So I recently got engaged to the love of my life, and an amazing believer.
Recently we started talking about our future finances, and she made the statement that she wants to have her own, separate savings account. I couple things to note:
1. As of right now, I pay for the majority of everything we do. I buy her groceries, pay for all of our dates, and buy her gifts... as any gentlemen should (well, maybe not the groceries). I make a lot more than her, and am happy to do this.
2. Her past is very different than mine. She grew up quite the wild child as a result of an abusive past, and some very, very sad circumstances. She came to know the Lord in college, but has still had some rough patches along the way. She has been abused by several men in her past, and her mom and her had to live on nothing for several years as a result of men taking advantage of her mom. Needless to say, she has a very legitimate fear of being poor and also a fear of abandonment by men.
I tell you those things to preface that I am really struggling with the fact she wants her own separate savings account when we are married. I understand it, and I get why she would want that. She has been hurt in her past, and she doesn't want to be hurt in the future. But it feels as though she is betting against me, and only giving me 99.9% of her heart because she is scared of losing everything in the off chance I split. I feel the equivalent would be me asking her to sign a pre-nuptial agreement. I can't imagine ever doing that. "What's mine is yours" is how I've always operated, and I plan on being married for life.
That being said, I know there are many people who got married that planned on being married for life, and things didn't work out. I'm not here to judge or say anything negative against that. That could very well happen to me. I just don't want to start our marriage betting that it "might" happen. Am I crazy to think that way?
I love my fiance so much, and if she wants to have her own account, I will make it work and get over it -- and truly I would understand where she is coming from. But right now it just hurts me... like she doesn't trust me. My faith is foolishly wrapped up in God's love, and if I lost everything tomorrow, I know he would take care of me -- I've been there before. So I would go so far as to give her an agreement that says she could take 100% of everything I owned if we split because I don't want to bet against us. Is this foolish talk? Am I overreacting? I could certainly use some prayers and also some feedback. Thanks in advance.
Recently we started talking about our future finances, and she made the statement that she wants to have her own, separate savings account. I couple things to note:
1. As of right now, I pay for the majority of everything we do. I buy her groceries, pay for all of our dates, and buy her gifts... as any gentlemen should (well, maybe not the groceries). I make a lot more than her, and am happy to do this.
2. Her past is very different than mine. She grew up quite the wild child as a result of an abusive past, and some very, very sad circumstances. She came to know the Lord in college, but has still had some rough patches along the way. She has been abused by several men in her past, and her mom and her had to live on nothing for several years as a result of men taking advantage of her mom. Needless to say, she has a very legitimate fear of being poor and also a fear of abandonment by men.
I tell you those things to preface that I am really struggling with the fact she wants her own separate savings account when we are married. I understand it, and I get why she would want that. She has been hurt in her past, and she doesn't want to be hurt in the future. But it feels as though she is betting against me, and only giving me 99.9% of her heart because she is scared of losing everything in the off chance I split. I feel the equivalent would be me asking her to sign a pre-nuptial agreement. I can't imagine ever doing that. "What's mine is yours" is how I've always operated, and I plan on being married for life.
That being said, I know there are many people who got married that planned on being married for life, and things didn't work out. I'm not here to judge or say anything negative against that. That could very well happen to me. I just don't want to start our marriage betting that it "might" happen. Am I crazy to think that way?
I love my fiance so much, and if she wants to have her own account, I will make it work and get over it -- and truly I would understand where she is coming from. But right now it just hurts me... like she doesn't trust me. My faith is foolishly wrapped up in God's love, and if I lost everything tomorrow, I know he would take care of me -- I've been there before. So I would go so far as to give her an agreement that says she could take 100% of everything I owned if we split because I don't want to bet against us. Is this foolish talk? Am I overreacting? I could certainly use some prayers and also some feedback. Thanks in advance.
