What would you do?

[Pebbles]

When your a transsexual there is one story we all have and that's telling our parents and family. It's a dice roll It can be "good" or completely accepting or "okay" Where it's not great but they try to come to terms with it. Or "bad" when they reject the kid or worse.

So I ask you if you had a kid. aged 15 or so and they approach you because they trust you best of the two parents and tell you that they are miserable with there bodies and that they wish more than anything they were the opposite gender and hope to transition at some point the future.

What do you feel?
How do you react?
What would you do?

 

[WIP]

I don't think I could honestly answer that until it would happen. I'd like to think that I would offer Godly advice and help them deal with their feelings with the hope that they would just learn to accept the cards they've been dealt. Would I stop loving them? I sure hope not!

 

[Danus]

When your a transsexual there is one story we all have and that's telling our parents and family. It's a dice roll It can be "good" or completely accepting or "okay" Where it's not great but they try to come to terms with it. Or "bad" when they reject the kid or worse.

So I ask you if you had a kid. aged 15 or so and they approach you because they trust you best of the two parents and tell you that they are miserable with there bodies and that they wish more than anything they were the opposite gender and hope to transition at some point the future.

What do you feel?
How do you react?
What would you do?

There is nothing my kids could say or do that would make me love them less.

I'm not equipped to answer the question, but I will try. If my child came to me not happy with themselves physically and wanting to alter themselves to be the opposite sex, I would remind them that God gave them the body they have, as he has all of us, and that they are perfect as they are.

As a Christian it's difficult for me to think in terms of just changing something to suit what I think would be my own happiness. My happiness and joy in life is found in persevering with the help of God in facing what this world has to offer despite my circumstances. I have found greater peace in that then anytime I've tried to go it my own way.

That said, I'm going to answer your questions as honestly as I can from both my own feelings and that of my Christian perspective.

What do you feel? - Sad, maybe even devastated, and certainly afraid. However, "feelings" can not be trusted. They come and go and sometimes they don't make a bit of sense. We have to lead with our heads and follow with our hearts. In this case my heart loves my child, but my head knows that neither me nor my child knows what's best for my child's happiness and wellbeing.

How do you react? - I think I'd cry. Honestly. Not because they disappointed me, but that they where hurting in this way.

What would you do? - I would suggest that my child not go through with a surgery to alter their sex. Of cores at 15 I don't think they can anyway, but I would attempt to work with them to find God's purpose in their life as they are, as God made them. Most importantly I'd love them.

I think, Pebbles, that we as people tend to get confused about two worlds. God's and what we think is ours. We all fit into God's world, but I contend that none of us fit into the world we've created. The world of wealth, power and prominence. That's man's world. We want to live in that world because we think it's secure and that it will bring us happiness.

At 15 we think by what we see and how we feel about it. We have these social constructs that are ridiculous, that none of us can really live up to. Think about it. When I was 15 I wanted to play football in high school. I grew up in Texas where real men played football. However, unlike some of my friends, I was about 125 lbs I think. I tried working out, drinking those dumb shakes and the whole bit....nothing. I think I may have got up to about 132 and a little more muscle, but I was not like the other guys who played. I would have been killed if they let me play. Somehow I got it in my head that I was less of a man. I brought this up to a friend of mine who played on the team and seemed to be growing like a weed back then, and he offered a solution....the solution! He said; "Dan'O it's not a problem. Just do what I did and get on the juice. The roids man. Half the team takes them. You'll bulk up in no time. You'll be unstoppable." All I needed was parents sign-off, which I did not get. They said to me pretty much what I've said already. God made you the way you are and if that does not include being a strapping football player just so you can impress others (which was really my intent) then you'll have to find out what his purpose is for you, but whatever it is, it's already in you.

 

[mrroy1937]

I would be utterly devastated. My immediate question would be what did I do. I can think of no heavier way to tell God that He goofed than to want a sex change.

It's just beyond what I think anyone with a close relationship to the Lord would think.

 

[Pebbles]

I would be utterly devastated. My immediate question would be what did I do. I can think of no heavier way to tell God that He goofed than to want a sex change.

It's just beyond what I think anyone with a close relationship to the Lord would think.

Well you have to explain what that relationship implies because I don't get what it implies. The stories of you peoples actions I hear seldom put you in a positive light.

I could tell you those stories if you so desire.

 

[handy]

One thing Steve and I have tried to do as parents is to already set the ground work that our kids can tell us anything. Anything at all. I don't promise to not get mad, but assure them that we will always love them and will work through anything in their lives.

Another thing we've tried to do as parents is to let the kids know that we don't have "degree's of sin"...in other words, we wouldn't be hitting the roof if one came out as homosexual, but just be "disappointed" if the other one moved into a living arrangement outside of marriage. In either case, homosexuality or sexual activity outside of marriage represents a sinful behavior, and since all of us in our family sin and all us fall short of the glory of God, there is no cause to quibble over the "my sin isn't as great as yours" idea.

Then there is the way we are teaching our kids about our faith. First and foremost, Christianity is a faith in which God is polar opposite of all our desires. The point isn't that God loves us "just the way we are" but that in Christ we are a "new creation" and that we are not to be "conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."

These are lessons that needed to start very early in life...we started in on these lessons as soon as we brought our kids home.

Hopefully, we've provided our kids with a foundation upon which to work through their challenges in life. Whatever challenges they might be.

Would I sign for my underage child for gender re-assignment? No. I would let him/her know that he/she would have to wait until they are a fully grown adult able to fully understand all the ramifications of such a decision. And by fully grown adult, I don't mean 18 years and 1 week, either. Both of our kids were adopted out of the foster care system and both had very chaotic and unhealthy birth families. We've told them that when they are in their 20's and have completed their education and are ready to face life as an independent adult, we will help in whatever way possible if they want to contact their birth families, but only after they are mature enough to understand all the ins and outs of what it means. There are just some decisions that children, and for all their worldliness, a 15 year old is still a child, should not make.

If, as an adult, either of my kids make a decision that goes against the faith we brought them up in, well, yes, as a mother, I'll be heartbroken.

But, there will still be a place at the table for them. While I was a sinner, Christ loved me enough to die for me. How could I possibly say that my kid's sin was so great that I couldn't love them any longer.