but take heart my beloved brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus, He who is living within us is greater than he who is in the world. We run this race, but we do not run alone. Trust in Him, give Him all you are, and He will never leave you. Take it from someone who has looked everywhere for the truth, Jesus Christ is THE ONLY way to the Father. He is the Truth, the Way, and the Life. Jesus Christ, who came in the flesh, who died for me, died for you, and the whole world, defeated death and Hades, and rose again to sit by His Father's throne in Heaven. He died so that we can be forgiven our sins. I will never forget all He has done for me, and will not deny Him ever again. Take heart my brethren, the race is hardest when you can see the finish line. May God Almighty bless each and every one of you. I love you all so much, ye who are of the body of Christ. Thank you, Jesus Christ, for the forgiveness that I do not deserve. Thank you Father for the blessings that I didn't earn. Thank you Holy Spirit for the guidance and instruction you have given me. Grace be with you all my beloved family. Amen.
