Passive-Agressive

[Willie T]

I can understand it, kinda. My personality is one that goes to great lengths to avoid conflict, so I tend to hide my deepest opinions and feelings to accomplish this purpose.
I avoid people who bother me if I can, but in the case of immediate family being irritating or frustrating I can't. So there are cases in which I'll resort to mildly irritating behaviors to express my irritation. I'm not a petty person, but there are a few things that get on my nerves fast.

Sounds like you are more honest than most people.

 

[Edward]

I've had problems at times with people who were not direct. My ex-wife was one. We would have a conversation about something important and she would agree with me just because she didn't want to disagree, even though I genuinely wanted to know what she wanted so her desires could be accommodated. Then later on I find out she felt the opposite of what she had said, had been secretly doing things to sabotage our relationship over it, and put the blame for that onto me!

In conversations about important things, as long as a person isn't using "I'm just being honest" as a justification for just being nasty and uncaring of my feelings, I would much rather hear honesty than lies!

Wow. Sounds like we were married to the same gal, lol. My ex would politely pick fights and then blame it on me. She'd lie about stupid stuff, stuff that doesn't need to be lied about too and this irritated me. I've always been big on honesty and honor. Being honest is more important than hurting someones feelings. This does two things, one, it lets one know what the real score is, what they're dealing with, and two, it lets you know that no matter what, that you can count on what comes out of the others mouth. That's big in my book.

I hate P/A people. Open and honest resistance or anger is more honorable than being P/A.

 

[Edward]

When you are dealing with passive aggressive people keep in mind they aren't evil, it's just some sort of weakness and we all have weaknesses, right?

Maybe something that happened to them along the way accidentally taught them that saying their true opinion is dangerous and it's safer to resort to sabotaging and backstabbing their work when they disagree with it.
Rather than hating them it's better to confront that behavior in a friendly supporting way and encourage that person to say what they really think, and if they actually do show honest disagreement, even the slightest bit of it, acknowledge it, praise their candor, thank them and take their disagreement into consideration, show them they are still your friends or your loved ones or part of your team.
Keep in mind it's hard for everyone to re-learn long term survival strategies, they are sticky even if they are harmful now.

I like that approach Claudya. Sounds like wise words.

 

[Edward]

Man there are way to many titles for this kind, or that kind, of jerky or bad behaviour..
Seems to me the 'woodshed' could 'cure' many 'dysfunctions' ... guess i am showing my age...

...and that's scriptural!