No desire to do anything anymore with myself..

[xhayatox]

I'm honestly at a breaking point in my life where I feel totally helpless and I just have no desire to do anything anymore. I am just so depressed and discouraged and I just feel so miserable all the time. I can't rely on anybody in my life at all. I only have about 1 friend currently, and I barely see him because he works regularly, and when we hang out we don't really have much to do. I used to have more friends but I drifted apart from them, and I tried to reach out to them and get them back into my life but they just refused and ignored me. I also have a few good online friends who I occasionally talk too, but as of recently, they seem absolutely unreliable. They don't really seem to talk to me as much as they did, and I have never felt more alone. I spend the majority of my time at home because I have nowhere to go.

Yes I occasionally go for a walk, etc, but overall I never have any plans. I never have anything to look forward too. I'm extremely selective about who I chose to be friends with. Not many people understand me and I don't really open up to many people. I have stopped reading the bible as well and overall I've lost the ability to function properly in my life. I have no love life. I have no job. I have absolutely nothing going for me in this world right now. I look at the world around me and I see how full of joy it seems to be, and how everybody is in a relationship and has somebody to call their own. Everybody seems to have goals and hobbies that they love doing, and they all have successful futures ahead of them. I honestly have nothing going for me.

My life doesn't seem like it's getting any better at all. Every day is exactly the same. I wake up, and spend my free time at home on the computer. I just feel so isolated from the world. I have no fortitude left to do anything at this point. Making new friends is just not going to happen. I have made new friends last year, and after hanging out a few times I lost contact with them because they are just too different from me and we don't share the same values and ideals, therefore having a friendship with them was pointless. I just can't relate to many people in this world. I just have a few online friends who I can truly relate too, but in person my social life is absolutely terrible at this point.

I have realized at this point that I have no place in this world at all. Maybe God should just wipe my pitiful existence out and just kill me. I walk alone, I stand alone. I go everywhere alone. I do not fit in anybodys arms. Nobody cares about having a friendship with me. Nobody bothers to invite me anywhere. Nobody acknowledges me as a person and nobody has any desire to treat me like a person. I have a really good heart and I'm a genuine person who just wants to feel treated equally and cared about, yet nobody gives me the time of day at all. I am just floating on by in this wretched world, ignored by my peers and looked down upon by society. I honestly have never felt more alone. Usually, teenagers my age have such fulfilling lives. They are actively engaged in the world, they hang out with friends, they go to parties, they date and have romantic love interests, they socialize, they engage, and they live life to the fullest. I just wish that I could be a normal teenager as well, in that sense. I wish I could do all of those things and have a promising life as well. I wish I could experience joy and laughter, and be able to be among friends who enjoy my company. I wish I could fit in somewhere in this world. I just feel like a damn failure. Every single hobby I pick up, I get bored of after a few days and just stop doing it. I can't stick with anything I do either. I just have no energy anymore. I am exhausted from all of this.. It's just constant disappointment. When will God allow me to find my place in this world? When will God allow mercy upon my wretched soul? When will he place me in good hands? When will he allow me to love, and feel loved? When will I get a break from all of this and just feel normal and happy for once..

I always strive to be a good sincere person and I try not to harbor any ill feelings towards others. I just feel like I'm losing hope as the days progress. I have been a kind-hearted and caring person all my life and I think I am entitled to some happiness. Is that really so wrong? It just seems like I'll never find true happiness. Am I really destined to be alone? My mind is starting to say yes. I just don't even know anymore. There are days when I want to cry myself to sleep. I feel like I am lost, alone and will never find my way.. I don't think anybody can help me at this point. I'm just so tired of seeing other people happy. I'm so tired of seeing couples holding hands and kissing in front of me. All I can do is sit there wishing that could be me. I will never get my chance. I will never be able to hold somebody and call them my own. I am so tired of being alone..

 

[God's_gift]

Hi xhayatox, maybe if you confide this to some friends or members at your church they can help you, i can relate to your feeling , but mine was more on like loneliness because i am working alone far from my family. And what i did is i look for a church and try my best to build new group of friends.

 

[221B]

Dear xhayatox,
For a start, I'd like to say if you ever want to talk about anything or just rant, even, feel free to message me.
Secondly, after reading your post, it does sound rather a lot like you may be depressed (the lack of motivation to do things or follow them through, lack of plans, inability to forsee a positive future, loneliness - all symptoms).
In all seriousness, I'd suggest you talk to your GP or doctor. Depression is a medical problem like any other. It's not your fault, and it's fixable. Your doctor will best be able to diagnose you and perhaps talk to you about options to help make you feel better. I had a friend with depression, and you'll have ups and downs but you've just got to push through... with medical help and support, you'll get through!

 

[farouk]

Sorry.

Learning to appreciate, or re-appreciate, God's promises in Scripture to the believer, and to learn to depend on them in faith in the Lord Jesus, Who died at the Cross for sinners, is a good step to take, which can also help us to see beyond our circumstances.

 

[God's_gift]

Sorry.

Learning to appreciate, or re-appreciate, God's promises in Scripture to the believer, and to learn to depend on them in faith in the Lord Jesus, Who died at the Cross for sinners, is a good step to take, which can also help us to see beyond our circumstances.

superb, and i would like to add this bible verse John 16:33 "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

You can be certain that God is in control of every trial and He will help you overcome them.

 

[Clear2Learn]

Hello. I read your post and I was really touched by how isolated you described yourself to be. I had to deal with depression in my 30s and it was a very difficult time for me as well. I saw doctors, and psychiatrists, they tried me on this med and that med, and they all helped and made me feel better for a while, but ultimately I was back down in the pit feeling miserable.

It took me a long time to learn that I had a lot of unforgiveness in my life. I was angry at my father for being distant, angry and bitter all my life. I was angry at my mother for not protecting me from him. I was angry at myself for being weak and not being able to stand up to him and I was ashamed of all the stupid, wrong and mean things I did in my youth. Over time I learned that any time I felt sad, or angry, or depressed, there was something that I needed to forgive. God's grace was available to me endlessly so that it became my daily (Hourly?) ritual to repent of my sin, ask God to forgive me in Jesus' name, accept that forgiveness and forgive myself. I also started forgiving others. Any time a memory came up from the past that I was angry about or felt bad about, I would forgive that person. I would say the words, "I forgive __________. As I hope and pray to be forgiven, so shall I forgive." I didn't wait to "feel" like forgiving. I forgave as soon as the thoughts came up, and over the course of a year I became depression free, closer to God, and happier and more engaged in living and helping others than I ever thought possible.

What are the things that are stopping you from believing you deserve friends, love and happiness? Ask God to help you recognize what they are, and then ask God to forgive them...and forgive you.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk!

God bless you!

Steve

 

[God's_gift]

Hello. I read your post and I was really touched by how isolated you described yourself to be. I had to deal with depression in my 30s and it was a very difficult time for me as well. I saw doctors, and psychiatrists, they tried me on this med and that med, and they all helped and made me feel better for a while, but ultimately I was back down in the pit feeling miserable.

It took me a long time to learn that I had a lot of unforgiveness in my life. I was angry at my father for being distant, angry and bitter all my life. I was angry at my mother for not protecting me from him. I was angry at myself for being weak and not being able to stand up to him and I was ashamed of all the stupid, wrong and mean things I did in my youth. Over time I learned that any time I felt sad, or angry, or depressed, there was something that I needed to forgive. God's grace was available to me endlessly so that it became my daily (Hourly?) ritual to repent of my sin, ask God to forgive me in Jesus' name, accept that forgiveness and forgive myself. I also started forgiving others. Any time a memory came up from the past that I was angry about or felt bad about, I would forgive that person. I would say the words, "I forgive __________. As I hope and pray to be forgiven, so shall I forgive." I didn't wait to "feel" like forgiving. I forgave as soon as the thoughts came up, and over the course of a year I became depression free, closer to God, and happier and more engaged in living and helping others than I ever thought possible.

What are the things that are stopping you from believing you deserve friends, love and happiness? Ask God to help you recognize what they are, and then ask God to forgive them...and forgive you.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk!

God bless you!

Steve

well said steve

 

[Fedusenko]

xhayatox, I sympathize for you. I think all of us feel alone and empty at some point in our lives. With this being said, please understand that what I have to say is not mean or insensitive, but words of experience.

The Bible says to love your neighbor like you love yourself. It also says that idle hands are destructive. The life you have described is far from what you want, but all your efforts to fixing your life has failed you so you try to fix it anymore. You want so bad to cure your depression (caused by isolation) that it seems to be the only thing on your mind. Stop being so egocentric.

I don't imagine you are a bad person. You said you aren't. You said you are a really caring person and I believe that your intentions are good, but intentions are only part of it. It is easy to slip into a kind of selfishness that doesn't seem destructive at the time (my life stinks, I have no friends, my train never comes), you will see the remarkable difference if try to fix your problem from a different direction. Put yourself to the side (don't forget about yourself, though) and give your time, energy, and your back to benefit others. You said you are a caring person (and I believe you), so put your caring into action and not just thought.

There are many ways to do this, but it does take innitiative, something you claimed you don't have anymore due to past failures. You have to just do it. How do you change the way you act? By changing the way you think. So then how can you change how you think? By changing how you act, of course! You simply have to choose to start the process and be honest with yourself about it and it will come.

Take animals to a children's hospital. Make a wheel chair ramp for a house that needs one. Help someone garden who wouldn't be able to do it themselves. Volunteer your time to teach low income foreigners English. I know a bunch of refugees near where I live that don't know how to use a thermostat nor that keeping it at 68 will create an electric bill they will ever be able to pay.

Give yourself to others so that they will benefit from you (this is called love, agape) and soon you will find that feeling that people call love. You will become inspired and the dominoes will fall and eventually that misery pit will be long behind you.

A few suggestions to reduce the urge of being lazy: sell your video games (all of them), cut the coaxal cable to your TV. Ask a person you trust to change the login passwords to your favorite websites (have this person write them down and keep them somewhere safe from you) and only come back to your life distractions when you can control them (if ever).

It doesn't sound like you need a doc or a magic pill to swallow. That won't fix your problems, just adjust your symptoms. Get out there and give to your community. Keep your mouth shut about your problems until you become good friends and you trust the individual. I know from experience that it is easy to blurt my whole life out to someone and they just run away!

Don't do this for yourself, but in time you will reap the rewards. It will change you and give you the rope to pull yourself out of the muck.

 

[phantom309]

Hey X,
Sorry to hear that things are a bit rough right now.Sometimes life just doesnt make sense,and at other points it just isnt fun at all.

It sounds as if your major difficulty right now is simply loneliness.I think to some degree weve all been prone to the feeling,and its never fun to deal with.Its always nice to have friends to talk to,someone to hang with,or just talk about problems and concerns.In many ways its a source of comfort and affirmation to us all.

There are times though where this aspect of life may not be readily accessible,due to many reasons.People get busy,life becomes hectic,etc.I think many people today have difficulty dealing with that for various reasons,be it personality or otherwise.What I suggest is doing some introspection and also realize the potential value of the situation until it changes again to bring around some friends.Its not a completely tragic thing to spend time away from others,and in many ways we stand to learn alot from the process.We tend to become more self-reliant,self-confident and self-aware.

Many people these days display a growing unease and unhappiness with life in general.As time passes,we grow more angry,feel less wanted and just become more bitter in general.But why?I would readily agree that we do face more difficulties and some that are unique to our times that do make things harder on the average man.Things just suck if we start looking at every little thing that could be better.

Focusing on what we cant change will result in a helpless,aggravated and apathetic state in which we just throw our hands up and say to heck with everything.At various times in life,the only thing we can do is be thankful for what little we do have,for the few things that do go right and just be content with life as is.Pray hard and pray often,talk to the Man.Perhaps He is trying to show you something or pave the way for another chapter in life.The possibilities are endless.

For clarity,Im not here to dismiss your worries,fears,anger and discontent.Im not trying to minimize your feelings or say that youre just being over-dramatic.I fully believe that you have some real hurdles to get over and that things are difficult.Ive been there myself,which is why Im here to tell you that outlook/perspective is everything.The more you just accept what is while striving to achieve better and letting the little things go..the less daunting the task becomes.

Hang in there man..the darkest hour usually precedes the dawn.

Ill also volunteer my ear if you need to talk to someone.If so,Ill offer what I can.

God bless.

 

[xhayatox]

Hey X,
Sorry to hear that things are a bit rough right now.Sometimes life just doesnt make sense,and at other points it just isnt fun at all.

It sounds as if your major difficulty right now is simply loneliness.I think to some degree weve all been prone to the feeling,and its never fun to deal with.Its always nice to have friends to talk to,someone to hang with,or just talk about problems and concerns.In many ways its a source of comfort and affirmation to us all.

There are times though where this aspect of life may not be readily accessible,due to many reasons.People get busy,life becomes hectic,etc.I think many people today have difficulty dealing with that for various reasons,be it personality or otherwise.What I suggest is doing some introspection and also realize the potential value of the situation until it changes again to bring around some friends.Its not a completely tragic thing to spend time away from others,and in many ways we stand to learn alot from the process.We tend to become more self-reliant,self-confident and self-aware.

Many people these days display a growing unease and unhappiness with life in general.As time passes,we grow more angry,feel less wanted and just become more bitter in general.But why?I would readily agree that we do face more difficulties and some that are unique to our times that do make things harder on the average man.Things just suck if we start looking at every little thing that could be better.

Focusing on what we cant change will result in a helpless,aggravated and apathetic state in which we just throw our hands up and say to heck with everything.At various times in life,the only thing we can do is be thankful for what little we do have,for the few things that do go right and just be content with life as is.Pray hard and pray often,talk to the Man.Perhaps He is trying to show you something or pave the way for another chapter in life.The possibilities are endless.

For clarity,Im not here to dismiss your worries,fears,anger and discontent.Im not trying to minimize your feelings or say that youre just being over-dramatic.I fully believe that you have some real hurdles to get over and that things are difficult.Ive been there myself,which is why Im here to tell you that outlook/perspective is everything.The more you just accept what is while striving to achieve better and letting the little things go..the less daunting the task becomes.

Hang in there man..the darkest hour usually precedes the dawn.

Ill also volunteer my ear if you need to talk to someone.If so,Ill offer what I can.

God bless.

Thank you for your kind post and for empathizing with my situation. I appreciate it. You're right about that. My deepest concern right now is addressing my loneliness and figuring out how to work through it and make my situation better. It just really hurts that the only presence I have is my own to comfort me. I've spent the last 2 years or so pretty much alone and without much companionship. Being alone allows us to think and reflect and improve our lives, and to be honest I have grown very much and developed, and I feel like I'm more ready now to pursue life. I just don't know where the hell to begin. I mean, being alone does have its benefits, but ultimately, I am just wasting away my youth by being alone all the time. I don't want to throw my life away knowing that I could have had a much more fulfilling teenagehood, yet didn't choose to take advantage of it. I don't want to look back on my life and feel like I threw it all away for nothing. I am desperate to make it count. I desire nothing more than companionship right now. The only real friends I have right now are my internet friends. I have a few close friends online that I keep in touch with regularly, but honestly that's not enough for me. I want friends I can see personally and spend time with. I don't want to have to feel singled out in life. I don't want to be alone anymore. I want to feel alive again. I just don't know what direction to take right now..

I see so much more room for improvement in my life yet I just don't know what necessary steps to take to improve my situation. Maybe if God inhabited my body and soul, he would know what to do. He would know how to improve my situation. But me? I can't do anything for myself it seems. I want to pray and ask God to show me the way but I simply don't know if my prayers are enough.. I believe he knows how miserable I feel.. I am thankful for my life but when I see other people happier than me I always get so upset and wonder why that can't be me. I just feel like God favours others more than me. I just wonder why I am so inferior to the rest of the world. I just wish God could reveal the answers that I am seeking. I just want to wake up, and instantly know what I have to do. Where I have to go, and what I should be seeking.. I just ask questions but they lead me nowhere.. I really do appreciate your support though it's nice to know somebody feels what I feel in my heart. I do hope I overcome these hurdles like you said. They are tough.. I just want things to be better.. Hope is all I have..Maybe things will look up.. I can only hope. I know hoping sometimes isn't enough. If only I had the answers I would know what to do and how to act..

I often question whether or not my desires are selfish. I don't desire money. I don't desire riches. I don't desire a fancy house. I don't desire a fancy car or to be rich,etc. I just want to feel welcomed in this world. I just want to find people I can connect with and people that understand me. For some strange reason, the online friends that I have seem to be the only people I can really connect with, and they understand me so well. I've known them for several years and I've always been able to rely on them. They know who I am and they know I'm a genuine person. They know I'm unhappy and they feel bad for me, but they don't know how to help me either. I am just longing for a better life. I know that if I remain stagnant and wait idly by, nothing will change. I know I have to get out there in the world and act, but what exactly can I do? I mean, the only real solid plan I currently have for my life is getting a job. But I question whether or not that will benefit me at all. It will provide me financially, but whether or not it'll improve my social life remains a mystery. The people here in NYC aren't very friendly, and I personally don't open up to many people so it's very hard for me to find individuals that I can connect with, you know what I mean? I predict once I get a job, I will probably meet people, but they won't be real friends. They will just be people I casually say Hi to here and there. I doubt I will form any real friendships because I really don't open up..I have my reasons but yeah. It's just how I am. I am very selective about who I be friends with. I'm really particular about it. It's difficult..

It just sucks that I have so many good friends online yet barely any in real life. It's funny how the world works doesn't it? I will try to pray again though...

 

[Tina]

I just don't know where the hell to begin.

You can start by believing that you're not in hell but on your way to heaven.

I want to pray and ask God to show me the way but I simply don't know if my prayers are enough..

You're right, prayers aren't enough, you got to do something.

I just feel like God favours others more than me.

God shows favoritism to no man and every one of us are His beloved. It may appear as God loves you less than others, but that's a lie of the enemy which you should reject.

I mean, the only real solid plan I currently have for my life is getting a job. But I question whether or not that will benefit me at all. It will provide me financially, but whether or not it'll improve my social life remains a mystery.

I hope you can be more optimistic than that. You never know unless you gave it a try. You may not find good friends at work immediately, but perhaps later.

The people here in NYC aren't very friendly, and I personally don't open up to many people so it's very hard for me to find individuals that I can connect with, you know what I mean?

You don't have to open up and pour out everything all at once. If you desire for friends, you just got to take the risk of meeting all kinds of people and then go with the flow. You say people in NYC aren't very friendly, but maybe that's what people think of you too...

I predict once I get a job, I will probably meet people, but they won't be real friends.

Try to give yourself and other people more credit than that.. You seem to have trust issues, which is good to a certain extent, but you cannot go around suspecting everyone in the process.

I am very selective about who I be friends with. I'm really particular about it. It's difficult..

So am I. But still God has blessed me with many wonderful, true and sincere friends from church and elsewhere. Look to the church and work place where you will meet people, all kinds of people. Don't be intimidated. You got to break free from your isolation and start looking. Seek and you will find, knock and the door will be open, ask and it will be given to you (Matt 7:7).

There will always be mean, hypocritical people in this world who will hurt you. But that's how you grow spiritually, mentally and emotionally stronger. They will reap what they sow. You just move on and meet the next person whom God sends to you. Through this process, you will eventually begin to establish long-time lasting sincere friendships and relationships, with believers as well as unbelievers. Trust in God always. He works all things for good to those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

 

[Jedi-sempai]

It's nice to know there are so many siblings who care. Everyone has a different perspective, a different life, so the advice differs, but the intentions are very Christ-like. That's good. Do you feel like any of the advice will be useful to you? Some say you need a doctor or medicine. Others say you just need to DO something. Someone else thinks you should try harder to make friends. Another says that you're just being selfish or too introspective. Which do you choose... or do you just want someone in the world to sympathize with you? Will that make you feel better? If it does, will it restore your lost youth? The real question is, what do you want? It's obvious that you're hurting because you have expectations for your life that aren't being met. Somewhere along the line you picked up a vision, a standard that you felt you were supposed to live up to, and that's why you're frustrated when you look around at everyone who has and who does things that you aren't doing or having. You 'expect' to have romantic love. You 'expect' to have a job, friends, a meaningful existence and purpose - according to that vision. I know how this feels because I am in the same predicament as you, and it has been years, and I did try to commit suicide, several times, just to force God to do something with my life, or else let me die. I even used to go down to the beach (when I lived on the street), trying to get the courage to walk in. I did one day, but as with all my attempts, God performed a miracle to keep me alive. I seem to be impervious to gas and poisons, so instead of forcing God, I actually found myself forced to live in spite of my boredom and frustration. So every day I have to ask, 'Lord, why? Why do you want me here if you aren't going to use me or bless me?' I realized that I was sinning. Not because of my mourning, but because in this prosperous and free land, I had created a vision for MYSELF, but God had called me to be His slave, His purchased possession, His soldier, His witness, and the only promise He ever made to me was that in this world I would suffer tribulation, but that He would never forsake me. My purpose isn't to have a life wrapped around me to please me, not since I was born again. Now my purpose, my ONLY purpose is to please God, to seek his kingdom and righteousness, to lay down my life for Him, and to present myself as a living sacrifice, taking up my cross daily, and denying myself. This is what it really means to be a disciple, a Jedi for Jesus. We can never please him and never get the heavenly reward He wishes to give us, as long as all we do is mold the world of the Enemy around ourselves, and as long as the only purpose in this life is to find ways to make ourselves happy and fulfilled according to earthly standards. The answer is in lifting your head every day, and looking at the examples God has given us of people who have realized this with their lives. No one who ever accomplished anything for God (or more biblically, that God has done anything through), unless they forsook their dreams, their desires, their wishes and even their youth, just as I have, and resigned to whatever the will of God was for them, and accepting it. Do you think David ever said, all this fleeing in the desert and caves and in the land of the Philistines is worth the throne? He probably said many times in his life, 'Oh, that God had been content to leave me with the sheep!' 'Why, oh why did I have to slay that stupid giant?' Losing your life is exactly what Jesus has called you to, brother Jedi. You are a soldier, and God never promised that you would find earthly happiness. That comes at the end, but it is well worth it. Remember this truth: If God is truly the reason you are in your particular situation, then it is His sovereign will for you. You don't have to understand it. He doesn't give us enough information for that. Just know every day that you have only one primary duty, and it only comes with practice - believe me, I know: You must learn to say two things when you feel worthless and unfulfilled that you would rather die, 'Praise you, anyway, Lord', and 'Nevertheless, not my will, but Thine be done.' Don't believe the Enemy's lie that God is doing nothing just because nothing enjoyable or significant is happening in your life. The key isn't really to just be thankful for what you have either, though that would be good. Just like Job, God has you in just the perfect situation for your personality, defects, design, and strengths, to accomplish in you and against the Devil that he sees fit. The real reason you are there is to first, break you of your self designed purpose; and two, to use this pain in order to both prepare you (for worse), and to build your faith against the works of the Devil, just as He did with Job. He wants to hear you say, 'Lord, no matter what, I will trust and worship you.' That is what defeats the Devil. Don't think that this is just a passing thing. I discovered that when I complained about my youth - God cast even more years down that drain of idle, vanity. My muscles got injured so that I couldn't exercise anymore, my favorite hobby. He started taking my beautiful, strong teeth that dentists used to praise, and now I can hardly eat. My body has become fat, when I swore to myself that I would never let myself go like my family did. My friends became my enemies, and I don't even go outside of the single room I occupy except to buy food, so I don't even know what the sun and wind feels like anymore. You may have one friend, but I have not even one - just this computer... and my God. But I don't care because I realize that I am learning lessons that have no benefit except as future character. God is shaping me as a Jedi for heaven! He's making me a disciple who can say, "In all circumstances, I have learned to be content. I have peace in abundance and in poverty; in meaningful employment, or in day after day idleness; in a society of friends and a lover, or in total isolation with no reason to even remember how to speak. My secret is that 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." The way I keep myself up, is that I look at the stories of past saints, and of present day martyrs, and when I realize that my siblings - my fellow Jedi around the world, are suffering so much more, and yet happy to give up everything - their homes, health, bodies, freedoms, wives, husbands, children, and lives, but they still praise God, knowing that He knows... He knows... and He is with us, waiting for the day when He will make it all worth it. Persecution.org, and Persecution.com are good sites. You might even build a heavenly savings account by sending a small gift to your suffering siblings. Pray when you are bored and hurting. That's why it happens. Learn to tell Him about it. You are a saint now - a Jedi, bought with the blood of Your Master.

 

[farouk]

Hi there.

Try reading John chapter 1: 'In Him was life'. Meditate on the eternal life which is in the Lord Jesus, God's Son, and look to the Savior and beyond your outward circumstances; He Who died at the Cross instead of sinners fulfills the sinner's innermost needs.

 

[JennyThatcher123]

On this topic I have way more to offer then I would like. there are some long but good posts here, I intend to be short and to the point , that said , well see. feel free to message me if you want. also skype is free and in PM I will give you my skype info if you want to talk. believe it or not it can help.

you have already been told here but I will restate. you are having depression. to what degree, well a doctor needs to tell you that, and it is a good idea to talk to one because it can get worse. you do not want to go there.

also you should know. the happy go lucky aspect you see other teens having, well there are a lot of them that are just really good putting on a mask so that is what you see. really there two things in play- the mask I just stated and the fact that with depression not only do we (yes we)not see it but we see it though the glasses of depression, offering up a cloudy shade of blue.

you end up seeing thing in this repetitive loop of hopelessness and you can not find hope when you are focused on hopelessness. think of driving a car, I am making an assumption here that you have driven, if you ever end up in a spin you need to focus on the road and steer to stay on the road. if you focus and worry about the pole- you will likely hit it.

This thing you are going though is not your fault and you should see a doctor. at minimum you need to change your focus. for example- you say people are not friendly- that is a sure fire way to find unfriendly people.

the fact that you posted what you did shows you can and are ready to change it. that is not only a step, it is a few miles of the journey. someone suggested finding a church- there is a great tip. that said you must go there and look for friendly people, as sure as any thing you can find clowns at church as well. so you do have to go in with a positive outcome in mind. I strongly recommend a church with a youth pastor because they tent to have their finger on the pulse of teens in your area. and do not be afraid to talk with him so s/he has some idea of what is going on. s/he can help in ways that can not be done if they do not know what is up. that and to tell you to go to church, with how you state your mind is going right now probably puts you in the back or close to the door. go ahead ask me how I know.

any why that is my thought. not sure I kept it short. as soon as I hit reply I will say a prayer for you and God bless. and just in case you missed it you are not alone, and people want to help- say, you found friendly people here, good job keep it up.