Pastors' wives

[Classik]

I have noticed some pastors who give their wives higher posts in the church. Some wives are made to sit next to their husbands, the pastors in the church (I didn't say it is wrong).

This has caused big problems in some churches. People ask: Why should the pastor's wife have such a power, is she superior to other women and men? Why should she head this group or that group....etc?

We are told to respect our pastors. Should the wife of a pastor demand such, 'I am the pastors wife'?

I wonder why some pastors parade their wives: they do that in church, on posters and banners and handbills, tv - the pastor and wife (awarness stuff before crusades). Is that a family thing?

Finally, is there a particular role the wives of our pastors should play in our churches?

 

[reba]

Not speaking of the mega churches....

A small town pastors wife has about the heardest job in the world. She can not confide in anyone she can only listen. She hears the hurts of her husband the gossip. She must bare this between hubby and God, no close human friend.. If she is pretty she will be shunned. if she is ugly she will be mocked... talented? some one will find fault. There is no harder job then to be the helpmeet of the pastor...She is hassled on how she raises the children how she cooks she does too much she does nothing good grief she cant even set in the right place. Just like sport officials she is always wrong according to some folks.

PK here. A pastor's wife is a big part of the team His team and his team.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Honestly, they should understand that their husband is the pastor of the church.

This reminds me of the wives of the Commissioned officers in the Armed Services. Somehow they think they rank among themselves according to the rank of their husbands. Add to that...it's waaaaay out of order when a wife of a Colonel, for example, starts spouting orders to the enlisted folks as if they are consigned to her.

Humility is probably the best trait a pastor's wife can have. It will gain her the most respect.

 

[farouk]

If she is quiet, she may be accused of being stand-offish.

If she is friendly, she may be accused of being gossipy and interfering.

If she has a college degree, she may be accused of not being able to identify with 'ordinary' people.

If she doesn't have a college degree, she may be accused of not being wise enough to understand issues.

If she wears red lipstick, she may be accused of not being willing to wear a lighter shade, or of ignoring the option of not wearing any at all.

If she doesn't wear lipstick, she may be accused of looking dowdy.

If she usually wears flat heels, she may be accused of being boring.

If she wears stilettos, she may be accused of being impractical.

If her son goes into the military, she may be accused of being a militaristic supporter of George W. Bush.

If her son doesn't go into the military, she may be accused of not encouraging enough respect for the military.

If her daughter gets her ears triple pierced, she may be accused of not encouraging a traditional approach to appearance and deportment.

If her daughter doesn't get her ears triple pierced, she may be accused of not letting her be herself and identify with a lot of the other young folk.

If her grandson goes on mission trips, she may be accused of fostering an environment of favoritism and overlooking those young people who can't afford it.

If her grandson doesn't go on mission trips, she will be accused of not encouraging the young people to take an interest in missionary work.

If her granddaughter gets a tattoo, she may be accused of not pressuring her to imitate other people's great-grandmothers.

If her granddaughter doesn't get a tattoo, she may be accused of contributing to a holier than thou, judgmental outlook towards the other young people with tattoos.

If her husband wears a necktie to all the services, she may be accused of not letting him understand that he is too formal.

If her husband doesn't wear a necktie to all the services, she may be accused of not grasping the importance of formality.

..........

And so it goes ...

Instead, a godly woman is valuable 'above rubies'; Proverbs 31 is a great tribute to the godly woman.

 

[Classik]

Just like sport officials she is always wrong according to some folks.

PK here. A pastor's wife is a big part of the team His team and his team.

And fans keep yelling at the coach. At times the fans are right, at times the coach is.

 

[Classik]

Humility is probably the best trait a pastor's wife can have. It will gain her the most respect.

Fantastic. And that's a struggle to some.

 

[Classik]

If she is quiet, she may be accused of being stand-offish.

If she is friendly, she may be accused of being gossipy and interfering.

If she has a college degree, she may be accused of not being able to identify with 'ordinary' people.

If she doesn't have a college degree, she may be accused of not being wise enough to understand issues.

If she wears red lipstick, she may be accused of not being willing to wear a lighter shade, or of ignoring the option of not wearing any at all.

If she doesn't wear lipstick, she may be accused of looking dowdy.

If she usually wears flat heels, she may be accused of being boring.

If she wears stilettos, she may be accused of being impractical.

If her son goes into the military, she may be accused of being a militaristic supporter of George W. Bush.

If her son doesn't go into the military, she may be accused of not encouraging enough respect for the military.

If her daughter gets her ears triple pierced, she may be accused of not encouraging a traditional approach to appearance and deportment.

If her daughter doesn't get her ears triple pierced, she may be accused of not letting her be herself and identify with a lot of the other young folk.

If her grandson goes on mission trips, she may be accused of fostering an environment of favoritism and overlooking those young people who can't afford it.

If her grandson doesn't go on mission trips, she will be accused of not encouraging the young people to take an interest in missionary work.

If her granddaughter gets a tattoo, she may be accused of not pressuring her to imitate other people's great-grandmothers.

If her granddaughter doesn't get a tattoo, she may be accused of contributing to a holier than thou, judgmental outlook towards the other young people with tattoos.

If her husband wears a necktie to all the services, she may be accused of not letting him understand that he is too formal.

If her husband doesn't wear a necktie to all the services, she may be accused of not grasping the importance of formality.

..........

And so it goes ...

Instead, a godly woman is valuable 'above rubies'; Proverbs 31 is a great tribute to the godly woman.

The tongues that gossip say all these.

 

[JennyThatcher123]

I can think of two two things to go with this.

1- The wife is there, which is to say timing wise, mind wise, goal wise, so it makes sense she would take on extra tasks. many of these tasks are not necessarily fun, but need to happen. and when the recognition is handed out people many times fail to remember the work involved. But hey the glory looks cool.

2-When people get spiteful, they forget the grass is not really greener. that said the one that are fighting with these feelings are missing the opportunity for they themselves to grow, because if you are fight with negative feelings on it, well, the Bible probably covers them- I have seen 6 or so come up that I know for a fact are in there.

 

[farouk]

The tongues that gossip say all these.

Classik:

Well, exactly. Fact is, it's a bit like the House of Representatives or the Senate. If one partisan gossiper says one thing, then others will say the opposite, and the poor pastor's wife, like the elector, is caught in the middle. It takes a lot of patience to belong to the family of someone in Christian service. Times change, while historic doctrine and the love that Christ has for His people, do not. Trouble is, some people who are uninformed but who also gossip, can't tell the difference between the cultural things (not necessarily right or wrong) that change, and the truly timeless matters. Sometimes the pastor's wife will be chided for not being old fashioned enough or not being open enough to change. Years ago, some pastor's wives might have chided for getting 1920s style bobbed haircuts. Nowadays a pastor's wife with her hair chopped into a 1920s bob would be regarded as looking quite conservative. And so it goes ... .

 

[MoreOfYouLessOfMe]

My pastor's wife sits on stage (all of our pastors wives do) and my pastor's wife is over our Women's Ministry. When you are married you become one, the bible says so. THEY are considered pastors, as a couple. Yes he preaches and he makes decisions and he holds the job but they are one, they are BOTH called by God to be in the position of pastors of the church. We should respect our pastors wife the same as we respect our pastor. It isn't about power because her husband is the pastor. She is a pastor too because she is one with him. Called by God and respected the same.

 

[Eugene]

My pastor's wife sits on stage (all of our pastors wives do) and my pastor's wife is over our Women's Ministry. When you are married you become one, the bible says so. THEY are considered pastors, as a couple. Yes he preaches and he makes decisions and he holds the job but they are one, they are BOTH called by God to be in the position of pastors of the church. We should respect our pastors wife the same as we respect our pastor. It isn't about power because her husband is the pastor. She is a pastor too because she is one with him. Called by God and respected the same.

Hi MoreOfYouLessOfMe and welcome to CF.net. I hope you enjoy the forums we have here, and it's good to have you in Jesus' name.

Is there a certain Christian church organization you attend that practices this tradition? Thanks. I have attended some all black churches here in America where the entire family of the pastor sat on stage. In one church there was near as many on stage as in the pews.

 

[P31Woman]

I have noticed some pastors who give their wives higher posts in the church. Some wives are made to sit next to their husbands, the pastors in the church (I didn't say it is wrong).

This has caused big problems in some churches. People ask: Why should the pastor's wife have such a power, is she superior to other women and men? Why should she head this group or that group....etc?

We are told to respect our pastors. Should the wife of a pastor demand such, 'I am the pastors wife'?

I wonder why some pastors parade their wives: they do that in church, on posters and banners and handbills, tv - the pastor and wife (awarness stuff before crusades). Is that a family thing?

Finally, is there a particular role the wives of our pastors should play in our churches?

Our pastor does not have the authority to put people in certain positions. Nor does our current pastor sit on stage. He sits in the third to front row, left hand side, with his wife and children until it's time for him to preach.

When our current pastor's wife did have a bunch of positions in our Church it was because she felt preasured to take them after no one else would. She finally learned how to say no.

What you described to me sounds more like a family business.

 

[Slider]

I respect my pastor's wife because she is a part of the Body of Christ! I also respect her because she makes my Pastor happy and I want my Pastor to be happy. Those two things apply to any Pastor's wife, but I also respect my personal Pastor's wife because she is a talented, beautiful and dedicated person. She on her own has added to the Church.

But no... She shouldn't be held up just because she is the Pastor's wife. If she is out of line she should be treated like the rest of us sheep.

 

[Classik]

My pastor's wife sits on stage (all of our pastors wives do) and my pastor's wife is over our Women's Ministry. When you are married you become one, the bible says so. THEY are considered pastors, as a couple. Yes he preaches and he makes decisions and he holds the job but they are one, they are BOTH called by God to be in the position of pastors of the church. We should respect our pastors wife the same as we respect our pastor. It isn't about power because her husband is the pastor. She is a pastor too because she is one with him. Called by God and respected the same.

Welcome to CF.net

 

[Claudya]

The unfair thing is, pastor's wives are still implicitely expected to sacrifice their own professional carreers and become part of their husband's work. it must be hard to be identified with your husband's profession instead of your own. And if a pastor's wife refuses to follow that backwards role model she'll be considered cold, unloving and unfeminine, or something like that.

On the other hand the husbands of our female pastors are not expected to give up their carreers and support their wives.

There's still sooooo much sexism in church.

 

[Classik]

I've never had a problem with the roles I've seen pastor's wives take on in the churches I've been part of. Where I have had a problem in in two churches I've been involved with in the last several years where the pastor preaches about the man needing to be the head of his household, but the reality was that in both of their households the wives were firmly and obviously in charge of everything, even in charge of how he pastored his church.

How about constructive contributions and suggestions from the wives??? Should they be kicked out of the pitch??????:dunno

 

[Classik]

The unfair thing is, pastor's wives are still implicitely expected to sacrifice their own professional carreers and become part of their husband's work. it must be hard to be identified with your husband's profession instead of your own. And if a pastor's wife refuses to follow that backwards role model she'll be considered cold, unloving and unfeminine, or something like that.

On the other hand the husbands of our female pastors are not expected to give up their carreers and support their wives.

There's still sooooo much sexism in church.

A wife doesn't want too much church thing and a husband (who is a pastor) wants church thing. There should be a balance, shouldn't there?

 

[Claudya]

Maybe the wife of the pastor wants top be just a regular church member like everyone else?