[__ Prayer __] Prayers for basically everything

[ThePsalmist]

Can I contact someone through email regarding my prayer requests? My message is too long to post here. Thank you.

 

[hawkman]

Just knowing you need prayer is enough for me to pray for you . I know the One who does know what you have need of ! Welcome to the forum ThePsalmist !
Matthew 6

7 But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.

8 Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.

 

[GodsGrace]

Can I contact someone through email regarding my prayer requests? My message is too long to post here. Thank you.

You should post here. A lot of detail is not necessary. Many will read your post and pray for you...even those who do not reply.
A suggestion.
Welcome.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Deliverance…

 

[ThePsalmist]

Can I contact someone through email regarding my prayer requests? My message is too long to post here. Thank you.

Hello.



Sorry for not introducing myself on the introduction post yet, but I and my family are going through a lot right now and I am just not up for it at the moment. As of now, I’ll just say that I am a new member and leave it at that, since I plan to do a bit of an introduction in this post anyway, given my situation, for which I am in desperate need of prayer right now. I should also preface and say that it’s a long story, so I don’t know if I’ll tell it all here right now. I might just include what’s necessary here and save the rest for later.



Anyway, my biggest concern right now is that I seem to have grieved the Holy Spirit to a point beyond repair, and this on top of needing prayers for medical issues (for both me and my family), and the loss of a family member (my dad), on top of our strained financial situation and most of us needing jobs; there is also the concerning possibility of losing our farm (and we have nowhere else to go, by the way) after my dad’s death; the biggest concern to me in all of this, though, is the possibility of losing some more of my family (a very valid concern, given our collective health right now), both for the loss of the necessary support and security and also the sheer fact of me just not being able to handle another funeral right now. Regardless of how much I pray about it, though, Jesus doesn’t seem to be willing to help me. I also want to mention here that I definitely don’t blame him after what I’ve done, and say that it isn’t as if he hasn’t given me a few chances. It’s just that it seems as if God himself no longer wants to help me in the same way because he no longer sees me as covered in Jesus’s blood. Considering what I did, this could be true, I don’t know. What I do know is that when he is willing to help me, it seems to be based on my “works”, or me trying to read the Bible (while no longer feeling any of the power and peace that is supposed to come from the word, by the way) or attending a church service or something, which would confirm what I’m thinking. For the sake of context, I think that it would be best if I explained what I did.

 

[ThePsalmist]

Hello.



Sorry for not introducing myself on the introduction post yet, but I and my family are going through a lot right now and I am just not up for it at the moment. As of now, I’ll just say that I am a new member and leave it at that, since I plan to do a bit of an introduction in this post anyway, given my situation, for which I am in desperate need of prayer right now. I should also preface and say that it’s a long story, so I don’t know if I’ll tell it all here right now. I might just include what’s necessary here and save the rest for later.



Anyway, my biggest concern right now is that I seem to have grieved the Holy Spirit to a point beyond repair, and this on top of needing prayers for medical issues (for both me and my family), and the loss of a family member (my dad), on top of our strained financial situation and most of us needing jobs; there is also the concerning possibility of losing our farm (and we have nowhere else to go, by the way) after my dad’s death; the biggest concern to me in all of this, though, is the possibility of losing some more of my family (a very valid concern, given our collective health right now), both for the loss of the necessary support and security and also the sheer fact of me just not being able to handle another funeral right now. Regardless of how much I pray about it, though, Jesus doesn’t seem to be willing to help me. I also want to mention here that I definitely don’t blame him after what I’ve done, and say that it isn’t as if he hasn’t given me a few chances. It’s just that it seems as if God himself no longer wants to help me in the same way because he no longer sees me as covered in Jesus’s blood. Considering what I did, this could be true, I don’t know. What I do know is that when he is willing to help me, it seems to be based on my “works”, or me trying to read the Bible (while no longer feeling any of the power and peace that is supposed to come from the word, by the way) or attending a church service or something, which would confirm what I’m thinking. For the sake of context, I think that it would be best if I explained what I did.

This all started about four or five months ago when I, a Christian for over ten years, began having some doubts about my faith after watching some True Crime videos on YouTube. Now, while I’m sure thoughts like this are not uncommon for any Christian (as anyone here can probably confirm), particularly because I had dealt with them before on occasion myself, the thing that made this instance different is that these videos involved something that I had been dealing with personally for many years, despite prayers for help (stalking).



In any case, I started to think that if bad stuff like that were going to happen anyway, then I would rather just do things on my own. I also remember thinking that I wanted the Spirit’s presence to be more limited in my life, like my family (or so I thought), because I was afraid of being persecuted. This in particular I deeply regret, not only because of my situation now.

 

[ThePsalmist]

This all started about four or five months ago when I, a Christian for over ten years, began having some doubts about my faith after watching some True Crime videos on YouTube. Now, while I’m sure thoughts like this are not uncommon for any Christian (as anyone here can probably confirm), particularly because I had dealt with them before on occasion myself, the thing that made this instance different is that these videos involved something that I had been dealing with personally for many years, despite prayers for help (stalking).



In any case, I started to think that if bad stuff like that were going to happen anyway, then I would rather just do things on my own. I also remember thinking that I wanted the Spirit’s presence to be more limited in my life, like my family (or so I thought), because I was afraid of being persecuted. This in particular I deeply regret, not only because of my situation now.

Before I go further, I want to mention that at the time this happened, I was already out of school with no way to get back because I had taken some time off the year before in order to get some work experience in my field. Though I had planned to go back after, my dad started having some serious problems the same year. He had a heart attack which also lead to colon cancer being found, and though that was removed, it ended up moving to his lungs and liver and he had been receiving radiation treatment at the time I was having these thoughts due to not being able to receive chemo because he only had one kidney (I mention all of this not because it had any involvement in the motivation behind my thoughts, not consciously, at least, but in order to paint a picture of how stupid I was for thinking like this anyway, given my and my family’s circumstances). Because of this, I ended up having to stay home longer to the point that my school loans hit, and I was stuck as a result, unable to get back in school. Basically, I had more than enough stuff to deal with even before I had “fallen away”.



Later, I brought this to the attention of some of my family, and told them that I wasn’t going to church anymore or anything because “people ruined it” and I was “tired of holding everybody up”. I said this because God had been blessing my family up until this point (despite our obvious circumstances) and being the only one to regularly read my Bible and attend church service, I had somehow convinced myself that all the blessings we had been receiving were solely because of me. I realize that this, too, was wrong to say, even if it were true. Considering our collective situation now, I wonder (it also goes to show that this can happen to anyone). Basically, though, the point was that I was aware that we would all end up having trouble because of this, and I was warning them, so to speak. They didn’t believe a word I said anyway, but I also want to specify that I claimed I would always believe in Jesus, just to be clear about that.



Sure enough, though, we did have problems. About three weeks in, I regretted everything and truly wanted to repent, not only because of these problems, but because I honestly missed him. It didn’t seem like God was hearing me. Eventually, though, he did seem to come around, but the Spirit was no longer moving like it used to. And then when I would slip up and sin (as we all do) he wouldn’t seem to be there at all again and wouldn’t even talk to me. Like I said, it was as if I was no longer covered by the Blood, or at the very least, that I had lost the right to the forgiveness that it brings. That bothered me more than anything else we were going through, because I truly loved Jesus and I couldn’t bear to think that I had lost him completely over something I had done in a moment of weakness. I didn’t blame him, though.

 

[ThePsalmist]

Before I go further, I want to mention that at the time this happened, I was already out of school with no way to get back because I had taken some time off the year before in order to get some work experience in my field. Though I had planned to go back after, my dad started having some serious problems the same year. He had a heart attack which also lead to colon cancer being found, and though that was removed, it ended up moving to his lungs and liver and he had been receiving radiation treatment at the time I was having these thoughts due to not being able to receive chemo because he only had one kidney (I mention all of this not because it had any involvement in the motivation behind my thoughts, not consciously, at least, but in order to paint a picture of how stupid I was for thinking like this anyway, given my and my family’s circumstances). Because of this, I ended up having to stay home longer to the point that my school loans hit, and I was stuck as a result, unable to get back in school. Basically, I had more than enough stuff to deal with even before I had “fallen away”.



Later, I brought this to the attention of some of my family, and told them that I wasn’t going to church anymore or anything because “people ruined it” and I was “tired of holding everybody up”. I said this because God had been blessing my family up until this point (despite our obvious circumstances) and being the only one to regularly read my Bible and attend church service, I had somehow convinced myself that all the blessings we had been receiving were solely because of me. I realize that this, too, was wrong to say, even if it were true. Considering our collective situation now, I wonder (it also goes to show that this can happen to anyone). Basically, though, the point was that I was aware that we would all end up having trouble because of this, and I was warning them, so to speak. They didn’t believe a word I said anyway, but I also want to specify that I claimed I would always believe in Jesus, just to be clear about that.



Sure enough, though, we did have problems. About three weeks in, I regretted everything and truly wanted to repent, not only because of these problems, but because I honestly missed him. It didn’t seem like God was hearing me. Eventually, though, he did seem to come around, but the Spirit was no longer moving like it used to. And then when I would slip up and sin (as we all do) he wouldn’t seem to be there at all again and wouldn’t even talk to me. Like I said, it was as if I was no longer covered by the Blood, or at the very least, that I had lost the right to the forgiveness that it brings. That bothered me more than anything else we were going through, because I truly loved Jesus and I couldn’t bear to think that I had lost him completely over something I had done in a moment of weakness. I didn’t blame him, though.

I prayed about it and tried to read the Bible (though like I said, I no longer felt the power and peace there), and went to several pastors to discuss my concerns. I even rededicated my life. None of this seemed to help. The pastors, for their part, just quoted Scripture to me to explain why everything would work out, and though I appreciated the support anyway, nobody mentioned Hebrews 6:4-6. While I don’t necessarily think that it’s directly applicable to my situation (God has seemed to give me chances, afterall), for them to use the argument that it’s impossible to lose salvation “based on Scripture”, when Scripture itself says that it can happen, I just don’t know. When I mentioned this, and that you can lose it if you walk away, one of them said “yeah, but you didn’t stay away”. That is true, for whatever it’s worth, but at the end of the day, it’s up to God. As a bonus, all of this ironically caused more tension within my family. My dad, however, did rededicate his life as well when I did it (though I’m not sure if it stuck).



Since then, it has been a back and forth for me, where Jesus will seemingly be willing to talk to me and will move a little bit. Then literally the next day, nothing. Sometimes I don’t even have to sin (that I know of, at least). So much for “new mercies every morning”, I guess. I still just wanted to believe what the pastors said, though. So I just hoped for the best and kept praying while trying to stay in the Word.



Last month (and end of last year) is where things really got bad, though. My dad’s health took a turn for the worst (he caught COVID and the flu on top of his cancer spreading). We had to take him to the ER and have him admitted to the hospital. Basically, most of the focus was on him at that point (as it should have been). All of this also meant, though, that my own doctors’ appointments (as well as the rest of my family’s) had to be pushed back, since I was now having to rely on my parents to take me to mine again due to my loan debt preventing me from getting back into school or anything else.



As a result, we ended up losing my dad due to kidney failure (allegedly caused by the COVID, but we aren’t so sure anymore) around Christmas. I was so messed up at the time due to my own circumstances that I couldn’t even tell him that I loved him. I had been praying for a miracle with him, though I expected that God wouldn’t hear me anyway. Jesus did show up and spoke through dad, but he didn’t really even acknowledge me. He just asked the rest of the immediate family (we were all in the room with dad, at least) if they believed in him. I just figured it best to keep my mouth shut because of what I had done and I also knew that I had no right to argue with him even if I hadn’t.

 

[ThePsalmist]

I prayed about it and tried to read the Bible (though like I said, I no longer felt the power and peace there), and went to several pastors to discuss my concerns. I even rededicated my life. None of this seemed to help. The pastors, for their part, just quoted Scripture to me to explain why everything would work out, and though I appreciated the support anyway, nobody mentioned Hebrews 6:4-6. While I don’t necessarily think that it’s directly applicable to my situation (God has seemed to give me chances, afterall), for them to use the argument that it’s impossible to lose salvation “based on Scripture”, when Scripture itself says that it can happen, I just don’t know. When I mentioned this, and that you can lose it if you walk away, one of them said “yeah, but you didn’t stay away”. That is true, for whatever it’s worth, but at the end of the day, it’s up to God. As a bonus, all of this ironically caused more tension within my family. My dad, however, did rededicate his life as well when I did it (though I’m not sure if it stuck).



Since then, it has been a back and forth for me, where Jesus will seemingly be willing to talk to me and will move a little bit. Then literally the next day, nothing. Sometimes I don’t even have to sin (that I know of, at least). So much for “new mercies every morning”, I guess. I still just wanted to believe what the pastors said, though. So I just hoped for the best and kept praying while trying to stay in the Word.



Last month (and end of last year) is where things really got bad, though. My dad’s health took a turn for the worst (he caught COVID and the flu on top of his cancer spreading). We had to take him to the ER and have him admitted to the hospital. Basically, most of the focus was on him at that point (as it should have been). All of this also meant, though, that my own doctors’ appointments (as well as the rest of my family’s) had to be pushed back, since I was now having to rely on my parents to take me to mine again due to my loan debt preventing me from getting back into school or anything else.



As a result, we ended up losing my dad due to kidney failure (allegedly caused by the COVID, but we aren’t so sure anymore) around Christmas. I was so messed up at the time due to my own circumstances that I couldn’t even tell him that I loved him. I had been praying for a miracle with him, though I expected that God wouldn’t hear me anyway. Jesus did show up and spoke through dad, but he didn’t really even acknowledge me. He just asked the rest of the immediate family (we were all in the room with dad, at least) if they believed in him. I just figured it best to keep my mouth shut because of what I had done and I also knew that I had no right to argue with him even if I hadn’t.

Since then, we are now struggling even more because dad’s income was the primary source for most of the family and some of the rest of us are now having worsening health problems as well, particularly me. Though I would appreciate it if Jesus healed me (he has before, mostly when it came to COVID) and my family as well, I am primarily concerned because if anything does happen to me, I might have lost my salvation through his Blood. The same can also be said for some of my family, but I am the only one who’s done what I have. Nobody else is concerned about it, because they just assume “Jesus will save me”, especially after what happened with dad. Specifically, though, Jesus had said it in response to my mom not wanting to let my dad go. He said “It is not up to you. I am the Lord. I have him.”



Since then, my one consolation in all of this, too, has been knowing dad was with Jesus, at least. Or so I’d thought, based on what he said. Now, though, I’m not so sure.



Recently, some of my family have been seeing and hearing dad, and it concerns me. One of them (who has seen similar stuff anyway since being a kid, likely due to health problems of their own back then) has heard him clearly while they were eating breakfast in their car before work. We were on the phone with them at the time, and we started to hear interference in the phone. Since I knew that this person seen and heard stuff anyway and I had also dealt with spiritual warfare myself before, I didn’t think anything of it. I prefer to avoid getting involved with that stuff directly, since Scripture condemns it, and also because of the direct experience that I’ve had with it confirming that it’s a bad idea as well; however, I have heard tales before of God having sent back a loved one in spirit for a limited period in order to help someone cope with their passing. Was this true, and if so, is that what was happening? I don’t know, but I wanted to believe it despite my reservations to involve myself with it. In any case, I didn’t get involved. I wasn’t trying to, at least.

 

[ThePsalmist]

Since then, we are now struggling even more because dad’s income was the primary source for most of the family and some of the rest of us are now having worsening health problems as well, particularly me. Though I would appreciate it if Jesus healed me (he has before, mostly when it came to COVID) and my family as well, I am primarily concerned because if anything does happen to me, I might have lost my salvation through his Blood. The same can also be said for some of my family, but I am the only one who’s done what I have. Nobody else is concerned about it, because they just assume “Jesus will save me”, especially after what happened with dad. Specifically, though, Jesus had said it in response to my mom not wanting to let my dad go. He said “It is not up to you. I am the Lord. I have him.”



Since then, my one consolation in all of this, too, has been knowing dad was with Jesus, at least. Or so I’d thought, based on what he said. Now, though, I’m not so sure.



Recently, some of my family have been seeing and hearing dad, and it concerns me. One of them (who has seen similar stuff anyway since being a kid, likely due to health problems of their own back then) has heard him clearly while they were eating breakfast in their car before work. We were on the phone with them at the time, and we started to hear interference in the phone. Since I knew that this person seen and heard stuff anyway and I had also dealt with spiritual warfare myself before, I didn’t think anything of it. I prefer to avoid getting involved with that stuff directly, since Scripture condemns it, and also because of the direct experience that I’ve had with it confirming that it’s a bad idea as well; however, I have heard tales before of God having sent back a loved one in spirit for a limited period in order to help someone cope with their passing. Was this true, and if so, is that what was happening? I don’t know, but I wanted to believe it despite my reservations to involve myself with it. In any case, I didn’t get involved. I wasn’t trying to, at least.

My mom started making a big deal over the interference, asking me (by name) if I heard it. At the time, I had headphones on my head, but I wasn’t listening to anything on them. They were turned off, so I could hear what she was talking about. Since I suspected what it was, though, I just said that I heard it and left it at that. From the backseat of the car, they hear “*Psalmist* has got those headphones on”. This is important because dad would always get irritated because I would sometimes listen to my headphones whenever he was trying to talk to me. I admit that there were even times that I did it on purpose because I was mad at him for something (especially in the past four or five months). Now, I obviously regret all of this after losing him. My family has just always been dysfunctional like that. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t love him (though like I said, I had a lot of tension with them all before his death, particularly him). The point that I’m trying to make here is that, for better or worse, there was no doubt in my mind that this was dad. Now, I should mention again that I did not talk to him directly and had no desire to.



After the family member came home for a weekend, some of us (including me) started noticing stuff around the house. I woke up that Sunday morning (to go to church, by the way) to hear static coming from the same headphones that I had been wearing that day. Now, as I said, being someone who was familiar with spiritual warfare, I was well aware what this was. This was demonic. The problem was that it shouldn’t have been happening. Not when dad had rededicted his life. Not when Jesus himself had said in the hospital room that he “had him” (though again, he didn’t specify that he was taking him with him, so he could have just meant “it’s too late”). Regardless, I definitely should not have been dealing with this, because (assuming this was actually dad) I wasn’t even trying to talk to him or make contact with him anyway.



Since I know you’re wondering what I did about it, I kept the headphones because I sometimes needed them to watch church services online because we weren’t always able to attend physically, due to our financial situation and I didn’t have the money to get more. I had also done nothing to initiate this, and if God didn’t understand that, then my situation was hopeless anyway. I mean afterall, I was left under the impression that my dad had been saved, and yet, here I was, being demonically harassed by him.



I am sad because of my dad’s situation if it wasn’t obvious. Second only to Jesus for me is my family (particularly the immediate, though I hope for us all to be saved). My deepest wish after what I had done was to be reconciled with Jesus (obviously) and by extension, all of them and all of us with each other. When we lost dad, I just thought “well, I’ll just have to do it in heaven if Jesus will forgive me for what I’ve done”. But now after all of this, I’m worried I’ve lost the chance completely, with him at least (maybe altogether, depending on my own circumstances). I just don’t understand it, after my dad having rededicated and what Jesus said. I also don’t think it agrees with Scripture, though I could be wrong. If anyone is able, feel free to shed some light.



Back on topic, I am now worried about the rest of my family’s medical situation, particularly mine (they might not be concerned about themselves, but I am after what I’ve done, especially after what might have happened with dad). We also can’t afford to go through this again so soon in any way, whether financial, mental, emotional, spiritual, etc. Basically, it just seems like our whole situation is hopeless.



So please pray for all of us, particularly me for Jesus to release his Spirit in my life again so that I can know I’m saved and be able to have a relationship with him again (I miss him, afterall) and also for health and healing in regard to Crohn’s disease, fatty liver, possible brain abscess and brain healing and possible spinal lesions (especially the brain abscess, spinal lesions, and fatty liver, since my Crohn’s disease is, at least, under control right now). For my family, pray for ovarian cyst/cancer, colon cancer, and cardiac ejection infraction issues as well as multiple autoimmune disease. Also please pray for our financial situation as well as success at finding jobs and being able to keep our farm (none of us want to lose it anyway). I would also appreciate prayers for help getting back into school, since I had been intending to anyway before all of this mess held me up. Beyond all of that, I would appreciate knowing my dad’s situation if possible, and whether or not I truly have lost him forever (I don’t need details, just whatever Jesus is willing to give as long as it confirms that me and dad along with the rest of my family if they rededicate will be together in heaven with him, though I would also appreciate knowing what is going on here if it isn’t dad’s spirit, provided Jesus is willing to answer that). Finally, though I realize this prayer request itself is too long and I apologize, I don’t want to forget to ask for someone to just let Jesus know that I’m sorry and I love him. I’m just worried that he no longer feels the same.



Sorry for the long story. Thank you for your time, and God bless!

 

[ThePsalmist]

I don’t know if everyone can see all this, but I just tried to post everything in replies to each preceding post. I hope I got everything in, and sorry for the long story as well as the mess.

 

[ThePsalmist]

Feel free to reply to this post if anyone would like. Also, I know some have mentioned that detail isn’t necessary, but my situation is very complicated. That was why I titled the post “prayers for everything”. Thanks for all the prayers and support in advance. I appreciate it.