Exhausted

[Just_Michael]

I'm Michael. I came here because I know what is coming down the pipeline, and I'm tired of pretending everything is okay when the world is literally burning down around our ears. I am a lapsed Roman Catholic who no longer believes in the teachings of that Church because of the divide between what is in Scripture and what is practiced from the pulpit, and that's entirely a doctrinal issue with Marian worship. I've studied eschatology to the point of madness when I was younger and burned out. Pretty sure my conversion was false because I feel nothing but emptiness and loss. For awhile I was convinced that I am truly apostate, having felt the complete removal of any spirituality whatsoever. Words cannot adequately impart the sense of despondency that followed that literally took years to overcome. I was convinced for many years that Hebrews 6:1-8 directly applied to me, and there's a part of me that is sure that if such were the case, it would be well-deserved.

I did 13 years in prison (for what doesn't matter--I was guilty and accepted responsibility and resigned myself to a life of second-class citizenry long ago) and became institutionalized as a result that now, ten years after my release, I still cannot shake. I get very bad anxiety when things don't go just so because of how rigid my need for order has become, and as a result, I've developed world-class symptomology of PTSD, OCPD (Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder) and I am very likely in the Borderline Personality category. But hey, I'm not complaining--I put myself there so please don't think I'm making excuses. I revel in my masochistic tendency to laugh at those who try to hurt me when I can do it so much better myself. I am no stranger to self-harm, though it came late in life, and God as my witness, it feels good to inflict it upon the flesh. Yes, I realize the absolute pathology of such a view, and I recognize it fully as unhealthy, but that matters not when one is in the middle of the storm. It's so bad that I've often wondered if I fit the MacDonald Triad of psychopathology. I dislike hurting animals, and I wasn't really a pyro, though, but there are times when my rage takes over and I will lash out at inanimate objects or yell at my animals for doing animal stuff that throws off my routines, after which I will feel immediate regret and want to simply slink off to cry in frustration at my inability to control my rage and its effects on those remaining that I actually care about.

The worst aspect of it is that I am finding it harder and harder to control my rage. If the tongue is a burning fire, my tongue is a thermonuclear device. I am intelligent; that's not a brag, it's a filthy curse because I am painfully aware of how awful that rage is and can see the effects on my physical being just as well as I can see the effects on others. As a result, I am growing more antisocial and find isolation to be the only solace I can take. This irritability has resulted recently in me cutting off the last two friends I had IRL because I was sick of chasing them to hang out. They're all fine with me texting and calling; it's just never reciprocated. Why would I continue calling someone who clearly doesn't care enough to call me or text once in awhile? They all smoke pot, and I really want to quit, but it's the only thing that keeps me semi-calm anymore.

Yes, I realize the pot is likely exacerbating the mental issue stuff; all the more reason to quit. I've got it down to a minimum, anyway. Not like I even really enjoy it anymore; it's more just something to do because I'm bored. So instead, I design RPG maps, sit at home waiting for job calls that never come because of how torched my work history is, and watch life quietly pass me by. Really, at this point, the RPG stuff I am working on is purely for my 19-month old daughter to inherit so we can tell stories when she's a little older and have some fun in a world that isn't quite so crappy.

Currently, I'm fighting the state trying to charge me $3k I cannot afford for something I'm pretty sure is fraudulent. I'm fighting my former landlord, having moved back from Austin to Kenosha to take care of my mother and the house. My fiancee I'm pretty sure is sick of my mood swings, and I refuse to take medication because I no longer trust anything from Pharma. In my opinion, every single doctor and nurse is an enemy waiting for a chance to strike. I trust no one outside of my family circle, and every day makes me more and more sure that I am very likely on a list somewhere in the FBI, just waiting for my number to come up before I am vanished.

This is who I am. The rage is not who I want to be. I'm not sure I can be saved at this point because it sure seems like I'm fighting God Himself, and my arms are too short to box with Him. I guess I'm here because I know I need help in several forms, and since I can do nothing about the mental issues (nor do I really want to--I've had my fill of mind-bending psychotropic medications; anything you can name, I've likely taken), I might as well tackle the spiritual while there's still daylight.

I see my friend on MeWe make the most amazing posts about Christ and salvation, and it's like a moth to a flame. My alienation is self-made; my pariah-hood is well-deserved. My anger and rage at the things I cannot control going on around me that have a direct impact on me more than others because of my low status on the societal totem pole means I have very little interaction with others around me that is not negative or confrontational because there is no hair on my tongue--I will not hesitate to call someone out on BS in public and put them right on blast, which comes from those borderline tendencies I mentioned. I fear such doctrinal clashes which is why I haven't yet found a church I want to attend. I am not interested in all the non-biblical evil (and there's really no other word for it) that is being pushed on children, and I want nothing to do with Molech-worshipping Luciferians who think abortion is a lifestyle. I just want to be healed. Lord, if I could but touch the door handle to the church, I would surely be healed, and if not, at least I could say I tried.

So, because my heart is such a lying POS, I figured I'd just drown it by force in the waters of Christian fellowship, even if I feel nothing but loss and emptiness. Better to die fighting and swinging at Satan's eyeball than give in one inch to the demons currently running the world into the ground at breakneck pace. Pretty sure we're mid-way through the seals being popped on the Final Judgement. After all, Satan is to be given the keys to hell to let out the demons to run about for a time during the Tribulations. Nothing in the Bible says I can't send them right back to the hole they crawled out of. Unfortunately, that urge to strike out is not biblical and is a product of my rage and anger looking for a lightning rod. Didn't I say my heart lies? There is nothing more deceptive on earth than the human heart.

Please, please, please--do not take this as a "poor me" thread. I fully deserve everything that has come my way. I just want off this merry-go-round because I am exhausted, physically, spiritually, and mentally. I'm tired of being afraid of what new horrors the next day brings, unstopping and unceasing, and I'm tired of seeing nothing but pain around me.

Sorry for the wall of words. I was hoping y'all had a spot on MeWe, but not yet, apparently. You should, though. It's a much healthier platform than Fakebook, which is what all these churches seem to be using these days, nevermind the fact that Fakebook is literally a societal cancer that is funding the destruction of our nation. I came here to hopefully find some refuge, having been kicked off the only mental help forum I used for mental health issues (I don't see those people for much the same reason I no longer take their poison) because I was slandered as a "conspiracy theorist," even though I was eventually proven correct. I don't really do psychotherapy because I do not trust any of them. I've literally witnessed the brainwashing of others and they almost had me. Thank God I woke up.

More for myself, I think, are my goals here:
1. find christian fellowship
2. find a local non-denominational church and/or church members
3. Save whatever is left of my soul, if it isn't completely DOA already

Thanks for listening.

J_M

 

[Hidden In Him]

I'm Michael. I came here because I know what is coming down the pipeline, and I'm tired of pretending everything is okay when the world is literally burning down around our ears. I am a lapsed Roman Catholic who no longer believes in the teachings of that Church because of the divide between what is in Scripture and what is practiced from the pulpit, and that's entirely a doctrinal issue with Marian worship. I've studied eschatology to the point of madness when I was younger and burned out. Pretty sure my conversion was false because I feel nothing but emptiness and loss. For awhile I was convinced that I am truly apostate, having felt the complete removal of any spirituality whatsoever. Words cannot adequately impart the sense of despondency that followed that literally took years to overcome. I was convinced for many years that Hebrews 6:1-8 directly applied to me, and there's a part of me that is sure that if such were the case, it would be well-deserved.

I did 13 years in prison (for what doesn't matter--I was guilty and accepted responsibility and resigned myself to a life of second-class citizenry long ago) and became institutionalized as a result that now, ten years after my release, I still cannot shake. I get very bad anxiety when things don't go just so because of how rigid my need for order has become, and as a result, I've developed world-class symptomology of PTSD, OCPD (Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder) and I am very likely in the Borderline Personality category. But hey, I'm not complaining--I put myself there so please don't think I'm making excuses. I revel in my masochistic tendency to laugh at those who try to hurt me when I can do it so much better myself. I am no stranger to self-harm, though it came late in life, and God as my witness, it feels good to inflict it upon the flesh. Yes, I realize the absolute pathology of such a view, and I recognize it fully as unhealthy, but that matters not when one is in the middle of the storm. It's so bad that I've often wondered if I fit the MacDonald Triad of psychopathology. I dislike hurting animals, and I wasn't really a pyro, though, but there are times when my rage takes over and I will lash out at inanimate objects or yell at my animals for doing animal stuff that throws off my routines, after which I will feel immediate regret and want to simply slink off to cry in frustration at my inability to control my rage and its effects on those remaining that I actually care about.

The worst aspect of it is that I am finding it harder and harder to control my rage. If the tongue is a burning fire, my tongue is a thermonuclear device. I am intelligent; that's not a brag, it's a filthy curse because I am painfully aware of how awful that rage is and can see the effects on my physical being just as well as I can see the effects on others. As a result, I am growing more antisocial and find isolation to be the only solace I can take. This irritability has resulted recently in me cutting off the last two friends I had IRL because I was sick of chasing them to hang out. They're all fine with me texting and calling; it's just never reciprocated. Why would I continue calling someone who clearly doesn't care enough to call me or text once in awhile? They all smoke pot, and I really want to quit, but it's the only thing that keeps me semi-calm anymore.

Yes, I realize the pot is likely exacerbating the mental issue stuff; all the more reason to quit. I've got it down to a minimum, anyway. Not like I even really enjoy it anymore; it's more just something to do because I'm bored. So instead, I design RPG maps, sit at home waiting for job calls that never come because of how torched my work history is, and watch life quietly pass me by. Really, at this point, the RPG stuff I am working on is purely for my 19-month old daughter to inherit so we can tell stories when she's a little older and have some fun in a world that isn't quite so crappy.

Currently, I'm fighting the state trying to charge me $3k I cannot afford for something I'm pretty sure is fraudulent. I'm fighting my former landlord, having moved back from Austin to Kenosha to take care of my mother and the house. My fiancee I'm pretty sure is sick of my mood swings, and I refuse to take medication because I no longer trust anything from Pharma. In my opinion, every single doctor and nurse is an enemy waiting for a chance to strike. I trust no one outside of my family circle, and every day makes me more and more sure that I am very likely on a list somewhere in the FBI, just waiting for my number to come up before I am vanished.

This is who I am. The rage is not who I want to be. I'm not sure I can be saved at this point because it sure seems like I'm fighting God Himself, and my arms are too short to box with Him. I guess I'm here because I know I need help in several forms, and since I can do nothing about the mental issues (nor do I really want to--I've had my fill of mind-bending psychotropic medications; anything you can name, I've likely taken), I might as well tackle the spiritual while there's still daylight.

I see my friend on MeWe make the most amazing posts about Christ and salvation, and it's like a moth to a flame. My alienation is self-made; my pariah-hood is well-deserved. My anger and rage at the things I cannot control going on around me that have a direct impact on me more than others because of my low status on the societal totem pole means I have very little interaction with others around me that is not negative or confrontational because there is no hair on my tongue--I will not hesitate to call someone out on BS in public and put them right on blast, which comes from those borderline tendencies I mentioned. I fear such doctrinal clashes which is why I haven't yet found a church I want to attend. I am not interested in all the non-biblical evil (and there's really no other word for it) that is being pushed on children, and I want nothing to do with Molech-worshipping Luciferians who think abortion is a lifestyle. I just want to be healed. Lord, if I could but touch the door handle to the church, I would surely be healed, and if not, at least I could say I tried.

So, because my heart is such a lying POS, I figured I'd just drown it by force in the waters of Christian fellowship, even if I feel nothing but loss and emptiness. Better to die fighting and swinging at Satan's eyeball than give in one inch to the demons currently running the world into the ground at breakneck pace. Pretty sure we're mid-way through the seals being popped on the Final Judgement. After all, Satan is to be given the keys to hell to let out the demons to run about for a time during the Tribulations. Nothing in the Bible says I can't send them right back to the hole they crawled out of. Unfortunately, that urge to strike out is not biblical and is a product of my rage and anger looking for a lightning rod. Didn't I say my heart lies? There is nothing more deceptive on earth than the human heart.

Please, please, please--do not take this as a "poor me" thread. I fully deserve everything that has come my way. I just want off this merry-go-round because I am exhausted, physically, spiritually, and mentally. I'm tired of being afraid of what new horrors the next day brings, unstopping and unceasing, and I'm tired of seeing nothing but pain around me.

Sorry for the wall of words. I was hoping y'all had a spot on MeWe, but not yet, apparently. You should, though. It's a much healthier platform than Fakebook, which is what all these churches seem to be using these days, nevermind the fact that Fakebook is literally a societal cancer that is funding the destruction of our nation. I came here to hopefully find some refuge, having been kicked off the only mental help forum I used for mental health issues (I don't see those people for much the same reason I no longer take their poison) because I was slandered as a "conspiracy theorist," even though I was eventually proven correct. I don't really do psychotherapy because I do not trust any of them. I've literally witnessed the brainwashing of others and they almost had me. Thank God I woke up.

More for myself, I think, are my goals here:
1. find christian fellowship
2. find a local non-denominational church and/or church members
3. Save whatever is left of my soul, if it isn't completely DOA already

Thanks for listening.

J_M

Wow...

I don't know about anybody else, but for starters that's an eloquently-written Intro thread.

Welcome to Christian Forums, and I hope you stay awhile. Let me first say that yes, what you need is people who will guide you in the right direction, because your spiritual emptiness is what's leading to all the rage. I've been there, even as a Christian. I went through a number of years where I literally had to pray that God protect me from doing something that might end up landing me in jail, and thankfully He honored those prayers. I learned along the way that things like the overconsumption of caffeine were not helping the situation, so you might also take a look at any physiological conditions that could be exacerbating your mental state. But the primary need in your life right now is to get the Spirit of God within you, and that happens primarily by giving yourself to the reading of God's word, for as the scripture says, His words are Spirit and they are Life.

Should you need anyone to speak to privately on issues, feel free to send me a conversation, and welcome again to this forum. I think there are a number of people here who might be able to help you in one way or another, and myself included.

God bless, and congratulations on such a well-written, open and honest introduction thread.
Hidden in Him

 

[Just_Michael]

Thank you for the welcome. Yeah, I figured it would be easier to just lay it square now rather than death by a thousand cuts, as it were. I try to be as brutally honest with myself as possible, if only because I seem to have an incessant drive to know the utmost details about things.

My journey has been a strange one, and I seem to recall some scriptural bit about in the last days that God will pour out His Holy Spirit so strongly upon the world that everyone will be having visions and dreams. I started becoming obsessed with mathematics, too, and in particular, where the math meets reality, and as a result, I think I have a deeply subjective proof of the Spirit in which I sort of saw behind the veil of reality, as it were, simply through deeper introspection and rumination. If God exists then His language is mathematics, encoded into the very fabric of reality, and only further proclaims His glory and proves that Psalm 19:1 was not just an exhortational verse, it was prophecy as our understanding of the universe deepens.

I can remember during the early part of this spiritual crisis thinking that if the doubting Thomas nature of mine could lead me to scientific inquiries that caused me to doubt so strongly, then surely mathematics would be decisive in that there is no gray area with math. When you work an equation, be it quadratic or cosmological, you get one of two answers, yes, or no. Right, or wrong. There is no middle ground.

How wonderfully this is reflected in the sub-quantum physics of reality which postulates that the space-time continuum--the fabric of reality, as it were--below the quantum "froth" (which is really just white noise static), there exists a binary nature such that zero spactime nodes have only two resultant outcomes: positive or negative, up or down, left or right, 1 or 0. God may not play dice, but that is because He is acting as the dealer and allowing us to do the rolling, thereby preserving free will. There's a lot more behind that which I'll probably post at some future time because I was neurotic beyond belief and obsessively read up on theorems far beyond my ken, and grasped them as naturally as breathing. Maybe not the math itself, but the concepts. So I could feel the words of God like braille forming images, but not the underlying mechanics of how. Just being able to see the images was enough to at least restore some faith that I had not completely lost all possibility of redemption.

I guess one nice byproduct has been that my prose has grown more eloquent (thank you for the compliment) because I've found poetry to be a cathartic tool for expressing the ineffable, and if you put a thousand monkeys in a room with typewriters, eventually they'll bang out the complete works of Shakespeare. lol For me, poetry is the outward reflection of the inward anguish. I use my world-building in much the same way, but that tends to be a much more positive experience. Some of my poetry is hard to read because it's about as brutally honest as I can be about my own personal struggles.

Thank you again for the welcome. I look forward to poring over the forums. I'll try to keep my snark to a minimum, and I appreciate the offer (and your response). Allow me to get a feel for the forums first, and I'll likely post something or other that you'll find interesting.

J_M

 

[for_his_glory]

Hi Just_Michael and welcome to CF.

I couldn't even try to imagine all you are dealing with, which is a lot. I pray you find good fellowship with us as you draw closer to God who you know will help you with all the issues you deal with on a daily basis. Just place your burdens down at the feet of Christ who will help you deal with all you are going through as you put your faith and trust in Him. There are a few here that deal with many different types of mental issues that are learning how to control pretty much the same things you deal with and I pray they will be a blessing to you.

There are so many false doctrines and religions in the world, but yet the doctrines of Christ for what He has already taught will always stand in truth as we allow the Holy Spirit teach us.

1John 2:24 Let that therefore abide in you, which ye have heard from the beginning. If that which ye have heard from the beginning shall remain in you, ye also shall continue in the Son, and in the Father.
1John 2:25 And this is the promise that he hath promised us, even eternal life.
1John 2:26 These things have I written unto you concerning them that seduce you.
1John 2:27 But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him.

God bless you and you are in my prayers

 

[Hidden In Him]

My journey has been a strange one, and I seem to recall some scriptural bit about in the last days that God will pour out His Holy Spirit so strongly upon the world that everyone will be having visions and dreams.

Technically not upon the world but upon His people. The expression "upon all flesh" in context means believers of all ages, from the youngest to the oldest. But yes, they will prophesy, see visions, and dream dreams.

I started becoming obsessed with mathematics, too, and in particular, where the math meets reality, and as a result, I think I have a deeply subjective proof of the Spirit in which I sort of saw behind the veil of reality, as it were, simply through deeper introspection and rumination. If God exists then His language is mathematics, encoded into the very fabric of reality, and only further proclaims His glory and proves that Psalm 19:1 was not just an exhortational verse, it was prophecy as our understanding of the universe deepens.

I think He speaks in every language known to the Universe. This would just be one of them.

How wonderfully this is reflected in the sub-quantum physics of reality which postulates that the space-time continuum--the fabric of reality, as it were--below the quantum "froth" (which is really just white noise static), there exists a binary nature such that zero spactime nodes have only two resultant outcomes: positive or negative, up or down, left or right, 1 or 0. God may not play dice, but that is because He is acting as the dealer and allowing us to do the rolling, thereby preserving free will. There's a lot more behind that which I'll probably post at some future time because I was neurotic beyond belief and obsessively read up on theorems far beyond my ken, and grasped them as naturally as breathing. Maybe not the math itself, but the concepts. So I could feel the words of God like braille forming images, but not the underlying mechanics of how. Just being able to see the images was enough to at least restore some faith that I had not completely lost all possibility of redemption.

Beyond my field of my interest or possibly even capability. My proofs of God are all experiential. It matters not to me whether I can prove it to others or not, but I've received so many supernatural confirmations of His existence that at this point it is completely without question.

if you put a thousand monkeys in a room with typewriters, eventually they'll bang out the complete works of Shakespeare. lol

I don't think so, LoL. What you end up with is a room full of broken typewriters.

I use my world-building in much the same way, but that tends to be a much more positive experience.

Stick with the positives. The command of scripture is to think on that which is of good report. It's the meditation on the positive things happening in one's life, and the things God is doing not the enemy, that give encouragement to the soul, and the strength to seek God for more.

I'll try to keep my snark to a minimum

Some people - including my wife - hate it, but I find sarcasm rather refreshing. Feel free in my case (so long as it's good-hearted and well-intended).

A few suggestions.

The member Eddif may be someone you like having conversations with. His mind operates in similar ways.

I'm the theological/ scriptural/ Charismatic type, so that's where you would see more involvement from me. As for a common interest thread that you might like, this one could interest you to start:

Your Favorite Drummer or Guitarist

This guy is incredible as well.

christianforums.net

God bless, and hope you are able to find a home here.

 

[Just_Michael]

Thank you for the responses. I appreciate it. Perhaps the fact that I was able to gain such insight (that I later confirmed much to my surprise when I started going through math theorems) is because I am not lost...? Dear Lord, the implications...I am reminded of Philip K. Dick's theory that everything we see is a delusion and we're all still living in the first century AD, we just think we're living in modern times. Some of his writings are absolutely mind-bending in their implications about reality, like how the nature of reality is such that as soon as we think we have grasped it and can define it to the utmost, it simply squirms and slips out of our grasp once more.

I guess mathematics would be the language of creation, then. God speaks all languages, but the language of creation seems to have a certain universality and timeless quality to it. Take the Pythagorean theorem, for instance--it is likely Pythagoras didn't even come up with it (the ancient Egyptians seem to have beaten him to the punch by almost a thousand years at the temple of Abu Simbel in the carving of the giant statues which used that theorem to shape the faces' measurements), but regardless, that theorem is still valid today. It was valid at the moment of creation, be it by the spoken Word of God, or by God simply speaking and the reaction in the physical plane being a big bang. It will be valid the moment before the very end of the universe as well. Those laws seem to hint that God is a master engineer, and His work is magnificent.

Oh, don't get me wrong, not all my poetry is terrible. I've managed to churn out a few gems, and my writing and command of language has sharpened with use. That was all I meant by the monkeys and typewriters reference. But my poetry is of a more serious note, whereas world building gives me room to express other talents in a more light-hearted fashion. I was never really able to do that with poetry except in a few instances. I might post Smokey and fire your tastebuds for some BBQ. lol

I'm definitely going to check out that thread because we all know the best guitarist is Carrie King. Maaaybe Jimmy Page (because he seemed to have a penchant for writing everything as difficult as possible--Babe, I'm Going To Leave You comes to mind...lol). I will keep an eye out for Eddif, too. I appreciate your suggestions and response. Same for you, for_his_glory.

 

[Episcopius]

There should have been a gospel according to Philip K. Dick

 

[eddif]

Whosoever will may come.

In a lot of places the Christian group will welcome you, but has no idea how to help.

There are some here that have had issues on their level. While maybe not just like you, but they will encourage you.

I once was told memorize 1 Peter 2:24

I must have smirked, he wrote it down for me.
I call it IP224 now. Take it like a medicine.

There is hope.

Mississippi redneck
eddif

 

[Riven]

I'm definitely going to check out that thread because we all know the best guitarist is Carrie King.

The best at playing the same solo over and over again.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Just_Michael]

Thank you for the responses! Yeah, Philip K. Dick was a special one. Some of his philosophical writings are mind-bending, and it's fascinating to read. I think he must have had a special talent because of the sheer amount of introspection and rumination he must have done to come up with his ideas from just writing his science fiction.

C.S. Lewis is another one who has some very deep writings that are non-Narnia related.

Ah, Eddif, but does this not imply that the act of dying to sin is a repetitious task that must be dealt with daily, and even from moment to moment? As in, we're not living unless we're thinking about measuring up? For me, everything is weighed against a scriptural measure, as though I cannot help but keep trying to measure myself against the yardstick of the saints that have come before.

The best at playing the same solo over and over again.

Welcome to the forum.

lol That's true...up until Season of the Abyss. I believe it was right before that album that he ended up going to Juliard or some musical college and got a masters in music. I remember him in Guitar One saying that all his work before that was crap. lmao I was like, wait, wut?? Joe Satriani is up there, but we have a local here named Jamie Buencamino (he's on YouTube) and he makes Satriani look like an amateur. And thank you!

 

[eddif]

Ah, Eddif, but does this not imply that the act of dying to sin is a repetitious task that must be dealt with daily, and even from moment to moment? As in, we're not living unless we're thinking about measuring up? For me, everything is weighed against a scriptural measure, as though I cannot help but keep trying to measure myself against the yardstick of the saints that have come before.

God works in us to will and do of his good pleasure. It is not us but Christ that works in us.

We want the credit for doing the work. The knowledge, wisdom, miraculous works/understanding comes from the Holy Spirit.

All the educated folks could not read the writing on the wall. Daniel prayed and gave the understanding (given by God).

The Elihu like understanding sounded spiritual but was ignored. Some things sound spiritual, but by what spirit are rhey given?

That said you will have to google a good bit to know what I said. Or. Just say: What?

eddif

 

[Riven]

lol That's true...up until Season of the Abyss. I believe it was right before that album that he ended up going to Juliard or some musical college and got a masters in music. I remember him in Guitar One saying that all his work before that was crap. lmao I was like, wait, wut?? Joe Satriani is up there, but we have a local here named Jamie Buencamino (he's on YouTube) and he makes Satriani look like an amateur. And thank you!

Makes Sach look like an amateur? Wow. I'll definitely look him up on YouTube.

 

[Just_Michael]

I do not need google; I understood all that you said because I know those references as I know the veins in the back of my hand. Your eloquence delivers your message with brevity.

I think it is a sin of pride, really. And the spirit you speak of is the great liar that deceives the world. However, I specifically started thinking in terms of mathematics to defeat that very thing. The human heart is deceptive beyond all measure, building in bias in every decision. Mathematics do not suffer from that bias; at most, they suffer from a lack of width of vision wherein something was missed or not yet known. When the equation balances, there is harmony. That harmony is a sign of correctness. And so I did my research and this is my best guess.

We live in a holographic, fractal universe that exists on a collapsing wave-front at the quantum level. This is based on the works of David Bohm, Karl Lashley, Karl Pribram, Mandelbrot, Banach-Tarski, Kaluza-Klein, Roger Penrose...the list goes on.

I used to read quantum physics books in high school, and while I didn't understand much of it, I was able to grasp some of the larger concepts and thus my curiosity with the mechanics of the physical world that God created began. I accept He created it; I want to know why. "Just to praise him" doesn't seem to quite satisfy that itch. It's more like that is a happy byproduct of the actual goal, whatever His true purpose may be. The more I read, the more I understand, and the more detail I am able to eke out. So much of it seems to line up with exactly what the Scriptures teach or seem to hint at. And many of those scientific giants were devout Christians themselves. I would be happy to find the afterlife to be just continuing to explore the masterful, clock-work like precision of the universe with praise and humility, with my family and my doggos by my side.

 

[Just_Michael]

Makes Sach look like an amateur? Wow. I'll definitely look him up on YouTube.

Yeah, Jamie is a hidden gem. I once saw him switch flawlessly between jazz fusion to rock to metal to country (how does that even happen?? lol) and back to jazz again while playing with his friend, the woman who sings with his little jazz band.

 

[Riven]

Yeah, Jamie is a hidden gem. I once saw him switch flawlessly between jazz fusion to rock to metal to country (how does that even happen?? lol) and back to jazz again while playing with his friend, the woman who sings with his little jazz band.

Does he have his own brand name? I can't find him.

 

[eddif]

I do not need google; I understood all that you said because I know those references as I know the veins in the back of my hand. Your eloquence delivers your message with brevity.

I think it is a sin of pride, really. And the spirit you speak of is the great liar that deceives the world. However, I specifically started thinking in terms of mathematics to defeat that very thing. The human heart is deceptive beyond all measure, building in bias in every decision. Mathematics do not suffer from that bias; at most, they suffer from a lack of width of vision wherein something was missed or not yet known. When the equation balances, there is harmony. That harmony is a sign of correctness. And so I did my research and this is my best guess.

We live in a holographic, fractal universe that exists on a collapsing wave-front at the quantum level. This is based on the works of David Bohm, Karl Lashley, Karl Pribram, Mandelbrot, Banach-Tarski, Kaluza-Klein, Roger Penrose...the list goes on.

I used to read quantum physics books in high school, and while I didn't understand much of it, I was able to grasp some of the larger concepts and thus my curiosity with the mechanics of the physical world that God created began. I accept He created it; I want to know why. "Just to praise him" doesn't seem to quite satisfy that itch. It's more like that is a happy byproduct of the actual goal, whatever His true purpose may be. The more I read, the more I understand, and the more detail I am able to eke out. So much of it seems to line up with exactly what the Scriptures teach or seem to hint at. And many of those scientific giants were devout Christians themselves. I would be happy to find the afterlife to be just continuing to explore the masterful, clock-work like precision of the universe with praise and humility, with my family and my doggos by my side.

Math English Science Physics Social Studies all are parallel. Usually we read left to right.

The parable of the sower is the key. Seed is the Word of God . Plant DNA is like the word. Just done in Biology. Bible is the spiritual development plan. Seed has the plan for biological development.

A very, very, very bad day is
-5 day cubed
5x5x5

PEMDAS is order of operations
Eden through to Heaven has an order

Jesus is in parenthesis

You can rank anything and make a huge number in a hurry. Heavy on exponents

I like PaRDeS (wikipedia), but it is sort of spiritual Jew stuff that scares folks. I do not study their material.

If a called person will not do the work sometimes God will get another person in authority do the work. Jesus as a sacrifice was declared clean by a Roman official, when the religious leaders declared him unclean.

1 Corinthians 12 starts out with our gentile worship of idols and the spirit that leads that worship.
Then Gods gifts are listed. Hopefully used by Gods chosen leaders.

Enough for now.

Mississippi redneck
eddif

 

[Christ_empowered]

Hi

I’m very glad that you’re here. The world is fallen cruel and unforgiving. I think it’s worse in the USA than in many other countries because the USA has a mass incarceration problem and the safety net has been shredded so there are more people being thrown to the wolves. But…

God has each of us where we are for His reasons.

 

[Just_Michael]

There's a lot there to parse, Eddif, and I promise to go over it more. I'm almost there; I appreciate your patience, though. I just have to get back into it again after being away so long. I really appreciate your response. The sin of pride was in reference to my own understanding because reality is such that as soon as you think you know something, God laughs and shows you that you don't.

And Riven, he belonged to a band called 38DD with my buddy Pat Garrett. They played in Blacktop, too, which is a bit more metal. Pat is awesome-sauce. He wrote a bunch of hilarious songs like "Jerry Springer" and "My Rainbow-Colored Wig."

Here's an article on him I found:

Jamey Buencamino Strikes a Chord — Positively Filipino | Online Magazine for Filipinos in the Diaspora

Meet Jamey Buencamino, classical guitarist and rocker too.

www.positivelyfilipino.com

His videos are sort of hard to find, I think because he does teaching at the Music Center and probably wants to keep his stuff monetized. I say, just come to A Taste of Wisconsin and enjoy--I can get you backstage at the 38DD Family Reunion Tour. lol

Thank you, Christ_empowered. Satan has thrown open the gates to hell because he knows his time is short. Best to start stockpiling food, water and ammunition. While the rest of the loonies are looting the last frozen pizza, I'll be sitting on all the toilet paper in the tri-county area. lmao "Oh, it's you! Yeah, remember how you snatched that last frozen pizza out of my hands? Haha, toilet paper is $75 a roll." lol

 

[Riven]

And Riven, he belonged to a band called 38DD with my buddy Pat Garrett. They played in Blacktop, too, which is a bit more metal. Pat is awesome-sauce. He wrote a bunch of hilarious songs like "Jerry Springer" and "My Rainbow-Colored Wig."

Here's an article on him I found:

Jamey Buencamino Strikes a Chord — Positively Filipino | Online Magazine for Filipinos in the Diaspora

Meet Jamey Buencamino, classical guitarist and rocker too.

www.positivelyfilipino.com

Thanks. I'll check it out.

 

[eddif]

There's a lot there to parse, Eddif, and I promise to go over it more. I'm almost there; I appreciate your patience, though. I just have to get back into it again after being away so long. I really appreciate your response. The sin of pride was in reference to my own understanding because reality is such that as soon as you think you know something, God laughs and shows you that you don't.

Ok pause time. Add to or take away from the Word of God? That is where we are, I think. It is a battle I fight often. Speaking on issues can be partly right and a bunch wrong. We will chew the cud and see where we are.
Deuteronomy 4:2

eddif