Singleness, dating and Christianity

[Sharri14]

Hey there everyone,

Wondering to know when your dating, are there certain rules you follow? Like do you only date christian men or women? Does faith matter to you when dating?
Do you follow your mind in dating or do you follow your faith? What is it that you look for in someone or what would catch your interest?
Do looks matter? Do they have to be a millinare to be someone?
Thanks in advance.


Piece in Christ
Sharri

 

[Scott]

I've been listening to the audio book "I kissed dating goodbye" by Josh Harris. A lot of what he says are things I've already been putting into practice in regards to pursuing a relationship. I conservative myself, and somewhat old-fashioned in how I treat dating. What I mean specifically, I don't date for dating's sake. So many people date just so they are not alone, and while doing so they are always shopping to find something better. I believe that is wrong and leads to unnecessary heartache for either one or both involved.

As I've gotten older, I've become even more picky on who I choose to pursue a relationship with. Really, its hard finding ladies with the same standards and virtues in regards to dating. But I know I can't compromise, because I know too well the hurt that comes when you don't really know the person you are dating and the direction they see the relationship going as opposed to your own.

Its a real reality check when you take a look around and see divorce so rampant in this day and age. I believe a lot of it has to do with people poorly training themselves for marriage by playing the dating game and giving little pieces their hearts away.. here and there.. for the sake of satisfying their immediate desire for companionship. I don't want to get married and find out someday that I really didn't know the lady I married or turn a blindeye to potential warning signs that can be future problems down the road. As much as I desire marriage, I'd rather be single if I don't find a wife who is on the same page in regards to standards and values. I'll take loneliness over heartache & loss anyday.

 

[KnarfKS]

Does faith matter to you when dating? Do you follow your mind in dating or do you follow your faith?

Absolutely, 2 Corinthians 6:14-16, it is actually a command.
The last two women I have been non-Christians unfortunately, but I didn't pursue them either. I think it is using your head when a Christian doesn't date a non-Christian. There is too much of a worldview difference. Too many conflicts that can't be resolved unless they give on a very important beliefs.

What is it that you look for in someone or what would catch your interest?
Strong relationship with Christ, servant, intelligence, common sense (hard to find), not a pushover many others.

Do looks matter?

Yes, but a very low priority. I think a man and woman should be attracted to each other to get married. I'm not saying that my future wife has to be a supermodel or something, but she must be attractive to me. Personality has a big effect on attractiveness as well.

Do they have to be a millinare to be someone?

hahaha, i have lived poor for so long, I actually think that would be a turn off.

 

[cly]

The book that Scott spoke of is a very good book, in my opinion. I would suggest reading it if you get a chance. The plan presented in the book is not an easy plan to decide to accept, but I think it's one of the best ideas there are. Personally, I've been trying to incorporate much of what Harris suggested in my own life. Like I said, it's not the easiest thing in the world, but it's what I'm going to do my hardest to stick to.

I also agree with what KnarfKS said, especially about faith and dating. God explicitly says in the Bible that He wants us to date and marry believers only. Without that, then the relationship really has very little to go on, and what may be there isn't necessarily stable. Even when dating other believers, one needs to be prudent. Don't just fly into a relationship saying "Well, he is a believer too, so it'll all work out." Quite frankly, that just isn't true. My dad is a Christian; my mom says she is a Christian (I hope she isn't lying.), yet they still divorced after 10 years of marriage.

As far as looks and money goes, don't focus solely on that. Like Knarf said, looks are important for just attraction. Personally, I think that if you love someone, then they are probably one of the best looking people out there in your eyes. (Of course, there is still that initial attraction.) Remember what the Psamlist said, "Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised." (Ps. 31:30) That verse can be applied to men as well. It's like the old saying goes, "Beauty is only skin deep." It's what's on the inside that counts the most.

About money, I think my dad has some good advice on that. He's always telling me to choose someone who isn't necessarily rich, but someone who can and will have the means to provide for his family. He tells me that although money isn't the most important thing (and it most certainly isn't) that you still need it to survive in this world, especially this country. He tells me to pick someone who will have a decent job and will be a responsible worker. I think some part of him wants me to find a guy who can give me a bit more than he has ever been able to, but his advice is still good nevertheless.

First and foremost, though, trust in God. He's got it all planned out, and if you'll just follow where He leads, you'll be surely blessed - in all areas of life. 8-)

In Christ,

CLY

 

[Sharri14]

Hello, :D

For me faith and being strong with the Lord is so important. Sadly most of my friends are non-Christians and yes I had to leave these friends for that reason. But in all I think wheter we are dating or meeting friends in Christ our faith is the foundation of that relationship.
The looks and money part well, there is no price then having the Lord in your life and seeking him daily.... that is the winning lottery ticket

Looks, we put more into what we look like or how we WANT someone to look like rather then see them for whom they really are. (whats on the inside). Our bodys are the temples of the Lord and we shall treat it as such.
I beleive what we put into our bodies is what comes out, make any sense?

Hey Scott, I think I will get that book,


Hey Knarf that is awesome you mention 2Corinthians, I am reading the Corinthians at this time.

Thanks again for your responses.
Have a great day
Piece in Christ
Sharri

 

[GundamZero]

As someone who has never dated before, there is only a limited amount of practical advice I can give. But I might suggest not to find any girl/boyfriend that would never be your friend. Many times people will compromise on what they really want in favor of what the world says they should want.

But remember, one day the games will be over, and what will matter is whether or not you can wake up each day and face life suffering and enjoying it together. If your enjoying and suffering each other, there's a problem.

 

[desirea21]

My fiance is not a christian. And yes it's hard, but he agreed that we could raise our children with christian morals. I pray that he will one day, he will maybe change his mind or give me a chance to talk about it with him. There is a lot of guilt and thinking going on in my life right now since I've decided to accept God in my life. And I'm not sure how I will work this out.