Tell your partner everything.

[Classik]

How possible is it?
I like sunday school classes and Bible studies. They help us a lot in our christian race. Some people do not bother about going to church. (You are missing a lot and can't know everything inside your bedroom: no single individual is omnicient - however fellowshipping with one another brings us closer to knowing all).

We have learnt in our sunday school classes and bible studies that a couple must keep no secrets to each other. I believe this is right. Some of the instructions given are:

1. Tell her/him everything before marriage (If one of you have a son/daughter tell your fiance/fiancee about your child before marriage)
2. Medical history (tell your partner all about your medical history)
3. The nature of your work should be discussed. Etc
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Then inside marriage, (never keep a secret)
4. Let your partner know all about your income (there could have been changes here)
5. Relationships
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No need mentioning all of them - DO NOT KEEP A SECRET
()()
It is hard for most people to accept this. Some say it is difficult. Some fear they might lose that partner if he/she learns everything before marriage. Some do not discuss the children they have outside marriage or their medical history. They have a reason: I might lose her/him if I tell her/him the truth (and they believe if eventually you get married and she/he knows about that secret or figures it out she/he would find it hard to disassociate with you - she/he won't divorce you)

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That is very stupid. By that time you have left your partner with this wound that may never heal
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I know most of us are not quite comfortable with telling our partner all about our secrets before marriage and inside marriage (note there are secrets she/he must know before marriage - your medial history, nature of work and your income, your child/children [if you have any] etc, and there are some secrets she/he must know inside marriage - your later income, male and female friends, the problems you have with people etc)
)))(((
how about secrets like:
a. your sexual life
b. Murder and similar secrets.
c. Addictions, etc
I know and believe we should keep no secrets, are there things that shouldn't be said? Do we even believe we should have no secrets?
(I promise [God helping me] to keep no secrets)

 

[Ace1234]

I think it's a mistake to tell your every secret from your past, unless it could effect your relationship, some things are truly best left unspoken. However, if married, I see no need to keep secrets that take place after marriage.

 

[D4Christ]

My husband is not my High Priest, Christ is. So I think I'll confess my secrets to Christ that need confessing and only tell my husband something if it is a sin that is directed towards or involves him that needs confessing. God's design of Christ as our mediator is perfect, since Adam as husband to Eve, showed how weak and ineffective he was in the garden. He blew it right out of the gate....


Blessings,
Dee

 

[Jethro Bodine]

I know and believe we should keep no secrets, are there things that shouldn't be said?

As well intentioned your thoughts are, there are definitely things you do not have to share in marriage.

I foolishly followed a well known radio pastor's exhortation that the best thing you can do when you've become attracted to someone else is tell your wife. STUPID!

It's the same as admitting you've had an actual affair. And unless your relationship is equipped to handle the fallout of an actual affair you need to keep your mouth shut and seek other help if you need it.

Wisdom is a very big part of living for God. Just as important and necessary as knowledge. The timely and appropriate application of knowledge (wisdom) is as equally necessary and essential as knowledge itself is. Wisdom dictates that we consider the circumstances and situations we are in, and possible consequences, before we tell all. There are few hard and fast answers in this area.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

And let me add, there are things I would like to know about what my wife did before we were married that, truthfully, have no valuable, godly reason to be known by me. My reasons for knowing are really just carnal feelings rising up inside of me and need to be put down in the interest of godliness and peace.

 

[Classik]

My husband is not my High Priest, Christ is. So I think I'll confess my secrets to Christ that need confessing and only tell my husband something if it is a sin that is directed towards or involves him that needs confessing.

Good!
but how about this (I'm not referring to you):
If that partner gets to hear that secret from another source? It could be disastrous:dunno

 

[Classik]

I know and believe we should keep no secrets, are there things that shouldn't be said?

As well intentioned your thoughts are, there are definitely things you do not have to share in marriage.

It depends on individuals... I will try as much as possible never to lie or deceive my partner. Could it lead to a quarrel? Maybe!
Divorce? We are Christians.
Why not tell her/him everything before marriage? It is either, 'let's get married' or 'let's go our separate ways'.

I foolishly followed a well known radio pastor's exhortation that the best thing you can do when you've become attracted to someone else is tell your wife. STUPID!

Scary!
Or not really scary.

It's the same as admitting you've had an actual affair. And unless your relationship is equipped to handle the fallout of an actual affair you need to keep your mouth shut and seek other help if you need it.

That's a great one indeed. And what if that affair had resulted into a 'life' somewhere and your partner gets to know it on his/her own (not referring to you)? All these should be taken care of before marriage. It is better s/he's aware..:yes
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Could telling a partner a secret break a home apart? I do not think it is possible in christian homes - NO.

Wisdom is a very big part of living for God. Just as important and necessary as knowledge. The timely and appropriate application of knowledge (wisdom) is as equally necessary and essential as knowledge itself is. Wisdom dictates that we consider the circumstances and situations we are in, and possible consequences, before we tell all. There are few hard and fast answers in this area

Gold medal
We have the Holy Spirit of God.

 

[Classik]

Are my eyes fooling me? Are we skipping the 'income' part?:biglol

 

[Classik]

It makes me wonder if the foundation of our marriage is made on Love and the fear of God when we get so secretive.
Most women can't boldy answer their husbands' calls.
The phone rings, the husband jumps up like a dog, races towards the table like Messi and pounces upon the phone like a goalkeeper:angry.
Why can't my wife read my text messages?
Why can't my husband answer my call?
Why do I need to put my phone in security mode when I'm home with my wife/husband?
Why can't my wife/husband know the details of my bank account?
Why can't my husband/wife know my friends, or are they all living in Gaza?
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Of course I'm not against having private rooms. We need privacy at times. But why must your private room be impenetrable:dunno:shocked
Some are so secretive that they gird their wastes with chains - and cover up their body with armor

The question is: are we really a family or are we really in love?
God's math is 1+1=1
Do not update it to 1+1=7

 

[Ace1234]

I know people, that feel they must bare their entire lives, every secret, every lover, every mistake to their partner before and after marriage. Your past is past, forgiven, it's silly to share your every action. I had no need to tell my wife of past lovers, mistakes, etc...she simply knew they were there, as I did her.

This is more than secrets, your entire life is your experience, not only do you not have to share it all, most don't want to hear it all.

Regardless, many a person has told a long past secret to a partner that had no bearing on the relationship and long over. Often these secrets do much harm, cause trust issues, etc...and cause the relationship problems for years when had not spoken they can be forgiven..

You're every thought and action is between you and God, only when secrets could cause harm should you discuss them.

It's much the same with telling the truth, most smart men know when their wife gains weight and ask does she look fat to say "no".....

 

[handy]

I don't believe in fully divulging every little thing to one's spouse. That can be a real burden on the spouse. Reminds me of the thread elsewhere about the man whose wife thinks about other guys and tells him, due to her anxiety issues...and he's left feeling hurt by it all.

Sometimes, it's best to just keep one's mouth shut. And, sometimes, we need to speak. Takes some wisdom and discernment to be sure.

When my hubby and I were dating, we shared what we thought was important for the other one to know. For instance, it absolutely was important for him to be aware that I was sexually abused as a child, as that would have an impact on our marriage (which it did)...he, of course, needed to come out with the fact that he was epileptic so that I would know that I was heading into marriage with someone with a chronic health issue. These things are important.

As for former sex-partners...I think just knowing that there has been previous sexual activity but clean health (or whatever health issue might be there) is enough. I don't think it's up to a new spouse to grill the other about former partners...but, again, information that might impact the new partner...that's what needs to be shared.

As for the idea of answering mail, telephone calls, looking through phone messages, FB pages...it's up to each couple, but Steve can look through anything, anytime, anywhere and for any reason. If Steve suddenly wanted me to never touch his phone, ask about who he was with, and keep new friends from me...oh yeah...MAJOR red flag.