Why do Christians offend so easily?

[wogboy]

Since my first thread was shut down due to stepping on the toes of the T.O.S, I wonder why I would want to return to a belief system that obviously causes many of it's believers to offend so easily. The question I ask here is not something I just cooked up because my thread was shut down, It is something that I think should be addressed. I noticed when I was a believer that I also would be offended easily, like those Christians, I would feel that any attack or comment against my faith was an attack on me personally. But on the other hand I knew that this is not how I should be coming across if I was to be an ambassador of Christ. But for some reason it was never the case, and the more I stuck to the belief that I was right the more easily offended I would become.

How is it possible that love your neighbor, forgive your enemy, or turn the other cheek becomes nullified. It's something I see too often, and it is left unaddressed in most Christian circles.

 

[WIP]

Wip
Wouldn't it be better for these threads to be closed so no one is tempted to bump them again?

I would have to go through and lock every thread. There is always a chance that the OP may return even if it has been some time and I don't want to deny them the opportunity for an introduction to Jesus.

It has a lot to do with people paying attention. The forum title says....

Questions From Seekers (Q&A)
A place for seekers to ask open, honest questions about our faith and member Christians may answer.
This is not a debate forum.

 

[Susannah]

I believe there are many people on this site who like to debate rather than discuss. They also like to be right. I think they like the drama, and they like to put people in their place. Fortunately these
people are in the minority. For myself I'm trying to find the middle ground. If a thread turns devisive I'm just going to resist the urge to respond.

 

[Bob Carabbio]

I wonder why I would want to return to a belief system that obviously causes many of it's believers to offend so easily.

Which is probably the real issue. If all you know of Christianity is a "Belief System", then by all means don't go back to it.

A Biblical Christian is one who has, under Holy Spirit Conviction of SIN and of Judgement, Repented of their SIN, and has been Born Again of the Holy Spirit, surrendering their life to God, and placing the FAITH, that God gifts them, in the SIN OFFERING of Jesus on the cross for the elimination of their SIN. Then turning their life over to the Lordship of Jesus, taking HIS YOKE upon them, and spending the rest of their lives LEARNING of Him.

FAITH (Heb 11:1) holds on to YOU, so "being offended" at criticisms isn't necessary. That some fool doesn't share your FAITH in God's WORD is THEIR problem, not yours, and they're no THREAT at all to your relationship with God.

The problem with a "Belief system" is that YOU have to "hold onto", and defend it. Obviously, the critical words of others are a THREAT to your "Belief" - which you've apparently abandoned for "something better".

 

[PeterJens]

Since my first thread was shut down due to stepping on the toes of the T.O.S, I wonder why I would want to return to a belief system that obviously causes many of it's believers to offend so easily. The question I ask here is not something I just cooked up because my thread was shut down, It is something that I think should be addressed. I noticed when I was a believer that I also would be offended easily, like those Christians, I would feel that any attack or comment against my faith was an attack on me personally. But on the other hand I knew that this is not how I should be coming across if I was to be an ambassador of Christ. But for some reason it was never the case, and the more I stuck to the belief that I was right the more easily offended I would become.

How is it possible that love your neighbor, forgive your enemy, or turn the other cheek becomes nullified. It's something I see too often, and it is left unaddressed in most Christian circles.

You are right, people do feel offended easily. It comes from a simple chain of events. I stand on the fence and whatever people come at me with, I will listen, empathise with and sway one way or the other.

But now I hold to some serious beliefs upon which my life depends. Now the definition of what is true, for me personally becomes critical. If I am persuaded one way or the other, my whole life could change. One approach to defend against this is the characterise the bringer of challenge as in some way immoral or evil, making up lies to just discourage and cause problems. I have certainly had this accusation made against me, because my words challenged their emotional view of God and where the listener stood in their own minds. And their belief system meant they were secure, unassailable, yet here I was assailing them, which meant I must be evil.

If my foundation though is well worked out, and I know my emotional foundation and how it is built, whatever comes my way washes over me, is processed and I adjust my views as the realities come to light.

It is much harder to find this place where truth is ones guide, that self knowledge is so deep and grounded, whatever comes, the foundation stands. Jesus said simply to follow His emotional model and approach was like being built on the rock and when the storms come, the house stands. And this is the crux of everything. Are we just philosophical believers taking the best we can get, or grounded people embedded in love and reality who reflect the living God in our lives every day.

These are actually profound differences, and to my surprise I now understand them. God bless you

 

[Susannah]

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more [shame], neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”
Revelation 21:4

Many Christian addicts and alcoholics are ashamed to admit to their pastor and congregation that they are addicts. This is also true for sex addicts. So they go to 12-Step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous. There they find out that they are not alone. This is the beginning of a process of healing that I call shame reduction.

Shame hinders recovery and has to go. It begins to dissipate once one admits to God, themselves, and another human being the exact nature of their addiction. But often, the shame lingers around and we must not let this get us down.

When I got sober in 1982, I was ashamed of my alcoholism until the Holy Spirit came to me and told me I had been forgiven. It took longer to forgive myself for other things because the outside world kept mentioning them. One such shortcoming, that comes to mind, is my hyper-sensitivity to criticism. I was bullied as a child and it affected me. Criticism feels like rejection. But people kept telling me that I was being too sensitive and that it annoyed them. They told me to “develop a thick skin,” or to “not take things so personally,” or to “stop acting like a big baby,” etc. When my sponsor in AA told me that it was part of being an alcoholic to be hyper-sensitive I was so relieved that I cried.

Today, I still get comments like this. Mostly I am told to “just get over it.” However, when I go to an AA meeting people don’t talk like this. They totally understand why I am still affected by my childhood trauma because they are just like me. This is why at an AA meeting, after you talk (which we call sharing), nobody is allowed to respond or what we call “cross talk.”

I have been praying for my hyper-sensitivity to be healed and God keeps telling me that I am of more use to him as a wounded healer as long as I carry this burden. It makes me more empathetic to others who suffer this way. But he has promised that eventually I will be relieved on this burden. I can’t wait.

This brings me to my point. On this Christian Recovery Forum I want to say that you do not need to be ashamed of any part of who you are, even if it puts a burden on others to be more careful when it come to how they say things to you. The extra steps they take to communicate with you, without triggering your childhood wounds, is part of being a loving neighbor.

So let it be said that on this forum you are welcome just they way your are—wounds and shortcomings and sins and everything else that is still being processed in your recovery. What one person on this board called “excess baggage.” When Christ asked us to love our neighbor, he meant just as they are, not the way you want them to be.

 

[Bob Carabbio]

Since my first thread was shut down due to stepping on the toes of the T.O.S, I wonder why I would want to return to a belief system that obviously causes many of it's believers to offend so easily. The question I ask here is not something I just cooked up because my thread was shut down, It is something that I think should be addressed. I noticed when I was a believer that I also would be offended easily, like those Christians, I would feel that any attack or comment against my faith was an attack on me personally. But on the other hand I knew that this is not how I should be coming across if I was to be an ambassador of Christ. But for some reason it was never the case, and the more I stuck to the belief that I was right the more easily offended I would become.

How is it possible that love your neighbor, forgive your enemy, or turn the other cheek becomes nullified. It's something I see too often, and it is left unaddressed in most Christian circles.

Depends on whether you're talking about "Belief", or FAITH. IF all you or your "Christian targets" have is religious BELIEF, then they have to work hard to "Protect" that belief, and defend it against attacks, or alternate belief systems. "Offenses" under those conditions come naturally to humans.

On the other hand if your "Christians" are born again of the Holy Spirit, and living in FAITH (Heb 11:1) then "protecting" their FAITH is completely unnecessary, since FAITH, because of it's intrinsic nature, holds on to them, and is essentially bullet-proof. If all you ever had was a "Christian Belief system", then there's be no sense at all in going back to it.

Repenting, and surrendering to God in the FAITH (that HE gifts to you) that Jesus' SIN OFFERING on the Cross is for YOU, starts a relationship with HIM, that the ignorant ATTACKS of other can't touch, so no "offence" occurs.

 

[PeterJens]

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more [shame], neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”
Revelation 21:4

Many Christian addicts and alcoholics are ashamed to admit to their pastor and congregation that they are addicts. This is also true for sex addicts. So they go to 12-Step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous. There they find out that they are not alone. This is the beginning of a process of healing that I call shame reduction.

Shame hinders recovery and has to go. It begins to dissipate once one admits to God, themselves, and another human being the exact nature of their addiction. But often, the shame lingers around and we must not let this get us down.

When I got sober in 1982, I was ashamed of my alcoholism until the Holy Spirit came to me and told me I had been forgiven. It took longer to forgive myself for other things because the outside world kept mentioning them. One such shortcoming, that comes to mind, is my hyper-sensitivity to criticism. I was bullied as a child and it affected me. Criticism feels like rejection. But people kept telling me that I was being too sensitive and that it annoyed them. They told me to “develop a thick skin,” or to “not take things so personally,” or to “stop acting like a big baby,” etc. When my sponsor in AA told me that it was part of being an alcoholic to be hyper-sensitive I was so relieved that I cried.

Today, I still get comments like this. Mostly I am told to “just get over it.” However, when I go to an AA meeting people don’t talk like this. They totally understand why I am still affected by my childhood trauma because they are just like me. This is why at an AA meeting, after you talk (which we call sharing), nobody is allowed to respond or what we call “cross talk.”

I have been praying for my hyper-sensitivity to be healed and God keeps telling me that I am of more use to him as a wounded healer as long as I carry this burden. It makes me more empathetic to others who suffer this way. But he has promised that eventually I will be relieved on this burden. I can’t wait.

This brings me to my point. On this Christian Recovery Forum I want to say that you do not need to be ashamed of any part of who you are, even if it puts a burden on others to be more careful when it come to how they say things to you. The extra steps they take to communicate with you, without triggering your childhood wounds, is part of being a loving neighbor.

So let it be said that on this forum you are welcome just they way your are—wounds and shortcomings and sins and everything else that is still being processed in your recovery. What one person on this board called “excess baggage.” When Christ asked us to love our neighbor, he meant just as they are, not the way you want them to be.

You brought to mind another perspective I have grown through in my life.
Being a very defended person one hides these positions away from others so that they are not seen or attacked.
When the time comes, these things are brought out into the open, ones heart and reality, which deserves respect and being listened to, and what happens? It gets shot to pieces. And boy does it hurt, not going to do this again.

There are two situations that come to mind where I tried to reach out and be sympathetic to someone is a difficult emotional situation. One asked me to leave the house, while the other attempted to be blatantly rude and condescending. How dare I suggest they would accept any empathy from me? It taught me to not trust these folk, or there openness to accepting help. I will though continue in these situations to reach out and attempt such things, expecting such a response from some, while others may be appreciative.

In loving relationships being vulnerable and allowing hurt is part of how the relationship works. If the risk was not real and the possibility of hurt there, where is the love or trust or reality being shown? Jesus seems to be saying in carrying our cross, this hurt is freely given and the risk taken, and the cost born freely and knowingly.

So the hurt will never go away or not be there, but our reaction and love through it will change.

Another perspective on hurt is betrayal and security. Many have in times of weakness reached out to others and found betrayal and failure, so a repeat of such a situation, is responded to with anger and hatred, not because of the offer but because of the history it led to. And what is love, real love, if it cannot take this anger and hatred, and know in truth, it hurts deeply to be betrayed and failed, but the love offered is something eternal, of Jesus that will never fail.

It is why we are ambassadors of His love, and His cross, and the power that comes through it all. And in my hurt and knowing the pain, I need to be reminded, and bring this to the Lord, knowing that in Him I will be eternally healed and made stronger. God bless you

 

[Susannah]

Very wise and well spoken. ❤

 

[Prycejosh1987]

Since my first thread was shut down due to stepping on the toes of the T.O.S, I wonder why I would want to return to a belief system that obviously causes many of it's believers to offend so easily. The question I ask here is not something I just cooked up because my thread was shut down, It is something that I think should be addressed. I noticed when I was a believer that I also would be offended easily, like those Christians, I would feel that any attack or comment against my faith was an attack on me personally. But on the other hand I knew that this is not how I should be coming across if I was to be an ambassador of Christ. But for some reason it was never the case, and the more I stuck to the belief that I was right the more easily offended I would become.

How is it possible that love your neighbor, forgive your enemy, or turn the other cheek becomes nullified. It's something I see too often, and it is left unaddressed in most Christian circles.

I think offences come from people that hate others, it may not be because the person is christian. There is a woman that offends people at work, and no one seems to like her, she thinks its because she believes in God, but its because she is rude. The point of the message of Christ was and is to help a person become blameless before God. Its also good because we do not hold grudges, when we follow Christ advice, in which grudges (according to science and King Solomon in proverbs) makes the body health worse over time.