LostSoul,
I know its a frustrating and difficult season for you, but allow me to comfort you with hope and reassure you with why this on going struggle has not yet ceased. Its very difficult for you to see right now but God is trying to take you to a new level of faith and to blossom you into something more amazing, both you and your husband. In Romans 5:3 paul talks about how we should rejoice in our sufferings as hard as it is to do. He says this because through our sufferings and trials it produces perseverance, and through perseverance, character, and through character, hope. Throughout the fall and winter my rose bushes lose all their flowers and colors and endure all the weather of the two cold and miserable seasons of the year looking as if they are dead, but when spring comes they start to bud and bloom into a very colorful bush with roses and is beautiful to look at. In the same way we endure some of those cold miserable seasons of life and some are much longer than others, but when we come out of it we show our colors and beauty.
I am also so scared to go through sufferings and tribulations in life and the thought of it all, who isnt? But, I also know that it is needed for growth and to turn a person into someone with much character, faith and patience and more. You can also compare it to weightlifting. When one lifts weights they actually tear down muscle fibers, but afterwards your muscles grow. I believe that sufferings and tribulations also bring us to humble ourselves. Being humble is needed to have a close relationship with God and the reason why God spoke to Moses was because he was the most humble man alive. If I were to say I would want to go through lifes sufferings, I would be a liar, but I also know that it is a really big blessing from God because he wants to turn you into something amazing. So rejoice in the fact that God has allowed trials and tribulations in your life knowing that he is trying to make you something more beautiful by pruning you.
I have two friends, one of them has been without a Job for 6 months and he has a wife and two kids, and his wife did not work. Somehow God brought them through. I watched everything they have gone through over the last year and I am still amazed how God pulled them out of it all. They almost lost their rented house. They lost their car that they almost has paid off. He finally found a Job then had to bounce around to all these different jobs and try to work two jobs at once to make ends meet. His wife was hit with a $10,000 emergency medical bill while they were without insurance. They were getting their stuff shut off. Anyways, he has found a nice job for the time being and God is helping them catch up and he was telling me how he is getting some really big tax return back. So after enduring the pounding of the storm, God has came through for them. He told me through it all he faithfully served God and tithed and everything. My other friend and his wife, on the other hand is going through the process of losing their house, but I cannot tell you how much this man has so much faith it looks as if it doesnt even bother him and losing this house with this big mortgage payment has freed him up financially that I seen him devoting so much more time and money to the church. He doesnt even really know where he is going to go or what hes going to do but he told me he will worry about that when the time comes.
I would also like to remind you that God has control. We forget about all this when hardships come our way but even like the story of Job, God is in control and will allow or not allow things to happen to us. We are basically in a protective bubble, God being that bubble and all things that come towards us must go through him. God tells us that he will not give us more than we can bear. I honestly can say sometimes I think God has given me more than I could bear, but I am still here and still going, so I know that he hasnt. Psalm 139 is basically about how God knows us individually so well inside and out and when we sit down and when we stand up and every thought we think and move we make. Sometimes we think we cannot handle things or that things are unbearable and think that we know things best, but it is truly God who knows us better than we know ourselves and the hardest part is actually have faith and putting trust in letting go ourselves and not being independent, but co-dependant in God.
A final word of encouragement- Sometimes trials and tribulations vary on the duration of the event, but when all is over and done, we have no pain from the former things but Joy in what is to come. I believe its why Paul compared this Christian life as a race and I can relate because I used to be a Cross Country runner and in my races I would be running with effort and as I was going mile after mile I was so tired and exhausted and breathing hard that I felt like just stopping, but I just kept running with all I had to the finish. When I finished, I recovered and was no longer bothered by all the pain it took to to run that race but was happy I finished and that I did not stop. Here is a verse in Revelation that I can compare to my cross country races and that I can compare to trials and tribulations. "And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.†In this life, we may go through many things but knowing that one day, all the pains and sufferings will pass away and matter no longer because of the Joy to come. I do not even neccessarily use this as a reference for only when we get to heaven, but I use this as a reference in our daily struggles in life. One of mine has been finding a wife and being alone. But I know now even if I dont find a wife till I am 50 years old, that when I do, all the former things will be passed away, all my loneliness and hardships over years of singleness and loneliness will no longer matter, and that will stem from having the joy of finally finding her and being with her.
Stay strong in Christ my sister knowing that one day the former things will pass away.
Your brother in Christ,
John E.
I will pray for both of you.