FallenSoldier
Member
So I have a decision. I can choose life, or I can choose death. I can pick up my cross and follow Him, or drop it because its too heavy and run away like a coward. I have been fighting a particular addiction for well over ten years now. An addiction in the mind is a terrible thing to have. Even though I do not watch it, I still can't escape because it enters my dreams. Literally, I dream about it. To not be able to escape something at night in your sleep is a torturous thing.
I've finally come to a conclusion: Only a coward would run away. I choose the cross, to follow my savior. I've been reading through the book of Psalms each morning, learning about Davids struggles and how he constantly trusted in and ran to God in times of trouble. He prayed for God to be his mighty tower, a place of refuge. For God to save him from and destroy his enemy in a single blow. The one that most relates to me is Psalm 13. David prays for relief from despair; "How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day?" For ten long years, that was me. Fighting a losing battle, wondering when it would end. I would overcome just to fall again. But David goes on to say "But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me." I put my trust in God, and he has rescued me. He saw me fighting, surrounded at all turns, crying out to him, and he has come down to save me. Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all of your heart." I have given Him all that I am. I have opened up my heart so he may take his rightful place in my life. May the enemy tremble before His might, and flee before Him.
I don't know how long I've gone without watching anything. I choose not to keep track, for even one day away from it is a victory for me. I have no Internet filters, no tracking logs, and no accountability partners. There are only two people on this Earth that know of my problems; one I don't talk to anymore and the other gets uncomfortable when I talk about it. I'm a computer scientist, so I'm in front of a computer all the time and I know ways around filters and logs. Great career choice for what I struggle with, right?
I do love what I do though.
Even though there is nothing and nobody stopping me, Christ is stronger than anything in this world. I put my faith and trust in Him alone. I no longer fight this battle alone, but I fight alongside the one who has already claimed victory. I love the description John gives us of Jesus in Revelation 1:14-16. The all knowing, all seeing, all powerful Lord of Lords, who is so high and mighty his face shines like the sun. I don't know about the rest of the world, but thats who I want on my side! When I struggle, I run to Him. When he helps me overcome, I praise Him. Spending time daily in the Word has helped me so much with this (shocker!). Every morning I read a few verses and prepare for the battle to come. I'm not sure if this is an addiction from which a man can simple overcome in time. This stuff is everywhere; movies, magazines, television, the way women dress these days. So I'm asking of you, my fellow brothers and sisters, to keep me in your prayers. I would greatly appreciate it. May the Lord let us all share in His victory this day, and forever to come.
I've finally come to a conclusion: Only a coward would run away. I choose the cross, to follow my savior. I've been reading through the book of Psalms each morning, learning about Davids struggles and how he constantly trusted in and ran to God in times of trouble. He prayed for God to be his mighty tower, a place of refuge. For God to save him from and destroy his enemy in a single blow. The one that most relates to me is Psalm 13. David prays for relief from despair; "How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day?" For ten long years, that was me. Fighting a losing battle, wondering when it would end. I would overcome just to fall again. But David goes on to say "But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me." I put my trust in God, and he has rescued me. He saw me fighting, surrounded at all turns, crying out to him, and he has come down to save me. Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all of your heart." I have given Him all that I am. I have opened up my heart so he may take his rightful place in my life. May the enemy tremble before His might, and flee before Him.
I don't know how long I've gone without watching anything. I choose not to keep track, for even one day away from it is a victory for me. I have no Internet filters, no tracking logs, and no accountability partners. There are only two people on this Earth that know of my problems; one I don't talk to anymore and the other gets uncomfortable when I talk about it. I'm a computer scientist, so I'm in front of a computer all the time and I know ways around filters and logs. Great career choice for what I struggle with, right?
I do love what I do though.Even though there is nothing and nobody stopping me, Christ is stronger than anything in this world. I put my faith and trust in Him alone. I no longer fight this battle alone, but I fight alongside the one who has already claimed victory. I love the description John gives us of Jesus in Revelation 1:14-16. The all knowing, all seeing, all powerful Lord of Lords, who is so high and mighty his face shines like the sun. I don't know about the rest of the world, but thats who I want on my side! When I struggle, I run to Him. When he helps me overcome, I praise Him. Spending time daily in the Word has helped me so much with this (shocker!). Every morning I read a few verses and prepare for the battle to come. I'm not sure if this is an addiction from which a man can simple overcome in time. This stuff is everywhere; movies, magazines, television, the way women dress these days. So I'm asking of you, my fellow brothers and sisters, to keep me in your prayers. I would greatly appreciate it. May the Lord let us all share in His victory this day, and forever to come.
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