Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
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That was on a poster at a Pentecostal rehab center I went to back in the day. I didn't "get it" until The Lord moved on my heart and I (miraculously...) got genuinely saved, forgiven, washed+made clean, but...yeah. Wise words. True words...more importantly.
My parents were never going to forgive me. I didn't "get it" until...now, really...but, yeah: wasn't gonna happen. Now, I'm living with them, receiving disability (I think the official diagnosis is still 'severe bipolar I,' but...w/ psychosis and such on board, its a lot like Schizophrenia...), and moving forward with life, as who I am now (and who I am becoming, also) in Christ Jesus. I am increasingly thankful.
Have I been forgiven? I dunno. At this point, I'm a decent height, my face is normal and more aesthetically pleasing, I have 0 premature aging, and all my hair has grown back, crazy thick and wavy. This is important because...I was a sickly, short, homely burn out. Boom. I'd even managed to mostly destroy my follicles (please don't let mentally ill teenagers get whatever they want from beauty supply stores...bad things happen...). The Lord saved me when I was a barely patched up wretch, on my way out. Now, I've been transformed from the inside out. I'm also--and this is the big thing, for me--remarkably intelligent. Its not so much about IQ to me now, although my IQ estimate is now on the higher end of things, which = better treatment from the mental health people. To me, its about The Lord taking an obviously brain damaged, dull-average IQ "weakling" and making him/me...whole. Remarkably normal, in ways that matter.
So, yeah. I don't know if my parents --have-- forgiven me, or if they will or if they can, honestly. I "get it" more now than before. But The Lord willed to spare me, save me, forgive me, and transform me, so...we've definitely reconciled (miracle!), and we're all 3 moving forward, together, as a "family unit."
Mama's retired, Praise God (!!!). Her job brought in good compen$ation, but...the politics, stress, demands...it was a bit too much for anyone to bear, and she was well past finished with all that mess. What was it Sartre wrote, in No Exit..."Hell is other people" ? Yeah. Wise words.
She's retired now. Dad's going strong in his job. His compensation is good, too, but he's not subjected to all the pressure and politics and nastiness that she was, thank goodness. They're doing well financially, Praise God (!!!!), and I'm able to live here, with them, in safety and peace and...comfort. Scripture says that He blesses us with what we need for life and for godliness. I am blessed beyond measure. Largely through my (long suffering, loving, kind, generous) parents, He's blessed me with more than I actually need.
These days...I'm usually down to --1-- psych drug. Its a heavy-hitter--moderate dose of a newer, "atypical" tranquilizer---but...yeah. The days of Rx uppers and downers, Ambien at night, repeat in the AM...long gone, thank goodness. I'm blessed beyond measure. I even get to take massive doses of vitamins+minerals+antioxidants, along with the tranquilizer. Its called Orthomolecular. I used to think the vitamins had purged my system and made me healthy...then The Lord willed to make me healthy and smart enough, lucid enough to see: vitamins are great and all, especially when you're healthy, but there wasn't any "fixing" all that, by any worldly means...whatsoever. God is good!
So...yeah...my parents. Good people! I get the sense that The Lord changed me so much so we could reconcile. My dad's 6'4, successful, all that...he wasn't about to forgive a burned out, patched up, over the hill flamer. No, no, no...NO! --But-- an aesthetically pleasing, charming, intelligent, mentally ill, homosexual ne'er do well? Maybe. Just...maybe. LOL.
My mama was never going to forgive me for turning stupid. I started with a 120 IQ. I did too many drugs, then there were the involuntary shock "treatments," etc., and...whoa. Even when my IQ went back up to the 115 or so range, I had obvious brain damage (hard to explain...). Not forgive-able, not 'round here, no way. Now, my IQ estimate is "high," so I'm guessing somewhere in the 130s. Not "genius," but...going by the "experts," sufficient for me to write well, understand advanced material (to a point...), etc. More importantly, from my perspective...sufficient for me to engage in life, fully, for the 1st time in over a decade...as a new creation in Christ Jesus. Oh, and...sufficient for my mother to forgive me for the sins of my (worse than squandered) youth. Praise God!
So...yeah. God is good (All the time!). I get to be a whole new person, which...interestingly enough...is more or less something I've always wanted. Total and complete transformation. Who knew that only Jesus can do such? I didn't, not until --after-- He moved on my heart, forgave me, and then went to work at changing me, totally and completely, thru and thru.
My parents...love me, now. I love them, too, in a way that I never did before The Lord saved me and changed me, inside and out. I'm not so bitter and angry and hostile now, Praise God (!!!). I appreciate things much, much more than I ever did before.
Our God is a God of reconciliation. Another small poster would tell me "Our God is a God of restoration." Both statements have proven true, in my own life...not because I was (or am) any more Christian or "special" or...anything...than anyone else, but simply because...I dunno. God is love, after all. That surely plays a big part in His work in my life, and my family's lives, and the lives of His other children, too. "Salvation is for the --whole-- person." Now, there's a Pentecostal-ism I have come to agree with, wholeheartedly.
Now and then, I think on 1 Corinthians 1:27 , and I think about The Lord's work in my life, at all levels. Maybe that's the 1 Scripture I think of most often, when I stop to think...with people like me going homeless, going to prison, ending up in abject poverty w/ no escape, dying of AIDS and overdoses, and...on and on and on it goes, no end in sight....why would Jesus do all this for me, and my family, too?
So...yeah. Just in time for Labor Day...another Praise Report.
((Thanks for reading, btw.
))
My parents were never going to forgive me. I didn't "get it" until...now, really...but, yeah: wasn't gonna happen. Now, I'm living with them, receiving disability (I think the official diagnosis is still 'severe bipolar I,' but...w/ psychosis and such on board, its a lot like Schizophrenia...), and moving forward with life, as who I am now (and who I am becoming, also) in Christ Jesus. I am increasingly thankful.
Have I been forgiven? I dunno. At this point, I'm a decent height, my face is normal and more aesthetically pleasing, I have 0 premature aging, and all my hair has grown back, crazy thick and wavy. This is important because...I was a sickly, short, homely burn out. Boom. I'd even managed to mostly destroy my follicles (please don't let mentally ill teenagers get whatever they want from beauty supply stores...bad things happen...). The Lord saved me when I was a barely patched up wretch, on my way out. Now, I've been transformed from the inside out. I'm also--and this is the big thing, for me--remarkably intelligent. Its not so much about IQ to me now, although my IQ estimate is now on the higher end of things, which = better treatment from the mental health people. To me, its about The Lord taking an obviously brain damaged, dull-average IQ "weakling" and making him/me...whole. Remarkably normal, in ways that matter.
So, yeah. I don't know if my parents --have-- forgiven me, or if they will or if they can, honestly. I "get it" more now than before. But The Lord willed to spare me, save me, forgive me, and transform me, so...we've definitely reconciled (miracle!), and we're all 3 moving forward, together, as a "family unit."
Mama's retired, Praise God (!!!). Her job brought in good compen$ation, but...the politics, stress, demands...it was a bit too much for anyone to bear, and she was well past finished with all that mess. What was it Sartre wrote, in No Exit..."Hell is other people" ? Yeah. Wise words.
She's retired now. Dad's going strong in his job. His compensation is good, too, but he's not subjected to all the pressure and politics and nastiness that she was, thank goodness. They're doing well financially, Praise God (!!!!), and I'm able to live here, with them, in safety and peace and...comfort. Scripture says that He blesses us with what we need for life and for godliness. I am blessed beyond measure. Largely through my (long suffering, loving, kind, generous) parents, He's blessed me with more than I actually need.
These days...I'm usually down to --1-- psych drug. Its a heavy-hitter--moderate dose of a newer, "atypical" tranquilizer---but...yeah. The days of Rx uppers and downers, Ambien at night, repeat in the AM...long gone, thank goodness. I'm blessed beyond measure. I even get to take massive doses of vitamins+minerals+antioxidants, along with the tranquilizer. Its called Orthomolecular. I used to think the vitamins had purged my system and made me healthy...then The Lord willed to make me healthy and smart enough, lucid enough to see: vitamins are great and all, especially when you're healthy, but there wasn't any "fixing" all that, by any worldly means...whatsoever. God is good!
So...yeah...my parents. Good people! I get the sense that The Lord changed me so much so we could reconcile. My dad's 6'4, successful, all that...he wasn't about to forgive a burned out, patched up, over the hill flamer. No, no, no...NO! --But-- an aesthetically pleasing, charming, intelligent, mentally ill, homosexual ne'er do well? Maybe. Just...maybe. LOL.
My mama was never going to forgive me for turning stupid. I started with a 120 IQ. I did too many drugs, then there were the involuntary shock "treatments," etc., and...whoa. Even when my IQ went back up to the 115 or so range, I had obvious brain damage (hard to explain...). Not forgive-able, not 'round here, no way. Now, my IQ estimate is "high," so I'm guessing somewhere in the 130s. Not "genius," but...going by the "experts," sufficient for me to write well, understand advanced material (to a point...), etc. More importantly, from my perspective...sufficient for me to engage in life, fully, for the 1st time in over a decade...as a new creation in Christ Jesus. Oh, and...sufficient for my mother to forgive me for the sins of my (worse than squandered) youth. Praise God!
So...yeah. God is good (All the time!). I get to be a whole new person, which...interestingly enough...is more or less something I've always wanted. Total and complete transformation. Who knew that only Jesus can do such? I didn't, not until --after-- He moved on my heart, forgave me, and then went to work at changing me, totally and completely, thru and thru.
My parents...love me, now. I love them, too, in a way that I never did before The Lord saved me and changed me, inside and out. I'm not so bitter and angry and hostile now, Praise God (!!!). I appreciate things much, much more than I ever did before.
Our God is a God of reconciliation. Another small poster would tell me "Our God is a God of restoration." Both statements have proven true, in my own life...not because I was (or am) any more Christian or "special" or...anything...than anyone else, but simply because...I dunno. God is love, after all. That surely plays a big part in His work in my life, and my family's lives, and the lives of His other children, too. "Salvation is for the --whole-- person." Now, there's a Pentecostal-ism I have come to agree with, wholeheartedly.
Now and then, I think on 1 Corinthians 1:27 , and I think about The Lord's work in my life, at all levels. Maybe that's the 1 Scripture I think of most often, when I stop to think...with people like me going homeless, going to prison, ending up in abject poverty w/ no escape, dying of AIDS and overdoses, and...on and on and on it goes, no end in sight....why would Jesus do all this for me, and my family, too?
So...yeah. Just in time for Labor Day...another Praise Report.
((Thanks for reading, btw.
))