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Pulling my hair out HELP!!!!!!!!!

M

MISFIT

Guest
So as many of you know my wife and I just had our 2nd child he is now a little over a week old. Anyway our 1st son is 3 and he is acting worse than I have ever seen him act before my guess is that it has something to do with the baby, We have done everything we can think of to make sure he still feels special and loved, but he's still acting badly. I'm at the end of my rope if any of you have been through this place any help or advice you have would be greatly appreciated


GOD BLESS~MISFIT
 
Misfit,

1. I would ask God to guide you, and I would pray for him, and with him.

2. I would keep him busy all the time helping with the baby as a big brother helper, and praise him/reward him for each task that he does. For example, help change a diaper, get a 'well done' and a dime to put in his big brother helper bank....something like that. Then, once he has a dollar or so, take him to get a treat.

3. Mommy and daddy dates completely alone...even if it's just playing cars in the bedroom, help with baking cookies, etc.

4. I would give him the exclusive job of intruducing his new baby brother to all in the family.

4. Firm discipline so that he gets no attention or rewards for acting out.

5. When he's around the baby, I would encourage him to touch him, and kiss him, and to let him know that he will be showing brother how to do big boy things like talk, walk, obey, play cars, etc.

I never had this problem, to be honest, but we were preparing our oldest with things like these before his brother was born.

The Lord bless you, I hope it helps some.
 
Cool thanks lovely. We tried to get him ready fro the new baby before he was born, and he seemed to be cool with it until he got here then it started. We're having some family get togethers with my wife's family on Sunday and my family next month so I will definitely try letting him show everyone the baby first, and we've been trying the helper thing seems to work well, but adding the reward as you said might just give it a boost we'll try it.

And John thank you too, prayer is always appreciated.
 
Misfit,

Lovely is right on top of things here. Being an older sibling out of six children....it is likely that your first born is a little jealous. Which is to be expected and even natural seeing as there is a new little one in the home. Many of us as children, should we have had younger siblings likely tended to feel as though we were being replaced. With all the excitement a mother and father expresses throughout and after a pregnancy in terms of a new born child, it can appear to take away from the already presently existing child within the home.

Will be keeping you and your loved ones in my thoughts and prayers.

May God Bless You

Danielle
 
Thanks, as an only child I've never been through this, and my wife is the youngest of her family.
 
When our children were small we came up with a discipline technique that worked fairly well.

The overall objective was to get the children to see their behavior as something for which they were responsible (even three years old).

We used a paint stirrer for a swat on the back of the hand. The low mass means that no matter how hard you hit, you can't do any damage. We tried it on our own hands first. We would offer the child a choice between sitting on the chair (facing a wall) for five minutes or having three swats on the back of the hand. They almost always chose to have the swats because it would be over right away.

Prior to the punishment phase was the interrogation phase.

Did you hit your sister?
Yes.
Should you have hit your sister?
No.
What should you have done instead of hitting your sister?
Said, "Help please moma".
What do you want, three swats or five minutes on the chair?
They would almost always put their hand out.

Lying was always the most severely punished offense.

Our children are much older now and we see the results of putting the parental work in "upstream". It is a major investment because it is much easier to fail to address infractions. However, child "training" requires constant and iterative admonition.

I have also discovered that women have a great capacity to function in the here and now but are a little less able to "see" in the past and future. As a result, they can get pretty discouraged with children that never seem to learn. Here a husband has a function to encourage, seeing the progress that has already been made and providing assurance that the children will eventually turn out all right. My particular favorite was "Your the only thing between them and a ruined life".
 
Hey Misfit,

My oldest is three years older than my youngest. I would always tell my oldest how much her sister loves her, and that she smiles the biggest when you are around. I would tell her, look you are her favorite, look how much she loves you. My oldest is now 19 and youngest is 16, they still have a very strong bond, and the oldest is still very protective of her little sister.

also, I know you know this but remember IT IS JUST A PHASE. I still have a hard time remembering that now they are teens, but it passes and your on to the next difficult stage. hehe

One day we will miss all this and wish we could go back!

Love Kelli
 
Dr. James Dobson has some great books on dealing with children, how to interpret their behavior,and how to change their bad behavior.

I suggest reading 'Dare to discipline' and 'The strong willed child.'

BTW, I'm a single father of a 5yr old girl (Hannah) and a 7yr old boy(Noah).

These books helped me tremendously!

May Gods blessings be on you and your children!!
 
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