It was March 2014, and my husband and I moved to Cameroon along with our four children. We arrived full of dreams to see the Bible translated for the Kwakum people, but then we became severely ill. We moved into the home of a Cameroonian family and were learning to cook, clean, and stay healthy. We weren’t doing well because my husband lost about 40 pounds within those first six weeks.
Fortunately, however, when we described our symptoms to a missionary couple, we discovered there was a simple remedy for that particular sickness. The Cameroonian man we were living with took us to a pharmacy, but we only had enough money to buy medication for one of us–either me or my husband. He gave me the pills without thinking and encouraged me to take them. As I swallowed them, I heard a gasp from our Cameroonian housemate. He watched the whole scene, and his jaw dropped to the ground.
Without knowing it, my husband preached his first sermon on Ephesians 5:25, which says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” His selflessness deeply impacted our housemate, and he still speaks of his kind deed. This story illustrates a profound reality: missionary marriages preach the Gospel.
If you are a pastor, I assume you know the importance of Gospel-like marriages. But what you may not know is that missionary marriages face unique challenges.
Before moving overseas, I had no idea how difficult language learning could be. Despite our training in linguistics, it took us four years to learn French and the local language. These four years were arduous, grueling, challenging, discouraging, and never-ending.
Before we moved, a seasoned missionary husband shared one of his most painful regrets with my husband – he did not prioritize his wife’s language learning. Instead, he mastered the language and did ministry while she stayed home with their children. In neglecting her language learning, he cut her off from the world around her, and they eventually left Africa. This man implored my husband to do everything possible to ensure I learned the language to thrive on the field.
Thankfully, my husband heeded his advice and ensured I had all the study time needed. This meant that we both homeschooled our children, that he braided our girls’ hair while I was studying, and that I was free to immerse myself in the language community. I cannot imagine our ministry without my husband’s commitment to my language learning. For instance, I have an African mother-figure in my life. I have friends on whose shoulders I cry. I can share the Gospel and participate in translation work. My life is fulfilling, in part, because my husband made sure I could learn the languages.
So, pastors, ask husbands how their wives are doing in language acquisition. If their wives are struggling, the husbands need to free them up so they can study more. It may be difficult for ambitious husbands to spend hours doing dishes, unable to engage the lost outside their windows. If this is the case, reassure them that the Lord has good works for them and their wives to do among the people (Eph 2:10).
Day-to-day tasks on the field take longer than tasks done in the States. For instance, to eat beans, we first need to spend hours picking out all the rocks. Similarly, maintaining a home and caring for a family is time intensive. Therefore, some wives could spend all day working to keep their families alive and will consequently have little time for ministry and friendship outside the home.
Therefore, pastors, ask missionary husbands how they divide their household duties. How much time is each spouse spending maintaining the household? Can local people be hired to help with daily tasks? Are the children expected to do chores? Are husbands displaying to the community well-managed households? After all, many husbands are discipling church leaders, and one of the qualifications is for elders to have well-managed homes (1 Tim 3:4).
American parents have various options for their children, such as homeschooling or sending them to school. Children can play soccer or baseball. In our remote village, however, we are with our children all the time: we are their peers, swim instructors, coaches, Bible study leaders, and of course, their parents. Furthermore, unreached people groups have little to offer children in the domain of positive influences. For example, one time my son read Proverbs 22:24b, which says, “Do not associate with one easily angered,” and then asked, “Who can I be friends with?! Everyone is easily angered!”
Therefore, pastors can encourage missionary husbands towards a “team-parenting” approach rather than a model where the wife stays home and raises the kids, and the husband provides for the family. What this looked like in our home is that we homeschooled our children together or found someone from the States to come homeschool them.
Pastors can ask missionary husbands to sit down with their wives and make a weekly schedule for overseeing the children. Then, they could encourage their wives to do ministry when they are not with the kids. You might think, “Well, can’t the wife take the children with her?” No, she cannot. Language learning and ministry are hard enough without hearing children bickering in English in the background.
Relationships in unreached people groups are devoid of Christlike love. For example, in some contexts, women do all the work while men sit around drinking all day long. Other men treat their wives as property, claiming they have the right to rape them. I have never heard that the way to win the lost is through modeling a Gospel-like marriage. However, I have found that people talk when my husband lays down his life for me. They talk because they have never seen that kind of love.
In the same way, one believer among our people group has gotten ahold of what it means to love his wife like Christ. So, after a long day working in the fields, he comes home and washes the dishes (a taboo job for men), and his wife glows with joy. Other women are starting to ask what makes him different. The answer is Jesus. Jesus makes it so that men who were once selfish now bend their knees to wash the dishes and give up medication for their wives. Most people in our context cannot yet understand, but these small shadows of Christ-like love are paving the way for them to hear about the perfect love of Jesus.
And so, pastors, I hope this article helps shed light on some of the challenges that missionary marriages face. Moreover, I hope it will lead you to pray for their marriages with renewed zeal and purposefulness.
The post The Unique Challenges of Missionary Marriages to Preach the Gospel appeared first on Focus on the Family.
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Fortunately, however, when we described our symptoms to a missionary couple, we discovered there was a simple remedy for that particular sickness. The Cameroonian man we were living with took us to a pharmacy, but we only had enough money to buy medication for one of us–either me or my husband. He gave me the pills without thinking and encouraged me to take them. As I swallowed them, I heard a gasp from our Cameroonian housemate. He watched the whole scene, and his jaw dropped to the ground.
Without knowing it, my husband preached his first sermon on Ephesians 5:25, which says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” His selflessness deeply impacted our housemate, and he still speaks of his kind deed. This story illustrates a profound reality: missionary marriages preach the Gospel.
If you are a pastor, I assume you know the importance of Gospel-like marriages. But what you may not know is that missionary marriages face unique challenges.
Language Learning
Before moving overseas, I had no idea how difficult language learning could be. Despite our training in linguistics, it took us four years to learn French and the local language. These four years were arduous, grueling, challenging, discouraging, and never-ending.
Before we moved, a seasoned missionary husband shared one of his most painful regrets with my husband – he did not prioritize his wife’s language learning. Instead, he mastered the language and did ministry while she stayed home with their children. In neglecting her language learning, he cut her off from the world around her, and they eventually left Africa. This man implored my husband to do everything possible to ensure I learned the language to thrive on the field.
Thankfully, my husband heeded his advice and ensured I had all the study time needed. This meant that we both homeschooled our children, that he braided our girls’ hair while I was studying, and that I was free to immerse myself in the language community. I cannot imagine our ministry without my husband’s commitment to my language learning. For instance, I have an African mother-figure in my life. I have friends on whose shoulders I cry. I can share the Gospel and participate in translation work. My life is fulfilling, in part, because my husband made sure I could learn the languages.
So, pastors, ask husbands how their wives are doing in language acquisition. If their wives are struggling, the husbands need to free them up so they can study more. It may be difficult for ambitious husbands to spend hours doing dishes, unable to engage the lost outside their windows. If this is the case, reassure them that the Lord has good works for them and their wives to do among the people (Eph 2:10).
Division of Labor
Day-to-day tasks on the field take longer than tasks done in the States. For instance, to eat beans, we first need to spend hours picking out all the rocks. Similarly, maintaining a home and caring for a family is time intensive. Therefore, some wives could spend all day working to keep their families alive and will consequently have little time for ministry and friendship outside the home.
Therefore, pastors, ask missionary husbands how they divide their household duties. How much time is each spouse spending maintaining the household? Can local people be hired to help with daily tasks? Are the children expected to do chores? Are husbands displaying to the community well-managed households? After all, many husbands are discipling church leaders, and one of the qualifications is for elders to have well-managed homes (1 Tim 3:4).
Parenting Cross-Culturally
American parents have various options for their children, such as homeschooling or sending them to school. Children can play soccer or baseball. In our remote village, however, we are with our children all the time: we are their peers, swim instructors, coaches, Bible study leaders, and of course, their parents. Furthermore, unreached people groups have little to offer children in the domain of positive influences. For example, one time my son read Proverbs 22:24b, which says, “Do not associate with one easily angered,” and then asked, “Who can I be friends with?! Everyone is easily angered!”
Therefore, pastors can encourage missionary husbands towards a “team-parenting” approach rather than a model where the wife stays home and raises the kids, and the husband provides for the family. What this looked like in our home is that we homeschooled our children together or found someone from the States to come homeschool them.
Pastors can ask missionary husbands to sit down with their wives and make a weekly schedule for overseeing the children. Then, they could encourage their wives to do ministry when they are not with the kids. You might think, “Well, can’t the wife take the children with her?” No, she cannot. Language learning and ministry are hard enough without hearing children bickering in English in the background.
Missionary Marriages Preach the Gospel
Relationships in unreached people groups are devoid of Christlike love. For example, in some contexts, women do all the work while men sit around drinking all day long. Other men treat their wives as property, claiming they have the right to rape them. I have never heard that the way to win the lost is through modeling a Gospel-like marriage. However, I have found that people talk when my husband lays down his life for me. They talk because they have never seen that kind of love.
In the same way, one believer among our people group has gotten ahold of what it means to love his wife like Christ. So, after a long day working in the fields, he comes home and washes the dishes (a taboo job for men), and his wife glows with joy. Other women are starting to ask what makes him different. The answer is Jesus. Jesus makes it so that men who were once selfish now bend their knees to wash the dishes and give up medication for their wives. Most people in our context cannot yet understand, but these small shadows of Christ-like love are paving the way for them to hear about the perfect love of Jesus.
And so, pastors, I hope this article helps shed light on some of the challenges that missionary marriages face. Moreover, I hope it will lead you to pray for their marriages with renewed zeal and purposefulness.
The post The Unique Challenges of Missionary Marriages to Preach the Gospel appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...