our problems are classified somewhat different and treated a bit differently, but I sense a whole lotta overlap. My "psychosis" waxes and wanes. I was off meds for a while, then given involuntary shock, all kindsa bad things happened...point is, it took over 1 year of meds, including a newer antipsychotic, for most of my voices to simmer down. These days, I have text book tranquilizer-treated psychosis; fewer voices, less of a reaction to the voices; less agitation overall, and the voices I do hear are muffled, harder to make out what "they" are saying.
Point is...I have a sense of where you're coming from. For me, I've been praying that The Lord will "will a way out of myself," so I can get out of my flesh and inner everything and focus on others, real issues, books, learning....anything outside the lingering madness, the past, all that stuff.
Not that psychosis means you're "self-centered," much less "narcissistic," just...well, my experience has been, and I've read this elsewhere...psychosis, especially what the pros call "Schizophrenia," has a strong introspective, inward looking component. When you read older psychiatric material about the tranquilizers, they're quick to point out that 1 thing these drugs do is get people/patients out of their/our inner world, more into what's going on around us/them.
Sooooo....I'm hoping+praying you can get out of your pain, out of your inner world, out of your past, even if its baby steps and then steps backwards at first...and out into the world around you. This is a prayer as much for me (obviously) as for you, so please don't take any of this as criticism or anything. I just sense that a lot of 'Schizophrenic" and (apparently) "severely Bipolar I" people have some similar thought patterns and such fueling the problems.
Done now. As always...you're in my prayers.