Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
Sharing toys is an important skill children learn in their development.
If your young children are like most, they may find it difficult to let others play with their toys. Here are a few of the sharing predicaments that other parents have found themselves in and what they did:
“No! I won’t share my toy!” my 4-year-old niece, Beth, insisted when her mother told her to share with her cousin.
Little Beth’s tone was sharp and rude. I wondered how her mother was going to handle the situation.
Beth’s mother softly replied, “Yes, you will. Do you want to know why?”
“Why?” Beth could not hold back her curiosity.
Her mother continued in the same gentle voice. “Because you are my kind, sweet Beth who always does
nice things for others, like sharing your toys.”
Beth looked down at the toy in her hand and then slowly handed it to her cousin. Telling a child she
is sweet and kind reinforces those character qualities.
—Harriet E. Michael
My son has trouble watching someone play with his toys, so before friends arrive, I allow him to pick a few special items to put on top of the refrigerator.
This gives him some say over what he’s willing to share. Then if he has trouble sharing his other toys, I gently remind him that his friend may take a turn playing with them.
—Karen Gauvreau
My boys are just 15 months apart and have similar interests. When they were younger, they were often caught in a tug-of-war over toys. I tried to solve this problem by encouraging them to share, putting them in different rooms with different toys and distracting them when they fought over their jumbo teddy bear.
Then my husband and I came up with an idea: At the start of playtime, we put their favorite toys in a pile between the boys and had them take turns choosing one from the pile until the toys were divided equally. This method ended the selfish struggle between them.
Since they each picked their favorites, and took turns doing so, it helped to remove the tension and allowed them to play independently. But on most days, they chose to combine their chosen toys and play with each other without fighting. This simple method allowed my boys to begin treating each other in the way God would want them to.
—Sue Nowick
My three boys were playing when I heard my youngest say, “That’s mine. Give it back!” I found Joseph’s plane lying on the floor. Every time his brother picked it up, Joseph declared ownership. I suggested my other son try asking his brother to use it.
He said, “Joseph, may I play with your plane, please?”
Without even looking up, Joseph said, “Sure!”
Joseph had simply wanted to know that his brother respected his ownership of the toy plane.
—Denise McConnell
Take the Assessment!
We have three children — twin daughters and a son — all under the age of 3. Sharing is a character trait that my husband and I deeply value, so we’ve created a routine to help encourage it.
When our children ask for something, such as a snack, we hand it to them and say, “Please serve your sister (or brother) first.” Our children are expected to share first, keeping the last item for themselves. We knew this concept was sinking in when our daughter Lauren was given a special treat and automatically offered her sister the first bite.
—Lisa Max
The challenges of training my older two have helped with my 20-month-old. It is rewarding to watch them pick similar toys (e.g., cars) that allow for interaction without intervention. And a timer works well when turns need to be controlled by Mom, to reassure the boys they are receiving equal treatment.
—Anna Williams
One Saturday afternoon 3-year-old Sami and her cousin Mallory were fighting over a doll. The girls came running to me, jostling each other to be the first one to tattle.
“Mommy,” Sami said breathlessly, “it’s my turn to play with the doll. It’s my doll, and I already let her play with it.”
Mallory shook her head. “It’s my doll !”
“No, it’s mine.”
I held up my hand. I wasn’t sure whose doll it was. They’d both received a similar one for Christmas. Aha ! I had it. The age-old story of wise Solomon and the coveted baby came to mind. I tried to remember how it played out. Oh yes, two moms fighting over a baby, and the wise judge intervened by threatening to cut the baby in two. Because of his judgment, the real mother was found — she was willing to give up her baby, rather than let it die.
“How about this,” I said. “We’ll cut the doll in half and give each of you a half.”
They were both quiet. Sami looked forlorn. Brilliant, I thought to myself. This just might work. “OK, Mommy,” she finally said. “But … I get the head !”
Mallory gasped, “No, I do!”
I sighed. “Girls?”
They both turned to look at me.
“I’m not going to cut the doll in half.”
They looked confused. “Why not ?” each asked.
I didn’t bother to explain. “Mallory, you get the doll for 10 minutes. Then give it to Sami to play with. Let’s share it. Any arguments and neither of you gets it. Got it ?”
“Got it,” they said in unison.
I handed Mallory the doll and off they went.
Brilliant, I thought. Just brilliant.
—Elsa Kok Colopy
As the mom of daughters, ages 2 and 4, I see the life-size playhouses and 5-foot teddy bears and wonder if I need to buy more for my children, and I’m not alone. As of 2023, the average amount parents in the U.S. spend on Christmas gifts for their children is approximately $500 to $600 per child according to the National Retail Federation.
But parents of young children don’t need to spend a lot to make the holidays merry. One mom I know wraps photos and artwork in Christmas paper as decorations and lets her toddlers unwrap them on Christmas morning. Another has a box of holiday books they only take out in December. And my brother-in-law’s family has a yearly outing to look at Christmas lights and drink hot cocoa.
That is what they do to enjoy a less materialistic Christmas. Here is how I curtail my holiday spending:
One of my girls’ favorite activities on Christmas morning is not playing with the presents, but crawling through the wrapping paper. Toddlers don’t yet have the expectation of dozens of presents, so these early years provide us with a great opportunity to make Christmas more about Jesus than things.
Before my husband and I rush into holiday spending, we decide whether we want to focus on gifts under the tree or family experiences. Then we plan accordingly.
My girls are young and receive gifts from grandparents, aunts and uncles. So my husband and I give each girl a single gift. Whether you go with one gift or 10, setting a limit and putting thought into those presents reins in spending.
Resisting the urge to spend at Christmas can be difficult, but doing so helps create lasting memories and sparks new traditions aligned with your family’s priorities.
The post Sharing Toys appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
Sharing toys is an important skill children learn in their development.
If your young children are like most, they may find it difficult to let others play with their toys. Here are a few of the sharing predicaments that other parents have found themselves in and what they did:
Compliment her character
“No! I won’t share my toy!” my 4-year-old niece, Beth, insisted when her mother told her to share with her cousin.
Little Beth’s tone was sharp and rude. I wondered how her mother was going to handle the situation.
Beth’s mother softly replied, “Yes, you will. Do you want to know why?”
“Why?” Beth could not hold back her curiosity.
Her mother continued in the same gentle voice. “Because you are my kind, sweet Beth who always does
nice things for others, like sharing your toys.”
Beth looked down at the toy in her hand and then slowly handed it to her cousin. Telling a child she
is sweet and kind reinforces those character qualities.
—Harriet E. Michael
First steps in sharing toys
My son has trouble watching someone play with his toys, so before friends arrive, I allow him to pick a few special items to put on top of the refrigerator.
This gives him some say over what he’s willing to share. Then if he has trouble sharing his other toys, I gently remind him that his friend may take a turn playing with them.
—Karen Gauvreau
A toy box truce
My boys are just 15 months apart and have similar interests. When they were younger, they were often caught in a tug-of-war over toys. I tried to solve this problem by encouraging them to share, putting them in different rooms with different toys and distracting them when they fought over their jumbo teddy bear.
Then my husband and I came up with an idea: At the start of playtime, we put their favorite toys in a pile between the boys and had them take turns choosing one from the pile until the toys were divided equally. This method ended the selfish struggle between them.
Since they each picked their favorites, and took turns doing so, it helped to remove the tension and allowed them to play independently. But on most days, they chose to combine their chosen toys and play with each other without fighting. This simple method allowed my boys to begin treating each other in the way God would want them to.
—Sue Nowick
Permission granted
My three boys were playing when I heard my youngest say, “That’s mine. Give it back!” I found Joseph’s plane lying on the floor. Every time his brother picked it up, Joseph declared ownership. I suggested my other son try asking his brother to use it.
He said, “Joseph, may I play with your plane, please?”
Without even looking up, Joseph said, “Sure!”
Joseph had simply wanted to know that his brother respected his ownership of the toy plane.
—Denise McConnell
Keep Growing Into the Best Parent for Your Kids!
Get personalized parenting help by taking the 7 Traits of Effective Parenting Assessment from Focus on the Family! You’re a one-of-a-kind parent. You have unique strengths your kids benefit from, and areas you can grow in. Find out what those are by taking the 7 Traits of Effective Parenting Assessment! This assessment will walk you through how you’re doing in traits such as love, adaptability, and boundaries with your child. You’ll get a personalized report on strengths to keep building, as well as ways to improve day by day.Take the Assessment!
Others first
We have three children — twin daughters and a son — all under the age of 3. Sharing is a character trait that my husband and I deeply value, so we’ve created a routine to help encourage it.
When our children ask for something, such as a snack, we hand it to them and say, “Please serve your sister (or brother) first.” Our children are expected to share first, keeping the last item for themselves. We knew this concept was sinking in when our daughter Lauren was given a special treat and automatically offered her sister the first bite.
—Lisa Max
Take turns sharing toys
The challenges of training my older two have helped with my 20-month-old. It is rewarding to watch them pick similar toys (e.g., cars) that allow for interaction without intervention. And a timer works well when turns need to be controlled by Mom, to reassure the boys they are receiving equal treatment.
—Anna Williams
Solomon’s wisdom and a doll
One Saturday afternoon 3-year-old Sami and her cousin Mallory were fighting over a doll. The girls came running to me, jostling each other to be the first one to tattle.
“Mommy,” Sami said breathlessly, “it’s my turn to play with the doll. It’s my doll, and I already let her play with it.”
Mallory shook her head. “It’s my doll !”
“No, it’s mine.”
I held up my hand. I wasn’t sure whose doll it was. They’d both received a similar one for Christmas. Aha ! I had it. The age-old story of wise Solomon and the coveted baby came to mind. I tried to remember how it played out. Oh yes, two moms fighting over a baby, and the wise judge intervened by threatening to cut the baby in two. Because of his judgment, the real mother was found — she was willing to give up her baby, rather than let it die.
“How about this,” I said. “We’ll cut the doll in half and give each of you a half.”
They were both quiet. Sami looked forlorn. Brilliant, I thought to myself. This just might work. “OK, Mommy,” she finally said. “But … I get the head !”
Mallory gasped, “No, I do!”
I sighed. “Girls?”
They both turned to look at me.
“I’m not going to cut the doll in half.”
They looked confused. “Why not ?” each asked.
I didn’t bother to explain. “Mallory, you get the doll for 10 minutes. Then give it to Sami to play with. Let’s share it. Any arguments and neither of you gets it. Got it ?”
“Got it,” they said in unison.
I handed Mallory the doll and off they went.
Brilliant, I thought. Just brilliant.
—Elsa Kok Colopy
Fewer toys, more Christmas
As the mom of daughters, ages 2 and 4, I see the life-size playhouses and 5-foot teddy bears and wonder if I need to buy more for my children, and I’m not alone. As of 2023, the average amount parents in the U.S. spend on Christmas gifts for their children is approximately $500 to $600 per child according to the National Retail Federation.
But parents of young children don’t need to spend a lot to make the holidays merry. One mom I know wraps photos and artwork in Christmas paper as decorations and lets her toddlers unwrap them on Christmas morning. Another has a box of holiday books they only take out in December. And my brother-in-law’s family has a yearly outing to look at Christmas lights and drink hot cocoa.
That is what they do to enjoy a less materialistic Christmas. Here is how I curtail my holiday spending:
Consider the age for sharing toys
One of my girls’ favorite activities on Christmas morning is not playing with the presents, but crawling through the wrapping paper. Toddlers don’t yet have the expectation of dozens of presents, so these early years provide us with a great opportunity to make Christmas more about Jesus than things.
Set priorities
Before my husband and I rush into holiday spending, we decide whether we want to focus on gifts under the tree or family experiences. Then we plan accordingly.
Consolidate spending
My girls are young and receive gifts from grandparents, aunts and uncles. So my husband and I give each girl a single gift. Whether you go with one gift or 10, setting a limit and putting thought into those presents reins in spending.
Resisting the urge to spend at Christmas can be difficult, but doing so helps create lasting memories and sparks new traditions aligned with your family’s priorities.
—Amber Van Schooneveld
The post Sharing Toys appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...