I'm going to wager you've never dealt with cripplingly low self esteem or legitimate self hatred. There is such a thing as too much self confidence, but too little is also unhealthy.
I don't hate myself, but lately I'm dealing with a lot of feelings of worthlessness and feelings that no one really wants me around. One way I'm combatting this, as of last night, is by taking compliments people have given me and putting them in a jar, to pull out and read next time I feel depressed or down on myself.
You know what I do when I'm feeling down or feel depression creeping in? I read the book of Promises (Psalms) and it always makes me feel better. You see, I realized that it is not, relationship Plus, but rather relationship Period. And I found that when I give these troubles to the Lord, that I become filled with an inner peace that is indescribable.
This is God's barbeque here and it doesn't always taste good. But take heart, Sister. He is saving the best wine for last. And the greater your sufferings and troubles that you endure here, will make that wine taste even better then when it comes out. So I have learned that I can not control circumstances and that life here is 10% what life deals you in the cards, and 90% how you react to it.
Example:
When the first stimulus check hit my bank, I spent that money so fast it wasn't funny. Caught up all the bills, bought a toy and the money was gone. And the next morning I walk downstairs into the basement, and the floor is all wet. My water heater was leaking from the tank and needed replaced. I glanced at the serial number (I know how to read the date codes because that's what I do, plumb). And it was 5 1/2 yrs old. Wonderful, 6 months out of warranty, I have to pay for a new one! I can install it, but I still have to buy it...and I just spent all the money! I had more than enough to buy one. Yesterday.
As I shut off the water to it, I felt the frustration creeping in. I will now have to wait for a month to be able to buy one. Luckily, I had showered and did all of the dishes the day before it went out. (Felt that was prolly a blessing that the Lord urged me to do necessary hot water chores before it konked out!)
And I caught myself and stopped. I laughed and said out loud, Lord, I don't know what you're doing here with all of this, but I trust you and praise you anyway because I know that all things work together for good for those who love God and I love you so, do what you will. Then I just went about my day and didn't worry about it one bit. I cleaned up the water, and so if I had to wait a month, so what. I'll live through it.
The next morning, I resolved myself to waiting this month but hey, I might as well call a supply house and price the new one so I knew what I'd be looking at having to spend. I wanted to get the same exact model, for two reasons, Rheem makes good water heaters, and with the exact unit it would be a slip fit change out and there would be minimal extras to buy for the installation. So I give the guy the model and serial number so he can match it up for me...and he reminds me that Rheem carries a SIX year warranty on their water heaters! I didn't have to pay, or wait. So I went and picked it up. I had it installed by the end of the day. I only had to use one 1/2' coupling and I had that. So I didn't even miss one shower. The Lord is good. What happened was that I did not complain to the Lord or demonstrate a bad reaction to the situation, and I didn't even pray for another water heater or more money. I was just blessed once with the stimulus check, how could I? I essentially, just backed off and gave it to the Lord with praises. And so the Lord made it all turn out for good for me.
Now you might think, well if it was under warranty I wouldn't have had to pay anyway and so what happened was not necessarily from the Lord. But I would still disagree because, I know that if
I had reacted differently it just might have had a different outcome. There are no coincidences on this earth, none, ever. This is the Lord's bbq and earth and He IS in control. This was Him. So I managed to pass this test and was immediately blessed for it. Besides, after I was done installing it, I had such an inner peace and joy come over me that, it was obvious to me that the Lord was confirming for me that, He was pleased with how I handled the situation and He blessed me. He always confirms it when He blesses you. This is not the only time that He has blessed me or bailed me out, lol! Just one of the most recent. I could give you quite a few testimonies of other ways the Lord has supernaturally helped me and blessed me. How many would you like to hear?
So if you do not have inner peace and continue to have feelings of worthlessness and such, your answer and solution is within your relationship with Christ. If you draw closer to God, He will draw closer to you. So you would do well to turn these feelings over to the Lord in praises and thanksgiving. Reject those feelings! Give them away. And try not to complain. The OT shows us many examples of the Lord does not like murmuring and complaining, He likes praise, gratitude and thanksgiving. You can not control your circumstances, only how you react to them and allow them to affect you!
After I had began learning these things, I quit worrying about money. I got accused of not giving a crap anymore, of not being ambitious enough...so what? Money is not really needed to live upon the earth. And the respect (or lack thereof) from family and friends, who needs it?! There is a friend which sticketh closer than a brother. And His Name, is Yashua!
