Honest, I went into the missions committee meeting with a good attitude. I was excited to be a part of the decisions about how our church could contribute to what God is doing to spread the gospel. Besides, the Packers were winning at the time. Life was good. But about 15 minutes into the meeting, out of nowhere, a long-term member unleashed a flurry of unfair comments that soured the meeting and left me confused about whether to confront him.
As a pastor, it was not apparent to me during or after the meeting how I should respond to the harsh comments. On the one hand, the man was a respected older leader in our church. Was it my place as a young (at the time!) pastor to correct him? Should I “fly over” a few harsh comments? On the other hand, our church is the Lord’s work. The comments stung and hurt the committee. I mulled over what to do.
All pastors face versions of the question of when to confront. How do we decide when to exhort? Godly admonishment is an essential part of the pastoral call. Yet, it is not always clear when a pastor should call someone out.
Confrontation questions are high-stakes matters. A failure to deal with minor incidents can snowball into major problems that hinder gospel ministry. Yet, unnecessary criticism can create a tense and abrasive environment that puts sand in the ecclesiastical gears at church and at home.
Confrontation questions are common. Pastoral ministry requires pastors to respond to hundreds, even thousands of such situations. If “thousands” sounds like an exaggeration, consider that a single ordinary elders meeting might raise a dozen different confrontation questions ranging from whether to say something to an elder who was late to the meeting to who should talk to a Sunday School teacher who is creating controversy.
An idealist might counsel, “Just do what the Bible teaches.” But therein lies the challenge. On the one hand, Scripture is clear that we should not confront every matter.
Wisdom overlooks. Honorable leaders fly over strife. Love covers. Many times, we should move on. In cases like the grumpy leader at a missions meeting, there is any number of occasions when we might allow that the person who said something had an “off night.”
Yet, at the same time, the Bible also teaches that it is the call of shepherds to teach biblically, rebuke, correct, and train in godliness (2 Timothy 3:16). If someone offends us, we are to go to them directly (Matthew 18:15-17). Elsewhere, Paul encouraged Timothy:
Think of that phrase, “the snare of the devil.” Before we decide to avoid all conflict, be reminded that the gentle instruction of a pastor may be the tool God uses to free people from a ”satanic snare.”
So how do pastors decide when to confront? What should a pastor do right now who is deciding whether to confront?
The short answer to the question of when to confront is that it is a matter of wisdom or discernment. We must evaluate confrontational questions with minds transformed by the truth of God’s Word in an ongoing way (Romans 12:2). We must decide if and how to admonish with pastoral love that is growing in knowledge and depth of insight (Phil 1:9-11).
In the flesh, we might wish that we would hear an audible voice telling us what to do or at least that we could phone a friend. But such shortcuts are not how God uses pastors to care for the flock. Rather, we are to lead wisely. Often, we will know what to do only after prayer and reflection.
This points to a general strategy vital to pastoral ministry. We must make it a goal to grow daily in wisdom. The biblical wisdom pastoral ministry requires is not a body of content that we master like a multiplication table and then have at our disposal. Rather, wisdom is a skill for living in reverent fear of God (Proverbs 1:7, 9:10).
Picture wisdom as the “cutting edge” we use to saw our way through confrontational questions. If our wisdom saws are sharp, we can efficiently make decisions quickly. But if our wisdom tools are as dull as butter knives, we will find it hard work to saw through the oak tree-like decisions we make.
In my own life and ministry, one of the most beneficial things I can do is consistently meditate on Proverbs. There are 31 chapters in Proverbs, and I find it convenient on any given day to read the chapter that corresponds with the day of the month.
If it seems too obvious to point out that we need to grow in wisdom by reading Proverbs, then we pastors ought to evaluate the reality of our lives over the last couple of weeks. I need to ask myself on an ongoing basis, “Do I give more attention to the book of Proverbs or my smartphone?” Staying off my phone is a struggle in my own life. As I write this, I don’t have my phone, and I practically have withdrawal shakes.
My wife believes that nutritional supplements help fight off colds and other viruses. I have not studied that science in depth. But I know that if I give a slight sneeze during cold season, there’s a good chance she will give me supplements. Zinc doesn’t cure viruses. But it may help our immune systems. If I show the symptoms of a cold, I take extra vitamins.
In the same way, if you are struggling with a difficult confrontation decision, consider stepping up your dose of wisdom. By that, I don’t mean to do a google search on situations like yours. Prayerfully ask God for wisdom and marinate your mind in the Word. Find time in quiet to read Proverbs, James, and other Scripture that may apply. Journal your prayers. Fast from sugar and media. Prayerful time in the Word is how we sharpen the saws of wisdom we use to cut our way through confrontation questions.
In Part II, I will suggest six questions to ask yourself when deciding whether to confront. One of those six questions gave me confident direction about confronting the leader who was rude in the missions meeting.
The post When Should a Pastor Confront? appeared first on Focus on the Family.
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As a pastor, it was not apparent to me during or after the meeting how I should respond to the harsh comments. On the one hand, the man was a respected older leader in our church. Was it my place as a young (at the time!) pastor to correct him? Should I “fly over” a few harsh comments? On the other hand, our church is the Lord’s work. The comments stung and hurt the committee. I mulled over what to do.
All pastors face versions of the question of when to confront. How do we decide when to exhort? Godly admonishment is an essential part of the pastoral call. Yet, it is not always clear when a pastor should call someone out.
Confrontation questions are high-stakes matters. A failure to deal with minor incidents can snowball into major problems that hinder gospel ministry. Yet, unnecessary criticism can create a tense and abrasive environment that puts sand in the ecclesiastical gears at church and at home.
Confrontation questions are common. Pastoral ministry requires pastors to respond to hundreds, even thousands of such situations. If “thousands” sounds like an exaggeration, consider that a single ordinary elders meeting might raise a dozen different confrontation questions ranging from whether to say something to an elder who was late to the meeting to who should talk to a Sunday School teacher who is creating controversy.
An idealist might counsel, “Just do what the Bible teaches.” But therein lies the challenge. On the one hand, Scripture is clear that we should not confront every matter.
- Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. (Proverbs 19:11)
- It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling. (Proverbs 20:3)
- Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)
Wisdom overlooks. Honorable leaders fly over strife. Love covers. Many times, we should move on. In cases like the grumpy leader at a missions meeting, there is any number of occasions when we might allow that the person who said something had an “off night.”
Yet, at the same time, the Bible also teaches that it is the call of shepherds to teach biblically, rebuke, correct, and train in godliness (2 Timothy 3:16). If someone offends us, we are to go to them directly (Matthew 18:15-17). Elsewhere, Paul encouraged Timothy:
Think of that phrase, “the snare of the devil.” Before we decide to avoid all conflict, be reminded that the gentle instruction of a pastor may be the tool God uses to free people from a ”satanic snare.”
So how do pastors decide when to confront? What should a pastor do right now who is deciding whether to confront?
Sharpen Your Wisdom Saw Daily
The short answer to the question of when to confront is that it is a matter of wisdom or discernment. We must evaluate confrontational questions with minds transformed by the truth of God’s Word in an ongoing way (Romans 12:2). We must decide if and how to admonish with pastoral love that is growing in knowledge and depth of insight (Phil 1:9-11).
In the flesh, we might wish that we would hear an audible voice telling us what to do or at least that we could phone a friend. But such shortcuts are not how God uses pastors to care for the flock. Rather, we are to lead wisely. Often, we will know what to do only after prayer and reflection.
This points to a general strategy vital to pastoral ministry. We must make it a goal to grow daily in wisdom. The biblical wisdom pastoral ministry requires is not a body of content that we master like a multiplication table and then have at our disposal. Rather, wisdom is a skill for living in reverent fear of God (Proverbs 1:7, 9:10).
Picture wisdom as the “cutting edge” we use to saw our way through confrontational questions. If our wisdom saws are sharp, we can efficiently make decisions quickly. But if our wisdom tools are as dull as butter knives, we will find it hard work to saw through the oak tree-like decisions we make.
In my own life and ministry, one of the most beneficial things I can do is consistently meditate on Proverbs. There are 31 chapters in Proverbs, and I find it convenient on any given day to read the chapter that corresponds with the day of the month.
If it seems too obvious to point out that we need to grow in wisdom by reading Proverbs, then we pastors ought to evaluate the reality of our lives over the last couple of weeks. I need to ask myself on an ongoing basis, “Do I give more attention to the book of Proverbs or my smartphone?” Staying off my phone is a struggle in my own life. As I write this, I don’t have my phone, and I practically have withdrawal shakes.
If You Feel a “Confrontation Cold” Coming On, Take a “Wisdom Supplement”
My wife believes that nutritional supplements help fight off colds and other viruses. I have not studied that science in depth. But I know that if I give a slight sneeze during cold season, there’s a good chance she will give me supplements. Zinc doesn’t cure viruses. But it may help our immune systems. If I show the symptoms of a cold, I take extra vitamins.
In the same way, if you are struggling with a difficult confrontation decision, consider stepping up your dose of wisdom. By that, I don’t mean to do a google search on situations like yours. Prayerfully ask God for wisdom and marinate your mind in the Word. Find time in quiet to read Proverbs, James, and other Scripture that may apply. Journal your prayers. Fast from sugar and media. Prayerful time in the Word is how we sharpen the saws of wisdom we use to cut our way through confrontation questions.
In Part II, I will suggest six questions to ask yourself when deciding whether to confront. One of those six questions gave me confident direction about confronting the leader who was rude in the missions meeting.
The post When Should a Pastor Confront? appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...