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Need help getting over Devilish Past

C

Corinthians1613

Member
When I was younger, around 15 years old I committed the ultimate sin of relations out of wedlock, at that point in my life God was not a large influence as time progressed and I aged I met my soul mate. She is a devout Christian and brought the light of God into my life. However she is having trouble getting over my sexual past. I have spent a long time trying to help her and it just doesn't seem to be working and I'm just not saying the right things. There is no way we would ever break up but I will not marry her until this has passed because I want her to go into the marriage with no regrets and no issues with my past. Does anyone have any helpful advice of what I could talk to her about or say to her to help her realize that my past is gone, and I am a new man since I found God. I have tried so hard and I'm really desperate for help I am in love with her.:pray

God Bless
 
If she's troubled by your past sexual sins, what does she want you to do ? If you've already repented to God, if God has forgiven you, who is she not to forgive and forget your past ? :shrug

Maybe you two can go and talk to your pastor and settle this dilemma .... :chin
 
If shes anything of a true christian herself then she should understand that everyone has a past..including her.To consider oneself a christian means that you fully acknowledge you have sinned and are looking to be forgiven through repentance and the blood.

Ask her what shes done wrong in the past,and how she handled it.It may not have been sexual in nature,but she has sinned and assuming repentance has taken place then she fully expects that it should be treated accordingly.Ask her also how she would feel if you were to roast her over an open flame for mistakes made.

Youre right to put marriage plans on hold until the issue is resolved.Many people enter into marriage with questions unanswered and regrets at hand which results in the hatchet being exhumed later on and new problems compounded on the old.If she cant get past this then it may be better to move on and find someone else who can look at things a bit more realistically and acknowledge their own imperfection in the process.Otherwise,youll enter into the marriage with regrets of your own.Hopefully that doesnt have to be the case,and I wish you both the best.

As suggested above,go have lunch with the preacher and lay everything on the table.Simply talking to another person who is considered a spiritual authority may help things sink in a bit more.
 
Corinthians1613

You say you're in love with this girl. What will you do if she can't get past this issue of your prior sexual indiscretions? Do you love her enough to let her go to find someone more compatible to her, someone who has experienced the world more closely to the same way she has? To what extent can you trust God to lead you both, even if it isn't in the same direction matrimony wise? You can both look back and say "we'll always have Paris", and still be the best of friends. Having both gone on and found someone even more suitable and just as lovable as what you think the present situation seems to offer you now.

FC
 
I'm going to come at this from a standpoint that may be tough Corinthians. There are two things which came to mind as I read your post.

1. Firstly, you will NOT be able to "Convince" her you've changed. I honestly do not think that is much of an issue. If she is an honest gal, and she is dating you, she should have marraige in her mind. If she has gotten to the point of dating, it seems to me that most likely she was okay with who you were to start with and something has brought doubt into her life. Whatever the reason, nothing you say will change these doubts.

You admitted to violating God's teachings, and for that I RESPECT and COMMEND you. If this is the reason for her concerns, than she will need God to convince her it is a dead and burried issue. If God is not for your relationship, than as hard as it will be, this issue may not be resolved.

2. I truly believe that God has a helpmate planned for you, because it is clear you burn with a passion for intimacy. However, it could be possible that she is not that person. What may be a hard reality, is that God has other plans for her.

If she cannot get over this issue or whatever issues you two are struggling with, the path of your lives will come to a point where you will need to split in obedience to Jesus, or stay together in rebellion, and watch as the rabbit hole just get's deeper and harder to get out of. The one thing I agree with from former, is that you need to be ready for an end, however, it will need to be clear that God is ending the relationship and not her out of spite or fear, or you out of impatience or frustration.

I will pray for you. The struggles of love are never fun ways to learn God's lesson, but I know from experience, they are some very lasting lessons.
 
Your life prior to her should not affect her at all. When she decided to be in a relationship with you, she took that step with the you of the present and no who you were. I've done several things and have had things happen to me in my past that my fiance knows about and that still haunt me til today but he never makes me feel like damaged goods eventhough thats how i see myself. It's unfair to you that she can't see the difference between who you were and who you are. God forgives and gets passed our sins, why can't she do the same especially if she's a christian. I pray yall come to some type of compromise or understanding.
 
Corinthians1613 said:
When I was younger, around 15 years old I committed the ultimate sin of relations out of wedlock, at that point in my life God was not a large influence as time progressed and I aged I met my soul mate. She is a devout Christian and brought the light of God into my life. However she is having trouble getting over my sexual past. I have spent a long time trying to help her and it just doesn't seem to be working and I'm just not saying the right things. There is no way we would ever break up but I will not marry her until this has passed because I want her to go into the marriage with no regrets and no issues with my past. Does anyone have any helpful advice of what I could talk to her about or say to her to help her realize that my past is gone, and I am a new man since I found God. I have tried so hard and I'm really desperate for help I am in love with her.:pray



God Bless
Click to expand...

You are very wise NOT to enter into a marriage with her until she can fully accept you. If God forgives us then we certainly need to forgive each other and understand that it is ONLY by the grace of God that each one of us is held. If this sin was the normal pattern of your life that would be a totally different matter. It doesn't seem as if you're both at the same spiritual place, and that is a red flag. Continue to pray that she understands these important Biblical truths and if she cannot come to grips with God's Word then it's best that you go your separate ways. I will pray that she realizes that who God made you into is FAR more important than who you were.
 
Paul wrote about this extensively and she must forgive you as Jesus forgives you. Here are some of my favorite scriptures when dealing with something like this.

I would talk to her openly and honestly about the problem you are facing. Do it in a non-confrontational manner, so I would recommend putting what you want to say like this, "(Name), God has laid this heavy burden on my heart about receiving your forgiveness about my past. I have sought counsel from Godly men and women on how to talk to you about this burden. These scriptures came up as a result of my counseling and I would like for you to listen to them because I feel that God wants you to hear this."

Colossians 3:12-14 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Ephesians 4:29-32 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Luke 17:3-4 So watch yourselves.“If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.â€

Mark 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.â€

Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?†Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

There are more passages about how as Christians we are to forgive others as Christ forgave us for our sins. The moment you repented, you began the process of sanctification and to be like Christ. That is the key thing because you are a new creature in Christ and as Christians we are to accept you for who you are now not from when you were part of the world. I will pray for you and your girlfriend so you can both find peace.

Peace and blessings to you.
 
Your partner has a lot of hang-ups about sex and mostly likely none of them have been caused by you. It's only your problem as much as you allow it to be your problem. If you marry her, do not be deluded into thinking the problems will miraculously disappear. They will magnify. Decide how much you want her in your life. If you are willing to deal with her hang-ups then go ahead and marry her. If not, it's not too late to leave. No one can decide that except for you, and both options are definitely on the table. No matter how much she wants you to, you can never change your past. But you can influence your future.

BTW, as a nonbeliever, the "ultimate sin" thing really bothers me. But that is a whole nother story.
 
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