No Desire To Attend Church

[stovebolts]

Gracenmercy,

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I have not led a perfect life.. far from it and I also know what it's like to be stereotyped in a place that is supposed to be safe.

I just lost my brother a few weeks ago because he was a drug addict. Most of my siblings are... None of us grew up with a silver spoon in our mouths so it's no wonder my siblings have silver plated spoons with soot on the bottom of them if you catch my drift.

A lot of the people I go to church with know an over view of my past, but none really know the details. Most know me for who I am today, or for teaching the Sunday bible class. In short, I have a good reputation in the church, and I have some really good friends in the church as well. But, from past experiences, it's always a risk to talk about my past for fear of being judged... I know what that's like and it's extremely hurtful when it comes from the people who sell themselves as loving and kind.

But to be honest, I'm at a point in my life that I don't really care what other people think because I'm at a point where I want to talk to others about it as a testimony to what God can do in a persons life. How God can transform a life and I think some people need to really hear that so they can start being part of the solution to people reaching out, and not part of the problem by keeping them out...

Yeah, my brother was a drug addict and a dealer. But he was also my brother, but not only that, but he was a son to his mother, and a dad to his children. If people can't see that, then Lord have mercy on them.

Mikey, RIP

 

[elijah23]

People who have no desire to attend church. A physical church.

They say, "I believe in God, but I have no desire to attend church!"

Question is, "Why?"

Real Christian Living. Real Issues. Real Struggles.


Be blessed, Stay blessed!

No church is perfect, but the blessings of participating in a church far outweigh the unpleasantness.

 

[stovebolts]

No church is perfect, but the blessings of participating in a church far outweigh the unpleasantness.

I think that all depends... Years ago when I was trying to find my way back to the faith, it was in one of the lowest parts of my life. I really enjoyed church, but I had a need and as I told a few around me my situation, they separated themselves from me. finally, I came to the conclusion that I wasn't good enough for God, so I stopped going to church all together.

About a month later on a sunny summer day I was in the garage with my buddy drinking beer, listening to Rock music working on my 68 GTO when the preacher came to my house to find out why he hadn't seen me around. So I told him all the stuff I was involved in and all the struggles I was having and that I just wasn't a very good Christian. I was really, really reaching out to him.

He stood there speechless, nothing to say... murmured something, got in his car and I never saw him again.

How do you feel like your a part of something that doesn't understand you? That doesn't show compassion for you... That doesn't love you?

 

[Bonairos]

I was really, really reaching out to him.

He stood there speechless, nothing to say... murmured something, got in his car and I never saw him again.

How do you feel like your a part of something that doesn't understand you? That doesn't show compassion for you... That doesn't love you?

Now we're talking.

Real Christian Living. Real Issues. Real Struggles. Real Answers.


Be blessed, Stay blessed!

 

[stovebolts]

Now we're talking.

Real Christian Living. Real Issues. Real Struggles. Real Answers.


Be blessed, Stay blessed!

And it shall be interesting to see if anyone takes the challenge, cause they've been knocked out of their comfort zone... or if they will simply walk away...

Wanna take bets? Lets start with you. How would you respond?

 

[reba]

An old saying . .Christians have a way of killing their wounded.



Your brother ? quite handsome.

 

[stovebolts]

An old saying . .Christians have a way of killing their wounded.

Never heard that one before.. It must be really old :D lol

Your brother ? quite handsome.

Yeah, can't you see the resemblance He's my step brother. I've known him since about kindergarten. I can call you a sister in Christ and I've never met you. I can call Mikey my brother, because I love him.

 

[GracenMercy]

Gracenmercy,

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I have not led a perfect life.. far from it and I also know what it's like to be stereotyped in a place that is supposed to be safe.

I just lost my brother a few weeks ago because he was a drug addict. Most of my siblings are... None of us grew up with a silver spoon in our mouths so it's no wonder my siblings have silver plated spoons with soot on the bottom of them if you catch my drift.

A lot of the people I go to church with know an over view of my past, but none really know the details. Most know me for who I am today, or for teaching the Sunday bible class. In short, I have a good reputation in the church, and I have some really good friends in the church as well. But, from past experiences, it's always a risk to talk about my past for fear of being judged... I know what that's like and it's extremely hurtful when it comes from the people who sell themselves as loving and kind.

But to be honest, I'm at a point in my life that I don't really care what other people think because I'm at a point where I want to talk to others about it as a testimony to what God can do in a persons life. How God can transform a life and I think some people need to really hear that so they can start being part of the solution to people reaching out, and not part of the problem by keeping them out...

Yeah, my brother was a drug addict and a dealer. But he was also my brother, but not only that, but he was a son to his mother, and a dad to his children. If people can't see that, then Lord have mercy on them.

Mikey, RIP

Thank you for sharing this. I have been out of fellowship for quite a while and this forum is my way of taking baby steps to come back to the fold.

Many heartaches from the past haunt me and the ones that were directed by some in the church were the most painful.

I know the Lord loves them just as much as He love me. I know He paid the same price for them that He paid for me-His Life. And I forgive those who have caused my family and I grief.

I guess you could say I'm gun shy. Just don't want to put myself out there where I can be hurt again.

I'm so sad to hear of your brother's passing. Having to deal with the pain of that is a struggle in it's self. I have felt that pain as well. So, for you to share this was deeply felt. Thank you!!

 

[WIP]

Sorry. My initial post was not in response to anyone who had posted on this thread. I have issues with past experiences concerning the church not being there for me when I felt I needed love, compassion and answers. I was probably too harsh in my post and for that I apologize.

You are right that I am a bit bi-polar in my thoughts. Point taken. Just trying to sort out where I see the Church and my role in it.

Dealing with some open wounds that have yet to be healed. Forgive me for being out of line.

I didn't think you were out of line. It sounds like your comments fit this thread quite well. I'm asking this to the forum and not to you directly. Do you think it is possible that we too often seek a church for the wrong reasons? For example, and again just using this example, in the quote above it says, "I have issues with past experiences concerning the church not being there for me when I felt I needed love, compassion and answers." This statement seems to suggest that the goal was to get something from the church (congregation) that we aren't getting elsewhere. We're looking for family, support, compassion, etc. While it may be true that we might obtain this stuff, it seems to me that we have to first get past our own guilt, reconcile with God, and forgive ourselves. I would suspect that while the Holy Spirit is convicting us we will feel judged, abandoned, or maybe even out of place until we finally get to where God wants us to be. Am I off the mark?

 

[GracenMercy]

I didn't think you were out of line. It sounds like your comments fit this thread quite well. I'm asking this to the forum and not to you directly. Do you think it is possible that we too often seek a church for the wrong reasons? For example, and again just using this example, in the quote above it says, "I have issues with past experiences concerning the church not being there for me when I felt I needed love, compassion and answers." This statement seems to suggest that the goal was to get something from the church (congregation) that we aren't getting elsewhere. We're looking for family, support, compassion, etc. While it may be true that we might obtain this stuff, it seems to me that we have to first get past our own guilt, reconcile with God, and forgive ourselves. I would suspect that while the Holy Spirit is convicting us we will feel judged, abandoned, or maybe even out of place until we finally get to where God wants us to be. Am I off the mark?

You make a good point. And for some this may be true. From my point of view, I guess I thought that Church (the family of God) would bring about relationships where Love, acceptance, compassion and support was a given.

It was actually what I wasn't seeking that I found prevalent... opposition, hostility, judgement, and gossip.

Shouldn't anyone (christian or non-christian) expect to see the fruit of the Spirit being expressed in the place we call church? Maybe my expectations are off the mark. I understand that no one is perfect, just as no church is perfect (especially if I am part of it). But it is the lack of the "fruit of the Spirit" that I have come to see as the norm.

Sadly, I have received more love and support from those outside the church than those who name the name of Jesus.

Please correct me if I'm wrong.

 

[Bonairos]

And it shall be interesting to see if anyone takes the challenge, cause they've been knocked out of their comfort zone... or if they will simply walk away...

Wanna take bets? Lets start with you. How would you respond?

First, let me begin by apologizing for not responding sooner. Although I monitor the threads I start, I did not pick up your direct question, “Let’s start with you. How would you respond?†that is, until my wife pointed it out to me this morning. I’m sorry. Thank God for wives who can keep us husbands in check! HAHA

Second, and I may be wrong but I take it the question is, “What would I do if someone opened up to me about the struggles they were going through and it was outside my comfort zone?†(or is it, “How do you feel like your a part of something that doesn't understand you? That doesn't show compassion for you... That doesn't love you?â€)

Nonetheless I take it’s the former and not the latter. If not, let me know and I’ll address that too.

As a matter of fact that scenario (individual struggles) has happened on more than one occasion. And in each (by the grace of God) I try to look past the sins(?) being ‘volunteered’. After all more often than not, what’s being said is not as revealing or deep as it really is or it’s something, though in part true, is not the ‘real’ struggle happening. It’s more of a ’test the waters and see the response’ before getting into the crux of the matter. That’s why I think it’s not only what’s being said, but also what’s NOT being said that we need to have an ear for; that is if we desire to be effective.

In any case, I deal with it as if it was me going through it. Okay, maybe not that particular issue, but the same type of conflicts (we all have skid marks on our bbd’s or stains on our panties. Too real? Sorry). The question becomes, “What is it, or how would I want (more so ‘need’) someone to help me out and bring me to the foot of the Cross?†and take it from there.

In all instances my focus would be more on the answer (getting that person to Christ) than the problem. And that’s not to say I click my heels, wish I was home, and sideline the problem. If warranted (and often times it is), I too share some of my scars. Not to have a pity party or to compare who got it worse, but in hopes of relating. (I’ll post a thread, “This To Shall Pass†in Poetry and Creative Writing to further explain what I mean by ‘scars’)

I hope I answered you, if not let me know and I’ll clarify.


Be blessed, Stay blessed!

 

[stovebolts]

Thank you for sharing this. I have been out of fellowship for quite a while and this forum is my way of taking baby steps to come back to the fold.

Many heartaches from the past haunt me and the ones that were directed by some in the church were the most painful.

I know the Lord loves them just as much as He love me. I know He paid the same price for them that He paid for me-His Life. And I forgive those who have caused my family and I grief.

I guess you could say I'm gun shy. Just don't want to put myself out there where I can be hurt again.

I'm so sad to hear of your brother's passing. Having to deal with the pain of that is a struggle in it's self. I have felt that pain as well. So, for you to share this was deeply felt. Thank you!!

Sorry for the long delay in responding. Life's been a bit crazy lately.

I really wish I could write everything I wanted to say in response to you, but at the time, time is something I'm very short on. Please understand.

That being said,

Thank you for your sympathy, it is well received.

Nobody likes being hurt... so it's natural to be gun shy. However, one thing I've learned is that it is not the church that hurt you, but individuals within the church and I think that's important to note because within any congregation you're going to find a variety of different folks. This actually applies not only to the church, but any group of people that you may find yourself in company with.

That being said, one thing I had to learn was not to "throw my pearls before swine" because I was tired of my emotions getting trampled on because like you said, it hurts. As a result, I found a couple of really good friends that I felt safe with, and I started talking to them about my junk and it really caused me to dig deep into scripture in many areas as God began to transform that hurt back into hope.

I wish we lived in a perfect world where when we cried, folks around us cried with us or when we laughed, they laughed with us. But it's not always the case. Why? Because knowledge puffs up, but love builds up and sometimes, when we see somebody crying, we don't need to say anything at all... we just need to cry with them and you know what? There will be an appropriate time where through love, the knowledge will be received.

Well, I'm getting pulled again...

Grace and Peace.

 

[Lloyd]

I am one of those that doesn't attend church. I never have, and at the moment, feel no real desire to do so. That's just being honest..

But let me say this. There is nothing more important to me than God, absolutely nothing. I would like to think I live my each and every breath to do the will of God, and although I fall short, way short, I will never ever stop loving the Lord and his Son, Jesus Christ. I will continue all the days of my life, whether few or many to live for God and to be righteous and to be his friend, and someone whom he deems worthy to be called his servant. Not through any deed of myself, or any great attribute that I possess, but from his grace and mercy, I have come to know him who is true and for his glory, I pray I live my life always for Him.

I wasn't born into a religious family, my Dad believed in God (still does thankfully) and I followed suit. We never went to church, so it wasn't part of our lives. No-one else in my family believes, it hurts but I trust God, and hopefully one day they will come to know him. I guess I'm ranting a touch, sorry, but I feel you don't need Church to love God, although fellowship is great but I find reading these forums great fellowship, great learning and it fills me with happiness to read other people who love the Lord as I do.

I guess if I'm honest I've never wanted to be part of anything other than Christ. I don't want a step between us, if that makes sense. I don't want to be part of a church that follows a certain set of beliefs, or has their own interpretation of the scriptures. I want to go right to the source, Christ himself for my understanding. I hope that makes sense. I don't want to put on my 'sunday best' to praise the Lord, I hope that my actions and my life and my words praise him each and every day. My life is for the Lord, not a certain day of the week, or a certain place of worship but every step I take, I pray and hope I do it for the Lord.

Sorry for rant.. and my post takes no swipe at any church goers or anything like that. May God always bless you.

 

[handy]

Lloyd, when and where do you take communion?


And, if it's OK for us to not be a part of a local fellowship with pastors and teachers and those equipped, why did God give the church pastors, teachers, bishops etc.

"I don't want to put on my 'sunday best' to praise the Lord, I hope that my actions and my life and my words praise him each and every day. My life is for the Lord, not a certain day of the week, or a certain place of worship but every step I take, I pray and hope I do it for the Lord."

I do agree with this, I view pretty much every day the same as well, but still find value in joining together with other believers for communion and for corporate worship.

It's easy to make the local church a "whipping boy" of bad Christianity...as we see from this thread, and from the "Us and Them" thread, local churches are filled with fallen sinful people...but, nonetheless the Holy Spirit exhorts us to not forsake assembling together.

I think the very fact that the local church is filled with difficult people is part of the reason why we're exhorted to be a part of it. We need to be in there with each other, stimulating each other, exhorting each other, learning from each other and worshiping with each other.

Lone guns are just as susceptible as congregations to false doctrines, false teachers and judgmental attitudes. One doesn't avoid these things by avoiding church...one just internalizes them. It's good and healthy to be challenged by others and to be held accountable by others. For all her warts...the local Body does these things.

 

[Bonairos]

It's easy to make the local church a "whipping boy" of bad Christianity...as we see from this thread, and from the "Us and Them" thread

“Whipping boy of bad Christianity?†HAHA! I suppose one could interpret it that way depending on their perspective of what to do with what’s said. (sometimes, unfortunately the shoe does fit)

Nonetheless, Isn’t it better we KNOW the reasons why a person (and that from their point of view) feel the way they do rather than assuming we know it all, heard it all before, and discard their (however different) opinions?! Wouldn’t it be better to hear honest answers and meeting a person at that point in hopes of bringing reconciliation to Christ and His people?

Sometimes I think we (the Church) are so caught up within ourselves that we forget, and in essence become ineffective Ambassadors of Christ (and I say “we†because I am a member of that Body; for better, for worse). We talk about what we do, how we see things, and in the end - we miss the mark, if not the opportunity (of reconciliation) all together.

Yeah, let a person honestly portray the local church as a “whipping boy of bad Christianity.†At least now I know for certain what to pray for and where to begin in “going into all the world†and make changes if need be.

Be blessed, Stay blessed!

 

[WIP]

I am one of those that doesn't attend church. I never have, and at the moment, feel no real desire to do so. That's just being honest..

But let me say this. There is nothing more important to me than God, absolutely nothing. I would like to think I live my each and every breath to do the will of God, and although I fall short, way short, I will never ever stop loving the Lord and his Son, Jesus Christ. I will continue all the days of my life, whether few or many to live for God and to be righteous and to be his friend, and someone whom he deems worthy to be called his servant. Not through any deed of myself, or any great attribute that I possess, but from his grace and mercy, I have come to know him who is true and for his glory, I pray I live my life always for Him.

I wasn't born into a religious family, my Dad believed in God (still does thankfully) and I followed suit. We never went to church, so it wasn't part of our lives. No-one else in my family believes, it hurts but I trust God, and hopefully one day they will come to know him. I guess I'm ranting a touch, sorry, but I feel you don't need Church to love God, although fellowship is great but I find reading these forums great fellowship, great learning and it fills me with happiness to read other people who love the Lord as I do.

I guess if I'm honest I've never wanted to be part of anything other than Christ. I don't want a step between us, if that makes sense. I don't want to be part of a church that follows a certain set of beliefs, or has their own interpretation of the scriptures. I want to go right to the source, Christ himself for my understanding. I hope that makes sense. I don't want to put on my 'sunday best' to praise the Lord, I hope that my actions and my life and my words praise him each and every day. My life is for the Lord, not a certain day of the week, or a certain place of worship but every step I take, I pray and hope I do it for the Lord.

Sorry for rant.. and my post takes no swipe at any church goers or anything like that. May God always bless you.

This is one of the reasons I think it is so important to remember that attending or belonging to a church is more about what we can put into it than what we get out of it. If we participate in a church for us rather than an opportunity to worship God in unity then I think we are mistaken. Something to think about.

 

[GracenMercy]

I wish we lived in a perfect world where when we cried, folks around us cried with us or when we laughed, they laughed with us.

... love builds up and sometimes, when we see somebody crying, we don't need to say anything at all... we just need to cry with them and you know what? There will be an appropriate time where through love, the knowledge will be received.

StoveBolts: Why do we have to live in a perfect world for this to happen?(It is a rhetorical question.)

But really, shouldn't this be the norm amongst believers? (Another rhetorical question.)

This is what I desire to experience with other believers! Unfortunately, I have found this type of acceptance in the world instead of in the "church".

The Lord has been dealing with me about this for many years now. I was out of fellowship for 7 years and then I was led to a little church where I was getting the restoration and healing I needed, and experiencing the fellowship I was longing for. Then about 8 months later, the Pastor decided to close the church. He felt led by the Lord to do so. (I did not understand.)

This was about 1 year ago. Since then my husband and I have moved to another city. And for 3 months attended a church in this new town. And that is another story in and of itself-"lacking".

I want to find the place where God can use me...where I am accepted...where
love builds and lives are restored. And where I am part of bringing that about. I tell the Lord this...and I am waiting to hear from Him.

Pray with me.

 

[farouk]

If the believer desires to read the Bible and pray (presumably he or she does indeed want to), then it is hard to think that he or she would want nothing to do with others who also read the Bible and pray.

 

[Guap]

Let me start by saying I'm very committed to local church. I worked as a pastor for 5 years - which also means I've been burnt by churches.

I think that part of the problem, at least in many churches I know, is the pastors understanding of church. The church is the vision of the pastor! This comes from the leadership stuff that gets taught to pastors.

Unfortunately when church becomes reduced to the vision of the pastor, then it is no longer about the people, even when the vision is helping people! Because people are secondary to achieving the aim. People become 'used' to fulfill the vision.

It is hard to find a place to share 'real' issues, when the church is busy building the vision of the pastor. How does someone struggling with sexual issues, or drug issues fit in with the vision of the perfect church? Often they don't.

And while I agree we need to be putting into church, not just taking, pastors love that stuff as well - because it is about you achieving their goal! When people start sensing this, they can feel used.

And what is even more distresses is that pastors turn to 'leadership skills' because they need to grow the church, so they can pay their bills! So then people start to sense that money is behind what is going on. And unfortunately often it is.

 

[Bonairos]

If the believer desires to read the Bible and pray (presumably he or she does indeed want to), then it is hard to think that he or she would want nothing to do with others who also read the Bible and pray.

I don't think that's the issue, "Wanting nothing to with others who also read the bible."

But I may be wrong.



Be blessed, Stay blessed!