Too far gone to fix?

[Feldew]

I often wonder if I've had too many problems and too much "darkness" and sin in my life to ever be good enough for a Christian man. Like I'm too much of broken product at this point for any Christian guy to bother with me, that he'd think I'd only bring him down. Do you think it's possible that I'm right, that God won't 'rescue' me until I've done something more? I'm really not sure... I haven't been to church in ages for rather valid reasons, but I have no reason not to pray or not to read the bible or to continue to listen to and do the kind of things I do. I just feel entirely hopeless, and it stinks. I think at this point I need to be single, but the guy I've been dating is more than good to me and would never do anything to leave or hurt me, and even then neither of us are financially capable of living on our own. (Well, I suppose if we broke up we could have roommates, I always forget that. hah)

But anyway, what do you all think? I'm thinking more about this as I'm typing and I bet anything part of my problem is that I haven't been fellowshipping with God at all--or my brothers and sisters in Christ. It all seems so simple when you do sit down and think about it in the spirit of laying it out and asking for advice, but perhaps there's some more insight you all could share? Maybe some biblical passages that would help? There are dozens, I'm sure. Good grief, I'm a dork and three and a half years after a not so fantastic decision and more to follow, I find myself in a very sticky situation.

 

[Sparkey]

[video=youtube;dwfZMRYw-lI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwfZMRYw-lI[/video]

You've asked several probing questions about the very nature of Christianity. "Like I'm too much of broken product at this point for any Christian guy to bother with me, that he'd think I'd only bring him down."

Jesus Christ is the best example of a Christian guy I know -and- No, I can never feel like I am good enough to be worthy of what He did for me. He's the one that said that the good physician is sent to those who are sick and that's what I think of when I consider what He wants to do with me. It was my heartfelt response from the beginning, "How can You even consider me?" Every Christian (without exception) was called while they were yet in sin.

Today we hear terms like "Negative Self Image" while we are being taught to think of ourselves in a manner that denies our dependancy on Jesus. It's like when I was an alcoholic and I used to deny it saying, "I can quit anytime I want." It took a court order and a jail sentence to get me out of my own self-made trap. Then after about 2 months of sobriety there came a single sober thought: Who am I doing this for? For the judge or for me? Why did I stop drinking? Will I go back to my old ways?

That's the sobering thought that I hear echoed in your heart and behind this I also hear a cry for help... now if I can hear it (and what would it matter if I did or didn't??), surely God can hear the cry of your heart. That is the hope that is being delivered to you even now, this very day. That Jesus paid the price and you are no longer prisoner to the old ways and are able to walk with Him and become a Son of God so that death no longer controls you.

Christ wants to form His nature in you, and in me, so that we are no longer ashamed but can instead live a life filled with Joy -- so much so that the question, "Will I ever become good enough -- takes 2nd place to the Joy of how wonderful He is.

The only way that this once drunken man can become righteous is to accept what He did and do what He said. This is the centeral message that I hear from the Bible, from our Savior: If you love me, obey me. We knw He came not only to redeem but also to show the way for us to follow after him. That's how James boldly declares, "(Jam 1:23-24 KJV) - "For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was."

(23) Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. (24) See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

 

[jberk5071]

You recognize that the need is there. That's huge. As far as being "too much of a broken product," those are the types of people Jesus hung out with.

15 Later, Levi invited Jesus and his disciples to his home as dinner guests, along with many tax collectors and other disreputable sinners. (There were many people of this kind among Jesus’ followers.)

16 But when the teachers of religious law who were Phariseest saw him eating with tax collectors and other sinners, they asked his disciples, “Why does he eat with such scum?”

17 When Jesus heard this, he told them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.” - Mark 2:15-17 NLT

The fact that you recognize that you're not perfect and that you have a sinful past is exactly what you need to do. It sounds like you know what you need to do, you're just in a state of uncertainty and you don't want to follow your convictions.

 

[Sparkey]

Philippians 2:13 (NIV) For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

 

[Feldew]

You recognize that the need is there. That's huge. As far as being "too much of a broken product," those are the types of people Jesus hung out with.



The fact that you recognize that you're not perfect and that you have a sinful past is exactly what you need to do. It sounds like you know what you need to do, you're just in a state of uncertainty and you don't want to follow your convictions.

I wasn't emotionally ready to follow them before but I am now. Unfortunately, financial readiness is not the same as emotional readiness. Oh I also don't have a car or a license, so that makes things very complex. I think that once I get the second part sorted out I could move in with a roommate or two, but I don't think I should have nonchristian roommates. I think that one of my biggest problems is all of the secular stumbling blocks that pop up with the friends I have and keep and how many of them are so easy for me to fall into.

I just know that I need to do something different--probably leave this poor guy--but I know that no matter when I leave him--if I do, which I probably will have to--it will hurt us both a lot, and I feel that any more time I spend with him, even if it is just to get my car and living situation sorted out, I feel like I'm using him and preparing to hurt him. Oh, we'd also need to find a way for him to pay all of his bills. Oooh, but it's a sticky situation. I hate hurting people, especially when I'm entirely to blame for opening myself to a relationship that God didn't promote. But I know that doing this is best for me, for him, and for whomever it is that God is preparing me for and he for I.

 

[JohnEboy1983]

I get that thought all the time that maybe theres something more i need to do...or other thoughts that maybe because of something I have done in my past that God will not allow it to work out. For me finding the right person is questioned that I may now meant to be single all my life possibly because of a past mistake or because there is something more I need to do. I can completely relate, however I am really feeling like I am not putting my trust in God when I think this way.