Imagine the scenario: A couple who have undermined your ministry for years decide they have had enough. They have made your life miserable by constantly criticizing and opposing any initiative you have encouraged. But now they are going to a church in another neighborhood—a church that is “more faithful,” “more missional,” etc.
How do you feel?
I am guessing that even the godliest pastor will feel some relief. You don’t wish them, nor the church they are going to, ill will, but you know your life will be easier and your ministry more effective when they leave.
However, this is not an article about that scenario. This article is about what to do when they decide that the church they moved to—the more “faithful,” more “missional” church—is not what they imagined — and they decide to come back! How should you respond to people like this who return to your church, who have caused so much trouble in the past?
Unfortunately, there are no simple answers. I can’t provide a list of steps to prevent you from experiencing trouble. My aim is more modest. I want to highlight briefly four biblical principles that should shape your response. This does not mean it will be easy, but hopefully, it will mean that your response is Biblically faithful. You may not find it easy, but you can be confident that you will act according to God’s Word.
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13; NIV).
The first principle is that you must be gracious—scripture commands it. If the couple (or individual or family) returns and repents, you must forgive them—just as the Lord has forgiven you. You mustn’t assume they will come back and behave like they did before. This basic stance is counter-intuitive—but so is the gospel! This is simple to understand but hard to put into practice. It also does not preclude some hard conversations about their past behavior, but it must be your default stance toward troublesome people who come back to your church.
“For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives” (Colossians 1:9).
Being gracious – being willing to forgive does not mean you should be naïve. You can forgive someone and still be wise in interacting with them. For example, there is no reason to rush a person who has been troublesome in the past into a leadership position. Nor is there any reason you should rush them into your confidence. It is wise to wait to see if and how they have changed while away from your church. The problem with wisdom is that it is not always obvious. I think that is why Paul prays for the Colossians to have wisdom—it is something God gives as we reflect on his Word. That leads to our third point.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you” (James 1:5).
It is obvious that we need to pray. But because it is so obvious, we so easily neglect it! Praying in this scenario might take different forms, but praying for wisdom (as James highlights) is important. We should pray for wisdom to know exactly how to respond to people returning who have caused so much disruption in the past. However, we can also pray that this family or individual would acknowledge their past behavior, repent, and that this time in the church would be different.
“Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned” (Titus 3:10–11)
This is perhaps the most challenging principle to practice. However, the Bible is very clear that if someone causes division, this is a serious matter. The verse above spells out what should happen—that person should be warned clearly. If they persist, we should warn them again, and if they continue to cause division, you should have nothing to do with them. What does “have nothing to do with them” mean in practice? Implementing this kind of church discipline can be fraught in modern Western societies. It is difficult, if not impossible, to prevent someone from attending a public meeting. However, in practice, essentially shutting someone out from the inner workings of the church may be the intention of this command. That is, we should not include them in leadership positions. They have proven themselves to be “warped and sinful.” That is not to say they are without hope—but without repenting, their divisive attitude means that they can have no voice in the affairs of the congregation.
This is not an easy situation, and it’s difficult to address all the specific issues that may arise in this scenario. However, the biblical principles outlined here should guide any response we make.
Related:
How Should Pastors Respond When People Leave Their Church?
Pastors’ Wives: Reflect the Love of the Lord onto Others
Watch Your Life and Doctrine
The post When Divisive People Come Back to Your Church appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
How do you feel?
I am guessing that even the godliest pastor will feel some relief. You don’t wish them, nor the church they are going to, ill will, but you know your life will be easier and your ministry more effective when they leave.
However, this is not an article about that scenario. This article is about what to do when they decide that the church they moved to—the more “faithful,” more “missional” church—is not what they imagined — and they decide to come back! How should you respond to people like this who return to your church, who have caused so much trouble in the past?
Unfortunately, there are no simple answers. I can’t provide a list of steps to prevent you from experiencing trouble. My aim is more modest. I want to highlight briefly four biblical principles that should shape your response. This does not mean it will be easy, but hopefully, it will mean that your response is Biblically faithful. You may not find it easy, but you can be confident that you will act according to God’s Word.
Be gracious!
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13; NIV).
The first principle is that you must be gracious—scripture commands it. If the couple (or individual or family) returns and repents, you must forgive them—just as the Lord has forgiven you. You mustn’t assume they will come back and behave like they did before. This basic stance is counter-intuitive—but so is the gospel! This is simple to understand but hard to put into practice. It also does not preclude some hard conversations about their past behavior, but it must be your default stance toward troublesome people who come back to your church.
Be wise!
“For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives” (Colossians 1:9).
Being gracious – being willing to forgive does not mean you should be naïve. You can forgive someone and still be wise in interacting with them. For example, there is no reason to rush a person who has been troublesome in the past into a leadership position. Nor is there any reason you should rush them into your confidence. It is wise to wait to see if and how they have changed while away from your church. The problem with wisdom is that it is not always obvious. I think that is why Paul prays for the Colossians to have wisdom—it is something God gives as we reflect on his Word. That leads to our third point.
Be prayerful!
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you” (James 1:5).
It is obvious that we need to pray. But because it is so obvious, we so easily neglect it! Praying in this scenario might take different forms, but praying for wisdom (as James highlights) is important. We should pray for wisdom to know exactly how to respond to people returning who have caused so much disruption in the past. However, we can also pray that this family or individual would acknowledge their past behavior, repent, and that this time in the church would be different.
Be clear!
“Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned” (Titus 3:10–11)
This is perhaps the most challenging principle to practice. However, the Bible is very clear that if someone causes division, this is a serious matter. The verse above spells out what should happen—that person should be warned clearly. If they persist, we should warn them again, and if they continue to cause division, you should have nothing to do with them. What does “have nothing to do with them” mean in practice? Implementing this kind of church discipline can be fraught in modern Western societies. It is difficult, if not impossible, to prevent someone from attending a public meeting. However, in practice, essentially shutting someone out from the inner workings of the church may be the intention of this command. That is, we should not include them in leadership positions. They have proven themselves to be “warped and sinful.” That is not to say they are without hope—but without repenting, their divisive attitude means that they can have no voice in the affairs of the congregation.
This is not an easy situation, and it’s difficult to address all the specific issues that may arise in this scenario. However, the biblical principles outlined here should guide any response we make.
Related:
How Should Pastors Respond When People Leave Their Church?
Pastors’ Wives: Reflect the Love of the Lord onto Others
Watch Your Life and Doctrine
The post When Divisive People Come Back to Your Church appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...