The War on Sex

[Pard]

Some may have realized that I am a bit critical of contemporary Christianity. As a rule, unless the Holy Spirit speaks to me, I try my darnedest to avoid modern books and such on Christianity, when it comes to certain topics. I truly feel this contempt I have for the contemporary ideology is fueled by the Lord, and the more I look and pray the more I feel that the Lord's plan for me is to shed His Word on many contemporary beliefs, much the same as Luther cast the Word on the false doctrine of the Catholic church. Now, onto the topic at hand...

The Christian body is waging a war on sex. Now, I am well aware that the risque images we are bombarded with on a daily basis are inappropriate and their placement should be taken into serious question and we should continue to protest these images, as they are a source of sin and a stumbling block for many believers. I am not talking about this, I am talking about the war fought with promise rings, and abstinence pledges.

Pre-marital sex is a sin. We are all aware of this. But it is a sin that is no larger than any other sin! It is no worse than lying. It is no worse than swearing. It is no worse than yelling at our parents. It is no worse than any of the countless sins we commit on a daily or weekly basis.

And yet, it is one of the only sins that has an army of ads, ministries, and groups against it.

Why is this? Why do we focus on one sin when they are all equally awful before our Lord? Demonizing sex is only going to make children want to try it. It reminds me of a story involving a younger me, a can of axe, and a lighter...

I was really, really pumped when my mother got me a can of Axe, I felt so mature, little did I know it makes people less mature! I some how caught glimpse of a warning label on the back which instructed me to NEVER use near an open flame. Being a curious, and idiotic, 13 year old I immediate grabbed a lighter and ran into the the bathroom. Oh... my... gosh! That was the coolest thing EVER, or so I thought. A foot long flame roaring from the can, so cool! I then began to experiment. I discovered if you shot the spray down the sink drain it would come out the over flow hole in the top of the sink. So I did this and then but the flame near the over flow hole... FLAME GEYSER!!! The thing I didn't account for was that some of the mist didn't make it down the drain, and it soon reached a point where it touched the flame geyser... The entire sink caught on fire and I lost the hair on my arm...

And all this because a grown up told me not to.

I am sure we all have stories like this, or have heard of one. It's called being a child. Babies are always testing the limits, it's how they learn, it's how we all learn. The problem is when we are told our limits but not told why they are our limits.

The crusade against pre-marital sex sets a limit we should not go over, and refuses to explain why this is our limit, and if they do it is a weak reason and not enough to fix any young person's thirst for knowledge.

Now, I am not saying we bust out the porn-o's and show children exactly what sex is, but the stonewalling isn't the answer either. Let's be a bit more open with young people and cut the bologna, because we are not dumb. Tell them what sex is, why it is important, why it is special, and why they should wait. Make sure they know God does not want them to have sex before they are married. I know it sounds weird, but I have been to these pledge meetings and they do not even talk about God's reasoning.

Also, the war on anything even close to sex is ridiculous. "Side-hugs"? Seriously? A hug is one of the greatest means God gave us to communicate emotions to another person. Hugs relax people and are beneficial.

Another stupid tactic is barring kids to have friends of the opposite sex. I was reading in one of these pamphlets meant for parents that the best thing you can do is to keep your children from having friends of the opposite sex. That is probably the worst thing that a parent can do. The rest of your life your child will be an awkward, fumbling, numb-skull when around the opposite sex. In fact, though my parents never did this intentionally, I have a hard time telling them that I am going to be hanging out with a girl. I was never given the opportunity to makes friends who were girls when I was younger, and it's manifesting itself in some very awkward situations with my parents.

Another consequence of keeping kids from having friends of the opposite sex is they will become lusters. If a boy is not used to being near girls when he his puberty he will be sinning like crazy!

There are numerous other tactics that are being used to keep anything even remotely sexual away from kids. The problem is, it only leads to more problems down the road. The strategy used to keep kids virgins 'till marriage is failing, and this is obvious. It is time contemporary Christianity realizes this and tries something a little less drastic.

 

[ORwarriOR]

The thing that I think is one of the worst about premarital sex is that quickly relationships turn into a relationship just based on sex and really clouds what true love is. You let lust take over yourself and in turn are blinded by it. It's all you begin to think about; and in turn you don't realize things that are making the relationship unstable. This was the case with me anyway. I really truly thought I loved my ex-girlfriend even though I never really trusted her truly, and there were things about her that drove me up the wall. Don't get me wrong she was a really cool person, and there were a lot of things about her that I really truly loved, but there was enough that I disliked which made it obvious that we just weren't compatible.

But I knew one thing for sure, I really liked the sex. And that's all I could think about a lot of the time. It gets the point where it's an obsession because yah sex is great; but it's blinding. And in turn I thought I really truly loved her, so when I caught her with another guy it just made the hurt all that much worse. I got over it eventually, but it took a long time. Now I just don't see the point in having sex with someone unless you're really sure you truly love them; and if that's the case then it's most likely going to lead to marriage anyway. It just sets yourself up for hurt, and corrupts both you and the person you're doing it with unless you're both sure that you love each other.

 

[Pard]

And it would be great if that was the lesson that children were taught, but instead we tell them very little of sex and its consequences.

 

[Pard]

This equality of sins docterine is the core reason christians are losing the war on pre-marital sex

But all sin is equally offensive in the eyes of the Lord, save blasphemy against the Holy Spirit (Matthew 12:32). To each otherwise is itself a sin!

I am well aware that the vast majority of youth commit sexual acts before marriage. My point is the current tactics are not working. Sitting in various pews and reading various sermons and books and pamphlets I have concluded that some sins are held as worse than others. or so contemporary Christianity would have us think.

 

[Danus]

Pard, I'm thinking this would have been better in the Christian Talk & Advice section, but none the less, I understand where your coming from.

Not sure how old you are, but my guess late teens early 20's? Now, me? I'm getting on up there in age. 43. I have two kids....(girls) :crazy I'm going to give you my honest feed back on this subject.

When I was your age, like most young men, I was a crazed-loon when It came to this topic. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I was sex-crazy, but I know what hormones can do at that age. I know it consumed a vast majority of my thoughts. I also know what type of trouble young people can get into.. So for adults my age, especially with kids, we are stuck in a conundrum. On the one hand we understand where you stand....but on the other hand we also understand where you've yet to stand. (I'm not talking of you specifically)...you know what I mean. So, what to do?

We want our kids to grow up safe, and successful. By that I mean involve themselves in successful healthy relationships that can lead to a marriage of the same caliber. The problem is often in how we communicate this desire against a force we know is much stronger than our words and rules.

Now, here comes the honesty....ready?......True, sin is sin, but my daughter will not get pregnant telling a lie or stealing, or feeling envious,...ect...ect... She will not have to jeopardize her future career, or waste any of the money I'm saving for college ect....ect....by engaging in such sins other than SEX,....before marriage.. OK...please no body comment on just this part of my post please. Just putting this out there.

We invest so much in our kids, and our biggest fear is that our investment and our hopes for them could be seriously jeopardized if we don't keep them on the straight path when it comes to this issue. That's where it all comes from. But, are we doing it right by setting up all these rules and conditions? probably not. Does it help? Hard to say.

The fact is, whether you are Christan or Muslim; Mujahid Abdullah, your going to grow up and when you do nature is going to do it's thing. Now I can't speak for the young ladies, but I know the fire that raged within me as a young man, and there is no need to discuss it here. My point is, the nature of man is sin and lust is sin, as are other sins....envy, wrath, sloth, gluttony, killing, stealing, drunkenness....come on you know the rest.

These promise rings and contracts may be hokey and weak compared to that which wrestles inside you, but it's not going to hurt you. Adults say these things to young people out of love. You already know the truth. You know, and your not the only one your age who knows. So, wanting adults to change the game in some way to protect you even more ....is a cop-out my young brother. because no matter what....everyone has to wrestle with their sin on their own terms.

I could have your same argument only turned around. When I was your age I wished my parents kept a closer eye on me. I wished they set the rules a little more strict. Maybe then I could have avoided some hard lessons. I'm not the only one my age who feels that way.

 

[Pard]

Perhaps you have a point, can't be sure. I am 18, so you know. I'm pretty self-policing, that being due to some set rules I set for myself long before I turned to Christ (and they happen to fit into Christianity rather well). I have never gone on more than a single date with any one girl, the reason being one of my rules: Unless I could see myself marrying the girl, dating is a waste of time. I have never really been tempted by sexual desires, so excuse me if I am WAY off or something...

I totally understand what you mean. I thought about adding this into my OP and for some reason I decided against it. Pre-marital does carry consequences that other sins do not, like pregnancy (and for the unlucky boy who impregnates my sister before she is married, a load of buck shot). This might have been a point I should have brought up as it would have strengthened by OP.

You see, pre-marital sex IS a sin, and it should NOT happen. The tactics used today are not helping at all, though. I think the answer is a healthy dose of the truth, and that means being truthful in how we present the sin of adultery compared to other sins.

wanting adults to change the game in some way to protect you even more ....is a cop-out my young brother.

Perhaps you are right. Maybe adults are not even the answer. Do you know who keeps the freshman and sophomores in line at my former H.S.? The Seniors. Kids look up to older kids. Apply the same thing to churches and the whole abstinence deal.

I just want to discuss this failed war on sex that has been waged in more and more desperation over the years. 50 years ago pre-marital sex was far less common, I forget the exact statistic. The main reason is most likely the ubiquitous amount of contraceptives.

 

[jasoncran]

i wish i kept my viriginty(hetero) as that was worthless relationship that lasted three months.

and i fully regret the the male relationship. :verysick

 

[Danus]

50 years ago pre-marital sex was far less common, I forget the exact statistic. The main reason is most likely the ubiquitous amount of contraceptives.

....don't be so sure. Social attitudes where a little different, but 50 years ago kids where saying something similar to your OP. Sex is not a new invention you know. Statistics aside.

I think there are often two sides to the Christian life....the side we present to others.....and the side God knows about. This is is a can of worms, and while it may determine our relationship with God; our success in life, it does not, (in and of itself) determine our salvation.

 

[jasoncran]

sex is pushed far more on teens then when i was a kid.

 

[shad]

Sexuality is far overrated by secular world. And church attenders who are not committed to Jesus are easily getting into the same trap of the media. Sex sells.

I have two young adult children and they seem to be doing fine without getting involved with sexual chaos because they know what Jesus expects from them.

Commitment to Jesus is the key to staying away from sexual immorality and temptations and giving in to social pressure.

 

[Pard]

50 years ago pre-marital sex was far less common, I forget the exact statistic. The main reason is most likely the ubiquitous amount of contraceptives.

....don't be so sure. Social attitudes where a little different, but 50 years ago kids where saying something similar to your OP. Sex is not a new invention you know. Statistics aside.

No, I know this, but it was not in the 80% range.

They did not have abstinence pledges when Jesus was around and just after, yet sex was everywhere there as well. The Roman culture was one of the most sexual cultures to ever (dis?)grace this earth. Many cultures back in the day revered sex as a great way of getting near God. I would almost suggest sex is around LESS now, or a few decades ago, than it was in ancient Rome!

Let's look at how Paul dealt with the topic of pre-marital sex...

I have two young adult children and they seem to be doing fine without getting involved with sexual chaos because they know what Jesus expects from them.

Commitment to Jesus is the key to staying away from sexual immorality and temptations and giving in to social pressure.

:amen

I was going say, the only abstinence pledge anyone needs to make is one before the Lord, and the Lord leads the only abstinence group that can truly stay faithful to the pledge. For a love for God is far stronger than any physical desire.

 

[jasoncran]

and the wisdom not to put yourself in bad situations helps alot.

 

[shad]

I was going say, the only abstinence pledge anyone needs to make is one before the Lord, and the Lord leads the only abstinence group that can truly stay faithful to the pledge. For a love for God is far stronger than any physical desire.

Good for you. I hope you encourage other young christians to do the same.

 

[Danus]

I was going say, the only abstinence pledge anyone needs to make is one before the Lord, and the Lord leads the only abstinence group that can truly stay faithful to the pledge. For a love for God is far stronger than any physical desire.

I understand. I'm not knocking your post.
Sex is an issue that ultimately comes down to the individual and God. Gods been pretty clear on the subject, yet people still question it. people still fall heavily in this area........Let me play devils advocate for the sake of argument here. I'll be the bad guy.

For a love for God is far stronger than any physical desire.

.....Can you love God but still give in to physical sexual desire?

 

[Pard]

Can you love God but still give in to physical sexual desire?

Of course, we all sin and yet we still love God, don't we?

I would say, because I see where you are going with this, the difference is knowing how to use our relationship with God to pull us from desire. God does not lead us into temptation.

It's interesting you brought this up. I have been praying for months for some guidance from God for one of my problems. Then, just the other day He revealed to me how (of course He has been revealing for a while, but I was to blind...). If I simply turn to His word in times of temptation He will quickly pull me from it.

So, to combat our desires for sex I would suggest we teach people how to turn to God in any situation (though this is another topic altogether!)

 

[jasoncran]

the desire for sex is very tempting , far more then we like to admit.

the longest i have fasted sex is five yrs.

 

[Danus]

Can you love God but still give in to physical sexual desire?

Of course, we all sin and yet we still love God, don't we?

I would say, because I see where you are going with this, the difference is knowing how to use our relationship with God to pull us from desire. God does not lead us into temptation.

It's interesting you brought this up. I have been praying for months for some guidance from God for one of my problems. Then, just the other day He revealed to me how (of course He has been revealing for a while, but I was to blind...). If I simply turn to His word in times of temptation He will quickly pull me from it.

So, to combat our desires for sex I would suggest we teach people how to turn to God in any situation (though this is another topic altogether!)

I like it.

It's an interesting issue. One that affects us all. One that I also think is impossible to avoid every mistake, but then such is sin.

I think in the end we need to know where the boundaries are and how to get back if we step over.

 

[Danus]

the desire for sex is very tempting , far more then we like to admit.

the longest i have fasted sex is five yrs.

But, did you win the Seinfeld challenge ?

 

[Caroline H]

Can you love God but still give in to physical sexual desire?

Of course, we all sin and yet we still love God, don't we?

I would say, because I see where you are going with this, the difference is knowing how to use our relationship with God to pull us from desire. God does not lead us into temptation.

It's interesting you brought this up. I have been praying for months for some guidance from God for one of my problems. Then, just the other day He revealed to me how (of course He has been revealing for a while, but I was to blind...). If I simply turn to His word in times of temptation He will quickly pull me from it.

So, to combat our desires for sex I would suggest we teach people how to turn to God in any situation (though this is another topic altogether!)

I like it.

It's an interesting issue. One that affects us all. One that I also think is impossible to avoid every mistake, but then such is sin.

I think in the end we need to know where the boundaries are and how to get back if we step over.

Well said, both of you

 

[jasoncran]

the desire for sex is very tempting , far more then we like to admit.

the longest i have fasted sex is five yrs.

But, did you win the Seinfeld challenge ?

no, i dont generally watch seinfeld, to hedonistic for me even when i watched tv.


that wasnt easy. and to be truthful i got close with cuddling and other far too tempting activities.