I remember the day I realized how often I said “no” to my kids. While all the details are a bit fuzzy, I clearly remember that I sat parked on my reclining chair after a long day of counseling at the church office. This hard-working pastor just wanted to relax. But from my kids’ perspective, Dad had just got home, and my young grade school children wanted some time. “Can you come outside and play a game with us?” Anna, who was somewhere around five, asked. My answer and the subsequent conversation went something like this:
“Not now. Dad is sitting on his chair,” I explained.
“Can you read me a book?” Martha countered. She was a bit older and loved her books.
“Maybe later,” I said. (That was “no” number two.)
Not daunted by her sister’s rejections, Amelia, my youngest, chimed in, “Can you tell us a story? Please?”
Her smile and big eyes came at my sloth like a double-barreled shotgun. But rather than give up my time, I dug in my heels. Couldn’t they see I was in the reclining position? I thought. “Look,” I said, “why don’t you kids go outside and play? It will be dark after dinner. I’ve had a long day, and I just want to relax for a bit before dinner.”
Knowing it was no use rousing Dad from his chair, the girls gave up and strolled into the kitchen, where Mom was getting dinner ready. As soon as they were gone, the Holy Spirit started working on my heart.
“You say ‘no’ a lot,” said the voice of conviction. “You can still tell them a story if you get your sorry self up off this chair.” I didn’t want to get up, but the grace of God prevailed upon me, and I said “no” to my selfishness. I pushed up off the arms of the recliner, pulled back with my calves to retract the integrated footstool, and walked into the kitchen. “Who wants a story?” I asked. Cheers erupted from my daughters, and soon I was deep in the throes of a made-up-as-you-go adventure tale.
“That’s more like it,” affirmed the still, small voice within me.
Giving away your time to your kids is like giving an offering after a ministry appeal. At first, you don’t want to part with any of your cash. But later when the rich testimonies come to tell the story of all your money accomplished, you are glad you gave. After finishing the story to a chorus of compliments, I was glad I gave up my time. From that day on, I purposed to say “yes” as often as possible whenever my children interrupted me to ask for something.
When given the opportunity, Jesus shared how eager his dad is to say “yes” to our requests:
“And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:9–13)
Jesus is saying if you ask your heavenly Father for the Holy Spirit, he is going to say “yes,” and we earthly fathers should follow this example.
Just before raising Lazarus, Jesus offered a prayer and said it loud enough for the people gathered to hear it
“Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” (John 11:41–42)
Heard Jesus about what? The text doesn’t say, but the next words out of Jesus’s mouth were, “Lazarus Come Forth.” It makes you wonder if Jesus asked the Father to raise his friend. The Father heard his son and said,”Yes.”
If you are like me, saying “no” comes down to selfishness. Selfishness often rules my heart. I want time for myself. I want peace and quiet and don’t feel like playing a game, reading a book, or telling a story. I just want some downtime!
Sloth is another sinful desire that loves to take up the throne of your heart and start issuing commands. “I’ve worked all day; now I need some rest.” “Perhaps another time; maybe tomorrow.” But as the saying goes, “Tomorrow never comes. It’s always a day away.”
This past month, May 8 to be exact, I celebrated my 60th birthday. And as is our custom, each family member gathered shared a word of encouragement with me. My girls are in their 20s now. A theme emerged from what they shared. “You always have time for us,” Amelia said. “You are glad to drop what you are doing whenever I have a question.” Martha shared. “You are willing to watch shows with us,” Anna said.
Their encouragement filled my heart with joy. As they shared, I realized the years I spent putting my selfishness and sloth to death paid off. By God’s grace, I have a legacy of saying “yes,” and their present gratefulness made every sacrifice worth it.
Saying “yes” to your children isn’t easy. The resulting tasks you’ll be called to will mean a bit of hard work. But getting praise on your 60th birthday for all the times you said “yes” makes the small sacrifice well worth making.
Jesus Loved His Mom
A Little Help from James for the Angry Pastor Dad
The post Say ‘Yes,’ Dad appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
“Not now. Dad is sitting on his chair,” I explained.
“Can you read me a book?” Martha countered. She was a bit older and loved her books.
“Maybe later,” I said. (That was “no” number two.)
Not daunted by her sister’s rejections, Amelia, my youngest, chimed in, “Can you tell us a story? Please?”
Her smile and big eyes came at my sloth like a double-barreled shotgun. But rather than give up my time, I dug in my heels. Couldn’t they see I was in the reclining position? I thought. “Look,” I said, “why don’t you kids go outside and play? It will be dark after dinner. I’ve had a long day, and I just want to relax for a bit before dinner.”
Knowing it was no use rousing Dad from his chair, the girls gave up and strolled into the kitchen, where Mom was getting dinner ready. As soon as they were gone, the Holy Spirit started working on my heart.
“You say ‘no’ a lot,” said the voice of conviction. “You can still tell them a story if you get your sorry self up off this chair.” I didn’t want to get up, but the grace of God prevailed upon me, and I said “no” to my selfishness. I pushed up off the arms of the recliner, pulled back with my calves to retract the integrated footstool, and walked into the kitchen. “Who wants a story?” I asked. Cheers erupted from my daughters, and soon I was deep in the throes of a made-up-as-you-go adventure tale.
“That’s more like it,” affirmed the still, small voice within me.
Giving away your time to your kids is like giving an offering after a ministry appeal. At first, you don’t want to part with any of your cash. But later when the rich testimonies come to tell the story of all your money accomplished, you are glad you gave. After finishing the story to a chorus of compliments, I was glad I gave up my time. From that day on, I purposed to say “yes” as often as possible whenever my children interrupted me to ask for something.
God the Father is our example
When given the opportunity, Jesus shared how eager his dad is to say “yes” to our requests:
“And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:9–13)
Jesus is saying if you ask your heavenly Father for the Holy Spirit, he is going to say “yes,” and we earthly fathers should follow this example.
Just before raising Lazarus, Jesus offered a prayer and said it loud enough for the people gathered to hear it
“Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” (John 11:41–42)
Heard Jesus about what? The text doesn’t say, but the next words out of Jesus’s mouth were, “Lazarus Come Forth.” It makes you wonder if Jesus asked the Father to raise his friend. The Father heard his son and said,”Yes.”
If saying “yes” bears so much fruit, why do we say “no” so often?
If you are like me, saying “no” comes down to selfishness. Selfishness often rules my heart. I want time for myself. I want peace and quiet and don’t feel like playing a game, reading a book, or telling a story. I just want some downtime!
Sloth is another sinful desire that loves to take up the throne of your heart and start issuing commands. “I’ve worked all day; now I need some rest.” “Perhaps another time; maybe tomorrow.” But as the saying goes, “Tomorrow never comes. It’s always a day away.”
This past month, May 8 to be exact, I celebrated my 60th birthday. And as is our custom, each family member gathered shared a word of encouragement with me. My girls are in their 20s now. A theme emerged from what they shared. “You always have time for us,” Amelia said. “You are glad to drop what you are doing whenever I have a question.” Martha shared. “You are willing to watch shows with us,” Anna said.
Their encouragement filled my heart with joy. As they shared, I realized the years I spent putting my selfishness and sloth to death paid off. By God’s grace, I have a legacy of saying “yes,” and their present gratefulness made every sacrifice worth it.
So how do you get started?
- Say “yes,” of course. A pastor’s life may be busy, but purpose to say “yes” to your children whenever you can.
- Never let attention to a screen (phone, tablet, computer) take priority over your children. Get familiar with the double-line pause button nicely positioned in the middle of your screen when you touch it.
- If you can’t say “yes” in the moment, set a future time when you can fulfill their request and then keep your promise.
- Don’t let the “no” answers pile up. If you’ve had to say “no,” make sure the following response is “yes.”
Saying “yes” to your children isn’t easy. The resulting tasks you’ll be called to will mean a bit of hard work. But getting praise on your 60th birthday for all the times you said “yes” makes the small sacrifice well worth making.
Related:
Jesus Loved His Mom
A Little Help from James for the Angry Pastor Dad
The post Say ‘Yes,’ Dad appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
