I guess I should give a little background on who I am. My name is Jacob, I'm 19 years old, and I'm from the good ole south. I grew up in the typical southern christian family. I've been a christian all my life. I was baptized and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was younger. I Never questioned God, or his existence. About a month or so ago I heard about this guy, Harold Camping. HE apperantly thinks the world will end on May 21st 2011, and that the bible proves it. Matthew 24:36-But of that day knoweth no man. Not the angels, no not the Son, but only the Father. So immeaditly, I was like whatever and brushed it off my shoulders after doing a little more research. But it made me reflect on how I've been living my life. I say I'm a "christian" but I never act like it. I sin constantly(I'm embaressed to say what it is) and I've never repented for it. I guess I've coasted by on the notion that God will forgive me and I can do whatever I want. So I repented for my sins and asked for forgiveness and tried to put them behind me. There have been a few times when I've broken down and done it again, but I always asked for forgiveness and I'm getting better IMO. But it seems like ever since I've started to turn my life around all this DOUBT has crept into my mind. Things like, does God really exist, can I be saved, how Can I know he's real, I'll never be saved, just all these awful things and it's OVERWHELMING! I've never had these thoughts before in my life, and I can't stand it. I talked to my old youth leader, and he told me a metaphor.
"You know when you see a fire, it's bruning bright and tall, and then you see that little ember off to the side slowly going out" The big fire bein gthe church and the little meber being me.
It made alot of sense to me, so I'm gonna start looking for a new church, because I don't feel comfterable in my old one, and I've started reading my bible, and praying daily. It seems like ever since I've started doing this, it's getting worse. In my heart of heart I believe that Jesus died on the cross for me and took away ALL of my sins, but in my mind I feel like the devil is putting all these thoughts in my head because he doesn't want to let go, and I feel like he's winning. I pray to God every day to get rid of these thoughts. I know they wont go away immeaditly, but it's really weighing on my heart. Please pray for me to get through this.
I was wondering if anyone has also been here in there life? What did you do to reafirm your faith. All advice is appreciated. God bless.
