What do u think?...Wife's Name Not on House Deed

[GodsChild2]

Greetings to all my sisters & brothers in Christ. My husband & I have lived in a new home for 2 years. We have been married for 8. When we moved from our last home, we obtained the mortgage in his name only. Because I'm a homeschooler & stay@home mom, we were told that the best option was getting the mortgage in his name only until we obtained the home & then the deed could be transferred to both our names. He has sat on this issue for the longest! I am TOTALLY fed up about it. His attorney sent the deed info w/a sample filled out, showing him all he needed to do. It was a simple 1 page form. We were to take a 5 minute drive to the local county building, pay a nominal fee & turn the form in. There is no excuse for him not adding my name. There were times when he has stated that this is "HIS" house. He recently said after an argument, "I wish I would add your name to the deed!" Though, for the most part, my husband I get along, I am disgusted w/him about this issue. I feel this is totally unfair & disrespectful.

He provides for us financially, but I contribute in other ways. I take VERY good care of our children. I LOVE to cook & make sure our family has healthy meals ALL the time. I get up before dawn to get his breakfast, bath & clothes together. I pack a healthy, homemade lunch for him. I even lay out his mouthwash, face scrub & hair products. I then get started on breakfast, lessons w/the children. I wish I had more hands to do housework, but between homeschooling, being house referee, psychologist, bible school teacher, cook, beautician, maid, etc., I don't get the opportunity to get it all done. Some days all I do is clean, re-clean, clean , re-clean & clean again & it still isn't the way we'd like. I often don't eat breakfast until it's well past lunch time. I give 3 different children baths everyday & hardly have time for 1 myself. I love my time with my children. I feel this is where God wants me to be. Though I'm exhausted, I absolutely LOVE taking care of my family (I just wish there were more hours in a day to get it all done ;-) ). Do you think it's right for my husband not to take care of the issue of adding my name to the deed?

 

[Abimael]

Your probably not going ot like this answer but here it goes any way, feel free to reject it.

No it is not right in my opinion not to give you the recognition and security of having your name on the house deeds. However it is also not right to allow it to cause strife and discord within your family .

You sound like a very good wife he is lucky to have you and I think secretly he will know this, just keep mentioning it in passing every now and again but don't actually discuss it with him to any great length, and certainy try not to argue about it, also leave enough time in between mentioning it so he doesn't feel badgered, let God's peace be in your home, it is more important than your name on the house deeds.

 

[GodsChild2]

Hi Abimael. I don't reject your answer. If it was the source of major discord & strife, I would agree. The issue of my name not being on the deed doesn't cause discord. It is something I'm not pleased about, but it is not the center of any arguments. I do mention it casually every now & then in a very casual way. I haven't mentioned it since last summer. I mentioned it recently after an argument because I was venting abt a few things I wasn't so happy abt. Like I said, we get along, but when the issue DOES come up or when I really think abt the unfairness in it, I'm not so pleased. I don't think I should be.

 

[handy]

I can relate with the housewife/homeschooler cycle. Although I don't homeschool anymore, I do all the other things you do, and I can certainly relate to the 'clean, clean and re-clean' and mine never gets done either.

Part of my job is to make family appointments. I make everyone's doctor appointments, dentist appointments, appointments to discuss insurance, get the fireplace cleaned out, taxes done, etc.

I suggest simply getting everything together that you need to get this done, make an appointment to do it and let your husband know when the appointment is. If he says he can't make the time/date, pull out the calendar, right then and there and have him pick the time/date. One of two things will happen. Either you will finally get this small but rather important task done (and, it is important because if something were to happen to him, depending upon state laws and probate issues, you could wind up with headaches when you really don't need them) OR he will hem and haw about getting it done, and you can have a loving and quiet talk to find out exactly what's up with the issue.

It sounds as though he is just kind of blowing it off and I can relate to that too. My husband is the world's worst procrastinator. But, if there is a deeper reason why he doesn't want to do this, it needs to be gotten to the bottom of.

If it turns out that he still refuses to do it, do, do, DO aquaint yourself with the laws of what would happen if he dies or leaves you. I say this because I do know of one woman who was not on the deed to the house they lived in for years, and when her husband died, she wound up owing more in taxes on the house than she could afford to pay.

 

[GodsChild2]

Hi, Handy! Thanks for the suggestion. Unfortunately, setting an appointment is not the answer. I, too make all the appts. for the hsehld. I believe it's a deeper issue. As I stated, he has "used" it against me that this is "his" house, so I believe he doesn't want to add my name to the deed. Two years...??? As I stated, it was a very simple 1 page doc for him to sign & turn in. He never signed it. I left it on the dresser standing on the mirror (so he would have no choice but to see it everyday). I then put it in his top drawer, face up, open on top of his things so he would see it every day. Nothing. I then left the issue alone. I don't discuss it with him, but I believe a man of God, who is responsible for his family would definitely take care of this. There is no excuse. I believe he is 100% wrong about this issue.

 

[handy]

Then by all means, do, DO find out what would happen if he were to die suddenly. I know my friend was stuck with thousands of dollars in taxes. I don't know if they were considered an inheritence tax or a capitol gains tax, but she was not on the title deed, and 'inherited' the house she had lived in for years. She wound up having to put the house up for sale because she couldn't afford the taxes. At least she was an older woman, with no young kids.

I do believe these things are state by state issues, and this happened in California a number of years ago. You would have to find out what would happen in your state. If it would be that you would be left owing the government thousands of dollars just to stay in your own home, then your honey really needs to either sign the paperwork, or give you an adequate reason for not doing so. It's not part of godly submission to put yourself and your children in danger of being thrown out on the streets over some unknown issue that your husband has. Maybe he doesn't realize what kind of position you and your children would be in if he were to die. But YOU need to know, because you will be left owing the bill.