When "Tween" heroines are outta control.

[handy]

My daughter is 10 an official "tween". And I'm loving it! She is blossoming into such a wonderful person.

But, now I'm finding her daddy and I are faced with the inevitiable: Balancing her enjoyment of the world she lives in with the need to instill values and teach her discernment.

I've never believed that anyone learns discernment by living in a bubble. So, we've let her watch movies, read books and have music, that are not "Christian". Granted, they are watched, read and listened to only after we've signed off on them, or only when we watch, read or listen along with.

I recently found out that she was watching the Zoey 101 show that stars Jamie Lynn Spears. (She got into some trouble over this, because we hadn't vetted it first.) I'll be the first to say that the TV show is innocous enough.

The problem that we are having is that while the show is innocous enough, 16 year old Jamie Lynn is now better known for being pregnant than she is for being "Zoey".

The other night, my daughter was in tears because "all the other kids" were planning on watching a movie that was to air on Friday that was to 'wrap' the Zoey 101 season, and I wouldn't let her watch it. She fussed about it, but I'm happy to report that she did abide by my, well not wishes but rather well laid down law, without too much argueing. (She's already learned that the "all the other kids are doing it" doesn't work with Daddy and I.)

Have any of you other parents faced this situation? How did you handle it? I have to say that I really, really wish I didn't have to go into this kind of situation (a 16 and pregnant star of a kids show) with a 10 year old. :-?

Gosh, can anyone imagine what it would have been like if Marsha Brady wound up pregnant instead of just having a crush on her dentist?

 

[Barbara Allan]

Is she pregnant on the show or do they make her stand behind doors and stuff like they did with Mariska Hargitay on Law and Order: Special Victims Unit?

 

[handy]

I don't know, we're not watching the show. Period. This issue more or less resolved itself when it came about that all of her other friends wound up not watching the show either. Out of the girls, only one watched it.

At any rate, it wouldn't matter if they put her behind couches or took headshots anyway. Kids today have a bit more sophistication than I did when I was 10. When I was 10, I guess I really did think that Ginger, Mary Ann and Gilligan all really did live on that island and the Brady really were a happy bunch.

Not so nowdays. My daughter can give you just about every fact on Miley Cyrus' life up to and including the fact that her dad was a country music star himself way back when. She knows what Ashley Tisdale's favorite food is and even knows that Vanessa Hudgens has some nude photos on the web. These girls don't identify with a character a young actress plays, they identify with the actress herself.

What they are learning from these young stars is that there are no real consequences to bad choices and bad behavior. A sixteen year old girl can make the monumental bad choice that is not only going to impact her own life, but the life of an innocent baby forever, and hey, it's OK. So 'grown up' and 'mature' that she is going to be 'responsible' and 'keep it'.

Grrrr. I feel a soapbox rising so I'll let it go now. At least my daughter is learned that whatever happens with JamieLynn, her friend's parents were just as 'narrow minded' as her own. And, frankly, since she was pulled from a horrible birth home, and did a stint in foster care for a couple of years, lost her brother and sister to other families before being adopted by ys , she actually feels pretty bad that yet another baby is being born into chaos instead of stability. She can relate. Which really is sad.

 

[Nikki]

I don't have any advice for you because I'm going through the same issues with my 10 year old also. It's sooooooo hard to be a parent these days. My girls used to watch Zoey 101 all the time. I've really started limiting their tv time though and I just make sure they're busy doing something else when certain shows come on. They really only watch tv for about an hour at night anymore because when they get home from school, they do homework and then go outside to play. Then about an hour later, they're eating supper and getting ready for their extracurricular activities (my 10 year old is in gymnastics, cheerleading and soccer). Then on Wednesday, we have church. My dd is hooked on Full House and Home Improvement now. :

 

[handy]

I hate to break it to you, Nikki, but we had a problem with Full House as well. It was one of the episodes when the girls were older. The eldest started seeing an older guy from the band behind her father's back. When the Dad caught them lip-locked, he told her she wasn't allowed to date him, so she got her friend to lend her a car, and she drove off somewhere to meet the guy anyway.

I was watching this episode, waiting for it to redeem itself and show that Daddy knows best, but it actually ended with the Dad soulfully looking into the daughter's eyes saying sadly, "You mean, I can't tell you who to date?" and she said, "No Daddy, you can't!" So Daddy learned his lesson and they hugged.

I about died. :smt078 I turned to my daughter and gave the "As long as you're living on our dime, Kid!" talk.

 

[OnFireForChrist]

:crazyeyes: I think Zoey 101 is still coming out with new episodes.
I'm not a parent (I'm only 18, not even dating), but I think all these 'tween hero' shows are ridiculous. It doesn't portray real life, but it's more like a rich-kid-fantasy.
^And I can imagine that! Daddy ABSOLUTELY can and will tell you who you can date! Kids do incredibly stupid things when they disobey their parents for the sake of 'fitting in'.

 

[Barbara Allan]

Too many shows emphasize families of upper middle class status and above and give unrealistic expectations. We can all overcome problems but those with means can often do so easier.

 

[j_hunt_12]

Raising kids sure would be difficult. But just to say, be careful about how much you monitor your kids. It is definitely good but definitely dangerous too if by too much degree. It is always dangerous raising kids. My sister was the most monitored out of all in my family and she turned out the worst (i'll just tell you strait out... it is actually kind of sad but she is now not strait (if you have a problem with that), had VERY rough times in college, ended up doing very hard drugs, and has been in a mental hospital for a few months before). I was second most monitored and turned out ok, but not by Christian standards. Learn about the topics from professionals, as well as, Christians so you can get a good grasp on the psychological aspects of stuff as well. I think my sister's overmonitoring as a child caused her to withdrawal from her traditional group of friends and instead of finding support through the church she found a wrong crowd to hang out with. The rest is history. My parents now would have much preferred her to be a normal non-Christian where maybe she could come back later than what she is now...

Just be careful about who she hangs out with. Monitoring CAN cause curiosity, guilt, and resentment. Especially when your child becomes a misfit because of it. I'm just thinking one time my dad wouldn't allow me to have troll dolls because they were the work of Satin... haha. I never forgot it and it did separate me as the "loser" at my school as it did my sister. Forgive my bad spelling earlier and the word is innocuous... I LOVE the spell check on this site.

So be careful. That's all... peace