Let’s admit it. No one likes criticism. It can cause intense internal pain. In the Bible, David captures the experience well: “[They] have sharpened their tongue like a sword. They aimed bitter speech as their arrow” (Ps. 64:3). Destructive words hurt him as violent stabs to the body.
I, too, know what it’s like to be stabbed. People have criticized me for the way I lead. They’ve criticized my facial hair. They’ve rebuked me for things I’ve written or not written. They’ve castigated me for concluding a prayer “in the precious name of your Son, Amen,” instead of “in Jesus’ name.” They’ve rebuked me for working too hard and for not working hard enough. They’ve told lies about me, made insinuations about my character, and that I’d be better off being in another occupation. (They would be appalled to find out I went on to become a university and seminary professor). Some have thought I’m too easy on people in counseling, and others have called me a bully.
How am I to process this? Should I get bitter? Do I let myself be cynical about people and ministry and withdraw into my shell to lick my wounds?
Let’s allow Scripture to give us direction. It tells us, “Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all for the glory of God” (I Cor. 10:31); therefore, we must receive and respond to all as an act of worship. That includes criticism, whether it’s legitimate or not. Through the years, these are some principles the Lord has led me to develop to cope with criticism in ministry in God-honoring ways.
If there’s anything that decades of marriage, parenting, and ministry have taught me, it’s that I’m far from perfect. I have felt humbled numerous times by wrong responses to children, failing to love my wife in a Christlike way, and failures in church leadership.
John Newton put it this way:
Pulling the cover off the tendencies of my soul has revealed that I have much work to do. Here is the stark reality: my critics don’t even know the truth. It’s worse than they think! If they did know all the thoughts and intentions of my heart, they would probably wonder why I’m in ministry. I can think when receiving criticism, “Is that the best you’ve got?” I still don’t like it, but it helps me to respond without getting bitter.
Romans 11:36 is abundantly clear and reveals that there are mysteries to the workings of God. Paul writes, “for from Him and through Him and to Him are all things,” and this would include criticism.
Remember what David wrote in Psalm 64:3 (quoted above)? He’s realistic. Yes, the words stab me, penetrating like an arrow, but they would not be able to do so unless God allowed them to get past the shield, which is God Himself (Psalm 28:7). Do you trust that He is good and is involved in all the affairs of life? Criticism may be the great revealer of what you truly believe about God’s sovereignty and care.
Romans 8:28-29 teaches that God uses all circumstances to refine and teach me for this purpose. Therefore, these circumstances not only come through the hand of God, but they come for a purpose: to help me grow to be more like my Savior.
I desperately want to be like Him. I need to be thankful for people who help me positively along this path, but also for those who help me in a negative way.
Criticism can help accomplish this by revealing what is important to me. Pressure reveals the heart. The “heart,” according to biblical lexicons, is at least partially about emotions, so when someone criticizes me, and it stirs my emotions, the criticism must have touched something important—a treasure— and I have to consider if it is a greater treasure than the Lord (Matt. 12:34-35).
Many years ago, someone criticized me for not being a loving pastor, and I had heard this from more than one person. It was hard to hear because I thought of myself as a super loving pastor. I sacrificially studied for sermons, made hospital visits, and dutifully did all my duties required. Still, I could not ignore this criticism; more than one person noticed it.
Here’s a biblical handle for this principle: if more than one person tells you the same or a similar thing, you’d better listen. I am basing this on Deuteronomy 19:15, which states that offenses are to be confirmed by two or three witnesses (repeated in other places like 2 Cor. 13:1).
I am so thankful for the truth that I don’t have to play God in another’s life. He is the just judge who will wipe away all tears and righteously make all things right. He will reveal the Truth.
Applying these principles has helped me implement sage advice, which originated with Stuart Briscoe, “A pastor must have the hide of a rhinoceros, the mind of a scholar, and the heart of a child.” If I do not apply these principles, I’ll have the skin of a newborn baby, a brain consumed with resentment, and a heart full of cynicism. Therefore, I encourage you to practice these principles for dealing with criticism!
[1] John Newton, “Letters of John Newton: Indwelling Sin and the Believer,” Monergism.com, accessed Dec. 26, 2017. https://www.monergism.com/thethreshold/sdg/indwellingsin.html.
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I, too, know what it’s like to be stabbed. People have criticized me for the way I lead. They’ve criticized my facial hair. They’ve rebuked me for things I’ve written or not written. They’ve castigated me for concluding a prayer “in the precious name of your Son, Amen,” instead of “in Jesus’ name.” They’ve rebuked me for working too hard and for not working hard enough. They’ve told lies about me, made insinuations about my character, and that I’d be better off being in another occupation. (They would be appalled to find out I went on to become a university and seminary professor). Some have thought I’m too easy on people in counseling, and others have called me a bully.
How am I to process this? Should I get bitter? Do I let myself be cynical about people and ministry and withdraw into my shell to lick my wounds?
Let’s allow Scripture to give us direction. It tells us, “Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all for the glory of God” (I Cor. 10:31); therefore, we must receive and respond to all as an act of worship. That includes criticism, whether it’s legitimate or not. Through the years, these are some principles the Lord has led me to develop to cope with criticism in ministry in God-honoring ways.
1. If you knew me as well as I know me, you would be harder on me
If there’s anything that decades of marriage, parenting, and ministry have taught me, it’s that I’m far from perfect. I have felt humbled numerous times by wrong responses to children, failing to love my wife in a Christlike way, and failures in church leadership.
John Newton put it this way:
Pulling the cover off the tendencies of my soul has revealed that I have much work to do. Here is the stark reality: my critics don’t even know the truth. It’s worse than they think! If they did know all the thoughts and intentions of my heart, they would probably wonder why I’m in ministry. I can think when receiving criticism, “Is that the best you’ve got?” I still don’t like it, but it helps me to respond without getting bitter.
2. Nothing comes into my life unless it first comes through the sovereign hand of God
Romans 11:36 is abundantly clear and reveals that there are mysteries to the workings of God. Paul writes, “for from Him and through Him and to Him are all things,” and this would include criticism.
Remember what David wrote in Psalm 64:3 (quoted above)? He’s realistic. Yes, the words stab me, penetrating like an arrow, but they would not be able to do so unless God allowed them to get past the shield, which is God Himself (Psalm 28:7). Do you trust that He is good and is involved in all the affairs of life? Criticism may be the great revealer of what you truly believe about God’s sovereignty and care.
3. I want to grow in Christlikeness, so thank you for helping me
Romans 8:28-29 teaches that God uses all circumstances to refine and teach me for this purpose. Therefore, these circumstances not only come through the hand of God, but they come for a purpose: to help me grow to be more like my Savior.
I desperately want to be like Him. I need to be thankful for people who help me positively along this path, but also for those who help me in a negative way.
Criticism can help accomplish this by revealing what is important to me. Pressure reveals the heart. The “heart,” according to biblical lexicons, is at least partially about emotions, so when someone criticizes me, and it stirs my emotions, the criticism must have touched something important—a treasure— and I have to consider if it is a greater treasure than the Lord (Matt. 12:34-35).
4. Is there a pattern to the criticisms?
Many years ago, someone criticized me for not being a loving pastor, and I had heard this from more than one person. It was hard to hear because I thought of myself as a super loving pastor. I sacrificially studied for sermons, made hospital visits, and dutifully did all my duties required. Still, I could not ignore this criticism; more than one person noticed it.
Here’s a biblical handle for this principle: if more than one person tells you the same or a similar thing, you’d better listen. I am basing this on Deuteronomy 19:15, which states that offenses are to be confirmed by two or three witnesses (repeated in other places like 2 Cor. 13:1).
5. God will make all things right
I am so thankful for the truth that I don’t have to play God in another’s life. He is the just judge who will wipe away all tears and righteously make all things right. He will reveal the Truth.
Applying these principles has helped me implement sage advice, which originated with Stuart Briscoe, “A pastor must have the hide of a rhinoceros, the mind of a scholar, and the heart of a child.” If I do not apply these principles, I’ll have the skin of a newborn baby, a brain consumed with resentment, and a heart full of cynicism. Therefore, I encourage you to practice these principles for dealing with criticism!
[1] John Newton, “Letters of John Newton: Indwelling Sin and the Believer,” Monergism.com, accessed Dec. 26, 2017. https://www.monergism.com/thethreshold/sdg/indwellingsin.html.
The post Receiving Pastoral Criticism–5 Principles to Battle Bitterness appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...