[__ Prayer __] Praise! I love my family!

[Christ_empowered]

I didn't before. Starting as a teenager. They both drink heavily. My mom has a problem with alcohol. It intensified as I got older and their marital problems also become more obvious. I held on to a deep, seething resentment towards them, especially my mother. It was just...hard. I used to be queer. I'm now celibate, because of Jesus. Anyway, I was too feminine as a kid, and my dad didn't know what to do, so was just distant, and my mom would either coddle me or try to "toughen me up" by saying cruel, harsh things, especially when drunk. Kids at school, especially HS, were cruel. I wanted to be cool. The kids in my Honors and Gifted+Talented class were from "good families," while my family was just barely in the "respectable" range, so I didn't have anybody to hang out with from an early age (maybe its southern thing...social class is a huge issue. Everybody has to "know their place").

So...yeah...I held on to anger, especially towards my mother. The year I graduated HS, I got an award for a little project in an extra class (started early in the AM, before the other classes). My parents took me there, and my mom was obviously wasted. She reeked of booze so much that a lady in front of us turned around and glared at her. Stuff like that stuck with me.

Predictably, I ended up going to shrinks. They labaled me a whiny ingrate and set out to destroy me. My parents were, in fact, the only people around who loved me and cared for me, and I was foolish enough to hold onto contempt towards them.

Now...now, I can forgive, and I've been forgiven. Or maybe I can forgive because I've been forgiven, both by God and by my parents. Its a good thing, forgiveness. And love, too. Love is key.

So...yeah...that's my praise report.

 

[reba]

 

[AirDancer]

A great praise report, Christ_empowered ! Forgiveness is a necessity in order to get through this lifetime of ours. Forgiveness for ourselves and others, because our Lord has forgiven us.

 

[GrannyJ]

Does your Mom still have a drinking problem? I will pray for her too.

 

[Christ_empowered]

yes, she does, and that...complicates things. Its just hard, I guess...sometimes, when she's inebriated and gets loud, it takes me back to some less-than-fun times when I was younger.

 

[Deborah13]

yes, she does, and that...complicates things. Its just hard, I guess...sometimes, when she's inebriated and gets loud, it takes me back to some less-than-fun times when I was younger.

That would be very hard. But you could retreat into your man cave and take Jesus with you.

I love your praise report!

 

[GrannyJ]

That's tough. I will definitely keep your Mom in prayer.

I don-t know if you've heard of Al-anon - it's a support group for families of alcoholics. They have some great literature on how to cope. Check it out here: http://www.al-anon.org/

Meantime keep loving her and praying for her, and building your relationship when she's sober.

 

[Christ_empowered]

yeah, I'm blessed that she and my dad are willing and able, after everything, to take me in and take care of me. That's love, right there.

These days, she does most of her drinking upstairs, which is good for both of us, but probably not so good for my dad. I'm concerned about her health, finally. I mean, it used to be all about me-me-me, whiney stuff. I've grown up a lot, thanks to Christ. I'm a new creation in Christ Jesus. So...I'm worried about her, physically. She looks a little bit younger than her age, which I would assume is a good sign. She eats high quality food, maintains a healthy weight, quit smoking a few years back. Good stuff. But, still...alcohol kills, gradually. :-(

Usually, I just retreat into my (rather nice) room and think about something else. I think what's bad about growing up w/ moody alcoholics is that I never had a firm grasp on reality, or what the rules were for me...it was all dependent on her mood and her drinking. Jesus saved me, so I'm not trying to complain, just...stating facts, I guess. Also, I have a kind of nervous/sensitive inborn disposition, and it made me crazy when I was younger, that and the social isolation. Now, Jesus has intervened and I think she's starting to see that I do love her, I do care, I'm not trying to judge or condemn her, and that I'm a whole new person.

 

[Cturtle]

Christ_empowered, thank you for being strong enough to share all of your hurts, as well as your joys, and victories. Jesus certainly has given the right person the gift of forgiveness, and repentance. I am truly thankful to God for allowing me to get to know you! You are an inspiration! God has great plans for your life! He has saved you for His good purposes! You are a treasure! Keep your sights set on the Savior and His ways and just watch what He does for you!

 

[GrannyJ]

Your changed life in Christ is a gift to your Mom; pray that you will live each day in a way that will allow her to see Christ in you, and that she will come to him for her healing. When she's hard to love, ask God to fill you with his own love that He feels for her.